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General : Dealing with birthparents during contestment  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 5/28/2005 11:02 AM
I would like to hear how everyone has dealt and continues to deal with the
birthparents during the contestment.  We do not have any contact with the birthfather who is contesting.  He has always used the birthmother to convey and recieve info.  We have an open adoption with the birthmother.
It is dealing with her that is difficult through this.
Just hearing all of your stories has really helped.  It is amazing the kind of responses I get from my friends-who mean well but don't understand.
Each of our stories are unique but there is strength in knowing  We are not the only ones living in this state of purgatory... For those of you who have been in this battle a long time.  WOW !  such strength.. I feel like I have lost my sanity and It has only 4 months since we began this whole rollar coaster. (it has been crazy since day 1)  it has been a rather intense filled four months I can't imagine 6,8,10 months.
-Mae-mae


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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 5/29/2005 8:12 AM
Hello Mae Mae,

The birthmom is the one contesting our adoption. She was served documents about the adoption a week and a half ago and we hadn't heard anything from her. Here is the weird part.

She called and left a message while we were out 2 nights before and we called her back last night. She said she got the documents from the attorney and thought we might be mad at her, so we didn't return her call. She said she was worried, we were upset with her. ???? She was very pleasant and kind. (Upswing of bipolar and honestly, she's not playing with a full-deck.) We talked about our son going into Pre-K this August and how he was so excited to ride the bus. How good this school is. She asked if it was okay to send a video game (the one that plugs into the TV and is pac-man and some of the games we all grew up with- okay, the older ones of us grew up with) for all 3 kids to play with. Would they enjoy that? I mean it was just a strange conversation. We then talked about the family reunion that will be held July 16th, one week after our court date and she said she'd definitely get up to the state for it and was excited.

Now, after that conversation, what would you all think? Does she even understand what those documents were? Does she think if she ignores them, we can't proceed? I just don't get it. (My sister being a special education teacher with over 20+ years of experience said she's borderline mentally retarded and probably all of the years of alcohol/drug abuse, hasn't helped matters.)

As far as the birthfather, he relinquished, but he calls about once a month also and is so sweet. We send pictures to both and try to remain as upbeat as possible.

Kitty

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 5/29/2005 3:01 PM
Kit,
I can totally relate.Regarding Birthmother..not putting two and two together or calling and acting like everything is okay in the midst of the emotional hell they are putting us through. The birthmother of our son seems to have selective memory. It is frustrating because she asks the same questions over and over and over again. Her lawyer was fit to be tied...
Every week she would ask about the baby dedication and when she can schedule a visit.  We had visions of grandeur with our open adoption. Her whole family was going to come it was going to be beautiful... Then She allowed Sperm Donor to poison her mind.. She doesnt realize that her interaction with HIM is preventing more interaction with our son.  I am unable to discuss all of it with her because of the legal battle...She calls every sunday night and reports what she calls to SD (sperm Donor) she  mentioned which church we were having the baby dedication at and low and behold SD called our pastor and asked our pastor ask us  to give baby back to SD...  Birthmother can't seem to put two and two together... Umm we can't have the baby dedication because we don't want PsychoDad showing up... How are we to know if we schedule a visit that he won't show up as well.   It would be too stressful already every Sunday morning I am looking over my shoulder.  It's a very violating feeling here we trusted her to be in an open adoption with her.  I always thought adoptive parents who lived in paranoid fear about birthparents showing up and kidnapping their children were living in Fear.   Now I understand
It makes me sad because I was so pro open adoption.. Now I am the poster child... why sometimes open adoption is not in the best interest of child and adoptive family. UGH!!
-Mae-mae
Please clarify what is a TPR  ??

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Recommend  Message 4 of 10 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 5/29/2005 4:21 PM
Sorry, TPR is Termination of Parental Rights.

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Recommend  Message 5 of 10 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 5/30/2005 10:02 AM
I kept trying other acronyms  Temporary Placement Report...
LOL  DUH   the real definition makes much more sense 
-Mae-mae

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From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 5/31/2005 11:00 PM
Hi,
I'm a newbie. I'll share my story in another message. In regards to your question: our attorney told us absolutely NO contact during the " battle" She said that anything we said or did could have been miscontrued or twisted. No letters, no phone calls, absolutely nothing.
Lana

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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 6/5/2005 4:12 PM
Hello Lana, I wish we didn't have to deal with the bmom during this, but our attorney (just in our case- due to the family dynamics) said that we don't want to look like we're keeping the child from the "mother". Since we're suing on grounds of abandonment/failure to keep a parental bond, we have to allow her to speak. UGH!!!!! (Now, since the distance between all of us, we don't have to deal with visits. YEAH!!!) I guess we can deal with his 30-seconds of talking, once a month.

Personally, if someone's contesting, I think it's so much better to ignore, to stay out of trouble.

Kitty

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Recommend  Message 8 of 10 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/6/2005 9:23 AM
Weekly phone calls from Birthmother.  We have an open adoption with Birthmother.  Our relationship with Birthmother has gotten really complicated but because the Bfather is the one contesting.  We have been advised to play nice with Birthmother.
Emotionally I have been doing much better lately, however, Sunday nights are really hard because Bmother calls.  She obsesses about this child.  What food did he eat this week?  How tall is he.. Can you send a picture of his new teeth.. Can you send a picture of his toes.  Instead of warm fuzzy feelings towards her I just want to puke.  She continues to expect us to treat her with respect etc.. yet she has betrayed us in so many ways. She has lied, betrayed, accused us, told us she regrets her decision and asked us to give the baby back to bfather.   Because she is in constant contact with the bfather.  We do not feel comfortable arranging visits.  We agreed to three or four times a year.  We have had him since Feb. She has already seen him once and is asking for another visit.  It is hard because  we don't trust her.  How are we to trust that she won't tell bfather either on purpose or by accident not realizing he will use the information.. might show up at the visit.  YET we have to walk a delicate line.. trying not to completely push her into joining the bfathers legal case.  She is just a confused hurting grieving person who is being manipulated by a madman.  So all the visions of an open adoption.. She is not who we thought she was...have turned into nightmares.
I am really hoping this contestment will not drag ON and ON. 
The joys of a contested adoption
-Mae-Mae

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Recommend  Message 9 of 10 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/12/2005 12:58 AM
If you do have contact with them make sure you keep a journal and record all conversations. It is legal as long as one of you know that it is being done. Make sure you right down each time you talk to them and what is being said and if you send them anything like a card or letter write it in your journal and make a copy of it for your attorney.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 10 of 10 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/12/2005 10:12 PM
Our weekly dreaded phone call.
We decided to make Bmother happy and arrange a visit in the next couple of weeks. This will keep her happy for a while.. If we can keep her happy during till the trial is over It will be worth it.  Plus hopefully she can see how he has bonded with us and our children.   Bmother asked if Bfather could send Noah something for his six month 1/2 bday. My dh said he would have to go through our attorney. Bmother also asked if after the trial is over if Bfather could have visits like she does. Dh said (what our attorney's advised.. This is not the topic of our conversation. This phone call is about Noah) 
It amazes me the dense she can be.. It also amazes me that she allows herself to be birthf.'s puppet.  He never has the guts to a.  Talk to us directly. b. show up at the custody placement etc...   
At least we have made it to the six month mark.. Bfather has officially abandoned in eyes of the law our son for six months.  Although in our state 60 days abandonment is all we needed to file for adoption without his consent. This is a milestone  and grounds for a TPR.. YIPEE!!!
Hang in there..
-Mae-mae

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 6/1/2005 9:19 AM
IIt seems that several of us have important events in the next month or so.
Should get interesting as things develop.  I will be praying everything goes smoothly with this little one.
-Got2bmaemae


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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/12/2005 1:02 AM
Yes as I'm finally having time to read my messages I'm answering them one by one and I see there is a lot going on and I hope and pray that God answers a lot of prayers this next month. Hang in their girls and never give up faith. It can be a long road a head but our children are well worth the fight. I strongly believe that God picked each and everyone one of us to be these children's parents because we would not give up on them and that we would do what ever needed to in order to make sure they got a chance for the best possible live. My prayers are with all of ya'll.
Barbara

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General : in search of my sanity  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 6/10/2005 10:11 AM
My previous post must got lost in cyperspace.  Yesterday I sent a post if by chance you got it.
Disregard this message.
Even if you didn't get the post I guess it was theraputic to type.  It helps me process this whole mess.
I am still chewing on this past phone call with birthmother.  She is really wanting a visit.
We agreed to three-four times a year.  We have had him 3 1/2 months and she has seen him once.
I really want to wait until after the trial. It is stressful enough to mentally prepare for the trial without having to emotionally deal with a visit.
I hate that we have to play nice and play games.  Lawyers want us to keep her happy so she won't join the legal fight. Even though emotionally she already has.  We speculate from conversations we and the previous foster mom has had with her that she thinks the biodad will get baby back and then give baby back to her.  She can't afford to contest and she doesn't trust the lawyer we provided for her.
WE are looking forward to the day when we can sit down with her and tell her how we really feel,
redefine our relationship etc.. but for now... the games continue UGH
The joys of contestment.
.... There are so many orphans out there in the world without psychotic obsessive parents who need a family to love.. who knew we would of ended up with this type of adoption.  Really annoys me that irresponsible people can take advantage of the system and take advantage of good hearted people...
All of us. who were willing to open our hearts and homes to a child.  Why these people have the power is infuriating.
Thanks for letting me vent...
Megan
Mae-mae


