I would like to hear how everyone has dealt
and continues to deal with the
birthparents during the contestment.
We do not have any contact with the birthfather
who is contesting. He has always used the
birthmother to convey and recieve info. We
have an open adoption with the
birthmother.
It is dealing with her that is difficult
through this.
Just hearing all of your stories has really
helped. It is amazing the kind of
responses I get from my friends-who mean well
but don't understand.
Each of our stories are unique but there is
strength in knowing We are not the
only ones living in this state of purgatory...
For those of you who have been in this battle a
long time. WOW ! such
strength.. I feel like I have lost my sanity
and It has only 4 months since we began
this whole rollar coaster. (it has been crazy
since day 1) it has been a rather intense
filled four months I can't imagine 6,8,10
months.
The birthmom is the
one contesting our adoption. She was served
documents about the adoption a week and a half
ago and we hadn't heard anything from her. Here
is the weird part.
She called and left a
message while we were out 2 nights before and we
called her back last night. She said she got the
documents from the attorney and thought we might
be mad at her, so we didn't return her call. She
said she was worried, we were upset with her.
???? She was very pleasant and kind. (Upswing of
bipolar and honestly, she's not playing with a
full-deck.) We talked about our son going into
Pre-K this August and how he was so excited to
ride the bus. How good this school is. She asked
if it was okay to send a video game (the one
that plugs into the TV and is pac-man and some
of the games we all grew up with- okay, the
older ones of us grew up with) for all 3 kids to
play with. Would they enjoy that? I mean it was
just a strange conversation. We then talked
about the family reunion that will be held July
16th, one week after our court date and she said
she'd definitely get up to the state for it and
was excited.
Now, after that
conversation, what would you all think? Does she
even understand what those documents were? Does
she think if she ignores them, we can't proceed?
I just don't get it. (My sister being a special
education teacher with over 20+ years of
experience said she's borderline mentally
retarded and probably all of the years of
alcohol/drug abuse, hasn't helped matters.)
As far as the birthfather, he
relinquished, but he calls about once a month
also and is so sweet. We send pictures to both
and try to remain as upbeat as possible.
I can totally relate.Regarding
Birthmother..not putting two and two together or
calling and acting like everything is okay in
the midst of the emotional hell they are putting
us through. The birthmother of our son seems to
have selective memory. It is frustrating because
she asks the same questions over and over and
over again. Her lawyer was fit to be
tied...
Every week she would ask about the baby
dedication and when she can schedule a
visit. We had visions of grandeur with our
open adoption. Her whole family was going to
come it was going to be beautiful... Then She
allowed Sperm Donor to poison her mind.. She
doesnt realize that her interaction with HIM is
preventing more interaction with our son.
I am unable to discuss all of it with her
because of the legal battle...She calls every
sunday night and reports what she calls
to SD (sperm Donor) she mentioned
which church we were having the baby dedication
at and low and behold SD called our pastor and
asked our pastor ask us to give baby back
to SD... Birthmother can't seem to put two
and two together... Umm we can't have the baby
dedication because we don't want PsychoDad
showing up... How are we to know if we
schedule a visit that he won't show up as
well. It would be too stressful already
every Sunday morning I am looking over my
shoulder. It's a very violating feeling
here we trusted her to be in an open adoption
with her. I always thought adoptive
parents who lived in paranoid fear about
birthparents showing up and kidnapping their
children were living in Fear. Now I
understand
It makes me sad because I was so pro open
adoption.. Now I am the poster child... why
sometimes open adoption is not in the best
interest of child and adoptive family.
UGH!!
I'm a newbie. I'll share my story in
another message. In regards to your question:
our attorney told us absolutely NO contact
during the " battle" She said that anything we
said or did could have been miscontrued or
twisted. No letters, no phone calls, absolutely
nothing.
Hello Lana, I wish we didn't have to deal
with the bmom during this, but our attorney
(just in our case- due to the family dynamics)
said that we don't want to look like we're
keeping the child from the "mother". Since we're
suing on grounds of abandonment/failure to keep
a parental bond, we have to allow her to speak.
UGH!!!!! (Now, since the distance between all of
us, we don't have to deal with visits. YEAH!!!)
I guess we can deal with his 30-seconds of
talking, once a month.
Personally, if
someone's contesting, I think it's so much
better to ignore, to stay out of trouble.
Weekly phone calls from Birthmother.
We have an open adoption with Birthmother.
Our relationship with Birthmother has gotten
really complicated but because the Bfather is
the one contesting. We have been advised
to play nice with Birthmother.
Emotionally I have been doing much better
lately, however, Sunday nights are really
hard because Bmother calls. She obsesses
about this child. What food did he eat
this week? How tall is he.. Can you send a
picture of his new teeth.. Can you send a
picture of his toes. Instead of warm
fuzzy feelings towards her I just want to
puke. She continues to expect us to treat
her with respect etc.. yet she has betrayed us
in so many ways. She has lied, betrayed, accused
us, told us she regrets her decision
and asked us to give the baby back to
bfather. Because she is in constant
contact with the bfather. We do not feel
comfortable arranging visits. We agreed to
three or four times a year. We have had
him since Feb. She has already seen him once and
is asking for another visit. It is hard
because we don't trust her. How are
we to trust that she won't tell bfather either
on purpose or by accident not realizing he will
use the information.. might show up at the
visit. YET we have to walk a delicate
line.. trying not to completely push her
into joining the bfathers legal case. She
is just a confused hurting grieving person who
is being manipulated by a madman. So all
the visions of an open adoption.. She is not who
we thought she was...have turned into
nightmares.
I am really hoping this contestment will
not drag ON and ON.
If you do have contact with
them make sure you keep a journal and record all
conversations. It is legal as long as one of you
know that it is being done. Make sure you right
down each time you talk to them and what is
being said and if you send them anything like a
card or letter write it in your journal and make
a copy of it for your attorney.
We decided to make Bmother happy and
arrange a visit in the next couple of
weeks. This will keep her happy for a
while.. If we can keep her happy during till the
trial is over It will be worth it. Plus
hopefully she can see how he has bonded with us
and our children. Bmother asked if
Bfather could send Noah something for his
six month 1/2 bday. My dh said he would have to
go through our attorney. Bmother also asked
if after the trial is over if
Bfather could have visits like she
does. Dh said (what our attorney's
advised.. This is not the topic of our
conversation. This phone call is about
Noah)
It amazes me the dense she can be.. It
also amazes me that she allows herself to
be birthf.'s puppet. He never has the
guts to a. Talk to us directly. b. show up
at the custody placement etc...
At least we have made it to the six month
mark.. Bfather has officially abandoned in eyes
of the law our son for six months.
Although in our state 60 days abandonment is all
we needed to file for adoption without his
consent. This is a milestone and grounds
for a TPR.. YIPEE!!!
Yes as I'm finally having time
to read my messages I'm answering them one by
one and I see there is a lot going on and I hope
and pray that God answers a lot of prayers this
next month. Hang in their girls and never give
up faith. It can be a long road a head but our
children are well worth the fight. I strongly
believe that God picked each and everyone one of
us to be these children's parents because we
would not give up on them and that we would do
what ever needed to in order to make sure they
got a chance for the best possible live. My
prayers are with all of ya'll.
Barbara
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My previous post must got lost in
cyperspace. Yesterday I sent a post if by
chance you got it.
Disregard this message.
Even if you didn't get
the post I guess it was theraputic to
type. It helps me process this whole
mess.
I am still chewing on
this past phone call with birthmother. She
is really wanting a visit.
We agreed to three-four
times a year. We have had him 3 1/2 months
and she has seen him once.
I really want to wait
until after the trial. It is stressful enough to
mentally prepare for the trial without having to
emotionally deal with a visit.
I hate that we have to
play nice and play games. Lawyers want us
to keep her happy so she won't join the legal
fight. Even though emotionally she already
has. We speculate from conversations we
and the previous foster mom has had with her
that she thinks the biodad will get baby back
and then give baby back to her. She can't
afford to contest and she doesn't trust the
lawyer we provided for her.
WE are looking forward
to the day when we can sit down with her and
tell her how we really feel,
redefine our
relationship etc.. but for now... the games
continue UGH
The joys of
contestment.
.... There are so many
orphans out there in the world without psychotic
obsessive parents who need a family to love..
who knew we would of ended up with this type of
adoption. Really annoys me that
irresponsible people can take advantage of the
system and take advantage of good hearted
people...
All of us. who were
willing to open our hearts and homes to a
child. Why these people have the power is
infuriating.
I know what you mean about
there being so many adoptions out there that go
on without a hitch and here all of are with the
adoptions from hell. It doesn't seem right I
agree. We were like you and provided our
birthmom with an attorney and the day we went to
mediation because the birthfather had finally
agreed to sign her parents talked her into
changing her mind and we were blind sided at the
table of mediation when the mediator came in and
said I have to tell you that the birthmom's
attorney will not be here today because the
birthmom has changed her mind and so the
birthfather will not be signing as well and now
they have joined sides and they and her parents
are now fighting you for your son. If I had it
to all do over again I would have not hired her
an attorney and would have had our attorney
terminate her rights and just took my chances
with the birthfather. That is my advise to
anyone who is in a contested adoption with the
birthfather. Don't always believe half of the
shit the birthmom tells you about the
birthfather because she is speaking out of her
own pain and it isn't always true. If we had
went ahead and let our attorney temrinate her
rights with the judge our adoption would have
been over last August. Not this month almost a
year later and thousands of dollars and million
of tears later. Sorry to vent and that is just
my two cents worth.
I was trying to find your whole story as an
Intro. How long have you had your
son. Our pretrial is the 23rd so I will
definitely keep you in my prayers.
I am trying not to over analyize this, and
if we were not in a contested adoption and just
an open adoption maybe it wouldn't seem so
wierd. The birthfamily (birthmom-grandma
and Aunt ) sent a package with Happy Birthday on
it.
(Noah turns 6 months tomorrow.)
Inside the package was justa card signed by the
three of them. Saying they miss him and think
about him all the time and hope to hold him
soon. etc.... I am really hoping it means they
expect a visit.
But part of me believes they really think
they are getting him back. Its so hard
when there has been so much deception.
I know I am reading into it. I just
thought it was kinda wierd
Take it from someone who got
those kind of card each week for months. Even
after the judge told the grandmother not to have
any contact with us at all. The cards came each
week and were even dated saying things like I
can't wait for you to come home. We are waiting
for you. You can come home now. They are just
trying to harass you so don't let them get to
you. Our son is now almost 14 months old and our
final hearing is on the 23rd so please just look
at it for what it is. Just their way of getting
you upset and to get under your skin. Believe me
I know how much it hurts. Our cards come each
week address to our son and they refer to my DH
by his full name but I am always disrespected
and called just simply Bar as if that is going
to upset me. They say in their they can't wait
for the day he gets to come home to his mommy
and brothers. When his mother doesn't want him
and believes he is right where he should be. So
don't let them get to you and just hold on to
your little one and thank God for each and
everyday you have and thank God for your baby.
Keep the faith that everything is going to be
all right. Lean on your friends especially the
ones here who have and are still going through
this nightmare. It is so hard for those who
haven't gone through this to really understand
what hell this is.
I also agree with Barbara. It's okay if
they want to think they're going to get him
back, because you know different. They're just
stirring that pot. Don't let them get to you. If
they think that making jerks of themselves is
going to make you give them your child back,
then they are sadly mistaken.
After
reading the post about the card, I honestly also
thought they were talking about getting him
back. (So, you're not the only one jumping to
that same conclusion.) Don't trust any of them
as far as you can throw them. Be polite, but
don't go beyond that. I honestly also would
stall off that visit as long as you can. Make
excuses not to have it for now and see what
happens.
I know all of our stories are a bit
different - but what I don't understand is -
WHY? - why do they want to give US grief? - like
we're not doing enough - I'm sorry - but they've
ALL had the opportunity to step up and care for
their kids.........there is NOTHING - NO WAY -
NO HOW I would be without my child.........if I
were homeless for a while - we'd be homeless
TOGETHER - whatever the excuse is they're
using.....it just makes me sick - but that's
funny - because that's exactly what my counselor
said too - that they just want to control me and
make me upset..........it's so
ridiculous............
I almost hate to reply to this with the
mood I'm in, but those people are giving grief,
because they can. They're miserable people and
want to make you that way too.
If they
could have parented, then why aren't they doing
it?! They can't and are holding it against
people that can. Don't let them bring you down
to their level. You know what's right and keep
fighting for your child.
I agree with you that it does
make me sick that they want to give all of us so
much greave and treat us as if we have done
something wrong. We are not the ones who are the
ones who have lied changed our minds a hundred
times and don't put the babies needs before our
owns. We are the ones who have been put trough
the ringer and have had to pay through the nose.
I'm like all of you no matter what I would never
allow my child to be taken away from me and I
sure as he%% wouldn't put the up for adoption. I
would do what ever it took to keep
them.
IT's because we in the 2% club.. HEar me
out now... 98% of NORMAL rational human beings
the minute their child is born, either assume
full responsibility for parenting or hand that
responsibility over to a responsible adult
(adoption) Then there are the 2% the wishy
washy can't make up my mind.. Not capable of
making or sticking to a responsible
decision. TO HAVE THE NERVE to decide
since the baby looks cute that day they want to
parent is so infruriating.. Denying the child
the dignity and respect they deserve to be
treated like a person not an object or doll we
can dress up to look cute. But when we get
tired of playing house we'll hand them back over
to a responsible adult. I crack up
because our bmother in defense or sperm donor..
says... " Bfather deserves the same amount of
time I had to make my decision It wasn't fair
that I made that decision without him... My
response is what a load of crap. We were
uncertain even while she was in court weither
she was going to parent or give the baby
up. It is unbelievable to me that people
think this way...
They think they can get free babysitting
for 2 1/2 months while they make up their minds
to parent or not.. Then of course after the
adoption another... How many months of "Free
childcare" meanwhile putting our family through
emotional and financial stress... Why these
people are made to pay back the foster parents
and pay the attorney fees of adoptive parents is
beyond me.
Go a head and vent believe me
I would love to vent in our case this crap has
been going on for now almost 14 months and our
bmom has signed twice and the bdad has said on
more than one occasion that he cannot parent and
will sign the papers but here we are and
thousand and thousands of dollars and millions
and millions of tears and sleepless nights later
still waiting for our day in court. Just because
we are not the bparents who can get a day in
court in a matter of days or a little over a
week or so it took us 14 months to get ours
which thank God is next week! I think that it
would only be fair that in cases like ours where
they had no right to ever put us through this
kind of crap because it wasn't them in the first
place that wanted our son but their parents who
have no right. Should at least have to pay us
back for all the attorney fees. Now that would
be justice. Well sorry guy's but I just needed
to get that one off my chest.
T used to send letters to Paul that woud
day things like. " I am your REAL mommy" That
woman is your Aunt. When we are together again,
I won't let her steal you again" Of course
he was too little to read, so I knew the letters
were meant to hurt me.I wasn't allowed to reply,
my lawyer said NO CONTACT. I used to write her
letters. Dozens of letters. They were mean
hateful and TRUE! I never sent them. I would
write them, save them to the computer and read
them when I was in a bad mood. Once the adoption
was final, I deleted them. Paul as almost 3 when
she got out of prison. No way in hell I was
gonna just give him back.
I have had 5 biological children. I will be
the FIRST one to say that biology means nothing.
ZIP! The fact that I was able to conceive didn't
make me a mommy. Loving and raising and caring
for the kids is what makes a parent. Not the act
of conception.
Holding Paul while he had seizures ( from
the drugs his birth lady took while pregnant)
made me his mom. Setting the alarm and waking up
every 2 hours for the first 3 weeks of his life
made me his mom. ( he was so sick, that he would
have literally slept himself to death. We didn't
hear him cry till he was 2 and a half weeks
old!) You guys are the mommies. Period. Don't
let them get the better of you!
They feel as if they are owed the world and
it really pisses me off ( excuse my language, I
hope I don't offend) Not to say that I don't
appreciate the role the birth lady plays, but I
don't get into " birth parent worship"
Lana, I had to copy this part from your
post, speaking about the
birthparents........
"They feel as if
they are owed the world and it really pisses me
off ( excuse my language, I hope I don't offend)
Not to say that I don't appreciate the role the
birth lady plays, but I don't get into " birth
parent worship"
NO offense here. All I
wanted to say was, A-MEN!!!!! Thank you, thank
you, thank you. Finally, someone has said my
feelings exactly. I've gotten so tired of
walking on eggs shells for birthparents, when
some really don't deserve the time of day. I
know there are some outstanding birthparents and
those are excluded from these remarks. It's the
birthparents we deal with, that really piss me
off too.
AMEN sistas to the Birthmother worship...
SOOO why I am PRO international
adoption...Give immature people who make bad
choices power and BAM!! Here we are.
Re: writing letters. I have
written many... We have actually
written responses to their emails they sent
us. Of course they have not been
sent.
But we do plan on answering HER accusations
and lies. It does feel good to be able to
write them letters weither they ever see them or
not.
The latest drama... My dh told BM on
Sunday email us with a couple of possible
dates to have a visit. She called
yesterday and was wanting to make it for this
morning. So many reasons WHY that was a
wrong answer.
One... umm my husband actually works and
can't just take off anytime he wants to be at
your beck and call. .
UMMM No YOU ARE NOT the center of
the universe YOU are not the reason we have this
relationship it's supposed to be about
NOAH..Two.. We said give us options within the
next couple of weeks. When My husband
mentioned to her we would discuss possible
dates. She said " I thought you said I
could see him anytime I wanted in the next
week. My husband said well actually our
week is pretty busy.. that is why I wanted to go
over a few possible dates in the next week or
two.
But obviously IT IS ALL ABOUT HER.. Her
seeing him.. Her treating him like a
babydoll NOT about HIM not about anyone
elses schedule or lives. So
self-occupied...Three..Wouldn't ya
know after a month of no runny nose.
Sunday Noah woke up with runny nose and
conjestion.. which he has had on and off his
whole life.. Last time they saw him he was
sick.. They are obsessing about his health. The
LAST thing I need right before this trial is to
set her off regarding his health. We took
him to the Dr. Yesterday hopefully the drugs
they gave him should have him cleared up before
Saturday. So just want her to BE happy for
a couple of weeks....
this just amazes me to see that we are all
so similar - I feel EXACTLY the same way - and
TRUST ME - I'm not offended - I have said soooo
much worse - to myself, of course - or to my
friends........
WHERE do these idiots get these stupid
ideas - about them being THE MOM.....I actually
put myself in people's situations and trust me -
IF (wouldn't happen) - but if I would ever have
to give up a child I would be GRATEFUL and
THANKFUL and HAPPY that someone would love that
child soooo much - and with such UNCONDITIONAL
LOVE - Love them truly - not just because
they're "supposed" to - because they gave birth
to them.........and I would NEVER tell that
child that that person who is giving them
EVERYTHING isn't their mother.......they're
crazy - that's all there is to it - the sad
thing here is - that there are so damn many of
them!!!!
As not to say negative things about the
birth lady in front of Paul during our contested
adoption, we always refered to her as ED (
stands for Egg Donor)
I agree, having sex and getting pregnant (
or getting somebody pregnant) DOES NOT EQUAL
BEING A MOMMY OR A DADDY!
Actually, before we found
Robert- bfather, we called them sperm donor and
incubator. Robert now carries the distinguished
title of Papa Robert and he cherishes it. Bmom
is still incubator. (Of course, she's the one
contesting.)
Our 13 year old daughter
(going on 30) has quietly eavesdropped on a lot
of things that were happening. We hadn't
realized exactly how much until she called the
bmom "BM". I told her that was inappropriate,
because it could also stand for Bowel Movement.
She then piped up, "I know. She's full of crap".
We can chalk that one up to "Out of the mouths
of babes". LOL.
Yes, we did have the
conversation about being respectful to our
elders even when it isn't nice to be and we
never wanted Jordan to feel horrible about who
his birthmom is. She deserves respect (gosh,
just typing that makes me want to hurl), just
because she gave birth to him and that entitles
her to a place of honor.
Let us know how
it's going. I hadn't realized you'd posted back
here, because I tend to only look at the
messages opened up in the
browser.
Okay humor me. To keep our focus on
why we are in this hell.
Which is those precious children.
Here is "the question of the day"
What is the funniest/cutest thing your
child has done this week?
Here's mine: Noah has begun to roll
around (all over the floor) this week he got
stuck by the air vent and was freaking out
because it was blowing on him.
I know that sounds lame but at 6 months
old thats the best I can do..
Now my 2 yo there's a funny moment around
every corner...
I know you asked about this
week but this was last week and I just have to
share so I hope it will still count. LOL
I took my little guy to the
ocean for the first time and when we got out of
the car he was so excited to feel the breeze of
the ocean and see all of the water. He loves
water that he gave out this big squeal and had
the biggest smile on his face. It was so funny.
Then I set his little feet down in the sand. It
was so funny to see him jump them back up and
look at me like OMG this is gross what is
this?LOL But by the end of the second day I had
myself a little sand rat. I'm sure if we would
have had more time that first day he would have
loved it by that day. By the end of the week he
was covered in sand and I had the hardest time
keeping him out of the water. He didn't mind
that the water was salty.LOL He just turned one
on the end of
April.
We've got a 13-year old, almost 8-year
old and the 4-year old is the one, that is the
contested adoption.
The almost 8-year
old has a strange stomach. He'll eat almost
anything without a word, but if by chance he
really doesn't like it, automatically, it'll
come right back up. (No warning, no nothing.)
Well, the other night we were eating lasagne and
it had been a while since the 8-year old had
tried it (we usually just make him spaghetti
instead), so he wanted to try it again.
Unfortunately, the stomach didn't like it and it
came back up. Well, the 13-year old got up from
the table without saying a word, grabbed her
plate, and went into the other room, sat down,
and continued eating. The 4-year old had this
absolutely blank look on his face, looked at the
8-year olds plate, looked back at his, then
proclaimed, "I not hungry, I get down now?!" The
13-year old was the only one to finish dinner
that night. LOL.
The 4-year old is a
laugh a minute. Boy, I could fill this with his
antics.
Ok, my story is a little crude, but too
funny not to post.
My youngest, Paul loves cowboys. He wears
his " cowboy clothes" every day and asks us to
call him "pardner" The one thing he is missing
from his costume is SPURS. ( remember that
word)
The other day, he was using his
imagination. He was walking, stomping his
feet, he looked at me and asked ( very
innocently) " Can you hear my sperms?"
I about died, but I kept a straight face
and repeated the correct word a few times so he
wouldn't make that mistake again.
I certainly can't compete with the
"sperms"........but Lexi and I were in her bed
the other night getting ready to read a story -
and she repeated something I said - and then
spoke in this jibberish - I said what did you
say - she did it again - laughing like crazy and
she said - it's spanish - and then started
laughing again..........I think she's making fun
of THEM........since they speak spanish in front
of her and she has no idea what they're
saying........we just about peed the bed
laughing
So funny to check my other group... I have
not really been an active member of
AmomAlike...
To see Stacy, and barbara on the board.
Funny thing is, I don't remember joining
that group must of been while I was in
pre-adoption... SO much has happened since
then. I have kinda dropped off all other
adoption groups... To difficult to relate to a"
normal" adoption not enough hours to keep track
of everything
Believe me I know what you
mean it is sometimes hard to relate to those who
have not gone through what we are going through
even though I wouldn't wish this on my worst
enemy. I pray for each and everyone of us that
God will give all of us to strength to make it
through this. I'm like you I don't have much
time for all of the other threads right now with
everything that is going on with our case. I
stay close to home and groups that have people
like us who truly understand.
Yes, unfortunately, we are not the poster
child for domestic adoptions. LOL
Again so glad to be able to share what is
going on without the usual comments... our
unique situations (contestment) brings out
peoples fears, and contributes to the negative
stereotypes of adoptions. GREAT,, I wanted
to be this great spokesperson for adoption..
Look at us.. We did it you can too!!!!
Instead its like Don't look too closely at what
we are doing or you will never consider
adoption. My friends don't
understand the ongoing relationship that we must
maintain with the bparents during this
time.
I also agree. It's so difficult being
very "cheerful" regarding birthparents/adoption,
knowing our worlds are teetering on the edge of
crashing down around us. (Adoption is a
wonderful, WONDERFUL, thing, but sometimes this
is just very difficult.) We also don't have the
awesome, supportive, bparents like those in the
"normal" open-adoptions.
