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General : Dealing with birthparents during contestment  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 5/28/2005 11:02 AM
I would like to hear how everyone has dealt and continues to deal with the
birthparents during the contestment.  We do not have any contact with the birthfather who is contesting.  He has always used the birthmother to convey and recieve info.  We have an open adoption with the birthmother.
It is dealing with her that is difficult through this.
Just hearing all of your stories has really helped.  It is amazing the kind of responses I get from my friends-who mean well but don't understand.
Each of our stories are unique but there is strength in knowing  We are not the only ones living in this state of purgatory... For those of you who have been in this battle a long time.  WOW !  such strength.. I feel like I have lost my sanity and It has only 4 months since we began this whole rollar coaster. (it has been crazy since day 1)  it has been a rather intense filled four months I can't imagine 6,8,10 months.
-Mae-mae


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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 5/29/2005 8:12 AM
Hello Mae Mae,

The birthmom is the one contesting our adoption. She was served documents about the adoption a week and a half ago and we hadn't heard anything from her. Here is the weird part.

She called and left a message while we were out 2 nights before and we called her back last night. She said she got the documents from the attorney and thought we might be mad at her, so we didn't return her call. She said she was worried, we were upset with her. ???? She was very pleasant and kind. (Upswing of bipolar and honestly, she's not playing with a full-deck.) We talked about our son going into Pre-K this August and how he was so excited to ride the bus. How good this school is. She asked if it was okay to send a video game (the one that plugs into the TV and is pac-man and some of the games we all grew up with- okay, the older ones of us grew up with) for all 3 kids to play with. Would they enjoy that? I mean it was just a strange conversation. We then talked about the family reunion that will be held July 16th, one week after our court date and she said she'd definitely get up to the state for it and was excited.

Now, after that conversation, what would you all think? Does she even understand what those documents were? Does she think if she ignores them, we can't proceed? I just don't get it. (My sister being a special education teacher with over 20+ years of experience said she's borderline mentally retarded and probably all of the years of alcohol/drug abuse, hasn't helped matters.)

As far as the birthfather, he relinquished, but he calls about once a month also and is so sweet. We send pictures to both and try to remain as upbeat as possible.

Kitty

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 5/29/2005 3:01 PM
Kit,
I can totally relate.Regarding Birthmother..not putting two and two together or calling and acting like everything is okay in the midst of the emotional hell they are putting us through. The birthmother of our son seems to have selective memory. It is frustrating because she asks the same questions over and over and over again. Her lawyer was fit to be tied...
Every week she would ask about the baby dedication and when she can schedule a visit.  We had visions of grandeur with our open adoption. Her whole family was going to come it was going to be beautiful... Then She allowed Sperm Donor to poison her mind.. She doesnt realize that her interaction with HIM is preventing more interaction with our son.  I am unable to discuss all of it with her because of the legal battle...She calls every sunday night and reports what she calls to SD (sperm Donor) she  mentioned which church we were having the baby dedication at and low and behold SD called our pastor and asked our pastor ask us  to give baby back to SD...  Birthmother can't seem to put two and two together... Umm we can't have the baby dedication because we don't want PsychoDad showing up... How are we to know if we schedule a visit that he won't show up as well.   It would be too stressful already every Sunday morning I am looking over my shoulder.  It's a very violating feeling here we trusted her to be in an open adoption with her.  I always thought adoptive parents who lived in paranoid fear about birthparents showing up and kidnapping their children were living in Fear.   Now I understand
It makes me sad because I was so pro open adoption.. Now I am the poster child... why sometimes open adoption is not in the best interest of child and adoptive family. UGH!!
-Mae-mae
Please clarify what is a TPR  ??

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Recommend  Message 4 of 10 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 5/29/2005 4:21 PM
Sorry, TPR is Termination of Parental Rights.

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Recommend  Message 5 of 10 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 5/30/2005 10:02 AM
I kept trying other acronyms  Temporary Placement Report...
LOL  DUH   the real definition makes much more sense 
-Mae-mae

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From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 5/31/2005 11:00 PM
Hi,
I'm a newbie. I'll share my story in another message. In regards to your question: our attorney told us absolutely NO contact during the " battle" She said that anything we said or did could have been miscontrued or twisted. No letters, no phone calls, absolutely nothing.
Lana

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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 6/5/2005 4:12 PM
Hello Lana, I wish we didn't have to deal with the bmom during this, but our attorney (just in our case- due to the family dynamics) said that we don't want to look like we're keeping the child from the "mother". Since we're suing on grounds of abandonment/failure to keep a parental bond, we have to allow her to speak. UGH!!!!! (Now, since the distance between all of us, we don't have to deal with visits. YEAH!!!) I guess we can deal with his 30-seconds of talking, once a month.