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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/11/2005 4:11 PM
Megan Mae-mae,
I know what you mean about there being so many adoptions out there that go on without a hitch and here all of are with the adoptions from hell. It doesn't seem right I agree. We were like you and provided our birthmom with an attorney and the day we went to mediation because the birthfather had finally agreed to sign her parents talked her into changing her mind and we were blind sided at the table of mediation when the mediator came in and said I have to tell you that the birthmom's attorney will not be here today because the birthmom has changed her mind and so the birthfather will not be signing as well and now they have joined sides and they and her parents are now fighting you for your son. If I had it to all do over again I would have not hired her an attorney and would have had our attorney terminate her rights and just took my chances with the birthfather. That is my advise to anyone who is in a contested adoption with the birthfather. Don't always believe half of the shit the birthmom tells you about the birthfather because she is speaking out of her own pain and it isn't always true. If we had went ahead and let our attorney temrinate her rights with the judge our adoption would have been over last August. Not this month almost a year later and thousands of dollars and million of tears later. Sorry to vent and that is just my two cents worth.
Barbara

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/11/2005 6:15 PM
At least we are not alone in our misery.   You can vent and share your misery anytime. It helps to know that we are not alone in our pain.
Keep us posted as things progress.
-Megan

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/11/2005 6:27 PM
Barbara...
I was trying to find your whole story as an Intro.  How long have you had your son.  Our pretrial is the 23rd so I will definitely keep you in my prayers.
-Megan

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General : Got a package in the mail  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 6/11/2005 2:14 PM
Okay guys,
I am trying not to over analyize this, and if we were not in a contested adoption and just an open adoption maybe it wouldn't seem so wierd.  The birthfamily (birthmom-grandma and Aunt ) sent a package with Happy Birthday on it.
(Noah turns 6 months tomorrow.)  Inside the package was justa card signed by the three of them. Saying they miss him and think about him all the time and hope to hold him soon. etc.... I am really hoping it means they expect a visit.
But part of me believes they really think they are getting him back.  Its so hard when there has been so much deception. 
I know I am reading into it.  I just thought it was kinda wierd
Any thoughts from the group.
-Mae-Mae


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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/11/2005 3:56 PM
Take it from someone who got those kind of card each week for months. Even after the judge told the grandmother not to have any contact with us at all. The cards came each week and were even dated saying things like I can't wait for you to come home. We are waiting for you. You can come home now. They are just trying to harass you so don't let them get to you. Our son is now almost 14 months old and our final hearing is on the 23rd so please just look at it for what it is. Just their way of getting you upset and to get under your skin. Believe me I know how much it hurts. Our cards come each week address to our son and they refer to my DH by his full name but I am always disrespected and called just simply Bar as if that is going to upset me. They say in their they can't wait for the day he gets to come home to his mommy and brothers. When his mother doesn't want him and believes he is right where he should be. So don't let them get to you and just hold on to your little one and thank God for each and everyday you have and thank God for your baby. Keep the faith that everything is going to be all right. Lean on your friends especially the ones here who have and are still going through this nightmare. It is so hard for those who haven't gone through this to really understand what hell this is.
Barbara

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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 6/11/2005 7:15 PM
I also agree with Barbara. It's okay if they want to think they're going to get him back, because you know different. They're just stirring that pot. Don't let them get to you. If they think that making jerks of themselves is going to make you give them your child back, then they are sadly mistaken.

After reading the post about the card, I honestly also thought they were talking about getting him back. (So, you're not the only one jumping to that same conclusion.) Don't trust any of them as far as you can throw them. Be polite, but don't go beyond that. I honestly also would stall off that visit as long as you can. Make excuses not to have it for now and see what happens.

Kitty

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From: MSN Nicknamebeckfires Sent: 6/13/2005 10:03 AM
I know all of our stories are a bit different - but what I don't understand is - WHY? - why do they want to give US grief? - like we're not doing enough - I'm sorry - but they've ALL had the opportunity to step up and care for their kids.........there is NOTHING - NO WAY - NO HOW I would be without my child.........if I were homeless for a while - we'd be homeless TOGETHER - whatever the excuse is they're using.....it just makes me sick - but that's funny - because that's exactly what my counselor said too - that they just want to control me and make me upset..........it's so ridiculous............

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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 6/13/2005 8:53 PM
I almost hate to reply to this with the mood I'm in, but those people are giving grief, because they can. They're miserable people and want to make you that way too.

If they could have parented, then why aren't they doing it?! They can't and are holding it against people that can. Don't let them bring you down to their level. You know what's right and keep fighting for your child.

Kitty

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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/14/2005 12:14 AM
I agree with you that it does make me sick that they want to give all of us so much greave and treat us as if we have done something wrong. We are not the ones who are the ones who have lied changed our minds a hundred times and don't put the babies needs before our owns. We are the ones who have been put trough the ringer and have had to pay through the nose. I'm like all of you no matter what I would never allow my child to be taken away from me and I sure as he%% wouldn't put the up for adoption. I would do what ever it took to keep them.
Barbara

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/14/2005 7:54 AM
IT's because we in the 2% club.. HEar me out now... 98% of NORMAL rational human beings the minute their child is born, either assume full responsibility for parenting or hand that responsibility over to a responsible adult (adoption)  Then there are the 2% the wishy washy can't make up my mind.. Not capable of making or sticking to a responsible decision.  TO HAVE THE NERVE to decide since the baby looks cute that day they want to parent is so infruriating.. Denying the child the dignity and respect they deserve to be treated like a person not an object or doll we can dress up to look cute.  But when we get tired of playing house we'll hand them back over to a responsible adult.   I crack up because our bmother in defense or sperm donor.. says... " Bfather deserves the same amount of time I had to make my decision It wasn't fair that I made that decision without him... My response is what a load of crap.  We were uncertain even while she was in court weither she was going to parent or give the baby up.  It is unbelievable to me that people think this way...
They think they can get free babysitting for 2 1/2 months while they make up their minds to parent or not.. Then of course after the adoption another... How many months of "Free childcare" meanwhile putting our family through emotional and financial stress... Why these people are made to pay back the foster parents and pay the attorney fees of adoptive parents is beyond me.
Ok my rant is over...
Whooh that felt good
Megan

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Recommend  Message 8 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/14/2005 10:52 AM
Megan,
Go a head and vent believe me I would love to vent in our case this crap has been going on for now almost 14 months and our bmom has signed twice and the bdad has said on more than one occasion that he cannot parent and will sign the papers but here we are and thousand and thousands of dollars and millions and millions of tears and sleepless nights later still waiting for our day in court. Just because we are not the bparents who can get a day in court in a matter of days or a little over a week or so it took us 14 months to get ours which thank God is next week! I think that it would only be fair that in cases like ours where they had no right to ever put us through this kind of crap because it wasn't them in the first place that wanted our son but their parents who have no right. Should at least have to pay us back for all the attorney fees. Now that would be justice. Well sorry guy's but I just needed to get that one off my chest.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 9 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 6/15/2005 8:53 AM
T used to send letters to Paul that woud day things like. " I am your REAL mommy" That woman is your Aunt. When we are together again, I won't let her steal you again"  Of course he was too little to read, so I knew the letters were meant to hurt me.I wasn't allowed to reply, my lawyer said NO CONTACT. I used to write her letters. Dozens of letters. They were mean hateful and TRUE! I never sent them. I would write them, save them to the computer and read them when I was in a bad mood. Once the adoption was final, I deleted them. Paul as almost 3 when she got out of prison. No way in hell I was gonna just give him back.
I have had 5 biological children. I will be the FIRST one to say that biology means nothing. ZIP! The fact that I was able to conceive didn't make me a mommy. Loving and raising and caring for the kids is what makes a parent. Not the act of conception.
Holding Paul while he had seizures ( from the drugs his birth lady took while pregnant) made me his mom. Setting the alarm and waking up every 2 hours for the first 3 weeks of his life made me his mom. ( he was so sick, that he would have literally slept himself to death. We didn't hear him cry till he was 2 and a half weeks old!) You guys are the mommies. Period. Don't let them get the better of you!
They feel as if they are owed the world and it really pisses me off ( excuse my language, I hope I don't offend) Not to say that I don't appreciate the role the birth lady plays, but I don't get into " birth parent worship"
Keep your heads up!
Lana

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Recommend  Message 10 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 6/15/2005 1:41 PM
Lana, I had to copy this part from your post, speaking about the birthparents........

"They feel as if they are owed the world and it really pisses me off ( excuse my language, I hope I don't offend) Not to say that I don't appreciate the role the birth lady plays, but I don't get into " birth parent worship"

NO offense here. All I wanted to say was, A-MEN!!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Finally, someone has said my feelings exactly. I've gotten so tired of walking on eggs shells for birthparents, when some really don't deserve the time of day. I know there are some outstanding birthparents and those are excluded from these remarks. It's the birthparents we deal with, that really piss me off too.