I at least have
one adoption that was fairly smooth sailing, but
took over 2+ years to finalize. Gee, that was a
totally different type of a headache.
LOL.
I'm the host of the relative
adoption forum and sometimes I just want to
scream, "BE CAREFUL, YOUR FAMILY WILL NEVER BE
THE SAME AGAIN after you have custody of a
relative!!!" I also want to warn people that
family will sometimes consider you just a free
babysitter or are someone that's going to hand
the child over at the parent's whim, just
because they are family. (Gee, they trusted you
to take the child and do what was best for them,
but that OF COURSE, couldn't POSSIBLY go against
them.)
I'm sorry. Sometimes it gets to
me more than others. Oh, Bmom doesn't want the
child my sister is raising, (that has FAS- that
SHE caused), because he's not biracial. She only
wants the one I'm raising. Can someone tell me
how courts can look at women seriously, that
"choose" to only try and get one of their
children back??? Okay, if you can answer that
one, then why would any mother only try to get
one child back, when 3-children are out there-
and one is in the home of the man that sexually
molested her when she was a child??? I know, I
know. I'm just pounding my head against a brick
wall. sigh.... We at least have each other and
that's a lot, because we're all in this
together.
Boy we have a lot of exciting and stressful
events for several of us on the group in the
next week or so.
Lana we will be praying.regarding new
baby. Keep us posted.
Our drama... I am sure the next month will
be high drama, because the Birthmother thrives
on it. Pretrial is Next Thursday. We are
trying to set up a visit...to make her happy.. I
got an email tonight.. Makes me want to
GAG!!!
I am stressed enough will all that is going
on. she told us she would like the visit
to be Saturday or earlier if possible. We
are having the visit at the former fosterparents
house (old friends of ours) the birthgrandmother
and Aunt plus baby cousin come along. SO
it is a full house, Noah is
sick I really would like him snot and
cough free when they see him. She is
desperate to see him.. She misses him.. She
really really wants a picture of him eating his
toes.. The pictures we sent will not go through
for some reason. ALL of this makes me want
to GAG!! I hate having to play this
game. I love my son but honestly...We have
had drama since day ONE.. five months of
CRAP.
SO thick hard to have the love for Noah
override all the it. We are going to very
graciously try to get out of Saturday
and make it next saturday that will be
after the pre-trial. Which means nothing
but just one hoop jumped through.
The next weeks leading up to the trial is
going to be stressful enough without dealing
with her Drama. But again in her state of
mind... lets just get her a visit make her happy
and get through this trial. The things we do for
LOVE..
YEs I will do this for Noah!! IT will be
torture put on a nice face watch them drool all
over him. Play nice.. Never was the catty
type in high school to play the two-faced game..
I just tell it like it is. UGH!! This is
stretching me beyond myself.. Not to mention..
the weight I have gained..lol stretched in other
ways. Makes me want to hypernate.
Not deal with anyone or anybody even my
children. and I am a major people person.. Gee
can you tell by my chatty posts :) Again
thanks No one else wants to hear it.. no one
else can comprehend the hell we are in.
I thought I'd give
you a bit of encouragement for the date of your
pre-trial. I'll have you know, it's our adopted
son's birthday, so I can only think good things
will happen on such a special day. (At least
that's what we'll be praying for.)
How
did the visit with the bmom go? I'm anxious to
hear all about it.
Our court date is
July 8th, so we're right behind you. We need to
start a post with all of the dates, that are
coming up and what they stand for. That way, we
all know to make sure we add some special
prayers for those
families.
oh I know - you poor thing - that's how I
feel when I have to take Lexi to these stupid
visits and Sam's "mother" comes and drools and
puts on this big show - it makes me soooo sick -
I can't even describe - and I would LOVE to tell
her what I think - BUT - I just play nice and
stuff it - so I don't cause
waves.........ewwhhhh - I feel for you!!!!
That would be a great ideal I
would love to know what everyone is going to
court for. Sometimes I don't even know what we
are going for this time. I was told this was
supposed to be our last time but just found out
that was a lie. That they have 30 days to appeal
and they could take this to the supreme court.
And even though he threw the grandmother out at
the last hearing that she will be back in our
case fighting again on Thursday. It is all her
fault that this mess is still going on. She is
the one who just will not give up I hope this
judge gives it to her one more time. Please pray
for us tonight we have a meeting with bdad he
wants to talk about settling this out of court
with us before Thursday. I'm not holding my
breath because he has been saying that for the
last three weeks and court is in three more
days. But we will see we are not taking our son
with us since this is suppose to be a meeting we
don't want him to be interrupted or distracted.
I wrote down some notes that I'm taking with me
so I can hopefully keep bdad on track. Please
pray he is for real this time. I would be nice
to have him at least done and out of the
game.
Stating that the birthmother joined the
fight contesting the adoption. BM
has retained a lawyer .. Her defense.. She
didn't have sleep the night before the she
signed her consent.
The BP's lawyer's sent 100 pages of
accusations to our attorneys... Basically
outlining their strategy...
Good news... No visits no phone calls or
contact with Birthmother YIPEE!!!!!
Sorry to hear that BM joined
to fight I hate to say this but welcome to my
Hell! I'm happy for you that they didn't give
her anything though. We go to court on this
Thursday after 14 long months of Hell that we
have been fighting BF, BM and grandmother when
all along it has been the grandparents who were
behind all of this. Unfortunately she was
granted visits this last time around because we
won in the lower courts and now we are in the
higher courts and I'm sure we will win again it
is just a pain in our ass and costing us out the
noise with all of this mess. Hang in there girl
and know you are not alone. Sending positive
vibes your way. Any news on a court date? Is she
filing for anything yet? I hope your court
system is faster than ours. Get this ours signed
her rights twice and took them back twice so you
tell me where is the justice in all of
this?
Well lets hope Thursday brings finality for
you Barbara...Can't imagine 14 months of
this.... WOW it's almost over for
you.
What state are you in that they would let
her resend twice... Our justice system at
work....We definitely will be praying and
thinking about you since Thursday is our
pretrial we will have contested adoptions on the
brain..
In our case... The BM has NO legal
chance... In our state based on when and how she
resended and based on how excellent her attorney
did to make sure it was an airtight case.. She
has no legal standing.. She is going to try to
convince the judge that the foster parents brain
washed her.
Lack of sleep.. I don't think that'll
fly.
BF doesn't have a case either since we have
him on 60 days abandonment and 6 months
abandonment. Not to mention this guys
credibility as a sane human being. First we have
the immaculate conception theory...
Then all the racist comments that the
BF said to the foster parents. Judge
is African American. BF is racist bigot..
didn't want anyone to know he had a black son
etc..didn't want to taint his german
blood. .. Don't think that is going to fly
with this judge. The fact that the BM
thinks so little of herself to defend and
support an abusive racist is beyond
me. Truth is stranger than
fiction... We all could be contenders for the
Jerry Springer Show EEK!!
Good luck Three more sleepless nights till
Thursday!!
I'm in Texas how about you? I
will be praying for you on Thursday as well. How
old is your little one? Our adoption is a
private one but we made sure to dot all our I's
and cross all our T's so I'm not to worried
about it either. We already won once in the
lower courts and of course they appealed and now
we are in the upper courts. Last time when we
had trail the judge just shook his head and said
that none of them had any standing and that we
had standing to have them terminated and to
proceed with our adoption. Who would have
guessed thou that it would have taken this long?
This would have all been over last year if the
grandparents would have just stayed out of it. I
have heard that statement over and over again. I
think they need to pass a law stating that
unless a person is under a certain age that
grandparent can't interfere with an adoption. In
our case our birthparents were 21 and 28 when
our son was born. Old enough to make their own
minds up and be held responsible for their
actions. The sad thing is our birthfather never
even signed the birth registry or proved
paternity and is not named on the birth
certificate but yet he has been allowed to
continue to fight in our case. He should have
been thrown out in the beginning especially when
she had signed and this mess would have been
over with. That is how her parents were able to
suck into our case was to latch like a leech to
our case was through his case. Sorry to vent but
I'm tired its late and I'm just tired of this
whole mess.
Can I say, OH MY GOSH!!!!
Okay, I can't believe an attorney would actually
take a case, because "She didn't have sleep the
night before she signed". ???HUH??? I just don't
get this. Why are the court systems allowing
such crap? We can all just scream now.
Thank goodness they were stupid enough
to outline what they were going to do, so you
now have ample time to come up with a defense.
I'm in such awe with the stupidity of
these arguments. I can't believe how these
judges are allowed to keep this charade up, when
there's no legal rights that these people have.
I'm just shocked.
After listening to
everyone else, I'm a bit nervous for our court
date. Oh, and in Georgia, they can TPR and grant
the adoption all in the same hearing. We'll just
have to see if that's what they're going to do.
UGH!!!
How
many children do you have? 3 Is this your
first adoption? No. 1st was international
2nd. Who is contesting? Birth mom- Dad
signed What State are you in?
Georgia
How long has this drug out? Filed
for adoption May 05' From Custody till
contestment 1 yr. 8- months Pretrial- till
trial date Trial date till appeal Trial
date- July 8th Finalization of adoption ....
If bmom doesn't show up to court, adoption will
be finalized same day by default. If she shows
up, my above answers will change.
PS-
Bmom had 30-days to respond to the adoption and
she hasn't. We'll keep our fingers crossed for
her to do the same for
court.
Pretrial- till trial date Trial Date : August 25, 2004 Date
of Ruling (TPR) September 8, 2004
Trial date till appeal He appealed 2 days past the
allowed time to file an appeal, it was accepted
anyway. October ? 2004. (can't remember
the exact date). We have now motioned for the
case to move to panel - and they have 90 days to
rule. No new evidence or testimony is allowed.
He would have to prove (he can't) that the lower
court judge erred three times. He was TPRd for
1)abandonement/(2)failure to pay support/(3)not
registering with putative father
Finalization of adoption .... anxously awaiting
And (Gulp) what is your running total bill
from your attorney
$ 26,000 and the meter is
still running (at
275/hr)
My husband is a computer programmer.
He works as a consultant.. not a full time
employee.
The job assignment he is on just told him.
His last day is next Thursday. His job
recruiter has some other job assignments that
may work for him....This could not of come at a
worse time...Please pray that there will be no
lag between paychecks.... Hey... maybe he
will get a full time job with benefits or even a
raise.. I can hope...
This happens a lot in his field it has been
that way the past two years.. The last time it
happened we only had one week off and he did get
a raise. The job market is picking up so
we are trying to keep positive.
I cn relate! WHen Paul was 3 months old, my
husband was in a terrible car accident that left
him out of work for over 2 years! It was a GOD
thing that the courts didn't make an issue of
this during our contested adoption. I will
pray for you and a GREAT job for your
husband.
Lana
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Feeling very isolated and alone today..
As the phone doesn't ring. People have busy
lives while mine remains in limbo. People don't
know what to say.. and don't want to hear about
our life that is in crisis. We just recently
moved( (In November) to a new area and we are
attending a new church(in March). It is so hard
and humiliating to be known as the family in
crisis. I force myself to attend functions
because I need to get out of the house but I
have dreaded conversation at times because right
now our life is in such crisis. I have backed
out of more than one birthday party with
longtime friends because I don't have the energy
to deal with people. Attending a mom's group
tomorrow . Haven't attended since March.. Really
not looking forward to updating the group about
our situation I know these people do care. ... I
know my family is concerned but they don't know
how to respond... My sister who is an adoptive
mother made some real stupid comments when I was
discussing our contestment.. Like "Well you knew
going into this that it was risky since the
father did not sign his consent." Never mind the
fact that we were led to believe at first that
the sperm donor would sign then we thought we
were going to have a failed adoption. Yes it was
risky... we thought we won't get the baby... we
were shocked to bring him home... What do ya do
Run away if the situation is risky... Better to
have loved and lost than never to have loved at
all. They asked us if we would adopt Him I guess
we could of said NO. We have peace walking away
from the situation. And now that I know how
crazy these two are I know there was a divine
reason our son was saved from the influence of
those two.
Other stupid comments from
family... We weren't sure if this adoption was
from God.. so I wasn't sure if we should give
you money to help with it...... YA just want to
smack them and say No thanks don't want your
money... Unfortunately with Hubby still out of
work... We will probably need their
money. ....We applied for a grant and we were
rejected...guess there are people out there who
are worse off than us adopting... UM no job
and contesting.guess that doesn't qualify for
needy. Got more paperwork from our lawyer
Saturday. Today I am really angry at
Incubator..( Thanks guys for those great terms
we are thinking Sid and Ed.. Sperm Donor and Egg
Donor Or Sid and Incubator.) At least I got a
good laugh at your responses to what you call
the Bm and BF's
Thanks for the good
vent... trying to take it one day at a
time Megan
I just wanted to let you
know, we're thinking about you and we'll keep
you in our prayers. Yes, this is very difficult
and very stressful. Most people tend not to
understand, because they're not in our shoes.
Vent here anytime you need.
Okay, one
response I'd like to put my 2-cents in on, is
the one about this adoption maybe not be from
God. That has got to be one of the most
ridiculous statements I've ever heard. What, do
they think it's from the devil?
I knew
you had the pre-trial and all. How did that go?
Have they set the actual trial date? I mean, my
gosh, this really should have been resolved.
I've read back over to really get your story in
my mind and this is just crazy. I just wanted
you to know, we're here for you.
Just wanted to send you
(((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) Megan. I SO
know what you mean. Yesterday I was informed
that my Lexi's case has not gone to panel yet,
and will not for at least 3 months. The court
said we should not expect a ruling before
Christmas. She could be 2 before this is over
. I made all my phone calls updating
everyone and all anyone could come up with was
"Oh" and "don't worry, it will be fine". Only
one who responded like me was my sister - who
spit out a bunch of expletives, LOL.
Some days I feel like I am just going
through the motions and watching the world
around me actually "live". It's a very lonely
feeling, and noone can understand it unless they
have been there. Thank G-d for this group.
"We weren't sure if
this adoption was from God.. "
This has got to be
the most ridiculous ( and insensitive) comment
ever. I never knew that G-d sent out newsletters
letting us know what was/wasn't His
work!
Thanks for the encouragement. Re:
Pretrial Yes it was June 23rd Trial is
scheduled for Sept 29th and 30th Depositions
scheduled for Aug 2nd and 9th. Just got some
more legal paperwork from lawyer Birthmother is
trying to motioning for a "re-trial" I didn't
think that was possible.. Not an appeal but...
Court you screwed up I want you to hear my case.
Nuff said don't want to violate the "gag" order
GAG UGH!!! I gag everytime I think of
it.
Re: Not sure if it is from God
comment. I guess I should of challenged my
mother when she said that comment I was so
shocked and hurt I held my tongue..I would of
said OH? Do you believe that if it's from God
everything goes perfectly?? So since this is
difficult it must not be from God?? . Guess she
is forgetting that in the bible.. the israelites
sure went through a lot. (40 yrs in the
wilderness etc...) and THEY were God's chosen
people. MY mom, who said that statement is known
for her sharp tongue and does not understand nor
possess social graces I just winced and
swallowed my tongue. She means well... of course
I don't know WHAT she meant by that comment, but
she always is sticking her foot in her mouth.
People sure have a funny way of lettin ya know
they care LOL!!! Doing better today.. Thanks
for letting me vent. I forced myself to attend a
few social activities... (Funny I am usually the
social butterfly.) Dittos to this comment
:Some days I feel like I am just going through
the motions and watching the world around me
actually "live". It's a very lonely feeling, and
noone can understand it unless they have been
there. Thank G-d for this group. Stacy,, I am
so sorry they are giving you the run around and
prolonging this whole thing. Good thing about
life.. It has seasons... and this too shall
pass.... JUST WISH THIS SEASON wasn't so stinkin
long!!!!! I have to remind myself one day we
will look back on this and it will seem like
just a moment.... Five years, Ten years, twenty
years from now... In the mean time... Trying
to savor the milestones in my kid's lives...
Noah has gotten two new teeth.. Started
crawling.. started sitting up.. I don't want to
miss these because of all this stress. So hard
because all the stress drains my energy
emotionally and physically I am drained. (having
a toddler and an infant is draining enough with
out all this stress) Take care of
yourselves... Megan
"In the mean
time... Trying to savor the milestones in my
kid's lives.
I don't want to
miss these because of all this stress. So hard
because all the stress drains my energy
emotionally and physically I am drained. (having
a toddler and an infant is draining enough with
out all this stress)"
This
is so true Megan. I am embarrassed to admit that
there was a period where (though I didn't
realize it at the time) I was pulling myself
back from my daughter. She was very sick back in
April and we spent 9 days in the hospital - just
the two of us. She was in isolation, so we had
no visitors. In those nine days, I fell
completely in love with her all over again and
realized that I was going to love her completely
even if it was only for a short time. At that
point, I stopped letting the fear
of the contestment rule my life, and
started enjoying being her mommy.
You
hang in there Megan, this sucks for all of us.
Megan, I'll let you in on a little
secret. September 29th is mine and my husband's
15th wedding anniversary. It'll be a good day.
My piece of advice for your mom is to
read in the bible about Job and his trials and
tribulations.
You know, I've learned,
that I HAVE to keep going and keep very busy, or
I'll go insane with worry. Even if attending
events is "only going through the motions", it
really does give your mind something else to
think about. If we hybernate, we've only got our
minds (and everything else in the house) to
cause us to think about what we're facing.
When I'm really down, I just count my
blessings. (This may not work for everyone, but
it works for me.) I usually, stop and say prayer
thanking the good Lord for my husband, the
health of the family, my kids, the roof over my
head, the food in our kitchen and you know, I
really don't have to go much farther, because
I'm so thankful to just have my life. (Warts,
and all.)
Thanks again for the encouragement. I
am not as frustrated as I was, however it is a
daily process...We got another package in the
mail. Just a silly handmade card (signed
Mommy) sad because I would of kept it for him if
she would of signed it Ebby instead of
Mommy. Whenever there is contact from
E.D. (egg donor) It brings up my issues of anger
and unforgiveness towards her. I find that
I am less patient and loving towards my son. It
reminds me that he is hers as well as
mine. Then i work through my issues,
forgive and pray for her and begin
to reconnect with my son.. settle
down... until poof another package. I have
gotten out more and it did help although moments
were ackward... discussing adoption as it always
comes up... Trying to be pro-adoption and not
totally discourage people from considering
adoption. I cringe when they ask questions
and I say... We are not the best example... I
recommend a GOOD agency... I recommend
International Adoption. Basically learn
from our mistakes... Ours was a unique situation
don't look at our situation PLEASE!! ( I
hate being a bad example of adoption.. there are
so many myths and fears and we just confirm them
UGH!!!) We try to put this
whole thing out of our mind..and just be a
family but it seems weekly something comes
up. Last night my husband actually got out
the paperwork and was reading and discussing the
inconsistencies in the story etc... I told
him I don't want to analyze it. I don't
want to dwell on it etc...
This week I am trying to plan lots of fun
free outings for the family. It has been SOO
hot. hard to want to take baby out in the
heat.
I am also going to make an effort to
connect with my kids more. I have found
that I withdrawal I am physically here but
my nose is in a book, I am on the phone, or
I am on the computer because I just can't go
there emotionally. I do make time for
"mommy moments" spending time snuggling etc with
each child. But often like at meal time I feed
them and then leave them at the table. I
feel bad that I just want to retreat instead of
"being" with them. So I am focusing on doing
activities with them this week.
Thanks for all your support.
I'm so sorry that you're feeling isolated
and alone. If it makes you feel any better, I
know exactly how you feel. My mother can be such
an idiot at times. She makes comments about me
giving up my whole life for Lexi, and stuff like
that. My sister just GAVE BIRTH to a baby and my
mom said something stupid like oh now your dad
is a grandfather.......I NEARLY flipped my
lid.......well, okay - I sort of did...ha! I
said - UM - hello - he already is and has been
for 3 years......she said I didn't mean it like
that - but she's not YOURS - you didn't ADOPT
her - OMG - people just say the most hurtful
things sometimes!!!! - and then another time
there was discussion about the baby shower - and
let me tell you - I did EVERYTHING for my
sister's shower....I said to my mom - must be
nice to have a shower and have people help
you........my mom said something like - well,
when you adopt her we'll have a shower for
you.......what kind of idiot are you? - I still
need the stuff for her weather she came out of
me or not!!!! - people just don't think about
what they are saying I guess....at least I HOPE
they don't try to hurt us on purpose! and I know
that we're probably extra sensitive.......since
we're doing EVERYTHING and going through all
this added stress!!! so hang in there! and get
going to those functions - EVERY family is in
some sort of crisis!!!
Hang in there girl and know
you are not alone and what you are feeling we to
have felt and some are still feeling. Just have
faith that you will make it and your nightmare
will be over and you will look back on all of
this and say I made it. I remember those days
when I didn't want to go out and talk to others
but I had to make myself. I buried myself in the
computer and I made myself talk to friends that
I made here on the net who had made it to the
other side to give me strength to remind me that
I to could make it. Hold on to your faith look
at our case and have faith that you will win. It
took us 1 week short of 15 months to do it. I
didn't realize like Stacy said but there was
times when I was pulling away but when I caught
myself doing that I just grabbed a hold of him
and held tighter. As far as stupid things others
say that have not walked in our shoes. All you
can do is pray for them. As far as the SID
and ED go all you can do is pray for them
to. The bible says pray for your enemies and
believe me I prayed a lot for ours and look what
happed. I want you to know God hears and answers
prayers. This about sending things and signing
them mommy is just to hurt you and they know it.
Don't give them the power believe me I know
first hand they pulled that one on me and I
would get upset and mad and then I would pray
for them and that God would work on their
hearts. That he would put in their hearts that
they would do what was best for our son and in
the end they did. Remember we are always here
and God has brought all of us together for a
reason and he choice all of us to adopt our
children because he knew we could do what it
took to adopt these precious angles and not give
up on them. Keep the faith and lean on your
friends we are here for you.
Was doing well for a
while.... Then our rollercoaster day
today... Got paperwork from our attorney..
They want our bill paid in full by depositions
and 5,000 retainer... YEA right. I called my
friend who is helping us with legal bills and
she is going to pay the balance and offer to
make monthly payments. But its not like she has
8,000 sitting around. So blessed. BUt the
Bill sent me into a panic.... So hangin on by a
thread right now. So ignoring things that aren't
desperate. Checked on Medicaid and workin on
getting WIC today. Will follow up and set
appt in the morning.
GOOD NEWS!!! Looks
like My husband MAY have a job. We should
find out tomorrow. At first they wanted him to
come back for a second interview. Now they are
thinkin of just hiring him and having him start
THIS WEEK. He would be temp to hire( three
months temp) So benefits wouldn't start until
three months from now. Gotta get the Medicaid in
motion TOMORROW. Good for a year.by then we will
have benefits. I'll let you know as soon as we
do;
So frustrating Because the past two
days I was feeling somewhat normal..Yesterday I
was like my old self.. at the end of the day I
was like so that is what is like to be the old
me. It felt good. Had energy got alot
accomplished was mentally there for my kids
instead of physically but mentally zoned. etc..
Stress was not bogging me down. It was great.
Hate that BOOM here I am again. Hate what the
stress does to me. Just trying to stay above
water.. Not looking down trying to walk on
water.... then every now and then poof I sink
and panic. Breathe in Breath out..... I feel
much
better... Megan
Oh, I hope he gets this job
and we'll keep your family in our prayers. This
will truly be a wonderful blessing for you.
Please, let us know if it goes
through.
Yes, just try to relax. (I know,
that's easy for me to say.) It's all going to be
okay. We all have enough faith to hold you
through this. We're here for you.
Thank
goodness for your guardian angel (friend helping
with legal bills), because she's just a total
God-send. She's a wonderful friend to help out,
like this.
More like Having a season... It has been
a roller coaster. MOre stuff more accusations
more lies. more delusions every word from SID in
documents further confirms his mental
state We will probably have to move and
definitely get an unlisted number.. Thinkin New
Zealand is a nice place to live LOL 3 ring
circus. Our deposition is on MONDAY AM A pkg
yesterday and a pkg today from
ED
Okay girls, This may be just for me
(how selfish LOL) but thought it would be nice
to hear some accountability among us. How are we
taking care of ourselves....Especially during
this time We need to take care of
ourselves!! So humor me...Have YOU pampered
yourself this week/ this month??? If not...
treat yourself to some pampering....
In
answer to the question: How am I taking care of
myself?? ...Ice cream, good novels and
movies..oh yes and i have snuck out of the house
with my girlfriend to window shop.