Personally, if someone's contesting, I think it's so much better to ignore, to stay out of trouble.

Kitty

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Recommend  Message 8 of 10 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/6/2005 9:23 AM
Weekly phone calls from Birthmother.  We have an open adoption with Birthmother.  Our relationship with Birthmother has gotten really complicated but because the Bfather is the one contesting.  We have been advised to play nice with Birthmother.
Emotionally I have been doing much better lately, however, Sunday nights are really hard because Bmother calls.  She obsesses about this child.  What food did he eat this week?  How tall is he.. Can you send a picture of his new teeth.. Can you send a picture of his toes.  Instead of warm fuzzy feelings towards her I just want to puke.  She continues to expect us to treat her with respect etc.. yet she has betrayed us in so many ways. She has lied, betrayed, accused us, told us she regrets her decision and asked us to give the baby back to bfather.   Because she is in constant contact with the bfather.  We do not feel comfortable arranging visits.  We agreed to three or four times a year.  We have had him since Feb. She has already seen him once and is asking for another visit.  It is hard because  we don't trust her.  How are we to trust that she won't tell bfather either on purpose or by accident not realizing he will use the information.. might show up at the visit.  YET we have to walk a delicate line.. trying not to completely push her into joining the bfathers legal case.  She is just a confused hurting grieving person who is being manipulated by a madman.  So all the visions of an open adoption.. She is not who we thought she was...have turned into nightmares.
I am really hoping this contestment will not drag ON and ON. 
The joys of a contested adoption
-Mae-Mae

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Recommend  Message 9 of 10 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/12/2005 12:58 AM
If you do have contact with them make sure you keep a journal and record all conversations. It is legal as long as one of you know that it is being done. Make sure you right down each time you talk to them and what is being said and if you send them anything like a card or letter write it in your journal and make a copy of it for your attorney.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 10 of 10 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/12/2005 10:12 PM
Our weekly dreaded phone call.
We decided to make Bmother happy and arrange a visit in the next couple of weeks. This will keep her happy for a while.. If we can keep her happy during till the trial is over It will be worth it.  Plus hopefully she can see how he has bonded with us and our children.   Bmother asked if Bfather could send Noah something for his six month 1/2 bday. My dh said he would have to go through our attorney. Bmother also asked if after the trial is over if Bfather could have visits like she does. Dh said (what our attorney's advised.. This is not the topic of our conversation. This phone call is about Noah) 
It amazes me the dense she can be.. It also amazes me that she allows herself to be birthf.'s puppet.  He never has the guts to a.  Talk to us directly. b. show up at the custody placement etc...   
At least we have made it to the six month mark.. Bfather has officially abandoned in eyes of the law our son for six months.  Although in our state 60 days abandonment is all we needed to file for adoption without his consent. This is a milestone  and grounds for a TPR.. YIPEE!!!
Hang in there..
-Mae-mae

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 6/1/2005 9:19 AM
IIt seems that several of us have important events in the next month or so.
Should get interesting as things develop.  I will be praying everything goes smoothly with this little one.
-Got2bmaemae


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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/12/2005 1:02 AM
Yes as I'm finally having time to read my messages I'm answering them one by one and I see there is a lot going on and I hope and pray that God answers a lot of prayers this next month. Hang in their girls and never give up faith. It can be a long road a head but our children are well worth the fight. I strongly believe that God picked each and everyone one of us to be these children's parents because we would not give up on them and that we would do what ever needed to in order to make sure they got a chance for the best possible live. My prayers are with all of ya'll.
Barbara