Kitty

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Recommend  Message 11 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/15/2005 2:59 PM
AMEN sistas to the Birthmother worship... SOOO  why I am PRO international adoption...Give immature people who make bad choices power and BAM!! Here we are. 
Re: writing letters.  I have written  many...  We have actually written responses to their emails they sent us.  Of course they have not been sent.
But we do plan on answering HER accusations and lies.  It does feel good to be able to write them letters weither they ever see them or not.
The latest drama... My dh told BM on Sunday  email us with a couple of possible dates to have a visit.  She called yesterday and was wanting to make it for this morning.  So many reasons WHY that was a wrong answer.
One... umm my husband actually works and can't just take off anytime he wants to be at your beck and call.  .  UMMM  No YOU ARE NOT the center of the universe YOU are not the reason we have this relationship it's supposed to be about NOAH..Two.. We said give us options within the next couple of weeks.  When My husband mentioned to her we would discuss possible dates. She said " I thought you said I could see him anytime I wanted in the next week.  My husband said well actually our week is pretty busy.. that is why I wanted to go over a few possible dates in the next week or two. 
But obviously IT IS ALL ABOUT HER.. Her seeing him..  Her treating him like a babydoll  NOT about HIM not about anyone elses schedule or lives.  So self-occupied...Three..Wouldn't ya know after a month of no runny nose.  Sunday Noah woke up with runny nose and conjestion.. which he has had on and off his whole life.. Last time they saw him he was sick.. They are obsessing about his health. The LAST thing I need right before this trial is to set her off regarding his health.  We took him to the Dr. Yesterday hopefully the drugs they gave him should have him cleared up before Saturday.  So just want her to BE happy for a couple of weeks....
Sooo wish they would just all go away....
-Megan

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Recommend  Message 12 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebeckfires Sent: 6/20/2005 8:27 AM
this just amazes me to see that we are all so similar - I feel EXACTLY the same way - and TRUST ME - I'm not offended - I have said soooo much worse - to myself, of course - or to my friends........
WHERE do these idiots get these stupid ideas - about them being THE MOM.....I actually put myself in people's situations and trust me - IF (wouldn't happen) - but if I would ever have to give up a child I would be GRATEFUL and THANKFUL and HAPPY that someone would love that child soooo much - and with such UNCONDITIONAL LOVE - Love them truly - not just because they're "supposed" to - because they gave birth to them.........and I would NEVER tell that child that that person who is giving them EVERYTHING isn't their mother.......they're crazy - that's all there is to it - the sad thing here is - that there are so damn many of them!!!!

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Recommend  Message 13 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 7/12/2005 3:30 PM
Got another package... Since visit was canceled.. Sent clothes.. could always use clothes.
Sent a card signed it Mommy and Daddy PUKE!!!!  As if that is providing for him 24/7 HA HA
why do people think DNA entitles you to that title.  It is a well earned title.
Sperm donor and Gestational Mother are more like it.
Megan

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Recommend  Message 14 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 7/15/2005 7:02 PM
As not to say negative things about the birth lady in front of Paul during our contested adoption, we always refered to her as ED ( stands for Egg Donor)
I agree, having sex and getting pregnant ( or getting somebody pregnant) DOES NOT EQUAL BEING A MOMMY OR A DADDY!
Hope all goes well,
Lana

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Recommend  Message 15 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 7/16/2005 8:07 AM
Meagan,

Actually, before we found Robert- bfather, we called them sperm donor and incubator. Robert now carries the distinguished title of Papa Robert and he cherishes it. Bmom is still incubator. (Of course, she's the one contesting.)

Our 13 year old daughter (going on 30) has quietly eavesdropped on a lot of things that were happening. We hadn't realized exactly how much until she called the bmom "BM". I told her that was inappropriate, because it could also stand for Bowel Movement. She then piped up, "I know. She's full of crap". We can chalk that one up to "Out of the mouths of babes". LOL.

Yes, we did have the conversation about being respectful to our elders even when it isn't nice to be and we never wanted Jordan to feel horrible about who his birthmom is. She deserves respect (gosh, just typing that makes me want to hurl), just because she gave birth to him and that entitles her to a place of honor.

Let us know how it's going. I hadn't realized you'd posted back here, because I tend to only look at the messages opened up in the browser.

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Recommend  Message 1 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 6/11/2005 7:40 PM
Okay humor me.  To keep our focus on why we are in this hell.
Which is those precious children.
Here is "the question of the day"
What is the funniest/cutest thing your child has done this week?
Here's mine:  Noah has begun to roll around (all over the floor) this week he got stuck by the air vent and was freaking out because it was blowing on him.
I know that sounds lame but at 6 months old thats the best I can do..
Now my 2 yo there's a funny moment around every corner...
-Megan


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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/12/2005 12:02 AM
I know you asked about this week but this was last week and I just have to share so I hope it will still count. LOL I took my little guy to the ocean for the first time and when we got out of the car he was so excited to feel the breeze of the ocean and see all of the water. He loves water that he gave out this big squeal and had the biggest smile on his face. It was so funny. Then I set his little feet down in the sand. It was so funny to see him jump them back up and look at me like OMG this is gross what is this?LOL But by the end of the second day I had myself a little sand rat. I'm sure if we would have had more time that first day he would have loved it by that day. By the end of the week he was covered in sand and I had the hardest time keeping him out of the water. He didn't mind that the water was salty.LOL He just turned one on the end of April.

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Recommend  Message 3 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 6/12/2005 8:21 AM
We've got a 13-year old, almost 8-year old and the 4-year old is the one, that is the contested adoption.

The almost 8-year old has a strange stomach. He'll eat almost anything without a word, but if by chance he really doesn't like it, automatically, it'll come right back up. (No warning, no nothing.) Well, the other night we were eating lasagne and it had been a while since the 8-year old had tried it (we usually just make him spaghetti instead), so he wanted to try it again. Unfortunately, the stomach didn't like it and it came back up. Well, the 13-year old got up from the table without saying a word, grabbed her plate, and went into the other room, sat down, and continued eating. The 4-year old had this absolutely blank look on his face, looked at the 8-year olds plate, looked back at his, then proclaimed, "I not hungry, I get down now?!" The 13-year old was the only one to finish dinner that night. LOL.

The 4-year old is a laugh a minute. Boy, I could fill this with his antics.

Kitty

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Recommend  Message 4 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 6/12/2005 9:20 AM
Ok, my story is a little crude, but too funny not to post.
My youngest, Paul loves cowboys. He wears his " cowboy clothes" every day and asks us to call him "pardner" The one thing he is missing from his costume is SPURS. ( remember that word)
The other day, he was using his imagination. He was  walking, stomping his feet, he looked at me and asked ( very innocently) " Can you hear my sperms?"
I about died, but I kept a straight face and repeated the correct word a few times so he wouldn't make that mistake again.
Lana

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Recommend  Message 5 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/12/2005 1:25 PM
Lana,
That was so funny. I was ROTFL thanks for sharing.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 6 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebeckfires Sent: 6/13/2005 9:57 AM
I certainly can't compete with the "sperms"........but Lexi and I were in her bed the other night getting ready to read a story - and she repeated something I said - and then spoke in this jibberish - I said what did you say - she did it again - laughing like crazy and she said - it's spanish - and then started laughing again..........I think she's making fun of THEM........since they speak spanish in front of her and she has no idea what they're saying........we just about peed the bed laughing

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 6/12/2005 7:48 PM
So funny to check my other group... I have not really been an active member of AmomAlike...
To see Stacy, and barbara on the board.
Funny thing is, I don't remember joining that group must of been while I was in pre-adoption... SO much has happened since then.  I have kinda dropped off all other adoption groups... To difficult to relate to a" normal" adoption not enough hours to keep track of everything
OOPS baby has woke up
Gotta run,
Mae=


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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/12/2005 10:04 PM
Mae,
Believe me I know what you mean it is sometimes hard to relate to those who have not gone through what we are going through even though I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I pray for each and everyone of us that God will give all of us to strength to make it through this. I'm like you I don't have much time for all of the other threads right now with everything that is going on with our case. I stay close to home and groups that have people like us who truly understand.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 3 of 4 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/12/2005 10:22 PM
Yes, unfortunately, we are not the poster child for domestic adoptions. LOL
Again so glad to be able to share what is going on without the usual comments... our unique situations (contestment) brings out peoples fears, and contributes to the negative stereotypes of adoptions.  GREAT,, I wanted to be this great spokesperson for adoption.. Look at us.. We did it you can too!!!!  Instead its like Don't look too closely at what we are doing or you will never consider adoption.  My friends  don't understand the ongoing relationship that we must maintain with the bparents during this time.  

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Recommend  Message 4 of 4 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 6/13/2005 8:46 PM
I also agree. It's so difficult being very "cheerful" regarding birthparents/adoption, knowing our worlds are teetering on the edge of crashing down around us. (Adoption is a wonderful, WONDERFUL, thing, but sometimes this is just very difficult.) We also don't have the awesome, supportive, bparents like those in the "normal" open-adoptions.

I at least have one adoption that was fairly smooth sailing, but took over 2+ years to finalize. Gee, that was a totally different type of a headache. LOL.