What
about you?? A bubble bath? an hour at a coffee
shop, Sneaking to barnes and noble alone to
browse??? Girls night out with friends??? Date
nights with
hubby???
I have found that the disadvantage of
being a stay-at-home mom is that my kids
never(did I say
never?) want to leave me. I actually tried to
sneak out the other day to Barnes and Noble and
my son threw such a fit that I ended up taking
him with me.
My "ME" time is after 9 pm when I lock
myself in the bathroom with a good book and some
bubble bath. Everyone knows to leave me
alone......
There are some days when the weight of this
all hits me so hard that I can barely breathe,
and on those days I take off to "do errands" and
move as slowly as is humanly possible, lol
My hubby and I have had "date day" for as
long as I can remember. It's always Thursday and
we go out to lunch. Since we've been in Georgia,
we've always met at the Waffle House. LOL. (It's
cheap, I LOVE the chicken sandwiches, and it
usually isn't too busy, so he can eat and get
back to work within an hour.)
Now,
hubby's very good about keeping the boys
occupied in the evenings, when I want my
"private time" on the farm. You wouldn't believe
how amazing and therapeutic it is to shovel
"poo". You get a lot of energy out and work so
hard, you're dead-tired that night to sleep. LOL
(EIther that or I mow and edge the lawn, because
NOBODY wants to be out there, doing that, in
this heat. I know I'll be quite alone for it.
LOL)
My spoiling myself treat, is a
2-scoop, Baskin Robbins sundae, made out of
Praline's and Cream with extra strawberry sauce.
Of course, whipped cream, nuts and cherries too.
My mouth's watering just thinking about
it.
Go ahead pamper yourself you are worth
it!!! Its' hard to give out when you are on
empty. Go ahead light some candles sip some wine
and have a bubble bath. You can't be there for
your family/child etc.. if you neglect
yourself.. Makes you a better mother and a much
saner person.
I don't papmer myself willingly. My husband
makes sure I get a mental health hour every
evening. If I don't he pours the guilt trip on
me. He is such a sweetie! When he is gone on
business, he makes the kids tell him if I am not
taking my break!
We have 6 kids, so it's not always easy.
My mental health hour is a bath and a book.
( diet pepsi and cheetos are optional)
Had to share some good news with you
guys. As you guys know, My husband has
been without a job since July 1st.
Although we have gotten unemployment that
doesn't even begin to cover the expenses, not to
mention the adoption expenses. We have
been praying and constantly reminding ourselves
by saying it out loud that God is our provider..
We have been praying for provision, pay raise
and permanence (a permanent job)
Here are two ways God has provided..
We got a call from a friend saying they
want to offer to help with legal expenses.
They offered to deal directly with the lawyer to
take the stress off us. I had forgotten that we
owed the court 1,000. for the guardian et letem
by July 23rd. So I called my friend and
she sent us a check to pay the guardian et
letem. What an answer to prayer!!!!
I mentioned to a friend that we were
hesitant to get on federal assistance, Wic, food
stamps etc.. because of the court case. I
mentioned that the last time we were unemployed
what got us through was WIC etc.. and I breast
fed so I didn't have the expense of
formula. Now I have two kids in diapers and the
added formula expense etc.. She offered to
cover diapers and formula. Sunday afternoon she
stopped by and wrote out a check that will cover
more than two months worth of diapers and
formula. Soo...
We are rejoicing that God is answering our
prayers ... He is providing...
We are continuing to pray and believe for a
permanent job for my husband .
Yes, God does provide. What
a truly wonderful blessing. It seems like when
things are there worst, these wonderful
blessings come rolling in. Don't worry about
your hubby's job. He'll get one even better than
the last. Things will work out. We have
faith.
I am so happy for you and I am
praying for you and your family that your DH
will find not only a job but the right job. I am
so happy for you that you have friends that not
only are willing but are able to help you. About
the WIC I don't know about where you live but I
know that I was told because of how much her
legal bills were adding up here several people
were trying to get me to put Austin on it. They
said because our adoption was being contested
that we would qualify regardless of our income
and since your DH is without a job at this time
I wouldn't hesitate to apply that is what it is
there for. Also have you gone to any local
churches to see about help with your utilities?
I know that where we live here in Texas they do
that especially when my electric was almost
500.00 last month with this heat wave. I give to
a church down the road from us who does just
that and I know there are several around us who
do the same so I'm sure there are where you
leave as well. They are there to help those who
need it so please check them out.
Barbara, that is true in our state as well.
My Lexi is on Medicaid because we could not add
her to our insurance until we either finalized
or had legal custody (which didn't hapen on
paper until she was 7 months old). When I was
dealing with all of the Medicaid stuff, they
also told me about WIC. I took it, but didn't
follow through with it after the initial one. It
was just too much hassle for me for a few
gallons of milk a month - though if it had been
earlier it would have saved me a lot on formula,
LOL. There is help out there, but it isn't easy
to find. I, too, am very fortunate that I had
family to help us. I am unfortunate in that the
family help has run out and the bills are still
coming in......so now we are paying everyone
back AND paying our lawyer. UGH, don't get me
started.
We had depositions this week. LOOONG
drawn out waste of time. The lawyer for the
birthfather took his own sweet time asking
irrelevant questions.... It was an attempt at a
witch hunt and a character assignation from the
social worker, the birth mothers first lawyer,
foster parents and of course us. I could write a
book.... At 55 cents a second.. It was an awful
expensive comedy routine. Birthmothers was
yesterday after 4 1/2 hours they still weren't
done. Still have a full day of "I'm not the
father's" Testimony. Sooo many contradictions
Soo many false assumptions and conclusions UGH a
very stressful week.... Still have one more day
of depositions, Psych evals then trial at the
end of Sept...
So glad to know Barbara
and Anna have gotten on the other side of
this... There will be an ending... This is not
forever...
No words, just
(((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))) for you.
It is refreshing to know that
others have made it to the other side.
We took a blow last week when we learned
that Lexi's case isn't even close to going to
panel. The court clerk told our attorney not to
expect anything before Christmas.
Hang in there - we are usually much
stronger than we
think........
I'm so sorry, that you're
having to go through this "poo-poo". I'm really
hoping that in this deposition, everyone will be
able to actually see what's in the best interest
of the child and that's to stay with you.
Sending you huge (((((HUGS))))).
Are you
having to go through the psych evals, the
bparents, or both? Don't worry about those. I
can say, been there, done that. (Will it be
psychological or psychiatric?) Take care and
please keep us
updated.
Hang in there girl and just remember girl
like us you to can make it to the other side.
Yes it is awful that they put all of through
this but just be happy that you still have the
birthmom on your side. For us we had not only
the bfather but the bmother and her parents all
after us. But as you can see God is stronger
than all of them put together and you have to
hold on to that. Stay strong we are all praying
for you.
Tomorrow is another day full of
depositions. I get to sit and try to keep a
straight face as they spin their tale. His
attorney yelled at me for rolling my eyes and
threatened to kick me out. LOL Our attorney was
actually rolling her eyes at me and we were
going back and forth...We are continuing the
depositions from a few weeks ago.. BM's
testimony lasted 5 1/2 hours and we are still
not up to the TPR.. 98% of her testimony is
irrelevant. Tomorrow we get to
here "notdafather" as he signed on the
release form from fostercare. our attorney is
questioning him.. THIS should be good. Good
chance this will be over sooner than later as he
has no case....just wild goose
chases... -Megan
You wouldnt believe me if I told
ya... My head is still spinning with all the
lies... E.D. looked me straight in the eyes
and said she believed her baby was stolen... She
also believes she was brainwashed...
Why
she was even deposed is beyond me. His depo
was just as humorous... The fact that these
morons could possible remotely get this child
back is beyond me. After reading Christina's
story... I am amazed....Praying no"techicality"
causes ours to be overturned... Don't see an
end to this nightmare.. Don't see them just
walking away after this is over... Thinkin about
relocating when this is over out of state at
least for a year till things calm down. Don't
like the fact they know where we live, go to
church etc... He is a photographer at the local
tv station... Will the nightmare ever
end......
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For those who have walked through this
and are on the other side... Please tell me
there is a semi-normal life on the other end of
this nightmare. ... My emotions say... I want
to move out of state...just for the first year
and then come back to my life... I don't like
the fact that they know where we live. I want to
change the baby's name. we kept the name she
gave him...Things happened so fast we kept
hadn't changed his name but were considering
keeping it as a middle name. .. we went to a
festival this weekend and we were constantly
looking over our shoulder.. Yes our city has 1.5
million people but whose to say we won't run
into them at a public event...Plus he is a
photographer for the TV station.. Whose to say
he won't be at an event with his zoom
lens. They know where we go to church and
called the pastor in the beginning whose to say
they won't mess with our minds and show up some
sunday.... To people who aren't going through
this my fears seem irrational.. My friends
say... Don't do anything in fear... I am saying
I want a break from this nightmare.. i don't
want to live with my guard up 24/7 Chances
are they will fade away once this is over. But
can I take that chance and let my guard down..
Would I ever live with myself if something did
happen??? If it's about control and he loses it
whose to say what he will do? I can't see him
just walking away.. He gets too much of a thrill
from the circus of it all... HOW HAVE You guys
dealt with the birthparents after the
finalization????
Both of Pauls birth people were in prison
during the contestment. I didn't get paranoid
till the birth lady was released. Paul was
almost 3 then. She had been incarcerated in
California ( federal Prison) We are in NC. When
she got out, her father ( my hubbys dad also)
allowed her to move in with him, not even 10
miles away. I was a wreck. I couldn't even
sleep. My dad gave me a gun. Yes, I would have
shot her had she tried anything.
Believe it or not, we eventually made
nice. She was allowed to be part of the family.
We didn't trust her to be alone with any of our
chuildren, and we were very careful. When she
went nuts and started taking drugs again, I was
devistated, because I was convinced the drugs
would make her do something stupid concerning
Paul. Durning the contestment, she did make
threats and I took them seriously even after we
made up. During those 4 months that she was on
the streets and the cops couldn't find her, I
was back to square one. Paul slept on the floor
in my room, he wasn't allowed even on the front
porch alone and I was a nervous wreck when we
were out in public. Once she was arrested, and I
told her what hell we had been through, she was
amazed, according to her, the thought never
crossed her mind to take him, all she wanted was
her next hit of drugs. Now that she has
been arrested and will be in jail for at least 3
more years state, PLUS she has 3 years fed time
to do when the state is done with her ( Fed will
NOT run concurrent with state) I feel a little
better. She has not tried to contest the
adoption we are in now. I think she really
uinderstands that both kids are better off here.
When she gets out, I am not sure what we will
do.
I understand that you want to move, we
would have if we could have afforded it. We
would have disappeared and not even told my
husbands family where we were ( T is his
sister)
Its horrible to feel as if you and your
family are being held hostage. I have no advice
for you, but I do feel for you.
First of all let me say slow down and take
a deep Breath and Breathe I know what you are
thinking and I to thought the same thing. We
were afraid they would come to our house because
they did do that several times while we were
going through this night mare but I am happy to
report since the our last day in court with them
we have not even heard from the birthmom or her
mom and we have only had a couple of phone calls
from the bdad and that was because he was going
to schedule his goodbye visit which he did and
then canceled. So see don't be afraid that they
will automatically still harass you after this
is all over with. I hope your bparents does as
ours and feels as if they did what they felt
they had to and now they will go on with their
own life's. The funny thing is in our case we
have a open adoption and without the good bye
visit we are unable to send the letters and
pictures as we agreed a pond because we have no
phone numbers or address to send them to. OH
well it isn't my fault. So what I'm doing is
just putting them in a big a big envelope and
then if someday they call and try to blame me
for them not getting their stuff I can say Hey I
have it but didn't know where to send it. That
is what our attorney and I thought would be the
best thing to do because I wasn't going to try
and track them down. If they don't care enough
to call and give us that information then they
will just loose out. So don't think the worse
just love your child and keep the faith that got
you this far and love your child. That is what I
have done and gotten on with our life's. I don't
look over my shoulder anymore and believe me
they know our last names, where we live and were
we go to church as well but I refuse to
let them win and hold me prisoner in my own
life. I hope this helps.
There is life on the other side. Will
you always be more protective than the average
mom? Yes. Will you have moments when your
heart beats up into your throat because you
thought you saw the bpeople? Yes. Is
there a chance that they will show up to
mess with your mind? Yes. But, just
make a plan. Talk about it with your
family and make a plan for what you will do if
(insert awful situation here). For
instance, if the bdad shows up at my house I
will not answer the door. I will call the
police and let bps deal with THAT at my front
door. My own personal biggest fear is that
these losers will show up at school functions
when my son is older. I will deal with
that when it comes up as well. I plan to
be honest with my son about the
circumstances of his adoption. One thing I
did, is make it very clear to bds wife that if
they messed with us, we would move, never to be
heard from again. At least they know where
he is and the kind of life he has. If they
push me too far, they won't even have
that. Do they drive by our house when they
are in town? Probably, but I don't care as
long as they leave us alone. Anyway, they
have faded away post-finalization for the most
part, but still send bday and christmas
cards. You are not alone in
considering a move. We also flirted with
that option at one time. Any decision you
make regarding the safety of your family
and your own peace of mind should be made
thoughtfully and with patience. If
you are willing and able to pull up
stakes and feel that is what you need for
your family don't feel badly about that.
Just make sure that you are making this choice
on a solid foundation and not as a knee-jerk
reaction to the stress of your current
situation.
Got ANOTHER pkg for Noah on My birthday..
had to sign for it. They know when my b-day
is.. and yes it did get to me... Trying to
have a day without drama.. a day to forget Took
kids to the circus.. Thoughts of all this were
still in our head.. It is hard to
function...when this is sooo
consuming....
Can't wait till this is
over.. Thought I would sent the Birthmother
some packages. The pamphlet on Birthmother
grief that she never read. Along with some
other reading material... Saw a book on Oprah
:"He's just not that into you" Books on
Disfunctional relationships how to know you are
in one. Books on Psychotic predators; how to
escape a psychotic racist controling abusive
boyfriend.. 100 ways to screw up your open
adoption... Lies deceit and betrayal.. --No
wait thats her story... It sickens me that
they are claiming they never intended to adopt.
That the anonymous ":notthe father " mr
moneybags.. 200k trust fund is too much of a
tightwad to provide a dime of support for his
child but Dimwit Dory thinks he hung the moon..
Wouldn't let ya keep your baby.. Wouldn't claim
him ashamed to claim you... I have written
lots of letters I am sure I will never
send... Okay maybe one or two telling how she
destroyed our trust and relationship.and what
HELL our life has been because of her.... But
I am supposed to kiss her big toe because she
gave birth to child that she has NEVER parented,
abandoned and let foster parents take care of
him... UGH!!! Thanks for the
vent
On Sunday we attended a family birthday
party. My sister's A-son Z. turned 4. His
Birthmom and Birth grandparents were there.. It
was refreshing to see Birthpeople who.. RESPECT
and adore the adoptive parents. They think my
sister and her husband are the best parents in
the world. They LOVE and Adore Z... BUT they
KNOW their place. Now let me explain.
Birthmother crystal was adopted by Lu and Dave.
So you have Adoptive parents and an Adoptee who
are NOW birthpeople. They understand the roles
because they live them. Birthgrandparents are
very healthy stable christian couple. Also
Birthgrandma is a social worker. My sister has a
friendship with these people. They are wonderful
people. IS bmother completely healthy NO.. Does
it matter NO because she understands HER role.
She has supportive parents who help her
understand her role as well. Bmothers quote
early into this adoption.. I knew I was not
ready to be a mother. Someday but not now. I was
amazed.. She was mature enough to admit she was
not mature enough to parent at this time. She
knows she gave Z a family she couldn't give him.
She gave him a brother and a father and a stable
homelife. They got to see How happy Z is and see
him interact with his whole family.. This is the
first family function they have come to since
z's first b-day party. They have their own small
gatherings with z's adoptive family and see z
about three times a year. Birthday, christmas
etc.. We thanked the bgrandparents for showing
us that a healthy open adoption can be
possible.. Cause we know we will never have one
with our son's B-lady and
Notda-father
Thank you so much for sharing
your sisters story with all of us. I also have a
friend who has a open adoption where the bfamily
are respectful and it is nice to know that it
can work. I'm like you that it makes me sad that
ours will not be that away even though that is
what we wanted in the beginning before our
bmom's parents got involved and messed things
up.
Barbara
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Feel Like I am talking to myself... Guess
things are going well for everyone.. Seems I
post when Drama/stress is getting to me. Hope
all is well out there in cyper
land..
I'm around. Just can't seem to find too
many minutes to myself these days, LOL. Alexis
is walking and is into everything. I can't take
my eyes off her for one minute - or she's
splashing in the toilet bowl, eating the cat
food, shredding the toilet paper, emptying her (
or her brothers) drawers...........And the
worst is that she has the most adorable smirk
that she gives me when she's been caught!
Oh, and last week Billy's (and Lexi's )
bmom called me and told me that she thinks
someone else is Billy's birthfather. Yep. How
nice of her to hit me with that NOW with us
fighting for Alexis. If I could have reached
through the phone and choked her, I believe I
would have. Grrrrrr. I haven't spoken to her
since, and don't really want to. I am pissed.
Her mom says it isn't possible, that the dates
don't even come close to matching, but
nonetheless, I am mad. Billy is about to turn
four, and she is just deciding to tell me? If it
has waited this long, it couldn't wait a little
longer??
I don't post that often, but I am here,
reading and listening and praying for all of us
.
so sorry - I haven't been posting either -
I ended up with a bulging disc....then I got
bronchitis -who gets sick in the summer - ughhh
- anyway, I'll try to do
better!
Sorry, I haven't been posting either.
Nothing major, just tons and tons of little
things that need my attention. Wow, Kitty,
sounds like you need to clone yourself!!!! On
our case, no news (that's good news, right??)
Bfather (hubby's brother) is out of jail but has
still not made contact to check on Nicole -not
even a phone call. Hubby saw him in a
convenience store a few days ago (very small
town!!!) and said hey. Bdad say hey back.
Never even asked about Nic. B noticed he
was riding with his work crew, so he has
gone back to work, and of course, has still paid
nothing. We're not even sure that he has hired a
lawyer, although he contested and we go to
court 9/21. Let's see, oh, the home study
was a positive recommendation, we are also
waiting on background checks, etc. Last but not
least, we start a parenting class this week at
DCFS (where i work). None of that has been
court-ordered, we just want to be prepared when
we get there. Please, go ahead and vent - if and
when i have something to gripe about, i feel
really fortunate that i can bring it here to
people who know what i'm talking about!!!
Our lovely birthpeople are consistent
with their harassment. Got four letters in 8
days.from Biogirl.. "notda father" sent his
first correspondence on Sat. It was a certified
letter we weren't home to recieve.. Curious what
he is up to... Can't believe the trial is
getting nearer... Still waiting for results on
their psych evals.. We get to do our this week..
Was hoping Judge would dismiss case.. Calling
lawyer for update tomorrow. After seeing these
letters and the artwork.. The biogirl draws and
doodles like a ten year old...can't wait to see
psych eval.. Stickers and doodle drawings all
over envelopes covered in stickers. Written in
three different colored markers. Wierd
stuff..... Thought you would like an update..
I;ll keep ya
posted -M
Hi All I noticed there are two new
members.. I would love to hear your stories and
would love an introduction.. ALthough this is an
invitation only... It makes me nervous having
"lurkers" because of the nature of our group..
With out intro's my fears of birthparents posing
as contested parents to get on the
group.. Cause me to get nervous about what i
have posted. So please.. Humor me and
introduce yourselves...We all want to welcome
and encourage you in your
struggles.. -Megan
I'm sure they understand because we all
here need to make sure this is a safe place for
us to come and post what we need to and be able
to receive the support that we offer to each
other. I am praying for all of you and I know
that you all can make it to the other side just
as we did.
Thanks for
including me in your group. I’m sorry I haven’t
introduced myself. I was kind of checking it out
first to see if it applies to our situation. We
live in TX and have a 20 mos. old boy who has
been a part of our family since day 1. We were
placed with him thru an agency here in the
Houston area, and since the
birth father couldn’t be located (he was evading
the law) we took a “legal risk” in allowing the
placement. To make long story short, birth
father is contesting. We didn’t start taking all
of it too seriously until about Feb. 05 when he
actually was out of prison and wanted visitation
rights, etc. Up until then, we feel that it was
mostly BF mother who was instigating all of it.
Anyway, we feel that we have a good atty.
working with us, but still find all of this very
stressful. Worst part is that we have a 5 ½ yr.
old girl (also adopted – diff. agency) and we
can’t imagine how harmful this could be to her
and her concept of adoption, etc. We have a
trial date set for mid-Dec. and are putting many
hours toward getting documentation ready for our
atty. Just wish we could focus on “normal”
family stuff.
Anyone else
with experience about contested adoptions in TX
esp. ones involving agencies, we’d appreciate
any insight you could provide. Hope everyone’s
situation is resolved as peacefully as possible.
Take
care.
Welcome! I'm sorry if I came off rude in my
post.........but I am sure that you can
understand why our privacy is so important here.
I am sorry for what you are going through. I am
in Florida, not Texas, but I believe that one of
our members (Bwinks) is in Texas. In fact, she
made it to the "other side" and just recently
finalized her son's adoption. I too, have the
"worst part" that you mentioned. It is my
daughter whose adoption is being contested by
her birthfather, but I also have a 4 year old
son (also adopted and they are half siblings).
Losing his sister would break him ( and all of
us). He has been taught that "adoption is
forever"............
This is a very scary, very lonely and
totally gut wrenching road to travel.........and
one I could not be traveling right now without
the support of my friends here.
I'm so sorry you are going through all of
this. I want you to know there is light on the
other side. We made it and I have to say it
feels good to wake up and not have to worry
about the what if's anymore. I to live in Texas
but in the DFW area. I can't believe they
couldn't finalize your adoption even if they
couldn't find him especially if he didn't sign
the registry. In our case they did find him and
he contested and drug it out for almost 15
months but we did win so there is justice so
please keep the faith.
Welcome! I too am sorry you are
going through this. We are in Missouri,
but you situation is very similar to our first
adoption. I will be sending you positive
vibes and hoping you make it to the other side
with us!
Hi. Thanks for asking about me.
Yes, there are some updates - but I am too
pissed right now to give any information because
I am not sure if I can do it in a "nice"
fashion. I am not one that typically
"speaks" negatively or should I say I am not one
that usually puts my negative thoughts and
feelings in writing. Why?? Because
those words could come back and haunt
you!!!
I will gather my thoughts and etc.
When I am mature enough to be an adult and can
give you the updated info. in a nice fashion -
then I will. If I kill someone - will you
or anyone else bail me out??? OK.....just
kidding (I think).....but.....the thought has
crossed my mind!!! I am going to get going
so I can get ready for Church - Lord knows I
need it!!!! :) :) :)
Right there with ya babe......Trust
me....I've had those same thoughts and
feelings.....it's a real shame that we have to
be put through this crap! - just remember -
we're all here for YOUR support - and I hope
things get better for you
soon!
Christina,, Hang in there.. I know you
are being tested down to the depths of your
being... THoughts and feelings I never thought I
had rose to the surface..under such crazy
attacks..
BUT Let me tell you THEY do not
possess an ounce of integrity An ounce of
character... Hold on to your ounce of
character. Because... Given enough rope they
will hang themselves( that was the sweet justice
watching them hang themselves) The hard part
is hanging on long enough to watch them do it
meanwhile enduring the mountain of
crap... Keep fighting for justice Keep
fighting for Gregory... YOu are his voice..
HE has no VOICE but you... YOu can do it...
Be strong... They will get what is coming to
them...if not sooner then later.... THEY WILL
have to answer for their treatment of ALL their
children one day...You have given Gregory a
precious gift... Security love and a stable
home...You have laid a foundation at a crucial
time in his life. YOUR sacrifice will affect
his future who he is and who he will be as an
adult. HE HAS a chance at LIFE.. Sadly so
many of those children who were not given
security etc during these years are SOOOO
screwed up as young adults... We had to attend a
murder trial in which one of those kids we tried
to save, but it was too late, ended up on death
row.. Elijah never had a chance .. He had too
much crap at too young of an age.. And
unfortunately our fight for him did not happen
till he was ten.. And he was not taken away
from the torture until he was twelve by this
time it was too late... I KNOW you are making a
difference in this child's life.. Hang in there
Well the paperwork is flying "not da
father's" attorney has motioned for a
continuance.. Motioned for a new judge..