I'm the host of the relative adoption forum and sometimes I just want to scream, "BE CAREFUL, YOUR FAMILY WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN after you have custody of a relative!!!" I also want to warn people that family will sometimes consider you just a free babysitter or are someone that's going to hand the child over at the parent's whim, just because they are family. (Gee, they trusted you to take the child and do what was best for them, but that OF COURSE, couldn't POSSIBLY go against them.)

I'm sorry. Sometimes it gets to me more than others. Oh, Bmom doesn't want the child my sister is raising, (that has FAS- that SHE caused), because he's not biracial. She only wants the one I'm raising. Can someone tell me how courts can look at women seriously, that "choose" to only try and get one of their children back??? Okay, if you can answer that one, then why would any mother only try to get one child back, when 3-children are out there- and one is in the home of the man that sexually molested her when she was a child??? I know, I know. I'm just pounding my head against a brick wall. sigh.... We at least have each other and that's a lot, because we're all in this together.

UGH!!!! Okay, rants over now.

Kitty

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 6/15/2005 10:18 PM
Boy we have a lot of exciting and stressful events for several of us on the group in the next week or so.
Lana we will be praying.regarding new baby.  Keep us posted. 
Our drama... I am sure the next month will be high drama, because the Birthmother thrives on it. Pretrial is Next Thursday.  We are trying to set up a visit...to make her happy.. I got an email tonight.. Makes me want to GAG!!!
I am stressed enough will all that is going on.  she told us she would like the visit to be Saturday or earlier if possible.  We are having the visit at the former fosterparents house (old friends of ours) the birthgrandmother and Aunt plus baby cousin come along.  SO it is a full house,   Noah is sick  I really would like him snot and cough free when they see him.   She is desperate to see him.. She misses him.. She really really wants a picture of him eating his toes.. The pictures we sent will not go through for some reason.  ALL of this makes me want to GAG!!  I hate having to play this game.  I love my son but honestly...We have had drama since day ONE.. five months of CRAP.
SO thick hard to have the love for Noah override all the it.  We are going to very graciously try to get out of Saturday
and make it next saturday that will be after the pre-trial.  Which means nothing but just one hoop jumped through.
The next weeks leading up to the trial is going to be stressful enough without dealing with her Drama.  But again in her state of mind... lets just get her a visit make her happy and get through this trial. The things we do for LOVE..
YEs I will do this for Noah!! IT will be torture put on a nice face watch them drool all over him.  Play nice.. Never was the catty type in high school to play the two-faced game.. I just tell it like it is.  UGH!! This is stretching me beyond myself.. Not to mention.. the weight I have gained..lol stretched in other ways.  Makes me want to hypernate.  Not deal with anyone or anybody even my children. and I am a major people person.. Gee can you tell by my chatty posts :)  Again thanks No one else wants to hear it.. no one else can comprehend the hell we are in.
-Megan


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Recommend  Message 2 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 6/19/2005 9:24 PM
Hello Megan,

I thought I'd give you a bit of encouragement for the date of your pre-trial. I'll have you know, it's our adopted son's birthday, so I can only think good things will happen on such a special day. (At least that's what we'll be praying for.)

How did the visit with the bmom go? I'm anxious to hear all about it.

Our court date is July 8th, so we're right behind you. We need to start a post with all of the dates, that are coming up and what they stand for. That way, we all know to make sure we add some special prayers for those families.

Kitty

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Recommend  Message 3 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebeckfires Sent: 6/20/2005 7:56 AM
oh I know - you poor thing - that's how I feel when I have to take Lexi to these stupid visits and Sam's "mother" comes and drools and puts on this big show - it makes me soooo sick - I can't even describe - and I would LOVE to tell her what I think - BUT - I just play nice and stuff it - so I don't cause waves.........ewwhhhh - I feel for you!!!!
and praying for you!!!!
Love
Becky

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Recommend  Message 4 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/20/2005 6:05 PM
That would be a great ideal I would love to know what everyone is going to court for. Sometimes I don't even know what we are going for this time. I was told this was supposed to be our last time but just found out that was a lie. That they have 30 days to appeal and they could take this to the supreme court. And even though he threw the grandmother out at the last hearing that she will be back in our case fighting again on Thursday. It is all her fault that this mess is still going on. She is the one who just will not give up I hope this judge gives it to her one more time. Please pray for us tonight we have a meeting with bdad he wants to talk about settling this out of court with us before Thursday. I'm not holding my breath because he has been saying that for the last three weeks and court is in three more days. But we will see we are not taking our son with us since this is suppose to be a meeting we don't want him to be interrupted or distracted. I wrote down some notes that I'm taking with me so I can hopefully keep bdad on track. Please pray he is for real this time. I would be nice to have him at least done and out of the game.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 5 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/23/2005 2:00 PM
Gag order was issued.. Media showed up.
So I am unable to discuss the case UGH!!!!!!!
BM case thrown out.
Stuff Good novels are made out of.
Trial Date set for Sept29-30th

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Recommend  Message 6 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 7/11/2005 10:09 AM
Update on our drama.. The past two weeks have been busy and relatively uneventful LOL
The guardian et letem (Baby's lawyer) came for a visit  and our social worker also had a scheduled visit a week later.
SO nice not to have ANY contact with BM . This has taken A LOT of stress OUT of our family..
We have our life back Weekends are peaceful Sunday nights are no longer dreaded...because of the weekly interogation.. phone call
And kept the drama OUT of our lives...
On the job front.. Of course Dh had two interviews last week. But was not chosen for that job.
walking a tight rope with a blind fold on.  EEK!!!
Trying to just take one day at a time...
Trying to have fun with the kids this summer
Trying not to deal or think about all the STRESS in our life.
-Megan

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 6/20/2005 2:10 PM
Kit,
you asked for an update...here goes
This afternoon we got an email from our attorney
Stating that the birthmother joined the fight contesting the adoption. BM has retained a lawyer .. Her defense.. She didn't have sleep the night before the she signed her consent.
The BP's lawyer's sent 100 pages of accusations to our attorneys... Basically outlining their strategy...
Good news... No visits no phone calls or contact with Birthmother YIPEE!!!!!
Thursday is pretrial...
I'll keep you posted as things progress
- Megan


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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/20/2005 5:53 PM
Megan,
Sorry to hear that BM joined to fight I hate to say this but welcome to my Hell! I'm happy for you that they didn't give her anything though. We go to court on this Thursday after 14 long months of Hell that we have been fighting BF, BM and grandmother when all along it has been the grandparents who were behind all of this. Unfortunately she was granted visits this last time around because we won in the lower courts and now we are in the higher courts and I'm sure we will win again it is just a pain in our ass and costing us out the noise with all of this mess. Hang in there girl and know you are not alone. Sending positive vibes your way. Any news on a court date? Is she filing for anything yet? I hope your court system is faster than ours. Get this ours signed her rights twice and took them back twice so you tell me where is the justice in all of this?
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 3 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/20/2005 11:11 PM
Well lets hope Thursday brings finality for you Barbara...Can't imagine 14 months of this....  WOW it's almost over for you.
What state are you in that they would let her resend twice... Our justice system at work....We definitely will be praying and thinking about you since Thursday is our pretrial we will have contested adoptions on the brain..
In our case... The BM has NO legal chance... In our state based on when and how she resended and based on how excellent her attorney did to make sure it was an airtight case.. She has no legal standing.. She is going to try to convince the judge that the foster parents brain washed her.
Lack of sleep.. I don't think that'll fly.
BF doesn't have a case either since we have him on 60 days abandonment and 6 months abandonment.  Not to mention this guys credibility as a sane human being. First we have the immaculate conception theory... Then  all the racist comments that the BF said to the foster parents.  Judge is African American.  BF is racist bigot.. didn't want anyone to know he had a black son etc..didn't want to taint his german blood. .. Don't think that is going to fly with this judge.  The fact that the BM thinks so little of herself to defend and support an abusive racist is beyond me.   Truth is stranger than fiction... We all could be contenders for the Jerry Springer Show EEK!!
Good luck Three more sleepless nights till Thursday!!
-Megan

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Recommend  Message 4 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/21/2005 12:14 AM
Megan,
I'm in Texas how about you? I will be praying for you on Thursday as well. How old is your little one? Our adoption is a private one but we made sure to dot all our I's and cross all our T's so I'm not to worried about it either. We already won once in the lower courts and of course they appealed and now we are in the upper courts. Last time when we had trail the judge just shook his head and said that none of them had any standing and that we had standing to have them terminated and to proceed with our adoption. Who would have guessed thou that it would have taken this long? This would have all been over last year if the grandparents would have just stayed out of it. I have heard that statement over and over again. I think they need to pass a law stating that unless a person is under a certain age that grandparent can't interfere with an adoption. In our case our birthparents were 21 and 28 when our son was born. Old enough to make their own minds up and be held responsible for their actions. The sad thing is our birthfather never even signed the birth registry or proved paternity and is not named on the birth certificate but yet he has been allowed to continue to fight in our case. He should have been thrown out in the beginning especially when she had signed and this mess would have been over with. That is how her parents were able to suck into our case was to latch like a leech to our case was through his case. Sorry to vent but I'm tired its late and I'm just tired of this whole mess.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 5 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/21/2005 2:42 PM
Barbara,
What is Texas law regarding all of this?
Is it up to the judge or the law?  If it was up to the judge why isn't all this nonsense over?  If it up to the law?  why isn't this nonsense over?
I wish there was retribution for friviolous lawsuits.. Wasting Courts time, our time and money.
Will they rule on the adoption on Thursday or will they wait?
Absolutely ridiculous to put A child and a family through this.
Borderline Child abuse if you ask me..pure selfishness plain and simple.
-Megan
P.S. We are in Missouri

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Recommend  Message 6 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 6/21/2005 4:30 PM
Megan,

Can I say, OH MY GOSH!!!! Okay, I can't believe an attorney would actually take a case, because "She didn't have sleep the night before she signed". ???HUH??? I just don't get this. Why are the court systems allowing such crap? We can all just scream now.