Motioned all shorts of crap...
Judge has not ruled on it... So we show up
tomorrow and hopefully we proceed with
trial.... I pray we proceed with trial...
To be anticipating this for six months and to
wait another month etc.. That will be
devastating. ALSO Judge wants us to
bring the baby to the court... He likes
to see the child when it is
a contested adoption... HE is running a
fever.. The first time ever.. (But of course the
Blady claims he has been sick this whole
time..this just feeds her
paranoia. what does she know she has only
seen him once in six months.) So tonight I get
to run him to urgent care... Won't know
till we show up tomorrow afternoon if trial is
on. Meanwhile Friend is driving eight
hours to be here to support me.. Another friend
is in from out of town as well.. People have
taken time off work that have been supeanad
(however you spell that)we'll keep you
posted
Try to get some sleep to night
as hard as if is even if it is only an hour you
will need it tomorrow.
Well first of all I'm
sending prayers your way that all goes well and
they don't get any more delays and that you come
out with victory on your side. Hang in there
girl and go in that court room with a smile of
victory on your face. As far as your little one
goes I'm so sorry to hear that he is running a
fever and isn't felling well. I hope he is doing
better in the morning. I don't know about your
attorney but our attorney would let us wait for
her on another floor so we didn't have to look
at those people and when we had to take our son
to court we had the option of staying on another
floor with him as well. All we had to do is come
to court with him but he didn't have to be in
the court room and I didn't want those people to
see him. If I were you I would find out if you
can do the same thing and if that is the case I
would defiantly stay on another floor with him
until court starts and then I would have your
good friend stay with him out there where they
can't see him. Prayers are going your way. Hang
in there girl and remember there is light at the
end of the tunnel and you two can make it to the
other side. God is on your side and he can see
you through this no matter what crap they try to
pull.
Highlights:Birthmother picketed outside
the courthouse with signs saying our full names
They stole our baby and lied in court. Also
saying a cult stole our baby... Security had to
escort my parents to a back room with Baby. and
Security escorted them out a back door
home...Both bpeople were caught in lies under
oath. She had to plead the fifth regarding the
signs or due to the gag order she would of been
thrown in jail... WHAT A FIRST DAY of
court. Next morning went quickly stuck to the
facts and We won.. I will give a more
detailed account later...
I am so happy to hear that your nightmare
has ended and that you have won. I am so sorry
to hear to what extremes they went to. It is
ashamed what crap they will pull. Try to put
this all behind you and start to enjoy your
little one. I'm sure you slept really good
knowing there will be no more court I know I did
and do.
YIPEEE!!!!
YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!
WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!! I feel like doing a
HAPPY DANCE for you!!! I will agree their behavior is
shameful, but you could not have said or
presented any evidence of their insanity better
than THAT!! Hehehehe.....I think it's
funny when people's true colors shine through
and shoot themselves in the foot.
Congratulations!
Highlights:Birthmother
picketed outside the courthouse with signs
saying our full names They stole our baby and
lied in court. Also saying a cult stole our
baby... Security had to escort my parents to a
back room with Baby. and Security escorted them
out a back door home...Both bpeople were caught
in lies under oath. She had to plead the fifth
regarding the signs or due to the gag order she
would of been thrown in jail... WHAT A FIRST DAY
of court. Next morning went quickly stuck to
the facts and We won.. I will give a more
detailed account later...
Congratulations on your win. I was glad
to hear that things went your
way. Charity
>From: "Contested"
<Contested@groups.msn.com> >Reply-To:
"Contested"
<Contested@groups.msn.com> >To:
"Contested"
<Contested@groups.msn.com> >Subject:
WE WON >Date: Sat, 1 Oct 2005 12:32:41
-0700 > > > > > > > > > > > > >
New Message on
Contested > > > > > > > >
WE WON > > > > >
Reply > > > >
> Recommend > > Message
1 in
Discussion > > > > > > > >
From: >
Got2bmaemae > > > > >
Highlights:Birthmother picketed outside the
courthouse with >signs saying our full
names They stole our baby and lied in court.
Also >saying a cult stole our baby...
Security had to escort my parents to a back
>room with Baby. and Security escorted
them out a back door home...Both >bpeople
were caught in lies under oath. She had to plead
the fifth >regarding the signs or due to
the gag order she would of been thrown in
>jail... WHAT A FIRST DAY of
court. >Next morning went quickly stuck to
the facts and We won.. >I will give a more
detailed account
later... > > > > > > >
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THANK GOD for you!!!! - I'm sorry you
and your family had to go through all of this
CRAP - but I'm so happy that it all turned
out!!!! - just the way it was meant to
be!!...........I guess since we didn't give
birth to these kids.....we have to be punished
(with some sort of pain) for a
while.........ha!
Oh Megan, can we all start singing,
HALLELUJAH!!!!! WOO HOO!!!! If you could see me
now, I'm jumping up and down, dancing for you.
What an awesome event.
I know it was
crappy going through it, but look at the
wonderful
outcome.
The Judge's final judgement was issued
yesterday. So of course last night at 11:00 the
foster parents got a threatening call from the
E.D. (birth girl, etc) So irrational..
Saying Everyone will know what monsters you
guys are... You wait and see... etc... Great
look what we have to look forward too.
More displays of her mental instability..
like picketing wasn't enough..Anything they try
or do just validates us more and clearly shows
how nuts they are and how lucky this baby is to
be saved from a life of that..The last few weeks
have been quiet and to think I thought they just
went away.. They actually were holding their
breaths thinking they would get him back... The
fact that they didn't know how BAD they lost..
Shows their delusional thinking. Fun Fun
Fun....-Megan
Over...not quite.. They have 40 days from
final judgement to file an appeal... But yes it
is over...for us.. No more court... We are
enjoying our son.... Just hate the games
these people
play... Megan
I'm glad it's so close to being completely
done! I pray that the next 40 days fly by and
that the birth people realize they have lost and
just disappear....
Just curious to know how things are going
for everyone... Kitty, Christina... Jayden's
mom Lexi's mom (both of you) and any of you
that I have forgotten but may want to update the
group...
It's been 2-weeks today for our court
date and we still have no news. It's like we're
still in a total fog and don't know how to react
to the questions. We're even afraid to hope at
this point. It's just so unnerving. UGH!!!!
(Yes, that's me screaming on papers, because we
can't do it in real life.)
So, for us
we're still hoping, no news, is good
news.
Sorry it's been awhile
things have been really crazy. Just got the baby
off the bottle and that is a chore. Things
are going okay with the bmother no more
problems since earlier this month. Who knows
what Halloween holds. I hope that everyone's
children stay safe this Halloween. My prayers
and thoughts are with all of you
always. Charity
>From:
"Contested"
<Contested@groups.msn.com> >Reply-To:
"Contested"
<Contested@groups.msn.com> >To:
"Contested"
<Contested@groups.msn.com> >Subject:
Any updates... >Date: Wed, 26 Oct 2005
14:54:49
-0700 > > > > > > > > > > > > >
New Message on
Contested > > > > > > > >
Any
updates... > > > > >
Reply > > > >
> Recommend > > Message
1 in
Discussion > > > > > > > >
From: >
Got2bmaemae > > > > >
Just curious to know how things are going for
everyone... >Kitty, Christina... Jayden's
mom Lexi's mom (both of you) >and any of
you that I have forgotten but may want to update
the
group... > >-Megan > > > > > > > >
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Nothing to update here - we are still
waiting for (my) Lexi's case to get to the
appeal panel. Though we have decided that we
aren't giving our attorney any more money at
least until it's there. This is ridiculous -
we've been waiting since May to get to panel,
enough is enough, grrr.
My mind has not been on the case though
(which is a good thing) becasue I have a sister
in law and her 6 (yes SIX) children staying with
us (a very LOUD thing, lol) indefinitely. Their
house was pretty badly damaged from Hurricane
Wilma, and they have no power, no water, no
food, etc. in their area....so............CRAZY
CRAZY CRAY here. If I don't post much it's
becasue I can't find a quiet moment or spot in
the house.
Charity~I would love to know if you have
any tips for me my little angle is 17 months and
just will not give up his morning bottle. I had
him down to just his morning and night time one
when he turned one and thought this is going to
be a piece of cake getting him off the rest boy
was I wrong. Every time I try he cry's and cry's
and refuses to drink his milk in his sippy cup
and goes to the kitchen and points at the
cabinet and cry's until you get him a bottle. It
has only been in the last week or so that I
finally once and for all got him off the night
time one without no more tears but he just
refuses to let go of that morning one. Does
anyone have any suggestions? My other two were
off way before this matter of fact DD was
breastfeed and was off at 8 months because she
bit me and brought blood and I said well that
enough of this and she refused to take a bottle
so she would only take sippy cups so that was
really easy and as far as her older brother he
was one and went right to the sippy full time at
one.
Will I will tell you that I have tried
many things. Jayden was almost off the
bottle many times but always used it as a
security blanket. He wouldn't really drink
out of it he just wanted to hold it when he went
to sleep. To get him off the morning bottle
I would put a little chocolate sauce in his
milk so that he would see that he had a
treat for being a big boy. Somedays this
worked and others it didn't. I also found that
it helped that the type of sippy cup that I
bought was a Nuby. They have a soft top that is
easier for them to drink out of. They are
carried at all Wal-Marts and are really
great. The cost about 1.49 and you can buy
them with nipple like tops or sippy cup
tops. I really hope that this works for you
Barb. Let me
know. Charity
>From:
"Contested"
<Contested@groups.msn.com> >Reply-To:
"Contested"
<Contested@groups.msn.com> >To:
Contested@groups.msn.com >Subject: Re: Any
updates... >Date: Fri, 28 Oct 2005
09:19:18
-0700 > > > > > > > > > > > > >
New Message on
Contested > > > > > > > >
Any
updates... > > > > >
Reply > > > >
> Recommend > > Message
9 in
Discussion > > > > > > > >
From: >
bwinks > > > > > >Charity~I
would love to know if you have any tips for me
my little angle is >17 months and just
will not give up his morning bottle. I had him
down to >just >his morning and
night time one when he turned one and thought
this is going >to >be a piece of
cake getting him off the rest boy was I wrong.
Every time I >try he >cry's and
cry's and refuses to drink his milk in his sippy
cup and goes to >the >kitchen and
points at the cabinet and cry's until you get
him a bottle. It >has >only been in
the last week or so that I finally once and for
all got him >off the >night time
one without no more tears but he just refuses to
let go of that >morning one. Does anyone
have any suggestions? My other two were off way
>before >this matter of fact DD was
breastfeed and was off at 8 months because she
>bit me >and brought blood and I
said well that enough of this and she refused to
>take a >bottle so she would only
take sippy cups so that was really easy and as
far >as >her older brother he was
one and went right to the sippy full time at
one. >Barbara > > > > > > >
View other groups in this
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Ya know the saying it aint over till the
fat lady sings. I wish she would just belt it
out and get it over with. I am sure a lot of you
feel that way. We got our "judgement on October
19th.. Our trial was on Sept 30th.. :"Not the
father" had fifteen days to appeal and of course
on the fifteenth day he filed a motion for a
rehearing.. November 12th our attorney filed our
response to his notion.. and the tennis match
goes back and forth. It is my understanding
that in Missouri, where we live, the judge has
forty five days to rule on this... Our attorney
said it won't take him that long.. It is my
understanding that the forty five days began
October 19th.. Hoping this will be over by the
new year. Still.... The stress is all but
gone because we know we SO WON is such a big
way..This guy has NO chance.. It is just SOOO
FRUSTRATING that he is wasting our money and
time over this... My thoughts lately are.. YOU
gave our son life now let him LIVE his
life... Just wanted to update you guys on the
latest.-Megan
Sending prayers of patient your way. I know
what you mean about them wasting your money when
it is probably not costing him anything. Well at
least that was the case for us. They kept
pulling us into court for nothing except to try
and drain us dry. I kept telling DH thank God
for credit card but we are still paying them off
and we finalized in June but he was well worth
it all. I hope you hear something soon.
I can appreciate your frustration. When T
contested, she had NO legal grounds on which to
do so. Our atty told us flat out she had almost
no chance of winning. Time after time we had to
go to court, where the judge ruled for us every
time. We still had to go until the courts
finally got sick of her. We went to court with
her 3 times and to TPR the different potential
fathers 3 times. ( she knew darn well who the
birth father was, she was just stalling the
process)
I agree with the fat lady singing.
Please, oh please, oh please, can she hurry up
and sing. LOL.
Patience is NOT my
virtue, but I'm sure learning about it. Oh well,
I hope "not the father" hurries up and loses
this case, so you can get on with your
life.
"Please let the child live his
life.....Please let the "Not the father" do
what's right for this child.....Please let the
child live his life.....Please let the rights of
this child come
first.....Please.....Please......PLEASE!!!!"
Now Megan, the fat lady has officially sang
the song!!!! Good luck.
Do the feelings of dread and unsettleness
towards adoption go away??? I am trying to find
and start a baby book or life book for our son.
Every time I read about someone's adoption I get
a pit in my stomach. The pain and agony are
still too fresh... I have nothing Good to say
about adoption as far as domestically. I am
saddened because this experience has caused me
to have negative feelings about expanding my
family through adoption while I already have
negative feelings about expanding my family
through pregnancy due to health issues and I
still feel there are members of our family who
have not joined us yet. Financially I don't know
how long this will take us to recover from this.
And the bills keep growing...and I think HOW IN
THE WORLD will I ever explain this to him
without my son experiencing pain since this
experience was so awful... Just had to vent..
Thanks, Megan
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Yesterday we got news that Sid (sperm
Donor) has appealed to the missouri supreme
court.. Yes we knew it was coming but it still
sent me into an emotional tail spin. He is
challenging the putative father registry law. It
has already been challenged in Missouri and in
the US Supreme court and already determined to
be constitutional. So once again he has NO CASE
but ONCE again he will drag us through the
courts. The Mo Supreme court will send it to our
district. Our district has not had it challenged
so they will hear oral arguments.. HOWEVER, he
has to put out money in order to proceed. The
process in filing in our district will cost him
2500 just for the transcripts not to mention his
lawyer fees. Our attorney plans on filing a
motion for a 25.000 bond for him to pay our
legal fees because his case has no merit.
Ironically Both Birth people's mother's called
the foster mom yesterday.. Our son's birthday is
next week. So One birthgrandma wanted to see the
baby.. The other wanted a picture. Both said
they know they will never get the baby back
etc.. SID's mom said she put a lot of her own
money to fight to get the baby back.. and the
foster mom told her the law we won on was the
easiest there are plenty of other legal reasons
why he does not have his son. Sid's mom began to
believe what fostermom was saying and I don't
think she will be willing to shell out more
money to a lost cause. Its just this whole
process brings up so many emotions. I am so
angry at everyone myself for getting into this
mess and trusting liars. Them for accusing us,
betraying us, etc.. etc..The birthgrandparents
for daring to ask for pictures and to see him
for his birthday....and I can't take the
harassment. I just want them all to go away....
IF my husband found a job overseas or out of
state I would take it in a heartbeat.. Just to
put a little distance between us and them...Will
the nightmare ever end... It was so nice to have
two months of a somewhat normal life...Since our
adoption is not final we can't claim the
deduction on our tax return... The attorneys
bill just keeps growing not to mention what we
have borrowed from family and the credit card. I
am angry that the system can allow these people
to take advantage of good hearted people. That
they can harass and financial devastate
families. That this child is just a possession
to fight over....That the somewhat stable
families (us) are put through this all because
they didn't step forward and parent or claim the
child in the 10 1/2 week before the adoption. n.
Couldn't manage to come forward and support the
child before the adoption.. BUT can spend
30-50,000 dollars fighting this adoption only
afterl the child is safe with someone else do
they manage to fight for the child. Sorry my
ramblings are just that ramblings and venting...
UGH UGH UGH!!!!! I am angry because there are
millions of orphaned children overseas longing
for a family to love them and we are stuck using
our meager resources to fight psychotic unstable
wealthy birthparents...Instead of an
international adoption where we would never be
harassed by the birthparents EVER!!!! -Megan
You know.....I just don't know what to
say. I believe that our legal system is
better than any other legal system in the
country. However, this does not mean that
there aren't flaws. I am sooo sorry that
you still can't close this chapter of your lives
so you can start another one. But.....I
believe that everything will work out - it's
just going to take a lot longer than you
thought.
Megan, I am so very, very sorry that you
have to go through this all over again.
((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) to you and your
family.
I hear and feel everything you said in your
post - it is so unfair that we (and our
children) are subjected to this.
I now have about a month (if that) to
figure out where the hell we are going to come
up with 6 grand - we are beyond tapped out and
our attorney will not finalize if we aren't paid
in full.
May G-d give you the strength to get
through this round
First of all I want you to know you are not
alone please hold on to your faith that
has gotten you this fair and find comfort in
that. I know that helped me a lot when we were
going through it Faith, Family and Friends. Yes,
all this will end but when none of us know
except God so have faith in him and hold on to
your faith. You are right about it not being
fair and how their are thousand of children that
need families in foreign countries, but God
chose us to parent this one child this time and
all we can do for now is take it one day at a
time, do what ever we have to do to keep
our children. It does suck when we have to beg
borrow and put ourselves in debt up to our eye
balls just to keep up with the legal fees when
in many cases it doesn't cost the birthparents a
dime. Grrrrrrrrrrr on bogus needless crap
but you do what you have to do. Sorry back on
track. LOL Hang in there and know we are all
here and vent all you need to. That is what we
are here for to help each other. Hold on
to the faith that you are next to join the
rest of us who have made it to the other side.
You are almost there just a little bit further
just a little more patients. Between you
and me I think if there is a next time I will
go to China for a little girl who
needs a forever family and is legally free
for adoption, and like you said no heart
ache and you know up front how much no surprise
legal fees.
Okay girls I am torn....and I was
wondering how you all deal with pictures
etc.. especially Lana and Barbara.. the ones
that are on the other side of this... Both
birthgrandparents are asking for
pictures. Our attorney is saying no contact
whatsoever until all the appeals are over.. It
is our son's birthday next week and christmas is
coming up. Most of my friends (several are
adoptive mothers, adoptees etc..) say no
pictures The two pro-open adoption people in my
life say.. A visit doesn't seem appropriate but
what is the harm in pictures.??? I don't see the
harm in pictures but I also know we are the
evil adopted parents who stole their grandchild.
Our role as his parents is never acknowledged
nor is our willingness to continue the open
adoption for the first six months while being
harassed etc.. Its only what we have failed to
do that they focus on. So why bother to put
forth any good will when their is no respect no
trust etc... Would love your perspectives
please\-Megan
This has nothing to do with anyone's
opinion at this point. You MUST follow the
attorney's advice and NO CONTACT. I can not
stress this enough to follow what he says.
(That's what you're paying him the big bucks
for, remember?! LOL) Don't let anyone guilt you
into contact. When this is all over, follow your
heart and if it says send pictures, then do it,
but you must wait.
My advice outside of
this, is put all pictures that you "might" have
given in an envelope and mark it for each
bgrandparent. If you decide when it's over to
send it, then so be it. Until then... No Way
Jose`.
Kitty, Thanks for your input I sooo
needed to hear that... I wrote yet another
letter to the birthfamily and set aside
pictures. Not sure which letter we will end up
sending but it helps to express ourselves in
this time when we cannot express ourselves to
the birthfamily. To be misunderstood and not
be able to defend yourselves and speak the truth
wether they choose to believe you or not has
been so hard for
us..
I agree 100%. You must follow your atty's
advise. I am not exactly anti open adoption (
But I am verrry close) but that has nothing to
do with it. The way my atty explained it was"
anything you say or do especially in writing can
be misconstrued, don't risk it"
Stick to your guns and let them think what
they want to about you, you know the
truth....
We still have people who sneak into our
family gathering to take pictures for the
bmother. I would say I know that it is hard to
say no sometimes but I would wait till the
whole process is
over. Charity
>From:
"Contested"
<Contested@groups.msn.com> >Reply-To:
"Contested"
<Contested@groups.msn.com> >To:
"Contested"
<Contested@groups.msn.com> >Subject:
Your perspective PLEASE!!!! >Date: Fri, 9
Dec 2005 10:52:17
-0800 > > > > > > > > > > > > >
New Message on
Contested > > > > > > > >
Your perspective
PLEASE!!!! > > > > >
Reply > > > >
> Recommend > > Message
1 in
Discussion > > > > > > > >
From: >
Got2bmaemae > > > > >
Okay girls I am torn....and I was wondering how
you all deal >with >pictures etc..
especially Lana and Barbara.. the ones that are
on the other >side of this... >Both
birthgrandparents are asking for
pictures. >Our attorney is saying no
contact whatsoever until all the appeals are
>over.. It is our son's birthday next
week and christmas is coming up. >Most of
my friends (several are adoptive mothers,
adoptees etc..) say no >pictures The two
pro-open adoption people in my life say.. A
visit doesn't >seem appropriate but what
is the harm in pictures.??? I don't see the harm
>in pictures but I also know >we
are the evil adopted parents who stole their
grandchild. Our role as >his parents is
never acknowledged nor is our willingness to
continue the >open adoption for the first
six months while being harassed etc.. Its only
>what we have failed to do that they
focus on. So why bother to put forth >any
good will when their is no respect no trust
etc... >Would love your perspectives
please\-Megan > > > > > > > >
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Contested. > > > > > > >
For once my children were asleep on time,
I was exhausted and went to bed early only to be
jarred awake by a doorbell at 10:00 at night
last night. My husband was not at home. I called
his cell phone wondering if he forgot his key
etc.. Because of the phonecalls from Craig and
Ebbie's mother's to the fosterparents last week
asking for visits. We were on guard. The
doorbell kept ringing and then they were
pounding on the door. I called the police and
tried to explain the situation I finally said. I
just need someone to come out here to my house.
I was shaking.. the dispatcher said do you know
if it is them?.. I snuck a peak out the window
and saw a huge birthday package on a car in my
driveway and a person in the car. That is all I
saw. A few minutes later my husband called and
said... a 24/7 courier service just called his
cell phone saying they tried to deliver a
package and no one was home. (we had just
changed our home phone number on Saturday, in
fact when the dispatcher asked for my home
number I didn't know it. ) The courier left the
package and the police came. The police
recommended filing a restraining order. After
the police left My husband called the courier
service back and gave them a piece of his mind.
The courier service said their instructions were
to make direct contact. (why anyone would be
pounding on the door at 10:00 at night in a
residential neighborhood to deliver a package is
beyond me) Craig was successful in harassing us.
The pkg was filled with a couple of homemade
notes... like the other disturbing ones we have
from Ebbie.. On construction paper written in
magic marker... A hat that ebbie wore as a baby
with a note attached. Someone had drawn a sad
face of Noah's in the middle of the sun and
Ebbie had written out the song you are my
sunshine (my husband always refers to that song
as a disfunctional lullaby...I dreamt I held you
in my arms.. Please don't take my sunshine away
etc.).. There were two other cards. One with a
note from Ebbie to noah and an Note from Craig.
Umm the child can't read so obviously it is for
harassment benefit.. If I was doing it mainly
for our harassment I would be a lot crueler and
a lot less baring of my emotional instablity but
these guys are that smart. For God sake In the
deposition Craig in trying to make us look bad
expressed some pretty disturbing thought
processes.. Every time he tried to make us look
bad his "crazy" would show... But back to the
story. I called our attorney this morning. She
said she didn't think we could get a restraining
order because there has been no direct contact.
She said to sit tight and wait a while.. I
mentioned what about the picketing and
slandering our charecter and violating the gag
order.. She said oh yeah there is that. she
said.. If they do something on Christmas then
you have a stronger case.
I just want it
to stop. Do they really think I would surrender
my son to people who continually show how
twisted and emotionally instable they are???
Craig's family is clearly disturbed and so is
Ebbie's This kid didn't stand a chance for a
stable home life. God stepped in and rescued
this child from a childhood of chaos. I pray I
have the strength and grace to walk this out.
And I pray this craziness will end. If moving
to Africa meant some peace of mind I would do
it. But I know running isn't the answer..
still If a job opened up in another state.. I
would welcome it... The reality is we are here
stuck with this mess. They still are holding on
to false hope that they will get him back. I am
hoping we will get an answer from the Missouri
Supreme court before christmas. Then the next
step is seeing if they take this to our
district. Then the real fun begins...
Motioning for a 25,000 bond for our attorney
fees to fight this hopeless lawsuit. MY PRAYER
is IT STOPS SOON... We file a restraining order,
We send them our letter requesting NO CONTACT
and they FINALLY LEAVE US ALONE or risk Jail
time. Course If He were to die.. IT would all go
away. I can dream can't I ??? Never thought I
would ever wish someone dead. But hey. it would
simplify my life. Back to reality... I want them
to go away and leave us alone... Is that too
much to
ask??? -Megan
I honestly just don't know
what to say. I read this when you wrote this and
still don't have words to give you.
This
is such a horrible thing to have to go through.
It's not fair and nobody should have to go
through anything like this. I'm truly so sorry
you're dealing with this.
Dealing with
bparents that really "don't have a clue" is just
not what any normal person can imagine, nor can
they understand the situation you're in. And
yes, I'll admit to being horrible too and
wanting "bowel movement" (okay our name for
birthmom or "BM"- since a bowel movement is
truly SH*T and that's what we think of her) just
to drop off of the face of the earth. Yes, no
matter how she did it. We're only human and
sometimes we just can't help these feelings.
They WILL pass, but for now, we've just got to
get through each day, one day at a time.
I hope and pray that your attorney does
get the bond for your attorney's fees, so
hopefully, this soon can be over. This is just
ridiculous. Please forgive me, because I'm just
truly in shock over all of this "crap". (I
probably shouldn't be considering our case, but
I still am.)
This just sucks. Hows that for blunt? I
wish you could get a restraining order. How
maddening that they would ruin this day for you
just to be petty. I hope this is over
soon.....
Lana
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Okay girls, I need your perspective
once again as you know and understand more than
anyone else. We got a creepy package on
Christmas eve in the morning. We were actually
relieved to get it over with that way we
wouldn't be tense wondering when they would send
one. I guess Craig thinks this is supporting
his son... The card had the grinch on it said
something about He couldn't stop christmas from
coming.. For you already stole my heart
away... Then he went on about... No matter
how far they try to seperate us from you, you
will always be our son.. On your first christmas
since we can't hug you.... WAIT STOP the presses
THIS is our son's second Christmas... The first
christmas he spent with a Foster family....
Also we got more paperwork on Friday
before Christmas.. We were expecting it.. I
spoke with our lawyer. It seems this is the
first case in our state to challenge the
putative father registry So Craig's lawyer is
looking for his day in the spotlight... (If he
wins that is) He has requested certified
copies of EVERY SINGLE court document in this
case and a copy of the trial
transcripts. Then He has 60 days to file a
brief.. We have 30 days to respond and then YOU
GUESSED IT the Oral arguments begin ANOTHER
TRIAL.... The US supreme court and several other
states have already ruled that this law is
constitutional.. So our state will not go
against the US supreme court... BUT in a worse
case scenerio if by some reason our state
says... This law was unfair to Craig so highly
unlikely as we already proved that.. We still
have him on abandonment... So we would once
again go to court and prove abandonment. He
has no case he has no chance but again here we
go...BEST CASE SCENERIO Our lawyer is working on
preparing a motion to file a 25,000 bond for our
legal bills. She said it has been done before.
And we would be going before the same judge that
tried our case. Don't know what the odds are on
getting it.. We are hoping he will Freak out and
not want to put up that kind of money for our
legal expenses. IF SO he would drop the case...
OR We go to trial AGAIN in April and it is
over.(is it ever really over???).. We are
considering moving......I hate living this
way.. His harassment through third parties...
Packages etc.. is harassment. but he is
sneaky... Don't think we could get a restraining
order... How could we prevent a courier from
delivering a package??.. Alls we could do is
refuse it. I don't want to even have to do that
I want to move out of state with a P.O. Box
People said wait till after the TC (first court
date when we took him home) and that most likely
He would just go away... But he didn't .. People
said wait until the contestment trial when he
loses he will go away... But he didn't... I
can't see this guy going away... I want to
believe people when they say... He will go
away.. but his harassment has left me on guard.
He is a loose cannon..I don't want to take my
chances.. I would much rather be farther away
harder to gain access to...Just knowing that he
could drive by our house etc... When i don't
know what he car looks like.. When we go to
public places we are constantly scanning the
crowd.. I don't know what All his and her family
looks like. But they know what we look like.. I
hate always wondering if they will be at the
same event..I hate being on guard when carrying
the sleeping children into our house on
Christmas night. His actions make me feel
violated and unsafe.. I hate that any action on
their part has this affect on me but it does...
I know several of you deal with your
birthfamilies...Any perspectives or thoughts on
our crazy scenerio. Alls I know is something has
got to change i can't keep living like this.. It
sure was nice to have a two month break from the
craziness... -Megan
All I can offer you at this time are my
thoughts and prayers.
I pray that in 2006 we all can receive what
we want/need. I also pray that the rights
of the CHILD come first in 2006!! My
concern is that this will NEVER happen.
Just a thought here............I have
a copy of our brief and it cites lots of
challenges of the putative father law in states
other than ours, if it would help you (maybe
save you some legal expenses), I'd be happy to
share..............
Stacy
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From the website DadsDivorce.com (link
from Cordell & Cordell's website). He wrote
this the day our judgement was
iissued.
Unwed Fathers Losing Their
Children to Adoption October 19, 2005
Robert E. Arnold III, Esq.
Sometimes,
a story will appear that makes you think
legislatures have no idea of the impact of
certain laws being enacted. It is only when a
statute is passed, and the rights of a state’s
citizens restricted, that the full effect can be
measured.
It is hard to imagine just how
anyone could have voted for a law where an unwed
father only has fifteen days to “stake his
claim” upon the birth of his child, or risk
losing the child forever in an adoption
proceeding. But this is precisely what the State
of Missouri did in 2004 and the result - Statute
§453.030 - is by the far the most restrictive
law impacting the rights of unwed fathers in the
nation. In an age where DNA testing has
affirmatively been used to free men and women
from “Death Row” years after unjust
incarceration, the Missouri Legislature has
taken a seemingly opposite course, and
restricted the length of time a father has to
secure his rights to his children. Unwed fathers
must register with the Putative Father Registry
or file an action in Court to determine
paternity and exert their rights. If they fail
to do so, the child may never know his true
father.
Most attorneys do not even deal
with this law. It is for the relatively few who
practice in the infrequent domain of adoption
law and the sealed courtroom procedures of
Juvenile and Family Court at the Commissioner
level. Some feel that judges are inaccessible
since their dockets are so full. Most times,
they instill all discretion with the
Commissioners. Transcripts are not really
available for review since everything is taped.
Some even believe that money from the
prospective adoptive parents is the prerogative,
not the rights of biological mothers and fathers
who have most likely forsaken their children to
the system so they can be cared for and
protected.
Obviously, the procedures for
adoption are essential to ensure protection for
those children rescued from abusive or dangerous
situations. The process is designed to provide
some level of permanency on an expedited basis
through foster care and eventual adoption for
those children. Commissioners, no doubt, have
seen many children of all ages and do the best
they can to place them in loving homes.
Unwed fathers, however, need to be made
aware of these developments since conflicts
between existing statutes now allow for adoptive
parents to obtain permanent custody of children
from unwed mothers if the unwed father does not
start an action to establish his paternity, or
register with the putative father registry
within 15 days of the child’s birth. If the
father fails in doing either of those, any
history of supporting the child, being present
at the birth of the child, transporting the
child and making sure that the child is housed
and fed becomes irrelevant. An unwed father
loses all his rights if an adoption proceeding
is initiated and the mother consents to the
adoption.
Short of obvious provisions
(should fraud play a part in the father not
knowing about the pregnancy,) the Missouri
legislature, according to some, has fashioned an
unconstitutional law. It not only violates the
equal protection clause of the Fourteenth
Amendment, and due process of the Fifth
Amendment, but also is directly in conflict with
other statutes that provide exceptions for a
father who supports a child and is involved in
his life.
DNA tests establishing
paternity have become irrelevant in many
Missouri courts since the delayed determination
fails under the two-prong test of §453.030. The
presumed father becomes just an average citizen.
With family law cases overloading dockets across
the state, some believe the courts are
expediting cases and ignoring scientific
evidence while still stating that are acting in
the “best interest of the child.”
The
legislature may have thought this law would
solve the problem of delays associated with
unwed mothers wanting to give up their child for
adoption. The tragedy is they ignored the rights
of biological fathers who would happy to provide
a stable, loving home to their own child.
Related Website:
www.moga.state.mo.us/statutes/C400-499/4530000030.HTM
This article speaks for itself... I guess
"sperm donors have rights too" fortunately our
legal system has made laws protecting the
child....His attorney was just mad that he
lost.. and trying to gain publicity to go
against this law...
In our case... There
was no fraud.. The guy did know about the law
and the registry but chose not to assert his
paternity... So according to this law... HE
lost.. and He is not happy about
it.
Know whats even worse than stupid
people? Educated people with no common sense!
Birth fathers, sperm donors, what ever you want
to call them, should pay closer attention and do
what needs to be done WITHIN THE FRAME OF LAW.
Even if the law is stupid ( Which it is not, a
new born baby needs to be able to bond and go on
with his or her life as soon as possible) It is
still the law. Deal with it. He chose not to
come forward in time, too darn bad, he needs to
quit whining.
Gotta be brief here because my little Lexi
just came home from a week in the
hospital.............
Thing that gets me about articles like this
is that they seem to forget that the "father"
has an entire pregnancy to establish his
paternity. So, it's actually, 9 months PLUS 15
days, and frankly, if that ain't enough time to
do the right thing, then too friggin bad.
Ya know, I've said many times in the last
year that a baby would die within a few days if
not fed and cared for, so what's this about
giving 15 days or 6 months or whatever for
abandonment? Just who is to care for this
baby in the "fair" amount of time it take for
the bfather to get his legal act together?
Just so frustruating...
Okay, let me get this
straight, that "notdafather", that has denied
paternity, even after he was ruled to be
"dafather" through a DNA testing- still saying
he "did not have sexual relations with that
woman" (couldn't resist that one)- is now
contesting the ruling that his rights were
trampled on by the putative father registry,
that said he was to register within a certain
amount of time, even when he's denied paternity
throughout the entire process, is now saying
this law is unconstitutional, because it stepped
on his rights to be a father??????????????????
(Did I get this correct???)
If the man
denied paternity even after it was proven he was
"dafather", then by gosh, he doesn't deserve the
rights to say this is unconstitutional. Does
anyone else find this entire process a
miscarriage of justice??? I couldn't type before
now, because I just couldn't mentally type the
words from my what I was thinking. I just don't
get this. I hope to goodness your attorney gets
all of the transcripts from the trial including
"notdafather" stating he wasn't the father and
then let them judge this lawsuit.
Gee,
Timbucktoo (sp?) is probably looking pretty good
right now to move to, huh?! Damn, this just
sucks. (Sorry if I offend, but those words are
stuck in my head.)
A local magazine is running a story via
Craig and Ebby's version of the story. The
magazine is not very reputable.. It is where you
go to find where the local bands are playing,
for singles ads and off the wall political
commentary.. Used to read it in college if you
get the idea. But they have written some
non favorable articles regarding a church the
foster parents and us are affiliated with.
Don't know if they will bring that slant.. A
cult stole my baby.. taking it to the Missouri
supreme court etc...
We tried to have it silenced. our attorney
called and told them of the gag order.
Evidently according to Craig and Ebby the gag
order has expired.
SO here we go. My thoughts are..
Craig works for the local ABC TV station.
If this is the best they could get for
exposure.. OBviously it is their desperate
attempt to get this in print because no
reputable newspaper or TV station will touch
it. Hoping still that our lawyer can go
before a judge and get a gag order
reinstated.
I am so sorry that things like this can
happen. I just want to make a list of
everyone that deserves to be strangled - but
Lord only knows where I would start - there are
so MANY people that deserve to be on that
list.
Praying for EVERYONE!!!
Christina
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I know we have had several court dates some
good and some bad. We have heard
Christina's agony, Kitty's frustration, Lana and
Barbara's victory and Tinyntough's victory with
Lexi. What about the rest?? Where are all
of you at in your battle. Five for me,
Supersitka, jayden's mom, and any others
out there who are still waiting.
Are there any upcoming court dates??
How are you dealing with the birthpeople?
What is the latest adoption drama in your
lives?
Well, things have been pretty quiet here.
For those who don't know, we finalized Alexis'
adoption on January 11th, and I have been on a
euphoric high ever since. The drama that I have
been dragged into is with my kids older brother.
He was kept and raised by bmoms mother until
just a few months ago when bmom took him and
ran, gave custody to her cousins husband. Now
they are asking us to testify in court about
bmoms inability to make rational
decisions.....
I truly hope that grandma gets him back,
but selfishly I just don't want to be involved.
I will do what I can becasue I know what she is
going through, but geez, I am so over the court
bs.
Well for us
the battle is an everyday thing. Jayden's bmom
is still in rehab. I am pushing to get the
paperwok going for the adoption but the lawyer
keeps dragging his feet. I have already started
talking to a new lawyer and feel that I will
have better luck with him but everything is
still up in the air. Oh, and if that isn't
enough my husband and I have been having
problems.(not a new thing) Now he is throwing
into the mix that he is going to take my son and
leave. I say that Jayden is mine because he is.
I love him, I have raised him ,I am his mother.
I know that this is just some tactic that he is
using to get me po'd and it is working. I guess
being young and going through this on the other
end, you know not having your child taken
away but trying to fight to adopt them is hard
on your relationships but I don't know where he
comes up with the nerve sometimes to say the
things that he says. Oh, I wanted to let
everyone know Please keep us in your thoughts
and prayers on Feb 7 Jayden has to have surgury
they are putting tubes in his ears. I guess I'm
just a worry wort but I could use all the
prayers right now that I can get.
Charity
From: "Contested"
<Contested@groups.msn.com> Reply-To:
"Contested"
<Contested@groups.msn.com> To:
"Contested"
<Contested@groups.msn.com> Subject:
Updates please!!! Date: Sun, 29 Jan
2006 07:10:59 -0800
I know we have had several court dates some
good and some bad. We have heard
Christina's agony, Kitty's frustration, Lana and
Barbara's victory and Tinyntough's victory with
Lexi. What about the rest?? Where are all
of you at in your battle. Five for me,
Supersitka, jayden's mom, and any others
out there who are still waiting.
Are there any upcoming court dates??
How are you dealing with the birthpeople?
What is the latest adoption drama in your
lives?
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I am new here, but read your post and it
just touched my heart. My husband and I
have had our share of problems with all the
added stress of our adoption, too. It
seems like things are starting to settle down
now, thankfully, but just wanted to tell you to
hang in there. Jayden needs you both in
full tact right now and I believe that adopted
children, (or children who have been removed
from their biological parents for whatever
reason) need security and stability more than
other children.
Remember, or try to remember the reason you
fell in love with and married your husband and
ask him to do the same. It might just help
you both through some of the stress.
I will pray for you that things work out
for the best, and please know that my heart does
go out to
you.
I just wanted to say that my dh and I have
had almost exactly the same argument. The
stress this adds to a relationship is difficult
at best. Since our adoptions are final and
things have settled down a bit in that area for
a while, we are doing much better.
Adoption will always add strain, we had another
go around at Christmas over how to handle the
holiday visitation. But, you just have to
realize you guys are in this together for the
long haul. Sticks and stones may break my
bones, but words just piss me off!! ;O)
We had a mediation with our son's
birthfather in Nov. which was a waste of time.
He wouldn't discuss ANYTHING. He just kept
saying that he wanted his day in court. So, in
Dec. we had a five day jury trial in which the
verdict was unanimous for terminating his
parental rights. (not what he was expecting!)
The jury only deliberated for about 2 hours and
the judge indicated that in his entire career he
had only had one other unanimous decision. It
was truly a victory for us and quite the
ultimate Christmas present!!! We were able to go
before the same judge the following week and
finalize our adoption.
At the end of the trial, we told the
opposing counsel that we would be true to our
word and try to work with our son's birthfather
if he wanted some type of communication, but to
allow us a cooling off time and made it clear
that BF needed to contact us. Up until now, we
have NEVER heard one word from him. We also know
that the date for filing any type of appeal has
officially passed. It is only now (within this
past week) that we feel that we can
officially breathe a sigh of relief about
all of this. I will admit that it is still
bewildering to me how someone can pitch such a
fight (albeit BF's mother was behind the
majority of it at the beginning and was willing
to falsify documentation to make her son look
WAY more involved at the beginning of this fight
than he actually was) only to walk away from any
contact with his birthson. I suppose it was all
about the winning, not the relationship. Guess
we just think differently than some of these
creatures (I use that term literally!) Anyway,
it feels awesome to finally slam the door on all
of this mess and be able to proceed on the "our
family is built" side of life. (Our's was 13
years in the making! And technically we're
still paying off exuberant lawyer fees and
trying to settle into the permanancy of our
family.)
To end - we are so joyous!!! We pray that
each of your families finds stability and
peace....soon!
Okay It's time for my update..As I read
over the other updates it is amazing that life
does go on. That there are happy endings
and that there is an end. Ours continues
to drag on. It has been a year since we
brought our son home. SID(sperm
donor) is continuing to take us to MO
supreme court. It is amazing how we
think, surely this will be over by February..
Surely this will be over by June. WELL at
this point we don't even have a court date for
the supreme court. Meanwhile... Physically,
emotionally and financially we are maxed
out. My husband job has been very
stressful. He is a computer programmer it is
crunch time and HE HAS DEVELOPED Carpel
tunnel.. We are looking at moving to down
size to help with the adoption debt. We
are wanting to do things very decretely as we
are wanting the harassment to end and concerned
about once it is over how they will
act. She continues to send wierd art
project type notes to the baby. We have
stopped reading them but we open them to
see if He has snuck any "support checks" in
there. I have been told that they
will just go away when this is over but they
have not acted how anyone has predicted.
Panhandling in the ritzy shopping area of town
with a sign saying "Help me get my baby back"
Does not sound like a rational person. I
think that it is just too tempting to be in a
place where they have easy access. In
their irrational minds... They won't let us see
him I will just peak at him at church etc... I
don't want that possibility.. YES we could do a
restraining order when this is all said and
done. But I would like to eliminate even the
possiblity of them driving by. I don't
want to have to refuse packages on his birthday
I don't want them to come. I don't want to
deal with the chance of someday running into
them at the amusement park and they say
something stupid like THEY STOLE YOU FROM
US. YOU ARE OUR BLOOD ETC... We are
on guard everytime we are in a big public
place. We had to take our son to the
children's hospital for an injury and we were on
guard what if ED(egg donor's) family is here..
Is that rational??? no, but it crosses our
minds. We have been surprised at the
instabliity of these people. Still in the
middle of this.. Well the children are
getting into stuff must run
WARNING!!! Time for a good vent...
LOL!!! Time keeps marching on.. Our son is
still in our home, no court date has been
assigned yet for the State supreme court.
This is dragging out...Biodonor's continue to
send packages signing it MOM and Dad... Thus my
pondering... What is in a title anyway??
Why do you not have to earn that one. Does
it matter if you are Auntie to the
child (or in our case Adoptive
parents) if you raised them..., nurtured,
cared, protected, supported... Don't you serve
that badge of honor.
Why does merely concieving and birthing
grant you that honor??
Who do they think they are?
They claim they miss their child, and pray for
him daily? They don't even know
him? What they miss the baby
they had at the hospital that's who they
miss..? The two month old they placed
in my arms, thats what they miss? Did ya
miss him when you abandoned him for 27 days in
foster care while you made up your mind?
only to sign your rights away six weeks
later? You missed him so much you
chose to adopt him out. Go ahead miss
him... But he is NOT your son anymore.
Why do they even get to drag this to the
state supreme court. I thought it was
pretty clear... Parent or adopt out.. There is
no limbo.. These kids want us to babysit and
then take him back? What makes
the kid who you abandoned and weren't ready to
parent all of the sudden so desirable.. when you
willingly chose not to parent.. Why is this
child the one you are fighting for? Cause
someone told you.. He is no longer yours, you no
longer get to control his life? How
many children are put through this??? How
many families?? Lets see... They are
the selfish ones who dropped their child off on
all of our doors steps.. We (all of you out
there) were the ones who rearranged our lives,
and selfishly said yes to raise and accept as
our own all the responsibilites of childraising
because we saw a child in need and we wanted to
fulfill that need. Only to be put through
months and months sometimes years of harassment,
financial hardship, and emotional
stress??? Okay.. I feel better
didn't realize I still had all those unresolved
issues inside.. As days turn into weeks, weeks
into months and now it has been a year+
The baby will be over 2yo before this whole
thing is resolved.
I know You all have been there done that...
So Good to know we are not alone.
We went to court back in may. The judge
ordered the GAL to find out if we kept bio mom
from her visits. The judge said if I find out if
you kept her bio mom from visits you are in
trouble but if I find out bio mom did not come
her rights are terminated. The GAL said she
knows we did not keep her from her visits..
SO
We go back to court on Monday. PLEASE
PLEASE SEND PRAYERS MY WAY. GAL came here
Thursday and said that A belongs here she is
content and safe. And has bondend with both of
us.
Finally got word from atty--case goes to
appeals court on August 23 and then will be
EIGHT TO TWELVE WEEKS for a decision!
WTF? Don't these judges realize a child's
life is at stake here? Let him bond with us even
longer so that if he DOES get taken away, he
will be damaged from it?
Got2be, Our situations often sound so
similar. Just recently we went camping in an
area near where we last knew BM and BD to
live and I was very concerned about going
to the local stores, etc. I did not want to
run into them and have a big scene in front of
the children.
We had expected our aboption to be over
this summer, and planned our move in that
shedule. First off because an extra child means
we now need a bigger house and because we do not
want BM and BD, trying to kidnap
Brittany, (which BM has threatened to
do) showing up at our door years from
now, etc. However BM and BD disappeared,
and our lawyer had to hunt them down to serve
them so that slowed down the process.
Then we hoped BM and BD would do what was
best for Brittany for once in their sorry lives
and allow the adoption with out contesting, BUT
of course the last day they had to answer the
summons, they did answer and are denying
everything!!!
Taking a step back, when BM first learned
we planned to adopt she made a big fuss that
everyone was keeping her from seeing her child
(not true of course) so in responce to her
accusations and bulling the supervised visit
center reinstated her visits. (sigh) Out of
the 6 possible visits since that time, BM
has made 2. Before the summons, BM missed 2
visits claiming she did not have enough money
(to pay the supervision fee and drug test) then
as soon as she received the summons she was
calling requesting a visit. Only to
cancel the day before!!!
Well, lets pray she keeps this pattern up
and we will not have to deal with visits before
our court date in October. With as violent and
unperdictable as she is you never know what she
might do.
Well Thursday the article about us will be
printed. www.pitch.com I
am refusing to read it.
The confidentiality order was reinstated.
So someone will be in contempt of this
order. I am not holding my breath that
there will be sufficient punishment for such
violation. It is amazing what one sick
individual can get away with.
Two weeks ago we were told there was going
to be an article in a weekly magazine
Thankfully it did not go to press. I
apologize for not updating you guys on that one.
We are still holding our breath. WE hope
they decided to pull it but who knows.
So we are checking weekly to see if it was
in the magazine. I spoke with our attorney
this week. I AM SO Frustrated
as there are still so many steps until our
state supreme court trial. FIVE MONTHS.
WHY SID is allowed to do this is
infuriating. Found out ED (egg Donor) was
seen in a prominent part of town panhandling
before christmas by the one of the attorney's
with a sign saying help me get my baby back. SO
sad. She is so delusional and so lost
Okay ladies, I know we all have had
insensitive comments while going through
this. Here is your chance to share it with
all of us. T
Think of one or two and then share your
answer.
Ironically I have gotten some wierd
responses from other adoptive parents.
Which shows that we are in a club all our
own.
"So is this the child you are trying to
adopt?" I wanted to say? UM we
already adopted him the day we brought him home
he was our son. Just because the bio's are
confused does not mean he isn't adopted into our
family. But Alls I said was.. YES.
One of the worst for me was right after she
came to live with us (4 years ago) - hubby's
mother heard me saying, 'walk to daddy' and
gesturing towards my husband. She frowned and
told us that we shouldn't teach Nic (12 months
old at the time) to think of us as her
parents - she should learn to call us
'uncle so-and-so' and 'aunt so-and-so'
because we weren't her 'real parents'. She was
looking out for her other son the bdad
- who was in jail at the time and couldn't speak
for himself. I said, 'No, i don't think so.