Thank goodness they were stupid enough to outline what they were going to do, so you now have ample time to come up with a defense.

I'm in such awe with the stupidity of these arguments. I can't believe how these judges are allowed to keep this charade up, when there's no legal rights that these people have. I'm just shocked.

After listening to everyone else, I'm a bit nervous for our court date. Oh, and in Georgia, they can TPR and grant the adoption all in the same hearing. We'll just have to see if that's what they're going to do. UGH!!!

Kitty

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 6/21/2005 7:50 PM
Okay if I knew how to do a real poll I would but.. humor me...
Since I am just beginning this contestment... and knowing Barbara's is 14months running... I was curious....
How many children do you have?      3
Is this your first adoption?         Yes
Who is contesting?              Both birthparents
What State are you in?        Missouri
How long has this drug out?  It has only just begun... Began Feb 25th
From Custody till contestment  Three months
Pretrial- till trial date  
Trial date till appeal 
Finalization of adoption  ....
And (Gulp) what is your running total bill from your attorney    $3,000 and counting
My answers are beside the questions.


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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 6/21/2005 9:39 PM
Great Idea. Stats for Kitty

How many children do you have? 3
Is this your first adoption? No. 1st was international 2nd.
Who is contesting? Birth mom- Dad signed
What State are you in? Georgia

How long has this drug out? Filed for adoption May 05'
From Custody till contestment 1 yr. 8- months
Pretrial- till trial date
Trial date till appeal Trial date- July 8th
Finalization of adoption .... If bmom doesn't show up to court, adoption will be finalized same day by default. If she shows up, my above answers will change.

PS- Bmom had 30-days to respond to the adoption and she hasn't. We'll keep our fingers crossed for her to do the same for court.

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Recommend  Message 3 of 4 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 6/22/2005 7:50 PM
How many children do you have?     3
Is this your first adoption?         2nd
Who is contesting?             sperm donor
What State are you in?      Florida
How long has this drug out? 11 months
 From Custody till contestment 4 weeks
Pretrial- till trial date   Trial Date : August 25, 2004 Date of Ruling (TPR) September 8, 2004
Trial date till appeal  He appealed 2 days past the allowed time to file an appeal, it was accepted anyway. October  ? 2004. (can't remember the exact date). We have now motioned for the case to move to panel - and they have 90 days to rule. No new evidence or testimony is allowed. He would have to prove (he can't) that the lower court judge erred three times. He was TPRd for 1)abandonement/(2)failure to pay support/(3)not registering with putative father
Finalization of adoption  .... anxously awaiting
And (Gulp) what is your running total bill from your attorney    $ 26,000 and the meter is still running (at 275/hr)

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Recommend  Message 4 of 4 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 6/22/2005 9:02 PM
How many children do you have? 7 ( 1 adopted, one in the process of adoption 5 biological one bio child died at 7 months of age)
Is this your first adoption? No. 1st was the contested one
Who contested? Birth mom
What State are you in? NC
How long has this drug out? till Paul was 22 months old
From custody till contestment: 1 year
Finalization of adoption .. Paul was born January 14th 2000 Finalized November 15th 2001
Lawyers fee was over $14,000

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General : When it rain it pours  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 6/24/2005 8:34 PM
Got another challenge thrown at us today.
My husband is a computer programmer.  He works as a consultant.. not a full time employee.
The job assignment he is on just told him. His last day is next Thursday.  His job recruiter has some other job assignments that may work for him....This could not of come at a worse time...Please pray that there will be no lag between paychecks....  Hey... maybe he will get a full time job with benefits or even a raise.. I can hope...
This happens a lot in his field it has been that way the past two years.. The last time it happened we only had one week off and he did get a raise.  The job market is picking up so we are trying to keep positive.
CAN YOU SAY STRESSED OUT!!!!!!!!!!
-Megan


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From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 6/27/2005 12:22 PM
I cn relate! WHen Paul was 3 months old, my husband was in a terrible car accident that left him out of work for over 2 years! It was a GOD thing that the courts didn't make an issue of this during our  contested adoption. I will pray for you and a GREAT job for your husband.
Lana

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General : Having a day!!!  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 7/20/2005 10:24 PM
Feeling very isolated and alone today.. As the phone doesn't ring. People have busy lives while mine remains in limbo. People don't know what to say.. and don't want to hear about our life that is in crisis.
We just recently moved( (In November) to a new area and we are attending a new church(in March). It is so hard and humiliating to be known as the family in crisis. I force myself to attend functions because I need to get out of the house but I have dreaded conversation at times because right now our life is in such crisis. I have backed out of more than one birthday party with longtime friends because I don't have the energy to deal with people. Attending a mom's group tomorrow . Haven't attended since March.. Really not looking forward to updating the group about our situation I know these people do care. ... I know my family is concerned but they don't know how to respond... My sister who is an adoptive mother made some real stupid comments when I was discussing our contestment.. Like "Well you knew going into this that it was risky since the father did not sign his consent." Never mind the fact that we were led to believe at first that the sperm donor would sign then we thought we were going to have a failed adoption. Yes it was risky... we thought we won't get the baby... we were shocked to bring him home... What do ya do Run away if the situation is risky... Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. They asked us if we would adopt Him I guess we could of said NO. We have peace walking away from the situation. And now that I know how crazy these two are I know there was a divine reason our son was saved from the influence of those two.

Other stupid comments from family... We weren't sure if this adoption was from God.. so I wasn't sure if we should give you money to help with it...... YA just want to smack them and say No thanks don't want your money... Unfortunately with Hubby still out of work... We will probably need their money.
....We applied for a grant and we were rejected...guess there are people out there who are worse off than us adopting...
UM no job and contesting.guess that doesn't qualify for needy. Got more paperwork from our lawyer Saturday.
Today I am really angry at Incubator..( Thanks guys for those great terms we are thinking Sid and Ed.. Sperm Donor and Egg Donor Or Sid and Incubator.) At least I got a good laugh at your responses to what you call the Bm and BF's

Thanks for the good vent... trying to take it one day at a time
Megan


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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 7/21/2005 7:18 AM
Megan,

I just wanted to let you know, we're thinking about you and we'll keep you in our prayers. Yes, this is very difficult and very stressful. Most people tend not to understand, because they're not in our shoes. Vent here anytime you need.

Okay, one response I'd like to put my 2-cents in on, is the one about this adoption maybe not be from God. That has got to be one of the most ridiculous statements I've ever heard. What, do they think it's from the devil?

I knew you had the pre-trial and all. How did that go? Have they set the actual trial date? I mean, my gosh, this really should have been resolved. I've read back over to really get your story in my mind and this is just crazy. I just wanted you to know, we're here for you.

Kitty

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From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 7/21/2005 9:33 AM
Just wanted to send you (((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) Megan. I SO know what you mean. Yesterday I was informed that my Lexi's case has not gone to panel yet, and will not for at least 3 months. The court said we should not expect a ruling before Christmas. She could be 2 before this is over . I made all my phone calls updating everyone and all anyone could come up with was "Oh" and "don't worry, it will be fine". Only one who responded like me was my sister - who spit out a bunch of expletives, LOL.
Some days I feel like I am just going through the motions and watching the world around me actually "live". It's a very lonely feeling, and noone can understand it unless they have been there. Thank G-d for this group.
"We weren't sure if this adoption was from God.. "
This has got to be the most ridiculous ( and insensitive) comment ever. I never knew that G-d sent out newsletters letting us know what was/wasn't His work!
Stacy

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 7/22/2005 2:52 PM
Thanks for the encouragement.
Re: Pretrial Yes it was June 23rd
Trial is scheduled for Sept 29th and 30th
Depositions scheduled for Aug 2nd and 9th.
Just got some more legal paperwork from lawyer Birthmother is trying to motioning for a "re-trial" I didn't think that was possible.. Not an appeal but... Court you screwed up I want you to hear my case. Nuff said don't want to violate the "gag" order GAG UGH!!! I gag everytime I think of it.

Re: Not sure if it is from God comment. I guess I should of challenged my mother when she said that comment I was so shocked and hurt I held my tongue..I would of said OH? Do you believe that if it's from God everything goes perfectly?? So since this is difficult it must not be from God?? . Guess she is forgetting that in the bible.. the israelites sure went through a lot. (40 yrs in the wilderness etc...) and THEY were God's chosen people. MY mom, who said that statement is known for her sharp tongue and does not understand nor possess social graces I just winced and swallowed my tongue. She means well... of course I don't know WHAT she meant by that comment, but she always is sticking her foot in her mouth. People sure have a funny way of lettin ya know they care LOL!!!
Doing better today.. Thanks for letting me vent. I forced myself to attend a few social activities... (Funny I am usually the social butterfly.)
Dittos to this comment :Some days I feel like I am just going through the motions and watching the world around me actually "live". It's a very lonely feeling, and noone can understand it unless they have been there. Thank G-d for this group.
Stacy,, I am so sorry they are giving you the run around and prolonging this whole thing. Good thing about life.. It has seasons... and this too shall pass.... JUST WISH THIS SEASON wasn't so stinkin long!!!!! I have to remind myself one day we will look back on this and it will seem like just a moment.... Five years, Ten years, twenty years from now...
In the mean time... Trying to savor the milestones in my kid's lives... Noah has gotten two new teeth.. Started crawling.. started sitting up.. I don't want to miss these because of all this stress. So hard because all the stress drains my energy emotionally and physically I am drained. (having a toddler and an infant is draining enough with out all this stress)
Take care of yourselves...
Megan

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From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 7/22/2005 3:35 PM
JUST WISH THIS SEASON wasn't so stinkin long!!!!!
Tell me about it!!
"In the mean time... Trying to savor the milestones in my kid's lives.
I don't want to miss these because of all this stress. So hard because all the stress drains my energy emotionally and physically I am drained. (having a toddler and an infant is draining enough with out all this stress)"
This is so true Megan. I am embarrassed to admit that there was a period where (though I didn't realize it at the time) I was pulling myself back from my daughter. She was very sick back in April and we spent 9 days in the hospital - just the two of us. She was in isolation, so we had no visitors. In those nine days, I fell completely in love with her all over again and realized that I was going to love her completely even if it was only for a short time. At that point, I stopped letting the fear of the contestment rule my life, and started enjoying being her mommy.
You hang in there Megan, this sucks for all of us.


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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 7/23/2005 9:17 AM
Megan, I'll let you in on a little secret. September 29th is mine and my husband's 15th wedding anniversary. It'll be a good day.

My piece of advice for your mom is to read in the bible about Job and his trials and tribulations.

You know, I've learned, that I HAVE to keep going and keep very busy, or I'll go insane with worry. Even if attending events is "only going through the motions", it really does give your mind something else to think about. If we hybernate, we've only got our minds (and everything else in the house) to cause us to think about what we're facing.

When I'm really down, I just count my blessings. (This may not work for everyone, but it works for me.) I usually, stop and say prayer thanking the good Lord for my husband, the health of the family, my kids, the roof over my head, the food in our kitchen and you know, I really don't have to go much farther, because I'm so thankful to just have my life. (Warts, and all.)

Yes, this too shall pass.

Kitty

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Recommend  Message 7 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 7/25/2005 9:27 AM
Thanks again for the encouragement.  I am not as frustrated as I was, however it is a daily process...We got another package in the mail.  Just a silly handmade card (signed Mommy) sad because I would of kept it for him if she would of signed it Ebby instead of Mommy.  Whenever there is contact from E.D. (egg donor) It brings up my issues of anger and unforgiveness towards her.  I find that I am less patient and loving towards my son. It reminds me that he is hers as well as mine.  Then i work through my issues, forgive and pray for her and begin to reconnect with my son..  settle down... until poof another package.  I have gotten out more and it did help although moments were ackward... discussing adoption as it always comes up... Trying to be pro-adoption and not totally discourage people from considering adoption.  I cringe when they ask questions and I say... We are not the best example... I recommend a GOOD agency... I recommend International Adoption.  Basically learn from our mistakes... Ours was a unique situation don't look at our situation PLEASE!!  ( I hate being a bad example of adoption.. there are so many myths and fears and we just confirm them UGH!!!)    We try to put this whole thing out of our mind..and just be a family but it seems weekly something comes up.  Last night my husband actually got out the paperwork and was reading and discussing the inconsistencies in the story etc...  I told him I don't want to analyze it.  I don't want to dwell on it etc... 
This week I am trying to plan lots of fun free outings for the family. It has been SOO hot. hard to want to take baby out in the heat.
I am also going to make an effort to connect with my kids more.  I have found that I withdrawal  I am physically here but my nose is in a book, I am on the phone, or I am on the computer because I just can't go there emotionally.  I do make time for "mommy moments" spending time snuggling etc with each child. But often like at meal time I feed them and then leave them at the table.  I feel bad that I just want to retreat instead of "being" with them. So I am focusing on doing activities with them this week.   Thanks for all your support.
Megan

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Recommend  Message 8 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebeckfires Sent: 7/25/2005 9:44 AM
I'm so sorry that you're feeling isolated and alone. If it makes you feel any better, I know exactly how you feel. My mother can be such an idiot at times. She makes comments about me giving up my whole life for Lexi, and stuff like that. My sister just GAVE BIRTH to a baby and my mom said something stupid like oh now your dad is a grandfather.......I NEARLY flipped my lid.......well, okay - I sort of did...ha! I said - UM - hello - he already is and has been for 3 years......she said I didn't mean it like that - but she's not YOURS - you didn't ADOPT her - OMG - people just say the most hurtful things sometimes!!!! - and then another time there was discussion about the baby shower - and let me tell you - I did EVERYTHING for my sister's shower....I said to my mom - must be nice to have a shower and have people help you........my mom said something like - well, when you adopt her we'll have a shower for you.......what kind of idiot are you? - I still need the stuff for her weather she came out of me or not!!!! - people just don't think about what they are saying I guess....at least I HOPE they don't try to hurt us on purpose! and I know that we're probably extra sensitive.......since we're doing EVERYTHING and going through all this added stress!!! so hang in there! and get going to those functions - EVERY family is in some sort of crisis!!!
and remember we're here for you!

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Recommend  Message 9 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 8/1/2005 11:04 AM
Hang in there girl and know you are not alone and what you are feeling we to have felt and some are still feeling. Just have faith that you will make it and your nightmare will be over and you will look back on all of this and say I made it. I remember those days when I didn't want to go out and talk to others but I had to make myself. I buried myself in the computer and I made myself talk to friends that I made here on the net who had made it to the other side to give me strength to remind me that I to could make it. Hold on to your faith look at our case and have faith that you will win. It took us 1 week short of 15 months to do it. I didn't realize like Stacy said but there was times when I was pulling away but when I caught myself doing that I just grabbed a hold of him and held tighter. As far as stupid things others say that have not walked in our shoes. All you can do is pray for them. As far as the SID and ED go all you can do is pray for them to. The bible says pray for your enemies and believe me I prayed a lot for ours and look what happed. I want you to know God hears and answers prayers. This about sending things and signing them mommy is just to hurt you and they know it. Don't give them the power believe me I know first hand they pulled that one on me and I would get upset and mad and then I would pray for them and that God would work on their hearts. That he would put in their hearts that they would do what was best for our son and in the end they did. Remember we are always here and God has brought all of us together for a reason and he choice all of us to adopt our children because he knew we could do what it took to adopt these precious angles and not give up on them. Keep the faith and lean on your friends we are here for you.
Barbara

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 8/2/2005 10:31 PM
Breath in Breath out... Another stressful day.

Was doing well for a while....
Then our rollercoaster day today...
Got paperwork from our attorney.. They want our bill paid in full by depositions and 5,000 retainer... YEA right. I called my friend who is helping us with legal bills and she is going to pay the balance and offer to make monthly payments. But its not like she has 8,000 sitting around. So blessed.
BUt the Bill sent me into a panic.... So hangin on by a thread right now. So ignoring things that aren't desperate.
Checked on Medicaid and workin on getting WIC
today. Will follow up and set appt in the morning.

GOOD NEWS!!! Looks like My husband MAY have a job.
We should find out tomorrow. At first they wanted him to come back for a second interview. Now they are thinkin of just hiring him and having him start THIS WEEK.
He would be temp to hire( three months temp) So benefits wouldn't start until three months from now. Gotta get the Medicaid in motion TOMORROW. Good for a year.by then we will have benefits. I'll let you know as soon as we do;

So frustrating Because the past two days I was feeling somewhat normal..Yesterday I was like my old self.. at the end of the day I was like so that is what is like to be the old me. It felt good. Had energy got alot accomplished was mentally there for my kids instead of physically but mentally zoned. etc.. Stress was not bogging me down. It was great. Hate that BOOM here I am again.
Hate what the stress does to me.
Just trying to stay above water.. Not looking down trying to walk on water.... then every now and then poof I sink and panic. Breathe in Breath out.....
I feel much better...
Megan

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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 8/3/2005 7:40 AM
Megan,

Oh, I hope he gets this job and we'll keep your family in our prayers. This will truly be a wonderful blessing for you. Please, let us know if it goes through.

Yes, just try to relax. (I know, that's easy for me to say.) It's all going to be okay. We all have enough faith to hold you through this. We're here for you.

Thank goodness for your guardian angel (friend helping with legal bills), because she's just a total God-send. She's a wonderful friend to help out, like this.