WE are the ones she calls to in the middle of
the night when she has a bad dream, WE are the
ones who bathe and change her, WE are the ones
who buy her food and clothes and diapers,
WE are the ones she will call 'mommy' and
'daddy'.
I think one of the worst things ever said
to us, was by our son's half-sister. (She was
prompted by her grandmother and it was left on
our answering machine.)
The girl said,
"I just called because I want to talk to MY
BROTHER. I just..., I just,.... I think you
should give my brother back, because he's not
yours, he's my mommy's, so there."
On a
side note, this half-sister is being raised by
the grandmother, since she was 6-months old and
isn't even in the BM's care. She's
9. ________________________________________________
Then
there was the same grandmother, who said while
trying to explain her daughters behavior "Well,
how would you feel if your children were taken
away?!"
My response was in a VERY angry
tone, "You see, I'm not stupid enough to allow
drugs, alcohol, or other men to come before my
children. I wouldn't beat or abuse my children,
so I WOULDN'T have my children taken, so that's
a moot point." I went on to add, "I also
wouldn't pick and chose which one of my children
I'd keep and which I'd throw away. That's not
being a mother, that's being a self-centered
person that only thinks of the needs of herself
over the needs of HER children."
Okay,
so I didn't make brownie points with the family
over this, but boy did it feel good to just let
them have it.
LOL. _____________________________________________
Gee,
I could go on and on about all of the things
people have said to us. My mind is going blank
right now, so I'll have to think about it some
more.
Besides, we not only have the
family member we're raising, but also a son
through an international adoption. We really
have "heard it all".
So I guess
that two of the worst things that I have ever
heard regarding the situations that I am
currently going through. First I have been
fighting to adopt my step-son (which is still
being reschedule through our court we are now
going on 1 year of waiting), and we are now
taking care of my husbands niece on a temp.
basis till the whole situation with her mother
abusing her is taken care of. In both cases I
think that I have heard some really unbelievable
things that people can
say.
First is
in regards to my step-son, which everyone knows
is referred to as my son I have raised him he is
my son. My in-laws have asked my how I can sleep
at night knowing that his real mother wants a
relationship with him and I am just to posessive
to let her even see him.
Secondly
was in regards to my niece. As of right now the
bmother is not to have any contact with us per
the court order from the judge. My mother in law
has custody of Patty's sister bmoms oldest
daughter who is 6 now. The 6 year old, one day
after her sister was placed with us was taken to
her mother and dropped off while my mother in
law was moving. Granted this is the woman who
just had her 7 month old taken away for abusing
her and you are going to drop a 6 year old off
with her less than 24hrs after she gets out of
jail for abusing the youngest child.(I really
don't understand my husbands family) Back to the
story my 6 year old niece comes up to me and
says, "you have my sister and you needed to give
her back. My grandma said that it isn't right
that you took her from my mom and that my mom
misses her and that if you don't give her back
that my grandma is going to get you in trouble.
I looked at my husband and told him to come
outside with me where I proceeded to tell him
what she had just told me I said you know that
is pretty sad when you mother has to talk trash
to a 6 year old. I told him that if he didn't
talk to her about what she had said in front of
the 6 year old that I would and that they
wouldn't like it.
So I
think that that is the best of my Things people
say.....
We are lucky in the fact that most of the
people who know of our situation, know how
screwed up BM is and ALL feel Brittany should be
allowed to stay with us forever.
There may have been some questions among
the neighbors (of course we do not air our dirty
laundry in public) but BM took care of that when
she came to our house (after being arrested the
night b4 for assult) knocking on all the
neighbor doors, telling them we kidnapped her
child. Some were there when we had to play the
numerous threatening messages BM left. So that
pretty much took care of that, I
thinhk.
I think the most insensitive comment I
have gotten so far is "She will always be
Brittany's mother".
Maybe I am being too sensitive but
here I am thinking, I AM THE ONE that is making
sacrifices for Brittany, I am the one that is
feeding, clothin, and providing for her, I am
the one that kisses her when she is hurt, I am
the one that tucks her in at night. I am the one
that hugs her when BM has broken her heart yet
again, I am the one that protects her from BMs
lies,
Then of course there are the comments made
by BM and her friends, (making it sound like we
stole her child, it is our fault they are
not together, we wont let them be
together, etc) but I ignore those.
It seems that most of us on this group have
scheduled visits with the birthpeople. We
are fortunate enough that this has not been
required in our case. I was curious. Am I
the only fortunate one. I can't imagine
the emotional stress that puts on you.
Megan, let me just say how fortunate your
are, I am jealous! LOL.
Seriously though we have supervised visits.
From May 2005 to April 2006 the
BM made only one of those visits. Then made a
fuss that everyone else was keeping her from
seeing her child. Saw her on the 30th then
missed the next visit. We wont know if she
will make this one or not till we are sitting
there waiting for her to show up. BD has not
visited with Brittany at all.
We do not have scheduled visits with
bowel movement (BM), but if she requests a
visit, we grant it. (She did see him at a Waffle
House on Christmas Eve, but the last time before
that was Christmas again.) She didn't even ask
for a visit on his birthday. I guess she wasn't
planning on driving through to visit her
daughter, so he's an after thought- thank the
good Lord for small
miracles.
We have never met any of the sperm donors.
I call them that because neither of them ever
gave a rats Behind about these fantastic boys.
Never a phone call, no letters, absolutely
nothing.Ever. Both of them are drug addicts and
they both have extensive prison histories, so we
will never instigate nor allow a visit.
As far as T goes, I have closed off all
contact since I found out that Elijah got Hep C
from her. She was never my favorite person
anyway, but this was the straw that broke the
camels back. I know she didn't make him sick on
purpose, but I can't help it. I am pissed off at
her . As far as I am concerned, she
could self destruct and I wouldn't care. Hows
that for blunt and honest? When the boys are
older, they can decide for themselves. Like
maybe when they are 40 or so.
We have visits with the kids' birthmom and
brother. We have never had any communication
with either of their fathers , and will not. I
so often wonder how Lexi's birthfather could
have fought for her (and pretended to actually
want her), and yet have never asked anything
about her, never requested a picture, nothing.
Unfortunately, I have to deal with this
crap ....as if I were married and
divorced....after 3 years of minimal contact 16
year old went to live with uncle - after having
been in grandama's home -and placement...so NOW
they took me to court to have visits...and was
granted every other weekend - and one night
during the week - and a week during the summer -
and holidays - my life has been pure HELL!!!! -
and she told me she wasn't having her for Easter
- then changed her mind at the last minute -
AFTER I made plans....so I told her - sorry
I made plans - and I told you I was...you were
okay with that - so NOW they filed a contempt
charge - which I go to in June...it's all such
BS! - I know that it's her family doing
this....she isn't bright enough to give a crap -
and certainly acts like she doesn't give a crap
when I take poor Lexi over there! - it's
repulsive! - I'm the bad guy in their eyes - but
where were these idiots 4 years ago when these
two had nowhere to go!!!
these people don't think about what's best
for the kids at all!!!!
so yes - you are VERY lucky!!! - I wish I
didn't have to deal with the biofamily at
all.....!!!
Yes, we were forced into an open adoption
visitation "Agreement" by the judge who said we
could sign or lose our son. So we
signed. Even though she could have visited
him at any time and said she did not want to -
at the court hearing she said she would not
consent without a visitation "Agreement."
No - she has not kept up with her part - but we
have had to dilligently follow through.
She has also used this "Agreement" to turn
around and file several motions to include
reversal of the adoption and to have my son
placed in foster care.
She doesn't show for visits - but she sure
has used the "Agreement" to keep us in constant
litigation and emotional and financial
upheaval. Because she was placed in juvy
as a ward of the state she now has 5 free
lawyers and they take turns filing against
us. Do the math: every time they file they
GET money and we LOSE money. Who is most
likely to win under those circumstances?
She has never once asked how he is doing
and has no idea what he looks like or who he
is.
You are right when you say you can't
imagine the emotional strain this places on
us.
Well today is the deadline for Sid's filing
with our state's supreme court. Funny He
has not sent any child support or demanded
visits. But they continue to
send pkg to the baby. (like he can
read) They just continue to drag this
thing out.. Our son is almost 18 months
old. If I hear anything I will do an
update later on today. Every time the
phone rings I think is it the lawyer
telling me he has filed.
Oh how I hate that waiting on the edge of
my seat game...wondering what is going on every
time the phone rings. So if he did not file
today, what does that mean for
you?
I feel the same way. I'm afraid to
answer my phone, or check the mail, or answer
the door. And ours has been going on for
four years. It is a nightmare and
unbelievable to me that this can happen.
Whatever happened to aparents rights?!
When will someone consider the best
interest of our children?
I hope and pray you do not have to go
through this as long as we have - it is
heartwrenching.
Christie
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We have been recieving wierd hang up
calls to our cell phone the only number
they have of ours. They were from Unknown
caller. My husband felt like it was them
harrassing us. So one time when she called
he let the baby be really loud.. She said..
Hello. WE finally got the log back from
the phone company and this number called 20
times in 5 days. 7 times in one day.
We can't prove this was them because the
phone number was to a business. We will
block our phones to avoid the calls, we were
just hoping to be able to present this to the
judge and along with the other things she has
plastered on the internet and other ways she has
violated the gag order. Once again we have
to be model citizens while she can violate the
law, (harassing phone calls is a crime, so is
breaking the gag order and slander
etc...) We meet with our attorney next week
and we will mention this stupidity. Our
attorney is writing her brief and we are still
waiting.... Once she files this, we should get a
court date.. Still thinking it will be March
before we go to court
again.
We had an appointment with our lawyer last
week. It seems that Sid's attorney contacted the
local newspaper. He sent the reporter a
copy of the state supreme court brief that he
had written. The reporter than sent it to all
the adoption attorney's in town. They began to
email our attorney. It is a small network of
attorney's everyone knows everyone. Our
attorney called the reporter and informed him of
the gag order. NEEDLESS TO SAY
there is a contempt of court hearing against the lawfirm AND this
attorney THURSDAY.. Our attorney is proposing
that the lawfirm pay 6,000 One thousand
for court costs to file this contestment and
5,000 TO US . Since it is not a criminal court
he can't get jail time. SO why not get
some money out of him to slap his hand.
Our attorney is also filing a complaint with the
bar. We know the judge is ticked at this
attorneys blatant disregard for the law. SO this
should be interesting. Meanwhile we found
out our adoption is technically "final" (gee I
wish I knew that at tax time)
Since they are challenging the law NOT this
adoption. AND we found out
We will be heading to court the last part
of October/first week of November
THE RULING should come in before our son's
birthday and before the first of the year.
SO FINALLY I THINK A LITTLE JUSTICE IS
PREVAILING.. I will keep you posted to see what
the judge says at the contempt hearing. We
expect them to appeal the FINE. So it will take
a while for us to see the money.
WELL...then I guess congratulations are in
order for the adoption being "final". I pray
that is the case and this terrible messy
situation will be over soon. I also hope the
judges does make Sid pay you, I'd day you
deserve it and I am sure it could help a great
deal considering you are taking on the
responsibility of raising and caring for their
child and to thank you they make your like a
hell....the least they should be made to do.
Good luck with every thing....So exactly what
law are they
challenging?
Sid is challenging the putative father
registry. In our state, (sperm donor's) father's
have fifteen days after birth to come forward
and assert parenting, through registering with
the putative father registry. He waited
until after we had custody and the baby was four
months old to put his name on the registry,
to put his name on the birth certificate
etc.. I guess he thinks the law should
apply to everyone else except him. He is
challenging it saying It's not fair and not
constitutional. The US supreme court has
already ruled it is constitutional. Our
attorney said IF bm had kept the preg
a secret and decieved the bfather and
he only found out about the baby 16 days
after birth then maybe this law would be
overturned. BUT that is not the facts in this
case. SO, since SID has money he is
spending it defending HIS RIGHTS.
We are heading to the state supreme court
on October 13th. In Late August the
lawyers met with the local judge to deal with
the contempt of court, Lawyer sending info to
the newspapers. NO HE did not get fined,
we did not get any money, however, Sid's lawyer
was ordered to file a motion at the state
supreme court level to SEAL the records.
This should prevent any further harassment
through the media. Glad we
finally have a court date and GLAD that it is
not next spring like we feared. Our son is
will be 22 months when we go to court.
-Megan
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September marks the beginning of the
academic year. Which involves meeting new people
and doing new things. I usually enjoy
meeting new people. Having moved two months
before the adoption, we are relatively new to
our area. Getting established and
connected has been hindered by this whole
experience. I have found that it is
hard because this contested adoption is my
biggest struggle and we are in the midst of
it..(we are five weeks from our state supreme
court date) So as I attempt to be
"normal" in these "normal" settings of
meeting new people it brings the reality of our
"oh my goodness you would never believe it if I
told you" story of what we have lived through in
the past two year. So this morning as we
had to make introductions at a women's
bible study group. The leader asked if
there was something specific that we wanted the
group to be praying for us during the duration
of this twelve week class. I am more than
just this contested adoption I still struggle
with the rest of the areas in my life like
everyone else. HOWEVER this is the OVERRIDING
factor that taints everything else. How
could I not ask people to keep us in prayer as
this is soo important. YET I am
tired of being defined by this. See my
struggle.. I want to be normal... MY, we are NOT
normal and for those who have NO
understanding of adoption... I HATE BEING the
BAD example of ADOPTION... I hate running
into people and they ask OH tell me about your
adoption... I cringe and say... HOW NOT TO DO AN
ADOPTION... we are a unique crazy story... I
HATE giving people bad impressions of what 99%
of all adoptions are, a beautiful adoption
experience. BUT sadly this experience does
effect how we live our "normal" lives.... I am
paranoid in public places of running into the
instable birthfamily of what they would say...
AS I KNOW I will see them on the Court house
steps with picket signs in five
weeks. We have had a realtively
calm summer and done some normal activities.. so
as we head into fall with five weeks away the
emotional craziness of this is beginning to
flare up.. I want to move far far away... I want
to change churches they know where we go to
church, I want to start a new life a life
not tainted by our paranoid
behaviors. I want to give
my son a chance at a semi-normal life.. Not
a mom who is paranoid at soccer practice or any
public event because SID is a photographer for
the local TV station. Because his
birthfamily is in our big city... but who
knows if his cousin is playing on the other
team... Sadly this was the same family we
saw ourselves having birthday parties with our
son and inviting them.... Yet handing out
pamphlets, picketing, sending weird packages,
attempting to have articles written in the
paper...etc... has turned it into a crazy
relationship... Thanks for letting me
vent.
I sure can. After having just moved into
our new home and the kids starting school the
next week. We are still close enough to their
old friends etc. but each time we meet the new
neighbors, etc. I wonder should I mention
it or not. Most of the time I don't now, I
figure we are so close to things being finale
(we HOPE) that I would rather
they just think we are a
normal family.
I know how you feel about the asking for
prayers as well. Our church has a cares and
concerns time each week. When we first took
Brittany in and then later when all the trouble
with BM started, I would get up and mention
our concerns, but after awhile, I just did not
want to keep putting myself and my family
out there like that. I did not want our
situation to define who we are, but as you said
it encompasses so much of our lives, time,
emotions and energy, it really does define us
right now. So I do continue to ask for prayers,
I just do it in our churches support board
instead, along with a couple other prayer groups
I attend.
I too am sick of going to (or wondering if
we should go to) public places and being
concerned about running into BM and BD. That has
never happend yet, we dont exactly travel in the
same circle. But we live in the same city, and
when we go to big public events, I worry. Guess
I always will, even after the adoption is final.
Given that BM is family, there is always a
chance we will stumble across each other in that
area as well some day at a funeral or wedding
perhaps.
Hope the venting and knowing you are not
alone helps some. Hope today is a better
day.
YES! I know exactly what you are
saying. I feel exactly what you are
feeling. Our situations are so very
similar and so sad. My story too is how
NOT to adopt a child. We also live in same
town and actually are prevented from moving far
away because of the continued litigation.
I want to go away. I want to be
normal. I want to worry about normal
things like when is the flu shot due? Etc.
I am defined by this crazy shit and I have
always been one to stay OUT of the limelight and
just want to live a quiet, peaceful life without
all of the sensationalism surrounding my
case. I just want to be a family and want
to be left alone.
I want to run away where no one
knows. I want to end the nightmare, stop
the fighting, work and raise my son.
Here, in the U.S., at least IMO - there is
no democracy - there is a corrupt judicial
persecutorial system which has TARGETED a sweet
innocent child and made our family fight for him
in the face of broken laws, lies, and
anarchy.
Yes - I know what this is like. Yes -
I worry about running into bparents. Yes -
we are fixing to head back to court
(AGAIN). Yes - our lives have been defined
by this and I don't even know who I am any
more. Yes - I too envisioned a "lovely"
open adoption (oh boy, how naive I was).
Yes - I have passed out packets to congress, the
governor, the attorney general, and ALL other
top forms of government at the state
capital.
Vent here any time - yes - we DO know what
this nightmare is like.
Keep us updated and best wishes for you and
your family.
Christie
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Well, we were all set to go, we were going
to drive down the night before the trial,
family and friends took off work to drive
two and half hours to be with us. We had
our suits pressed, everything arranged, I
was heading to get my hair cut, when the phone
rang. We found out that the
court bumped us from the docket. We were
supposed to be at the State supreme court right
now. So instead of this two year hell being over
now we have two more months. They
said it would either be Dec 12th or 13th
DECEMBER 12th is our son's birthday..
I have to believe that will all the prayer
going up that God had something to do with
this. That changing the date from Friday
the 13th to his birthday... is somehow his
sense of humor. That maybe there is a
reason that December would be a better
timing. etc..
Well we went to our state supreme court
yesterday... Still won't know anything till
probably FEBRUARY!!!
If the State supreme court justices rule
based on the facts of our case.. and based on
the law he is challenging then we have nothing
to worry about...
If not then it is back to court...
I am praying this ends NOW!!!
We are emotionally, physically, mentally
and financially drained...
We need time to heal and recover....
I can't believe this has dragged on for SOOO
LONG Our son turned TWO the day before we
went to court.
THIS NEEDS TO END! ! !
-Maemae
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Okay I am feeling like I am the only one
left here still waiting. It has been
rather quit on the board.
So could everyone please give a
progress report of where we are all at.
SO many of us have had resolution many and
most of them have been positive and sadly a few
have had negative. Proof that life does go
on after there is resolution. Meanwhile
for us still waiting. Please report in..
Because it seems I am the only
left...
So here is the status..:
We are waiting for the results from
the Missouri Supreme Court. WHAT ABOUT ALL
of
you???
Well, it's me
Kitty and we still are in limbo. We've had
custody of Jordan for 3-years and almost
2-months and we're still enduring the "lovely"
BMOM. (Note the touch of sarcasm in
that.) As a matter of fact, we're schedule
to have a "visit" with Bowel Movement on
Thursday. Oh the fun, the Joy.
(Sarcasm again.) I don't think we'll ever
have an adoption, but at least we'll be able to
have him live with us, so I guess that's truly
all that matters.
Congrats to
everyone on the accomplishments. I just
have been totally swamped with everything and
I'm truly sorry. I'll try to be better
next time.
Okay, I know it has been a really long time
for me but you guys know how it goes, things
just always seem to come up. Well I am finally
getting time to myself again so I do have a few
minutes to tell you what has been going
on. As you guys know but I will remind you,
we have custody of my step-son and I am the one
that wants to adopt him. My husband and I
are still waiting for a new court date to get
started with the adoption, and I am currently
still looking for a new attorney because we are
still having problems with the original one we
selected. Since I last wrote,we have gone to
court for child support, and that was just all
kinds of fun. BM just started running her mouth
and it was funny to me because she did it right
in front of the judge. BM is still going to
court for her oldest son that is in foster care,
and when she went to court for follow up to his
case she actually had to nerve to ask the judge
if she would give her visits with my son. It was
just funny to me because her oldest sons case
has nothing to do with us we aren't even
mentioned in the papers. She also went nuts in
front of the judge when we went for the child
support. Her mother stood a the back of the
court room and ran her mouth to be so that the
judge couldn't hear her. She just kept saying my
baby is going to get her son back and then what
will you do. I just didn't even pay any
attention to her. As we were walking out of
court the BM called my husband a fat f-ing
bastard the judge did nothing and she followed
up out of court. My husband still insisted that
he start visit with her so she wouldn't get a
lawyer and come after us for visit, he thinks
that even after all this time and all the visits
to the mental hospital she had this year that
the judge will give her unsupervised visit. I
know that the court system would never fail me
like that ......or would it. Well so he was
scared and so she now gets to see my son twice a
month and it is scary to me because my son
doesn't even know who she is. She is pregnant
again, and when she has this child no one knows
if it will be taken or not.
Thanks for listening ladies. I am working
tonight so I have to end it here for if you want
to know more just let me know.
Hi Everyone, it's Christie. I could
mirror Kitty's reply. As a quick
reminder: my son is 4 years 7
months. We do have a "final" adoption
along with attached fraud charges and still an
open motion to reverse the adoption. The
BM does not visit but keeps us in HELL by filing
motions against us. She has 5 (FIVE!)
lawyers - all free and being paid by the state
of Alabama. The latest ruling was that she
gets to retain her free lawyers. We filed
to have the visitation "Agreement" voided and
the fraud charges dropped since we go every
month and she hasn't shown up but once since she
got out of jail and that was almost 11 months
ago. The judge then ordered mediation - to
which her lawyers have not responded in two
months. My lawyer is supposed to be in the
process of filing another motion re-stating our
request since the other side is ignoring
us. (I think it is a possibility her
lawyers can not find her.)
At this point THEY are calling this a
collateral adoption, since a contigent adoption
is illegal in this state. It still looks
like a possibility we will wind up in the
Supreme Court here over that one.
Soooo... we still have our son, but we also
- over 4 years later - also still have a
contested adoption and mounting legal
bills. This has been, and still is,
extremely hard on me.
I hope the best for each of you... keep us
updated please!
State supreme court. DID NOT RULE
against or in favor of the law that was being
challenged.
THEY didn't have enough guts to say the law
was unconstitutional so they side stepped
it. They ordered that this BIO gets to
have his day in court. THE WHOLE purpose
of the putative father registry is to eliminate
this nonsense
THIS RULING has nullified the putative
father registry in the state of Missouri. SO WE
GET TO GO back to court. THEY said BIO
gets to go back before the same judge (who is
not fond of this bio)
and present his case. THE CHILD IS
TWO YEARS OLD!!! NEVER ONCE in 22 months
has he visited. ONLY sent one "support
check" MISSOURI doesn't play that
game. I am so fried I could just spit
nails!!!
Ya know, they write these laws but then
don't enforce them......makes me want o go in
front of the judge next time I get a ticket and
say "but your Honor, since the laws in this
state are not usually upheld, why bother obeying
them?"
(((HUGS)))
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We met with our attorney today.... Our
case is causing an uproar among adoption
attorneys in Missouri. The ruling was not
based on law. Clearly an abuse of power.
We can challenge the ruling but we will get no
where. we can appeal to US supreme court but
most likely that will be a waste of money they
won't want to touch this case.
We have now changed the law in a negative
way... Adoption attorneys from all over our
state are calling our attorney
One quote was "its a sad day for adoptive
parents in Missouri" The law will have to
be changed. We wills start a letter
writing campaign. There is a chance the law
could be revised before we end up in court... We
are looking at starting over again in this whole
process. NOW parental fitness comes into
play. This the first time parental fitness
has been a consideration in Adoption law in
Missouri. This allows dead beat dads to
come and challenge adoptions...All new
discovery, deposition everything is on the
table. His parental fitness is considered, his
racist comments, his abandonment his neglect,
his behavior, his dragging this through the
courts, his BS from day one. We are talking
another 50,000 of court expenses... We haven't
paid for the first 50 grand THIS IS
UNBELIEVABLE.
What are our options?? Continue
the battle and face another year or two of court
battle. OR WHAT??? HE HAS PAID NO CHILD SUPPORT
AND HAD NO VISITATIONS He is an absolute
stranger to our son, and a wierdo I might
add.
The next step will be the judge in our
family court will issue a case management
hearing... and move forward..
If you are interested here is the link to
the ruling..- Mae mae
Wow Mae, I am so sorry. I just read the
whole ruling and I am blown away. The very end
of it blew me away especially - he cared for the
child on January 20......
so ONE FREAKING DAY qualifies as parenting?
WTF?!?!?!
Is there noone who would take your case pro
bono? There must be someone, somewhere who will
see the injustice in this and fight for
you......
As a fellow Missourian I am appalled.
If you need us for anything at all, letter
writing, etc please let me know. If they
do talk of changing the law, LMK. I would
like the opportunity to personally speak with
our own representative to put a face on the
problem so to speak before it goes to a
vote. I live in a very rural area, where
citizens actually have access to our elected
officials. Our situation was not the same
as yours, but it was a bfather issue. I
have special interest in the outcome of your
case as we are waiting to be matched for our
third child.
Thank you for your support. The law
will definitely have to be changed.
As the Mo supreme court took liberties they
had no business taking.
They clearly do not understand the adoption
laws.
Judge Limbaugh wrote the very poorly
written decision. I say all seven of them need
to be voted out of office. Because
they ALL unaminously approved this poorly
written decision. They didn't have the
guts to do their job to uphold the current law
OR rule it constitutional instead Judge
limbaugh's opinion regarding our case and his
misinterpetation of current adoption law
can CHANGE How adoptions are handled inthe
state of Missouri. IF they would of done
their jobs we would of had a way to challenge
their poor decision but instead we
have no recourse. They are the highest law of
the land. And we ARE stuck with their
poorly written misinformed
ruling. NOT only are We stuck
with their decision. BUT ALL potential adoptions
in missouri are stuck with their poorly written
decision.
I will keep you informed as I know more.
State reps and state senator's need to be
notified. I am trying to get in contact with the
woman who wrote the law to ask HOW we need to go
about revising
it.
P.S. We also risk losing our son
because their ruling was not clear
enough..
No one seems to know how to read this
ruling. Lawyers are in disagreement on how
to interpret this ruling... One lawyer said
since the ruling is so poorly written. The
judge may feel his hands are tied.. And have no
option but give the child to the biodad.
What a
mess
I have just reread the ruling for the third
time. Do you know the name of the person
who sponsored the putative father
registry? Does this mean that even if a
putative father comes forward after an adoption
has been finalized, he will be able to re-open
the case and possibly overturn the
adoption? I don't
understand.
This morning we met with another attorney
to advise on our case. HE said... The
whole adoption attorney world in Missouri was
thrown off by this ruling. They are unsure
how to move forward on their current cases.
BECAUSE these judges CHANGED the way Adoption is
done in Missouri. This is affecting
hundreds possibly thousands of adoptions.
THE LAW WILL HAVE TO BE CHANGED. BUT FIRST
WE FOCUS ON HOW TO KEEP OUR SON.
He was not very hopeful. As it
stands
Our local judge could rule one of two
ways. Either I want to hear all the
evidence (all the crap will hit the fan)
Or Based on the Mo supreme court ruling..my
hands are tied. Currently we are filing a
motion to reconsider tto the Mo supreme court..
They most likely will not change their minds,
HOWEVER, IF they can revise and clear up
how the worded their ruling to give
clarity to the local judge as to what exactly he
can do. UNLESS the Mo Supreme court.. revising
the wording. We have a fifty fifty chance
that our SON after two years.. Could be sent to
live with a psycho that he has never met and
does not know. SO ADOPTION IS
NOT FOREVER, if you are insane enough, rich
enough or deal with crooked courts... We
did not enter as FOSTER PARENTS... WE HAD A
FINAL ADOPTION... WHICH I guess doesn't mean
crap. NOTHING is trully final.
SO NOW we have to face. the
possibility of letting our son
go, our children losing
a brother etc.. ALL THE WHILE trying
to stay sane and function while we
wait.... This could take months...just to
get the final mandate from the MO supreme
court.. THEN we wait to see HOW the local judge
decides... I know this is the middle
of the story... IN THE END this will have a
great purpose... SOME HOW!! BUT FOR NOW
for our family.. For this little boy. It
is in God's hands.. HE clearly against
all odds placed him in our home... IF not
forever for a while.. For us to love and
nurture. We have to place him in God's
hands... He will protect him... He knows the end
from the beginning... For NOW we
wait....
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We are living in Daja-vu...heading for
pre-trial AGAIN... Our first pre-trial was June
05.
SID sent a child support check three weeks
ago. (just like he did last time three
weeks before trial) Doesn't even begin to
cover diaper wipes for the past two years.
Nothing exciting should come out of tomorrow..
scheduling the trial, a bonding assessment and a
deposition. Wishing for a magic wand that
would POOF make Bio-sperm go away. AND POOF make
the Adoption expenses go away as well.
Weary from living under the strain of the
financial crunch. Unfortunately there are
no easy answers. Some how we have made it yet
another year. But here we are in the same spot
just more in debt for this adoption.
Enjoying our son and our other
children. But so aware of the energy, the
joy and the life THAT THIS HAS ROBBED our
family.
I don't want to wake up in another two
years and realize we have put off living because
of this STRESS.
HOPE ALL IS WELL FOR ALL YOU OUT
THERE....
SEEMS I am the only one left out of the
original six members.. that has not has some
form of resolution.
ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE STILL IN LIMBO please
check
in....
Sorry, I’m one of the original six
and I’m no where near a resolution. (We
are the ones that got the adoption denied, yet
didn’t lose custody nor did BM get
visitation) We are just in permanent
limbo. It all really sucks. I feel
your pain. We sit back every day and just
wait for the other shoe to drop.
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Let us know how everything
goes. I’m still hanging around too, but am
just very busy. I hope everyone will write
with their updates with what’s going on in life,
even if it’s just a “we’re fine”. BM in
our case is “supposedly” moving from South
Florida to <st1:place w:st="on">Northern
Florida</st1:place>, because she “has
to”. (Don’t ask me what that means.
I figured she got in more trouble with the
law. LOL I wish I could be that
lucky.) Haven’t heard from her in quite a
while, thank the good Lord. I guess it
would be cruel to pray that she just dropped off
the face of the earth?! (Don’t want her
hurt or anything, just out of our lives.)
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Kitty<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
From: Contested
[mailto:Contested@groups.msn.com]
Sent: Wednesday, April
11, 2007 6:38 PM To:
Contested Subject:
Pre-trial Tomorrow here we go
again<o:p></o:p>
We are living in Daja-vu...heading
for pre-trial AGAIN... Our first pre-trial was
June
05.<o:p></o:p>
SID sent a child support check
three weeks ago. (just like he did last time
three weeks before trial) Doesn't even
begin to cover diaper wipes for the past two
years. Nothing exciting should come out of
tomorrow.. scheduling the trial, a bonding
assessment and a deposition. Wishing for a
magic wand that would POOF make Bio-sperm go
away. AND POOF make the Adoption expenses go
away as well. Weary from living under the
strain of the financial crunch.
Unfortunately there are no easy answers. Some
how we have made it yet another year. But here
we are in the same spot just more in debt for
this
adoption.<o:p></o:p>
Enjoying our son and our other
children. But so aware of the energy, the
joy and the life THAT THIS HAS ROBBED our
family.<o:p></o:p>
I
don't want to wake up in another two years and
realize we have put off living because of this
STRESS.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
HOPE ALL IS WELL FOR ALL YOU OUT
THERE....<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
SEEMS I am the only one left out of
the original six members.. that has not has some
form of
resolution.<o:p></o:p>
ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE STILL IN
LIMBO please check
in....<o:p></o:p>
FIRST OFF we have NEW TRIAL
DATES MAY 31st and JUNE 1st. Yes,
we once again get two days of docket!!
Second.. There were seven motions
brought before the commissioner. Two were
set aside the other five were ruled in our
favor.
He requested DNA testing..He has to pay for it and the
child's sample will be collected
separately
HE requested supervised
visitation... IT WAS DENIED!!!
SINCE adoption is still on the table.
There is no need to subject the child to
emotional damage at this point. WE
ARE THANKFUL for a fierce Guardian Et
Litem who sees the craziness and is doing
everything she can to protect our son from
these crazy people.
He requested we pay his legal bills
...IT WAS DENIED -There is case
precident unfortunately. Adoptive parents
are usually required to pay All attorney bills,
EVEN pay when the birthparents want to contest
their adoption. THE JUDGE SAID : I
seem to recall mention of a trust fund....(what
happened to all your money?) I am sure
this has become a financial burden to all
parties involved.
We rejoice of the victories of today but we
are sober as we still are facing a
GOLIATH!!!
We are hoping his money running out, now
that this is coming out of his pocket, that
it will have an affect on how far
he will go.
We are still going for
adoption, unfortunately the supreme courts ruling
weakened our case for adoption. BUT we
still have several avenues to assure this child
is kept safely in home, WE want our son to
grow up in a safe loving, stable home. We
are not positive what that will look like
legally.
We are hoping and praying for the
best. FOR THIS TO BE OVER and for this to be
permanent.
We are realistic about what we are
up against and about how this may play
out. IF WE LOSE ON ADOPTION, We would be
granted guardianship which involves the child
remaining in our home but Court involvement and
possible visitation. Visitation
would only be in the birthfather's best interest
NOT in the child's as our son has no
relationship with the birthfather, has had no
contact or involvement with him. We pray
for our son's sake he does not have to go
through visitation. We desire for this
mess to be over. We don't know the ending,
we are leaning on GOD, who has a much bigger and
better plan.
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I could write a book with the events
of the past two weeks.
It has been a rollarcoaster....
Our Lawyer is preparing to lose.. Whatever
that means...
The birthfather threatened to show up to
our door step.
They ordered supervised visitations with
the birthfather.
The Trial has been postponed due to a
scheduling conflict.
So the bioguy gets supervised weekly
visits. HOPING he will get
bored.. screw up say something stupid, do
something stupid.. will he really come week
after week. Year after year.. OR since he no
longer has control of the game will he lose
interest and GO AWAY????
We think we will probably get
guardianship with supervised visitation
for BIoguy.
Hoping they will go for Suing him for back
child support...for the past two years...
FOrgot to mention the restraining order....
BIogirl showed up to DNA testing. Since
bioguy was not supposed to be there, nor was he
supposed to know the time of our appt.
Scared the crap out of me as I was alone with my
two kids, ages 2 and 4/ I was hysterical
as she jumped out of the van...I couldn't
protect both my kids..
She and her cohorts could of easily
kidnapped one or both of my children.
She stood taking video inside my van of the
baby. I FELT Like I was being stalked by the
paporatsi We have a
restraining order hearing against her..
ISn't that the IRONY.. She was supposed to
have an open adoption with us.
See him three times a year, birthdays etc..
NOW she is prevented from seeing him or being
around our family.. AND BIO (not the
father I didn't have sex, I want to remain
anonymous) is having forced weekly
visits.... WHAT A
TWIST....
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Meanwhile.. Silence on this board..I saw
your post tiny n tough on the MomAlike
group. Funny I was thinking the same thing
regarding this group. I almost posted
something here on friday... There was a
time when we were all in the same place.
Needing each others support. BUt it
seems I am the lone poster.. Posting out to
cyperspace...Meanwhile... it seems most of the
groups contested adoption isssues have been
resolved while mine continue.. We go to court
AGAIN this Thurs, Friday and
Saturday... Little did I know two and
ahalf years ago when I joined this group that I
would be the last one standing in
battle... Hopefully we will get some
resolution (guardianship with supervised
visits for SID) but it won't end...
Until the psycho Sperm donor goes
away...And maybe one day... many years from now
he will lose interest and go
away.... -Got2Bmaemae aka Drama
Mama
Have no fear, you’re not
alone. We’re 3-months shy of 4-years and
counting. Our B(owel) M(ovement) is
still up to her old tricks. It never fails
to surprise me at how low she’ll go or how truly
skanky she is.
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Tiny bit of background. My
son has a half-brother and half-sister being
raised by my sister and the BM’s mom and
step-dad, respectively. My sister and I
have had the boys since November
21st, 2003. Our son and the
half-sister are bi-racial and the half-brother
is Caucasian. BM doesn’t really want
the half-brother, because he won’t “fit” into
her life with her latest man. (In other
words, can’t pass off as looking like the latest
“baby-daddy”.)<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Anyway, it seems BM is up to her
drugging and alcoholic ways. She totaled
about her 5th car in several years
and was cited as reckless driving (with under
the legal limit of altering substances).
She spent time in the hospital for drug and
alcohol O.D. Her latest “man” will be
arraigned on Tuesday for battery, trespassing,
and resisting arrest without violence.
(What a pair,
huh?!)<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Well, it seems the BM has decided
she’s going to let my sister adopt that son and
her mom and step-dad to adopt her daughter, yet
she’s decided she wants to try to get the child
we’re raising. Oh the joy?!) I guess
we’re in for another round of legal
battles. I never realized that parents can
pick and chose which child they want to keep and
let the others go. Now, doesn’t that make
her sound like a wonderful “MOMMY”? I
guess wishing that someone would just fall out
of our lives isn’t going to happen, but I’m not
going to lose faith. This is just going to
take longer and longer, but we’re not giving in
to this psychotic witch.
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Kitty<o:p></o:p>
Mom2J<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
From: <st1:PersonName
w:st="on">Contested</st1:PersonName>
[mailto:<st1:PersonName
w:st="on">Contested</st1:PersonName>@groups.msn.com]
Sent: Sunday, August 19,
2007 10:17 AM To:
<st1:PersonName
w:st="on">Contested</st1:PersonName> Subject:
My nightmare
continues<o:p></o:p>
Meanwhile.. Silence on this
board..I saw your post tiny n tough on
the MomAlike group. Funny I was
thinking the same thing regarding this
group. I almost posted something here on
friday... There was a time when we were
all in the same
place.<o:p></o:p>
Needing each others support.
BUt it seems I am the lone poster.. Posting out
to cyperspace...Meanwhile... it seems most of
the groups contested adoption isssues have been
resolved while mine continue.. We go to court
AGAIN this Thurs, Friday and
Saturday... Little did I know two and
ahalf years ago when I joined this group that I
would be the last one standing in
battle... Hopefully we will get some
resolution (guardianship with supervised
visits for SID) but it won't
end...<o:p></o:p>
Until the psycho Sperm donor goes
away...And maybe one day... many years from now
he will lose interest and go
away.... -Got2Bmaemae aka Drama
Mama<o:p></o:p>
> Jared will remain with us.. While the
division of Family services
> investigates to determine the most
suitable custody of the child.
>
> Meanwhile.. SID has to call him
JARED *SID was not happy with
that* He was calling him his
birthname
>
> WE got to cash the child support
checks from the past six months...
> *SID WILL NOT BE HAPPY ABOUT
THAT *
>
> SID cannot relay info to birthmother
SO IF SHE Shows up to any
> court dates, visits etc.. it is
directly tied to him and he risks
> losing ever seeing his son
again.
> *SID WAS NOT HAPPY ABOUT THAT*
>
> Therapist will be involved to
determine what visitation is suitable
> for Jared.
>
> He will have to pay child
support. We are licensed foster
parents and
> will be paid through the
state.
THE STATE will investigate Sid's
emotional and psychological ability
to parent and consider that the child
is with the only family he has ever known.
IT IS NO LONGER our attorney and our
responsibilty to prove how
unstable this guy is.. The state will
investigate that. The workers
are already outraged at the injustice
for this child. My impressions was if they
can't find reason for TPR or drag it out long
enough .they would just leave him in fostercare
with us...for him to screw up and we know he
will
Is the drama over NO... IS
THIS A VICTORY YES!!!!
We ponder at WHY would HE agree to
these terms.. We are convinced. GOD
blinded his eyes.. His lawyer has no
idea what he agreed to...
*Adoption is still on the
table..*
A GIANT WEIGHT has been
lifted. JARED IS IN GOD"S
HANDS..
We rejoice at having a judge who had
wisdom in how to procede.
GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!!
-Got2bemaemae
> Though the trials may seem endless and
it seems we're never getting
> ahead... But who can measure the
blessings, who can measure the
> blessings for I have hands to hold and
hearts to love. Hands to hold,
> Hearts to love, Lives to mold, you
have given me much... though I may
> not be paid in gold or the riches of
man, but the treasures I have
> many from an invisible hand, Who can
measure the blessings, For I have
are already outraged at the injustice
for this child. My impressions was if they
can't find reason for TPR or drag it out long
enough .they would just leave him in fostercare
with us...for him to screw up and we know he
will
Well thank God
for that small miracle! I am praying for
you
guys.
The state dismissed their case..
and they forced us to try to
mediate.
They have court ordered Mediation
this thursday... (we had to speak with
SID and his lawyer and try once again to reach
an agreement and he was not willing to
compromise and inch , yet they want us to
try so we get to pay to go to
mediation.
AND we continue to stand for J's best
interest.UNTIL THE JUDGE rules on
this..
We refuse to be the ones who give in and
willingly give J to this crazy man.
TODAY, We FINALLY STARTED THE TRIAL
that we have been waiting to present since
May, some of this info has
NEVER come out.. so in a sense we have waitied
two years for a judge to hear on Jared's best
interest.
IT Felt good to finally have stuff come
out... SID was in the hotseat nice for a
change for him to be under the microscope.
We have ANOTHER court date
NOV. 2nd at 1:45
UNTIL then the visits are increased
to 4 hours twice a week beginning
TOMORROW.
Still don't see how this can work
in the end.. NO matter what it seems
impossible..
Leaving it to the judge to
decide. PRaying for a miracle that this
guy for once DO SOMETHING in the child's
best interest.
I don't know what to say.
I can't imagine how you must be feeling
right now. So, what is the trial to decide
at this point? Is adoption still on the
table? Is it to determine who will
retain physical custody? I will continue
to pray for you guys. Are you still
planning to meet with legislators re: the
putative father laws? I am sure you are
too drained to even be thinking about that at
this point, but I would encourage you to read
Ohio's putative father registry laws to maybe
present to them if you do. I just can not
believe they have increased visitation, I am so
sorry.
I was glad our attorney prepared us for
what was going to happen yesterday.
We are in the same place no one has made a
decision... We just want the judge to have ALL
the crazy facts in this case. That make
our case unique. So that SHE can make that
decision... They are encouraging us to try
mediation but SID says
SINCE I AM GOING TO WIN HOW bad do
you want to lose...
We discussed SID having our son during the
week and we having him on the weekends... BUT
SID doesn't seem to want ANY compromise..
HE talks a good talk... I don't want to make
this harder for you and your family...BUT as we
heard from 4 therapist yesterday....The one with
the complete psych eval said.. He has an extreme
need to be social appropriate so he says what he
thinks is appropriate. My thought was your
right! The
lawyers brought out MANY of his different
stories... I think he told a different version
to each therapist. Of course the therapist
he paid for he was trying to look good so he
left out all the details where it would make him
look bad!!! SO we are supposed to
trust a proven liar to make a handshake deal
regarding IF we will see our son? ACtually
in mediation it would be written up and ordered
... BUT CLEARLY for J's best interest...
Him staying with us and having visitation would
be the best.... IF a judge says I MUST hand him
over...I WILL
but I WON"T voluntarily hand him over to a
psycho who has inflicts such CRAP on many
lives...and continues to harm this child by his
"lack of judgement and decision making..."
So if we declare bankrupcy... IF we end up on
the streets at least we know.... WE did all we
could to fight for our son....
The trial is to decide permanency...The
judge will decide IF his legal rights rule over
best interest. There is case law to
support our decision it is the question if Judge
will have the guts to NOT cower to this
legislature.
WE ARE talking to the senator and Speaker
of the house in NOvember
AND we will put our energy towards changing
this law...BUT NOT ONLY THAT
WE NEED to start a campaign to VOTE THESE
JUDGES OUT!!! I think we could really get
a rally behind that one...
My heart broke and I use your story as an
example...HOW THIS MAN< SID has screwed
adoptions in our state that YOU are having to
stay in OHIO and spend money because you don't
dare take it back to our state.!!!
INFRURIATING HOW MANY LIVES THIS GUY CAN SCREW
AND GET AWAY WITH!!!
YET WE ARE SUPPOSED TO TRY TO REASON WITH
THIS IDIOT
HE still NEVER acknowledges his part in HOW
his son got in this position. I CANT WAIT to
hear our attorney and the Guardian et LITEM...
ASK HIM HARD questions and hear his answers for
HIS selfish irrational decisions that have
screwed with this kids life for three years...So
it felt good to see him squirm as we talked
about him and his "i didn't have
sex.. can't even take responsibility for
conception since I didn't have sex.. craziness
with 4 therapists..IF anything at least the
judge will have all the facts and make the
decision based on everything not just on
the the stupid supreme court that
invalidated the laws THAT WERE ON OUR
SIDE!!!
Wow - this sounds so much like what I have
been through. My son is now 5 but we are
still in the same position and now - yet again -
the judge has ordered another mediation.
In my case the BM (bitch-monster) did her
mandatory visits for a little while and then
just dropped off the face of the planet.
I, too, have asked myself so many times how
is it possible she can continue to hurt so many
people for so long??? And it is not just
me, not just my son, but everyone she comes in
contact with. She is a cancer -
insinuating herself into people's lives and then
doing everything possible to destroy them.
Unbelievable.
I can not believe the judge has refused to
address our petition but instead has ordered
mediation yet again. Yep - right back
where we were years ago.
Is it possible that SID may do the same
thing and lose interest when it is no longer
convenient, or he finds someone else to focus
his energy on that is easier to ruin?
Makes me sick for both of us - and for our
children.
There is something I'm not quite sure of,
if you could explain it to me. You said
"The state dismissed their case" and that's what
I'm stumped on. Does this mean they refuse
to persue terminating this psycho's
rights? Are they giving up or does this
mean they're dumping it back in your lap to try
to persue this?
Did SID have to explain how he's known
about this case, yet didn't do anything about
it? Did he have to explain how 4-different
therapists know 4-different stories? Do
all of the therapists think he's nuts? Do
they agree your son should stay with you?
Sorry, didn't mean to hit you with all of
these questions, but just making sure I can get
all of the facts down.
M, We go for our custody hearing next
tuesday. I am sure that our attorney has done
all the necessary work but do you mind sharing
with me the cases that the child was left in the
adoptive home due to "best interest of the
child" Can you ask your attorney that for me?
I do think what the judge did lame and
frustrating. I think it does send a clear signal
though that the judge's mind is NOT made up that
ds will go back to the sid. If the judge had
already made that decision I think it would have
been handed down yesterday. Again hang in there
and believe that you ARE destined to parent this
child.L
Yes, the state dismissed their case of
neglect and abuse..Saying they found no reason
for the child to be in "protective custody,
which leaves in back in our court to prove why
it is in the best interest to keep custody with
us. SO FOR NOW OUR TEMPORARY CUSTODY
remains...
OUR lawyer and the GAL clearly showed how
inconsistent his stories were, his lack of
judgement in making decisions, his illogical
thinking, his lack of personal responsibility or
abilty to understand there are consequences to
his actions...
SID has not taken the stand.. CAN"T wait
till he does because he will have to answer for
a lot!!!!
Things are going well... The judge said at
least three times on the record.
that the supreme court ruled that BEST
interest must be considered.
So she is seriously weighing best
interest.. SID is squirming after being under
the microscope and hearing how PSYCHO he was in
front of the judge.. LOL
IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE... CAUSE IT IS ALL
COMING OUT!!!
It looks like a good start if best
interests is the focus. I don't know your
story...trying to figure out stories and
usernames and such. Why is this psycho
after your child? Why is this allowed?
What is next?
I'm still trying to figure this group stuff
out. About a month ago I found myself in a
contested adoption of my two month old child.
The birthfather never signed the registry in his
state, but knew about the pregnancy from the
very beginning. He never offered or gave any
financial or emotional support. If fact, he
disapperaed when he found out about the
pregnancy. Then 11 days after the baby was born,
11 days after he learned that the baby was with
us adoptive parents, he got himself a lawyer and
contested the adoption.
Yesterday our sweet birthmom went to court
to try to terminate his rights. (Her rights are
still not terminated, but I have no doubt
that she will follow through. She is just
hanging onto hers in case for some reason we
cannot get his terminated, so custody will
go back to her before it goes to him. )
The hearing lasted the scheduled hour or
so and then all day the next day, and today the
judge is under "advisement," meaning he is
deliberating. I'm afraid if the judge decides
not to terminate his rights, I am goign to find
myself in an awful, drawn out legal battle for
custody.
I look forward (is that the right term?) to
reading all of your stories and thanks for
offering me some support during this stressful
stuff.
Welcome to the group. Please do not
be offended when you read some of the
stories. Many of us weren't as lucky to
have wonderful birth moms. Some of our
birthfathers were great and others were living
nightmares. You're going to read all sorts
of stories.