Hang in there.
Kitty

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 8/4/2005 4:04 PM
More like Having a season... It has been a roller coaster.
MOre stuff more accusations more lies. more delusions every word from SID in documents further confirms his mental state
We will probably have to move and definitely get an unlisted number.. Thinkin New Zealand is a nice place to live LOL
3 ring circus. Our deposition is on MONDAY AM
A pkg yesterday and a pkg today from ED


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General : How are you taking care of yourself??  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 7/22/2005 3:02 PM
Okay girls,
This may be just for me (how selfish LOL) but thought it would be nice to hear some accountability among us. How are we taking care of ourselves....Especially during this time We need to take care of ourselves!!
So humor me...Have YOU pampered yourself this week/ this month??? If not... treat yourself to some pampering....

In answer to the question: How am I taking care of myself??
...Ice cream, good novels and movies..oh yes and i have snuck out of the house with my girlfriend to window shop.

What about you?? A bubble bath? an hour at a coffee shop,
Sneaking to barnes and noble alone to browse??? Girls night out with friends??? Date nights with hubby???


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From: MSN
 Nicknametinyntough Sent: 7/22/2005 3:28 PM
Alone? What's THAT???? LOL
I have found that the disadvantage of being a stay-at-home mom is that my kids never (did I say never?) want to leave me. I actually tried to sneak out the other day to Barnes and Noble and my son threw such a fit that I ended up taking him with me.
My "ME" time is after 9 pm when I lock myself in the bathroom with a good book and some bubble bath. Everyone knows to leave me alone......
There are some days when the weight of this all hits me so hard that I can barely breathe, and on those days I take off to "do errands" and move as slowly as is humanly possible, lol

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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 7/23/2005 8:47 AM
My hubby and I have had "date day" for as long as I can remember. It's always Thursday and we go out to lunch. Since we've been in Georgia, we've always met at the Waffle House. LOL. (It's cheap, I LOVE the chicken sandwiches, and it usually isn't too busy, so he can eat and get back to work within an hour.)

Now, hubby's very good about keeping the boys occupied in the evenings, when I want my "private time" on the farm. You wouldn't believe how amazing and therapeutic it is to shovel "poo". You get a lot of energy out and work so hard, you're dead-tired that night to sleep. LOL (EIther that or I mow and edge the lawn, because NOBODY wants to be out there, doing that, in this heat. I know I'll be quite alone for it. LOL)

My spoiling myself treat, is a 2-scoop, Baskin Robbins sundae, made out of Praline's and Cream with extra strawberry sauce. Of course, whipped cream, nuts and cherries too. My mouth's watering just thinking about it.

Kitty

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From: MSN Nicknamebeckfires Sent: 7/25/2005 9:45 AM
oh that's funny!!! I haven't pampered myself in 3 years!!! hahaha!!!
but it's my own fault! but you're right we really should keep that in mind!

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 7/25/2005 5:55 PM
Go ahead pamper yourself you are worth it!!!
Its' hard to give out when you are on empty. Go ahead light some candles sip some wine and have a bubble bath. You can't be there for your family/child etc.. if you neglect yourself.. Makes you a better mother and a much saner person.

You deserve it...

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Recommend  Message 6 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 7/26/2005 10:22 AM
I don't papmer myself willingly. My husband makes sure I get a mental health hour every evening. If I don't he pours the guilt trip on me. He is such a sweetie! When he is gone on business, he makes the kids tell him if I am not taking my break!
We have 6 kids, so it's not always easy.
My mental health hour is a bath and a book. ( diet pepsi and cheetos are optional)
Lana

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General : God's provision  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 7/25/2005 9:37 AM
Had to share some good news with you guys.  As you guys know, My husband has been without a job since July 1st.  Although we have gotten unemployment that doesn't even begin to cover the expenses, not to mention the adoption expenses.  We have been praying and constantly reminding ourselves by saying it out loud that God is our provider.. We have been praying for provision, pay raise and permanence (a permanent job)
Here are two ways God has provided..
We got a call from a friend saying they want to offer to help with legal expenses.  They offered to deal directly with the lawyer to take the stress off us. I had forgotten that we owed the court 1,000. for the guardian et letem by July 23rd.  So I called my friend and she sent us a check to pay the guardian et letem.  What an answer to prayer!!!!
I mentioned to a friend that we were hesitant to get on federal assistance, Wic, food stamps etc.. because of the court case. I mentioned that the last time we were unemployed what got us through was WIC etc.. and I breast fed so I didn't have the expense of  formula. Now I have two kids in diapers and the added formula expense etc..  She offered to cover diapers and formula. Sunday afternoon she stopped by and wrote out a check that will cover more than two months worth of diapers and formula.  Soo...
We are rejoicing that God is answering our prayers ... He is providing...
We are continuing to pray and believe for a permanent job for my husband .
Just wanted to share some good news.
Megan


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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 7/26/2005 7:15 PM
Megan,

Yes, God does provide. What a truly wonderful blessing. It seems like when things are there worst, these wonderful blessings come rolling in. Don't worry about your hubby's job. He'll get one even better than the last. Things will work out. We have faith.

Kitty

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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 7/31/2005 9:08 AM
Megan,
I am so happy for you and I am praying for you and your family that your DH will find not only a job but the right job. I am so happy for you that you have friends that not only are willing but are able to help you. About the WIC I don't know about where you live but I know that I was told because of how much her legal bills were adding up here several people were trying to get me to put Austin on it. They said because our adoption was being contested that we would qualify regardless of our income and since your DH is without a job at this time I wouldn't hesitate to apply that is what it is there for. Also have you gone to any local churches to see about help with your utilities? I know that where we live here in Texas they do that especially when my electric was almost 500.00 last month with this heat wave. I give to a church down the road from us who does just that and I know there are several around us who do the same so I'm sure there are where you leave as well. They are there to help those who need it so please check them out.
Barbara

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From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 7/31/2005 9:47 AM
Barbara, that is true in our state as well. My Lexi is on Medicaid because we could not add her to our insurance until we either finalized or had legal custody (which didn't hapen on paper until she was 7 months old). When I was dealing with all of the Medicaid stuff, they also told me about WIC. I took it, but didn't follow through with it after the initial one. It was just too much hassle for me for a few gallons of milk a month - though if it had been earlier it would have saved me a lot on formula, LOL. There is help out there, but it isn't easy to find. I, too, am very fortunate that I had family to help us. I am unfortunate in that the family help has run out and the bills are still coming in......so now we are paying everyone back AND paying our lawyer. UGH, don't get me started.

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General : The circus continues  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/12/2005 3:18 PM
We had depositions this week. LOOONG drawn out waste of time. The lawyer for the birthfather took his own sweet time asking irrelevant questions.... It was an attempt at a witch hunt and a character assignation from the social worker, the birth mothers first lawyer, foster parents and of course us. I could write a book.... At 55 cents a second.. It was an awful expensive comedy routine. Birthmothers was yesterday after 4 1/2 hours they still weren't done. Still have a full day of "I'm not the father's" Testimony.
Sooo many contradictions Soo many false assumptions and conclusions UGH a very stressful week.... Still have one more day of depositions, Psych evals then trial at the end of Sept...

So glad to know Barbara and Anna have gotten on the other side of this... There will be an ending... This is not forever...


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From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 8/12/2005 7:40 PM
No words, just (((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))) for you.
It is refreshing to know that others have made it to the other side.
We took a blow last week when we learned that Lexi's case isn't even close to going to panel. The court clerk told our attorney not to expect anything before Christmas.
Hang in there - we are usually much stronger than we think........

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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 8/12/2005 8:43 PM
Megan,

I'm so sorry, that you're having to go through this "poo-poo". I'm really hoping that in this deposition, everyone will be able to actually see what's in the best interest of the child and that's to stay with you. Sending you huge (((((HUGS))))).

Are you having to go through the psych evals, the bparents, or both? Don't worry about those. I can say, been there, done that. (Will it be psychological or psychiatric?) Take care and please keep us updated.

Kitty

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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 8/13/2005 5:34 PM
Hang in there girl and just remember girl like us you to can make it to the other side. Yes it is awful that they put all of through this but just be happy that you still have the birthmom on your side. For us we had not only the bfather but the bmother and her parents all after us. But as you can see God is stronger than all of them put together and you have to hold on to that. Stay strong we are all praying for you.
Barbara

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From: MSN Nicknameannanoel21 Sent: 8/15/2005 6:25 AM
The awful truth is that the longer this drags out and the uglier it gets, the better it is for your case.  You will make it to the other side of this.
Anna

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/22/2005 8:15 PM
Tomorrow is another day full of depositions. I get to sit and try to keep a straight face as they spin their tale. His attorney yelled at me for rolling my eyes and threatened to kick me out. LOL Our attorney was actually rolling her eyes at me and we were going back and forth...We are continuing the depositions from a few weeks ago.. BM's testimony lasted 5 1/2 hours and we are still not up to the TPR.. 98% of her testimony is irrelevant. Tomorrow we get to here
"notdafather" as he signed on the release form from fostercare. our attorney is questioning him.. THIS should be good. Good chance this will be over sooner than later as he has no case....just wild goose chases...
-Megan


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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 8/23/2005 9:21 PM
You wouldnt believe me if I told ya...
My head is still spinning with all the lies...
E.D. looked me straight in the eyes and said she believed her baby was stolen... She also believes she was brainwashed...