Have you checked the laws of your state
regarding termination of parental rights and the
punitive father registry, just for your own
knowledge? (If you post your state, we may
be able to give you some links pertaining to the
laws.) Do you have a good lawyer, that is
experienced in contested adoptions? The
reason I ask, is that some lawyers have never
faced a contested adoption and this isn't the
time to give that one, his/her
experience. A contested adoption can
get VERY expensive, but always remember,
everytime you look into your child's face, this
is worth every penny. Keep the
faith. You may be in it for the long
haul or it could be very quick. Keep us
posted and we're here for you.
I agree with Kit, and YES sadly we
are a bit jaded and bitter towards our
birthparents. BUT If you go back through
the older posts (2 years ago) you will
find.. A couple titled Introductions And several
updates. You will find many happy
resolutions and a few( kit and me)that are
still dealing with the chaos.
I am glad you have a
sweet birthmother. We started out as
an open adoption with our birthmother and have
ended up with a restraining order against her.
It is sad.
I am glad in your case that she held on to
her rights. In my case
the birthparents are not emotionally and
psychologically stable. IF our birthfather was
emotionally stable he would of done what was
best for his son A LONG TIME AGO. MOST
birthfathers at some point see the light
and sign their rights away. OURs has
used this battle to control the birthmother, he
has been behind her doing some crazy stuff. I am
sad that our birthmother who did the right thing
for her son, now has no legal standing and no
contact. Sad but not sorry.
She is not a safe person for the baby to be
around. She has made some poor decisions
and has harassed us. BOY do I wish she
would of been on our side and continued a
relationship with us instead of joining the
birthfather in fighting for the child. Ours
would of been a
different story. IN YOUR CASE, I
am glad she is on your side. What
state are you in? What are the laws in
your state regarding not needing birthfather's
permission for an adoption. GET A GOOD
LAWYER.
KNOW the laws... The law was on our
side, but OUR case unfortunately CHANGED
the law thanks to our state supreme
court. I am quite an expert on putative
father registry so is our lawyer..WE are in
contact with our state's Speaker of the house
and we are working on submitting a revision of
the law for our state. We will probably
speak before a committee. If you
have an experienced Family lawyer who has worked
in your county they will know how your
state and county rule on these things.... Sadly
after a legal battle that has dragged on
for over two and a half years, we have
spent over fifty thousand dollars and WE
DO NOT have an adoption. WE do have
our son in our custody. Never thought we would
be here still fighting it out. Ours is an
adoption horror story not typical, not like the
hundreds of happy resolutions that adoption
brings. I am glad I have had this
group to bounce Ideas off of. To be able
to understand what I am going through and to
share similar stories.
Keep us posted. TO what the judge says, what
your next court date is etc..
Mae-Mae
The judge's deliberation is supposed to be
over by Friday at the latest. So, on Friday we
will at least know if the judge is going to
terminate the birthfathers rights. From there,
of course, it will probably go to appeals or
custody court...
I'm feeling really frusterated with my
adoption agency and how they are handling the
situation (I know this is a private group, but
my gosh I'm mortified of posting too much
information.)
And, also...do any of you more experienced
ladies have an answer for all those people
asking me nosy questions about the situation?
People who are just looking for something to
gossip about...Or even good intentioned people
who start asking me nosy questions in public
places, or when I am trying to have a relaxing
weekend with my kid? I could sure use some
ideas...
Don't worry. We were all VERY
concerned about telling any information, but
that fear will go away.
I don't like nosy people asking nosy
questions. I look at them usually with a
blank stare and ask them, Why do you
ask? I then tell them, I'm sorry, but
right now, we're not at liberty to speak about
this case. It may be a lie, but it's one
that protects everyone involved.
Is there any way to stop this
crap? Can the state do anything to
stop these psychos from continually harrassing
you? This is absolutely ridiculous.
So sorry to hear about all of this.
Kitty
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Trying to forget that my life revolves
around meetings!!!
SID has visits Tues and Thurs Parent
Aid picks up my son and takes him for his two
hour visits
This just started last week.
Wed are social worker visits...which can be
frustrating because our social worker is
new and clueless. believing what SID says and
unsure how to treat this case since we
are not the standard...
And of course this week we meet before the
judge on Friday for a "case management
hearing"
I expect fireworks but nothing more... Sid
plans to present his "expert therapists" who
claim he is perfectly sane.
Then TUESDAY we
have a "team meeting" much of the same this time
the judge is not present... WHat is the
point?..
What can we get accomplished in the three
days (including the weekend) since meeting with
the
judge?
Mae, We were in somewhat of mediation
before the tpr trial. They called it a
settlement hearing. Neither side was willing to
compromise at all so nothing happened.
Unfortunately, I think a judge does have to make
a decision for your family and no amount of
mediation is going to be helpful because there
is NO COMPROMISE right? Just more bills for us
and more stress. We actually are having an
emergency hearing tomorrow relating to our
custody hearing on tuesday. Just another round
with the lawyers and the judge but at least its
all
telephonic.
Met with a lawyer to prepare for
mediation.... Trying not to look at the bigger
picture because this guy will NOT quit. HE
will NOT compromise. So what is the
point??? AND if we win... HE
already said he would appeal...and keep
appealing SO that means we would go to the
Supreme court AGAIN??
Like this is in the best interest of the
child...To continue this limbo forever and a
day.. CAN"T we just agree whoever wins this time
WINS GAME OVER????
Can't it be about what is best for the
child????
Weary and emotionally drained... wanting to
crash.. YEt it is time to make dinner and start
the evening...CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!!!
An hour before we were to leave for
mediation. I get a certified letter from
SID.
He states he wants increased
visitation and full custody.. And here's a child
support check.
So in my opinion what was thepoint of going
to mediation if we know he will not
compromise. We had really tried to have a
good attitude and prepared for mediation
BUT getting that letter really blew my
attitude..
THE mediator met with parties separately so
we could speak freely:
His version of compromise is. If We get
custody he wants visitation 5-7 days a
week.!!
And if he gets custody I can babysit for
him during the day (free childcare)
and I could spend the first few night at
SId's house to help the child transition.
MY husband said NO WAY, BUT My husband would be
glad to spend the night to help child
adjust. I said, I would be glad to be
there during the day but sid needs to
face the reality of the chld crying at night for
his mommy. (Sure let's be his built in
nanny!!! UGH!!) Sid said our
children could come over for playdates..(I said
Iwould come too) SID said he could invision the
contact tapering off after a few years. I
SAID if we are "treating this like a divorce
case" MOMMY doesn't just disappear after
two year!!!!! WE did agree to tell
him, we are an available resource for
childcare.SOLEY because this would help our
son's transition and maintain the
connection The mediator said we could treat
it like a divorce case and where we get custody
but he gets ample parenting time..Co-parenting
like that's gunna work. SID made several
comments that made it abundantly clear that he
would criticize our parenting and harass
us..
I said so what you are telling me is
barring this guy Consents to this adoption.
Every other decision will damage the child..
that is what we are facing? WHAT A
FREAKING NIGHTMARE!!!!
The mediatior thought we were getting
somewhere after two hours and wanted to continue
this a different day..
Our lawyer thinks that it is a waste of our
money. I agree Our lawyer does not agree
that the judge will treat this like a divorce
case. There are plenty of cases where
the bio retains rights but has supervised and
limited contact.
Both parties will never agree to
anything.. Hoping the judge makes a good
decision next friday
We have also had to have mediation (MY
expense) and right before mediation the Judge
told us he would grant her whatever she
wanted. Oh - yeah - now what is the
point in mediating??????
I am SOO sorry! I knew it wouldn't go
well, but was hoping I was wrong. I hope
the judge makes a good decision on Friday, you
all have been through SO MUCH! I can't
imagine how frustrating....no ENRAGING this
must all be. I will be praying for
you on
Friday.
Mae Mae, Tell him he can kiss your butt
(was thinking of other words, but didn't think
it was right to post my actual thoughts) if he
thinks you're going to allow him to walk all
over you and what is best for YOUR
SON.
I also pray the judge rules for the
best interest and your son will be safe from
this lunatic.
You know when you think there is an end
in sight but then you find there is another hill
to climb???
I wonder
when this will ever be over?
The social
worker said it might be sooner than I
thought.
At the rate
this has gone.. I seriously doubt
it.
We are
talking almost THREE YEARS of this child's
life!!!!
So lets see BIO's think.. I had a
messed up childhood. Lets screw up my
kids!!! What about GEE maybe they would be
better off without me and my screwed up
life!!! WHY DOES THE STATE GIVE THEM THAT
RIGHT TO SCREW UP THEIR KIDS?? Haven't they done
enough damage???
The social worker seemed to
think, they might try to streamline/speed
up the process since ours is a unique case...She
thought maybe the judge could schedule a
trial for three months from now. Then
later on, when She was discussing that the judge
would probably order new psych evals... The
socialworker said "you may be right, it may
take that long." I was referrring to
the "plan" they gave us when our son first went
into "Foster care" last month. that this
may take a year before we go to trial...I'll
keep you guys
posted.
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WOW! I could write a book about the past
couple of days...
I went to a foster care adoption conference
which was excellent, very encouraging and
informative..!!!
We left the conference and headed to
court. Then after court we headed back to
the last night of the conference Where it was a
benefit dinner for the fostercare
association. (The judge was there, a
senator was there I could go on and on)
BUT back to the basics of the court
THE JUDGE ordered SID to remove the
child's name and "the foster parents names"(our
names) from a website..(there are three other
websites one has pictures can't wait till next
time in court when this is known.. SHE WILL BE
LIVID!!! SID's lawyer mentioned increasing
visits and non supervised visits... There was a
great uproar in the court room The judge said
she was not convinced that SID would keep
unstable Birthmother away from the child AND to
avoid accusations of inappropriate comments
to chiild. (SID accused us of saying negative
things against him to the
child.) TheJUDGE order a new psych
eval SID;s attorney thought he would run
the show, thought he would provide expert
witnesses proving SID"S psychological
fitness. WRONG THE state said.. THIS CHILD
IS IN OUR CARE.. WE WILL provide OUR OWN expert
witness to do a psych eval
The state is also getting a therapist to
evaluate SId's interaction with the child AND to
evaluate our interaction with the child.
The parent aid, who supervises his visits
turned in a report to the court. IT
SAID that SID lacks basic parenting
skills
We are going to trial OCT 22 the
state is responsible to prove neglect on
the SID"S part.
Hmmm 26months of non support.. Child has
NEVER been in the physical custody of the Sid HE
has never bought, diapers, provided shelter,
food clothing nor supervision for the child
except for the "supervised visits" he has had in
the past two months he has had no
contact The question is where will it
lead? We think it will lead to us getting
some form of Guardianship with he will
maintain supervised visits and court ordered
child support. We can't see the judge
being convinced in a months time that the child
is safe to be with this man.....Feeling better
than we have in a long time...
We have a "team meeting" on
Tuesday... REDUNDANT MEETING making sure
things are moving towards getting things done..
I have an idea!!! how about
giving us time to actually get the things done
instead of wasting time going to meetings about
what needs to be accompished OH
WELL!!! STILL WAITING TO HEAR UPDATES FROM
CALLY AND KITTY
October 22 is right around the
corner. I am STILL hopeful that you will
get a final adoption decree out of all this
mess. If they can prove neglect it
shouldn't be out of the
question.
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Welcome to the group. Please take
some time to introduce yourself.
In this group because of all of our
situations. We appreciate introductions
and updates.
I personally have a psycho birthfamily I am
dealing with so lurkers on email make me
nervous.
( you should see the lies they have posted
about my family on the web)
If you go back in the archives you will
read some of our stories under introductions,
Updates etc..
Don't let that scare you off. Some of
our stories are CRAZY I wouldn't believe it
unless I lived it.
WE are here via email.. for you to
have a chance to VENT, to rejoice with you, to
cry with you,
to give you encouragement and for you to be
able to draw on our experiences.
Unfortunately I have become quite an expert at
going to court and Adoption Law especially ,
Adoption law in my state. LOL!
Welcome Immitch! I'm Stacy aka billysmommy,
sometimes aka lexismomtoo, but here I am
tinyntough. Got all that? LOL
Like someone else mentioned, it is
unfortunate that any of us need to be here in
the first place, but at least we have each other
to lean on - because while our situations
garner sympathy from many people, there is no
one who can really understand unless
they have been there. All of us have been there
, and some still are........
I am one of the few who have made it to
what we call "the other side". I am 33 and I
live in central Florida. I am the proud stepmom
to a 19 year old daughter, and a proud amom to
Billy, 6 and Alexis, 3. Billy and Alexis were
placed by the same first mom - each as newborn
placements. They have different fathers, and
Lexi's birthfather decided after 4 months ( and
after 9 months of pregnancy) that he wanted
custody. We fought and finalized her adoption
when she was 17 months old.
Each and every night, I say a prayer for
those families who are still facing the
nightmare.
Grab a cup of coffee ( or a Pepsi if you
are like me!) and make yourself at
home.
Thanks for the invite. Irony of all
this is our first son adoption was contested but
he still became available for adoption at 4
months but at the time it seemed really
stressful. With the next adoption we
really were looking to avoid all this and
thought that our agency had done their due
diligence regarding the birth father. I
think all they took was the birthmoms opinion
without digging very deep. The birthmom was also
married to someone else so we thought that the
judge might just consider the husband the
presumed father but that did not happen.
<o:p></o:p>
Take
care,<o:p></o:p>
Laura<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
From: tinyntough
[mailto:lexismomtoo@cfl.rr.com]
Sent: Thursday, October
04, 2007 12:36 PM To:
Contested Subject: Re:
WELCOME to our newest
member<o:p></o:p>
Welcome Immitch! I'm Stacy aka
billysmommy, sometimes aka lexismomtoo, but here
I am tinyntough. Got all that?
LOL<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
Like someone else mentioned, it is
unfortunate that any of us need to be here in
the first place, but at least we have each other
to lean on - because while our situations
garner sympathy from many people, there is no
one who can really
understand unless they have been there. All of
us have been there , and some still
are........ <o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
I
am one of the few who have made it to what we
call "the other side". I am 33 and I live in
central <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place
w:st="on">Florida</st1:place></st1:State>.
I am the proud stepmom to a 19 year old
daughter, and a proud amom to Billy, 6 and
Alexis, 3. Billy and Alexis were placed by the
same first mom - each as newborn placements.
They have different fathers, and Lexi's
birthfather decided after 4 months ( and after 9
months of pregnancy) that he wanted custody. We
fought and finalized her adoption when she was
17 months old.
<o:p></o:p>
Each and every night, I say a
prayer for those families who are still facing
the
nightmare.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
Grab a cup of coffee ( or a Pepsi
if you are like me!) and make yourself at
home.<o:p></o:p>
He didn’t ask to be abandoned, He
didn’t ask to be torn
apart<o:p></o:p>
He didn’t ask to adopted, He didn’t
ask to be taken
in<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
He’s just a little boy, who wants to
run and play he’s just a little boy with no
voice… He’s just a little boy, who loves his new
family. He’s just a little boy,
who deserves a chance…No he
didn’t ask….<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
She didn’t ask to be exploited, she
didn't ask to be torn apart
She didn't ask to be broken, NO
she didn’t ask to be torn
apart.<o:p></o:p>
She’s just a little girl, who wants
to dream, She’s just a little girl with no
voice
She's just a little girl who wants a
family, She's just a little girl who deserves a
chance... NO she didn’t
ask<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
He didn’t ask to be rejected, No he
didn’t ask to be torn
apart…<o:p></o:p>
He didn’t ask to be uprooted, No He
didn’t ask to torn
apart<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
He’s just a little boy who wants to
run and play<o:p></o:p>
He’s just a little boy, who has no
voice<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>He’s
just a little boy who needs to be
loved<o:p></o:p>
He’s just a little boy who wants a
family..<o:p></o:p>
NO He didn’t
ask….<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
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POSITION
: Mom, Mommy, Mama,
Ma Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa,
Pop
JOB DESCRIPTION
:
Long term,
team players needed, for challenging
permanent work in an, often chaotic
environment. Candidates must possess
excellent communication and organizational
skills and be willing to work variable
hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including
trips to primitive camping sites on rainy
weekends and endless sports tournaments in far
away cities! Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also
required.
RESPONSIBILITIES
:
The
rest of your life. Must be willing to be
hated, at least temporarily, until someone
needs $5. Must be willing to bite tongue
repeatedly. Also, must possess the physical
stamina of a pack mule and be able to go
from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat in
case, this time, the screams from the
backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating
technical challenges, such as small gadget
repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets and
stuck zippers. Must screen phone calls,
maintain calendars and coordinate production
of multiple homework projects. Must have
ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one
minute, an embarrassment the next. Must
handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and
battery operated devices. Must always hope
for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability
for the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor
maintenance and janitorial work throughout
the facility.
POSSIBILITY FOR
ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :
None.
Your job is to remain in the same position
for years, without complaining, constantly
retraining and updating your skills, so that
those in your charge can ultimately surpass
you
PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE
:
None required
unfortunately. On-the-job training offered on
a continually exhausting basis.
WAGES
AND COMPENSATION :
Get this!
You pay them! Offering frequent raises and
bonuses. A balloon payment is due when they
turn 18 because of the assumption that
college will help them become financially
independent. When you die, you give them
whatever is left. The oddest thing about
this reverse-salary scheme is that you
actually enjoy it and wish you could only do
more.
BENEFITS :
While no
health or dental insurance, no pension, no
tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered; this job
supplies limitless opportunities for personal
growth, unconditional love, and free hugs
and kisses for life if you play your cards
right.
** AND A FOOTNOTE "THERE IS NO RETIREMENT
-- EVER!!!
Mae, Thanks for the laugh only four
more hours to go.... I want to call them so bad
and ask how she is doing but dh says no.
Regarding this post I actually got to have
previous experience with our first son who's
adoption was also contested. He became available
for adoption at 5 months though so it is like my
prereq on this deal. I thought it was
interesting that the birthmom brought her three
year old and then didn't put him in a child seat
or a booster. Oh man do I want to call the cops
when they drive away this afternoon but I will
try to control myself.
L
Looking out for a child's best interest is
not something to control yourself about.
How would you feel if you found out they got in
an accident and the child was hurt or worse due
to not being in a child restraint system?
Would you be able to live with yourself? I
know I wouldn't. If you have an extra car
seat, then I would offer it to them. Speak
to them about the importance of a car seat, if
you think they would listen. If they
wouldn't, CALL THE POLICE!!! Make sure to
document this, the time and everything you say
and do. This is the LAW and could also be
child endangerment. What would you expect
if it was your precious child that outside of a
child seat and a stranger saw this? Would
you want them to call it in, especially if it's
while your child isn't with you? If you
can, call your attorney, social worker, or
someone involved in this case. They may
also be able to help.
Okay just talked to my attorney and the
police and they are going to try to stop them
from driving with out a car seat. My attorney
said "I am glad you called about this" So we
will see where this goes. I'll keep you all
updated.
Laura
Do
you think I should call the police? A
child endangerment violation on these two won’t
look good to the judge. I guess I need to think
about it a little more. I will call my
adoption agent and see what she thinks.
<o:p></o:p>
Laura<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
From: Contested
[mailto:Contested@groups.msn.com]
Sent: Sunday, October
14, 2007 8:25 AM To:
Contested Subject: Re:
JOB
description<o:p></o:p>
Looking out for a child's best
interest is not something to control yourself
about. How would you feel if you found out
they got in an accident and the child was hurt
or worse due to not being in a child restraint
system? Would you be able to live with
yourself? I know I wouldn't. If you
have an extra car seat, then I would offer it to
them. Speak to them about the importance
of a car seat, if you think they would
listen. If they wouldn't, CALL THE
POLICE!!! Make sure to document this, the
time and everything you say and do. This
is the LAW and could also be child
endangerment. What would you expect if it
was your precious child that outside of a child
seat and a stranger saw this? Would you
want them to call it in, especially if it's
while your child isn't with you? If you
can, call your attorney, social worker, or
someone involved in this case. They may
also be able to
help.<o:p></o:p>
Oh man these last two hours are going by
way too slow. My friend went to the hotel they
are staying at and walked by the car and there
is definitely not a second seat of any kind
there. They were late yesterday so I guess I
expect lateness today. I have made it this far
come on noon oclock!!!!
Laura
Just because the bioparents were late
picking up, doesn't mean they're allowed to be
late dropping off. Times are set in place
for a reason. If your child isn't brought
back on time, call your agency or
attorney. Note the time on your
documentation. The time they pick up the
child is their time. If they are late for
it, it's their perogative. If they're late
returning, this is your time and not
allowed. Now, say there is a traffic
issue, weather issue or something of that
nature, they are supposed to notify you of this
so to make alternate arrangement to have the
child picked up, even if that means you go get
the child.
My advice- document, document,
document. If you have a couple of people
over to notice the child seat issue so as to be
able to testify against this, all the
better. This is a battle and you need to
make sure all bases are covered.
Kitty, Well they were contacted by the
police so I expect that they will be late IF
they actually go and buy this kid a car seat.
Your right document document. We plan on meeting
them in the driveway so we will see then only a
half hour til they should get here. I will call
the police again if they show up without a car
seat.
Laura
We made it! She is back at home thank the
lord!! Birthmom was grumpy tired or pissed but
would not get out of the car and looked totally
out of it. Claimed she slept through the night
but she doesnt sleep through the night at our
house so that is weird. She only drank 3-4
bottles WTH?? Bioparents were contacted by the
police in the town they were staying in and were
told to go buy the three year old a car seat.
They were staying 45 minutes from where we live.
They showed up at our house with the kid laying
a sleep in the back of the car with NO car seat.
I called 911 and dispatchers already knew about
the situation so I am guessing they will get a
ticket when they are stopped this time. I was
super friendly when they dropped her off and
said "okay so we'll see you guys in two weeks"
Thats it for now.
Laura
I'm glad she's home safe and sound.
You did the right thing by reporting them for
the lack of a car seat. This is a very
dangerous situation. If they were notified
about getting the child a car seat and still
didn't get one and were caught without one, I
would think that would be a very harsh
fine.
If they told you she only drank 3-4 bottles
in the time frame, I would not exactly how many
she has today as well as over the next
week. It should show a pattern.
You also did right by being friendly.
I know, it probably made you want to get sick,
but unfortunately, it had to be done.
Congrats on being the bigger person. Also,
enjoy this wonderful day with your little
one. It truly is a blessing that she is
home.
Glad she is home.. I will never forget
something a birthmother on an adoption blog said
to me..Everything we get is mere crumbs....Yes
they got 24 hours of this week
but you get every hour of every
day until they get their next
little crumb..
You get every smile, every amount of
bonding, every parenting moment. You get
the bond and the attachment of that child,
that the birthparents will never
have. THEY get a few moments to play
parent. Enjoy and savor each smile and
hug..and remember in the big picture.. it is
just crumbs... left overs...YOU get the
feast
Woo Hoo!!! Dish the dirt. And
you were wanting to bite your tongue.....
LOL. I'm glad to hear this wonderful
news. Maybe now they'll realize the
importance and also the cost of truly being a
parent. Okay, sorry but still
laughing.
This is the timeline of events They
pick up dd at noon By that night I realize
that they had driven away with the three year
old unrestrained I consult you guys and
attorney. Attorney advises to call police.
Police man is very nice and listens to whole
story and contacts the other towns police dept.
who pulls them over and gives them a warning and
tells them to go to Walmart to buy a carseat. Bf
pulled over for burned out tail light. Then the
police officer who I talked to calls me and lets
me know that bf will be late because he has to
go get car seat. Bfamily shows up here and we
are outside playing and don't hear him knock he
calls and we come out to the front of the house
where we witness the three year old sleeping in
the back seat again no seat belt. I go
inside and call 911. We live on a county road
and I am pretty sure that the original police
officer that I talked too is waiting at the end
of the road for him. Again burned out tail
light. And oh there is a tickler here that you
were pulled over in XXXX town and got a warning.
Gets a ticket for not having child in car seat.
I am sure that the town that he first got a
warning in is laying in wait. The irony is after
they dropped off dd they could have turned her
seat around and adjusted the straps and voila
car seat for her son. My attorney just called
and is thrilled. We won't make a huge deal about
it at the custody hearing but it will be pointed
out that these people continually make bad
decisions.
Laura
Congrats on catching the idiot in
action. It's only more rope to hang
themselves with and the worst thing is they were
given warnings and still didn't bother fixing
it. I'm hoping it's a HUGE fine.
Gee, it also goes on the driving record so
anytime they're stopped, it'll be checked
again. LOL. You did a good thing
today and could have possibly just saved this
child's life. Kudos to you.