Why she was even deposed is beyond me.
His depo was just as humorous... The fact that these morons could possible remotely get this child back is beyond me.
After reading Christina's story... I am amazed....Praying no"techicality" causes ours to be overturned...
Don't see an end to this nightmare.. Don't see them just walking away after this is over... Thinkin about relocating when this is over out of state at least for a year till things calm down. Don't like the fact they know where we live, go to church etc... He is a photographer at the local tv station...
Will the nightmare ever end......

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/22/2005 8:26 PM
Your pictures are so beautiful
When i can figure it out I will post some of our family as well.
-Megan


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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 8/25/2005 11:35 PM
It wasn't hard at all. Good luck and I look forward to seeing your family.
Barbara

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General : Need Perspective...Anna and Barbara  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/24/2005 10:20 AM
For those who have walked through this and are on the other side... Please tell me there is a semi-normal life on the other end of this nightmare.
... My emotions say... I want to move out of state...just for the first year and then come back to my life... I don't like the fact that they know where we live. I want to change the baby's name. we kept the name she gave him...Things happened so fast we kept hadn't changed his name but were considering keeping it as a middle name.
.. we went to a festival this weekend and we were constantly looking over our shoulder.. Yes our city has 1.5 million people but whose to say we won't run into them at a public event...Plus he is a photographer for the TV station.. Whose to say he won't be at an event with his zoom lens.
They know where we go to church and called the pastor in the beginning whose to say they won't mess with our minds and show up some sunday.... To people who aren't going through this my fears seem irrational.. My friends say... Don't do anything in fear... I am saying I want a break from this nightmare.. i don't want to live with my guard up 24/7
Chances are they will fade away once this is over. But can I take that chance and let my guard down.. Would I ever live with myself if something did happen??? If it's about control and he loses it whose to say what he will do?
I can't see him just walking away.. He gets too much of a thrill from the circus of it all... HOW HAVE You guys dealt with the birthparents after the finalization????


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From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 8/24/2005 2:52 PM
Boy can I appreciate what you are going through.
Both of Pauls birth people were in prison during the contestment. I didn't get paranoid till the birth lady was released. Paul was almost 3 then. She had been incarcerated in California ( federal Prison) We are in NC. When she got out, her father ( my hubbys dad also) allowed her to move in with him, not even 10 miles away. I was a wreck. I couldn't even sleep. My dad gave me a gun. Yes, I would have shot her had she tried anything.
Believe it or not, we eventually made nice. She was allowed to be part of the family. We didn't trust her to be alone with any of our chuildren, and we were very careful. When she went nuts and started taking drugs again, I was devistated, because I was convinced the drugs would make her do something stupid concerning Paul. Durning the contestment, she did make threats and I took them seriously even after we made up. During those 4 months that she was on the streets and the cops couldn't find her, I was back to square one. Paul slept on the floor in my room, he wasn't allowed even on the front porch alone and I was a nervous wreck when we were out in public. Once she was arrested, and I told her what hell we had been through, she was amazed, according to her, the thought never crossed her mind to take him, all she wanted was her next hit of drugs. Now that she has been arrested and will be in jail for at least 3 more years state, PLUS she has 3 years fed time to do when the state is done with her ( Fed will NOT run concurrent with state) I feel a little better. She has not tried to contest the adoption we are in now. I think she really uinderstands that both kids are better off here. When she gets out, I am not sure what we will do.
I understand that you want to move, we would have if we could have afforded it. We would have disappeared and not even told my husbands family where we were ( T is his sister)
Its horrible to feel as if you and your family are being held hostage. I have no advice for you, but I do feel for you.
Lana

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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 8/25/2005 12:37 PM
First of all let me say slow down and take a deep Breath and Breathe I know what you are thinking and I to thought the same thing. We were afraid they would come to our house because they did do that several times while we were going through this night mare but I am happy to report since the our last day in court with them we have not even heard from the birthmom or her mom and we have only had a couple of phone calls from the bdad and that was because he was going to schedule his goodbye visit which he did and then canceled. So see don't be afraid that they will automatically still harass you after this is all over with. I hope your bparents does as ours and feels as if they did what they felt they had to and now they will go on with their own life's. The funny thing is in our case we have a open adoption and without the good bye visit we are unable to send the letters and pictures as we agreed a pond because we have no phone numbers or address to send them to. OH well it isn't my fault. So what I'm doing is just putting them in a big a big envelope and then if someday they call and try to blame me for them not getting their stuff I can say Hey I have it but didn't know where to send it. That is what our attorney and I thought would be the best thing to do because I wasn't going to try and track them down. If they don't care enough to call and give us that information then they will just loose out. So don't think the worse just love your child and keep the faith that got you this far and love your child. That is what I have done and gotten on with our life's. I don't look over my shoulder anymore and believe me they know our last names, where we live and were we go to church as well but I refuse to  let them win and hold me prisoner in my own life. I hope this helps.
Barbara
 

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From: MSN Nicknameannanoel21 Sent: 8/29/2005 6:42 AM
There is life on the other side.  Will you always be more protective than the average mom? Yes.  Will you have moments when your heart beats up into your throat because you thought you saw the bpeople?  Yes.  Is there a chance that they will show up to mess with your mind?  Yes.  But, just make a plan.  Talk about it with your family and make a plan for what you will do if (insert awful situation here).  For instance, if the bdad shows up at my house I will not answer the door.  I will call the police and let bps deal with THAT at my front door.  My own personal biggest fear is that these losers will show up at school functions when my son is older.  I will deal with that when it comes up as well.  I plan to be honest with my son about the circumstances of his adoption.  One thing I did, is make it very clear to bds wife that if they messed with us, we would move, never to be heard from again.  At least they know where he is and the kind of life he has.  If they push me too far, they won't even have that.  Do they drive by our house when they are in town?  Probably, but I don't care as long as they leave us alone.  Anyway, they have faded away post-finalization for the most part, but still send bday and christmas cards.  You are not alone in considering a move.  We also flirted with that option at one time.  Any decision you make regarding the safety of your family and your own peace of mind should be made thoughtfully and with patience.  If you are willing and able to pull up stakes and feel that is what you need for your family don't feel badly about that.  Just make sure that you are making this choice on a solid foundation and not as a knee-jerk reaction to the stress of your current situation.
Anna

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General : Happy Birthday to me  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/27/2005 5:35 PM
Got ANOTHER pkg for Noah on My birthday.. had to sign for it.
They know when my b-day is.. and yes it did get to me...
Trying to have a day without drama.. a day to forget Took kids to the circus.. Thoughts of all this were still in our head..
It is hard to function...when this is sooo consuming....

Can't wait till this is over..
Thought I would sent the Birthmother some packages.
The pamphlet on Birthmother grief that she never read.
Along with some other reading material...
Saw a book on Oprah :"He's just not that into you"
Books on Disfunctional relationships how to know you are in one. Books on Psychotic predators; how to escape a psychotic racist controling abusive boyfriend..
100 ways to screw up your open adoption...
Lies deceit and betrayal.. --No wait thats her story...
It sickens me that they are claiming they never intended to adopt. That the anonymous ":notthe father " mr moneybags.. 200k trust fund is too much of a tightwad to provide a dime of support for his child but Dimwit Dory thinks he hung the moon.. Wouldn't let ya keep your baby.. Wouldn't claim him
ashamed to claim you... I have written lots of letters
I am sure I will never send... Okay maybe one or two telling how she destroyed our trust and relationship.and what HELL our life has been because of her....
But I am supposed to kiss her big toe because she gave birth to child that she has NEVER parented, abandoned and let foster parents take care of him... UGH!!! Thanks for the vent

-Megan


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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 8/30/2005 8:54 PM
Got another package on Tuesday... Two in one week.

Isnt that called harrassment?? So looking forward being able
to write Refused..
30 days till court.. Lets hope this will be over then.....

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From: MSN Nicknamebeckfires Sent: 8/31/2005 2:14 PM
praying for you!!! - don't you kiss anybody's big toe....well, except that little bundle of joy!

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General : A healthy open adoption.. WoW  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/30/2005 8:52 PM
On Sunday we attended a family birthday party. My sister's A-son Z. turned 4. His Birthmom and Birth grandparents were there.. It was refreshing to see Birthpeople who.. RESPECT and adore the adoptive parents. They think my sister and her husband are the best parents in the world. They LOVE and Adore Z... BUT they KNOW their place. Now let me explain. Birthmother crystal was adopted by Lu and Dave. So you have Adoptive parents and an Adoptee who are NOW birthpeople. They understand the roles because they live them. Birthgrandparents are very healthy stable christian couple. Also Birthgrandma is a social worker. My sister has a friendship with these people. They are wonderful people. IS bmother completely healthy NO.. Does it matter NO because she understands HER role. She has supportive parents who help her understand her role as well. Bmothers quote early into this adoption.. I knew I was not ready to be a mother. Someday but not now. I was amazed.. She was mature enough to admit she was not mature enough to parent at this time. She knows she gave Z a family she couldn't give him. She gave him a brother and a father and a stable homelife. They got to see How happy Z is and see him interact with his whole family.. This is the first family function they have come to since z's first b-day party. They have their own small gatherings with z's adoptive family and see z about three times a year. Birthday, christmas etc.. We thanked the bgrandparents for showing us that a healthy open adoption can be possible.. Cause we know we will never have one with our son's B-lady and Notda-father

But they are out there. As rare as they are.

-Megan


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