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General : in search of my sanity  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 6/10/2005 10:11 AM
My previous post must got lost in cyperspace.  Yesterday I sent a post if by chance you got it.
Disregard this message.
Even if you didn't get the post I guess it was theraputic to type.  It helps me process this whole mess.
I am still chewing on this past phone call with birthmother.  She is really wanting a visit.
We agreed to three-four times a year.  We have had him 3 1/2 months and she has seen him once.
I really want to wait until after the trial. It is stressful enough to mentally prepare for the trial without having to emotionally deal with a visit.
I hate that we have to play nice and play games.  Lawyers want us to keep her happy so she won't join the legal fight. Even though emotionally she already has.  We speculate from conversations we and the previous foster mom has had with her that she thinks the biodad will get baby back and then give baby back to her.  She can't afford to contest and she doesn't trust the lawyer we provided for her.
WE are looking forward to the day when we can sit down with her and tell her how we really feel,
redefine our relationship etc.. but for now... the games continue UGH
The joys of contestment.
.... There are so many orphans out there in the world without psychotic obsessive parents who need a family to love.. who knew we would of ended up with this type of adoption.  Really annoys me that irresponsible people can take advantage of the system and take advantage of good hearted people...
All of us. who were willing to open our hearts and homes to a child.  Why these people have the power is infuriating.
Thanks for letting me vent...
Megan
Mae-mae


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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/11/2005 4:11 PM
Megan Mae-mae,
I know what you mean about there being so many adoptions out there that go on without a hitch and here all of are with the adoptions from hell. It doesn't seem right I agree. We were like you and provided our birthmom with an attorney and the day we went to mediation because the birthfather had finally agreed to sign her parents talked her into changing her mind and we were blind sided at the table of mediation when the mediator came in and said I have to tell you that the birthmom's attorney will not be here today because the birthmom has changed her mind and so the birthfather will not be signing as well and now they have joined sides and they and her parents are now fighting you for your son. If I had it to all do over again I would have not hired her an attorney and would have had our attorney terminate her rights and just took my chances with the birthfather. That is my advise to anyone who is in a contested adoption with the birthfather. Don't always believe half of the shit the birthmom tells you about the birthfather because she is speaking out of her own pain and it isn't always true. If we had went ahead and let our attorney temrinate her rights with the judge our adoption would have been over last August. Not this month almost a year later and thousands of dollars and million of tears later. Sorry to vent and that is just my two cents worth.
Barbara

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/11/2005 6:15 PM
At least we are not alone in our misery.   You can vent and share your misery anytime. It helps to know that we are not alone in our pain.
Keep us posted as things progress.
-Megan

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/11/2005 6:27 PM
Barbara...
I was trying to find your whole story as an Intro.  How long have you had your son.  Our pretrial is the 23rd so I will definitely keep you in my prayers.
-Megan

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General : Got a package in the mail  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 6/11/2005 2:14 PM
Okay guys,
I am trying not to over analyize this, and if we were not in a contested adoption and just an open adoption maybe it wouldn't seem so wierd.  The birthfamily (birthmom-grandma and Aunt ) sent a package with Happy Birthday on it.
(Noah turns 6 months tomorrow.)  Inside the package was justa card signed by the three of them. Saying they miss him and think about him all the time and hope to hold him soon. etc.... I am really hoping it means they expect a visit.
But part of me believes they really think they are getting him back.  Its so hard when there has been so much deception. 
I know I am reading into it.  I just thought it was kinda wierd
Any thoughts from the group.
-Mae-Mae


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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/11/2005 3:56 PM
Take it from someone who got those kind of card each week for months. Even after the judge told the grandmother not to have any contact with us at all. The cards came each week and were even dated saying things like I can't wait for you to come home. We are waiting for you. You can come home now. They are just trying to harass you so don't let them get to you. Our son is now almost 14 months old and our final hearing is on the 23rd so please just look at it for what it is. Just their way of getting you upset and to get under your skin. Believe me I know how much it hurts. Our cards come each week address to our son and they refer to my DH by his full name but I am always disrespected and called just simply Bar as if that is going to upset me. They say in their they can't wait for the day he gets to come home to his mommy and brothers. When his mother doesn't want him and believes he is right where he should be. So don't let them get to you and just hold on to your little one and thank God for each and everyday you have and thank God for your baby. Keep the faith that everything is going to be all right. Lean on your friends especially the ones here who have and are still going through this nightmare. It is so hard for those who haven't gone through this to really understand what hell this is.
Barbara

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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 6/11/2005 7:15 PM
I also agree with Barbara. It's okay if they want to think they're going to get him back, because you know different. They're just stirring that pot. Don't let them get to you. If they think that making jerks of themselves is going to make you give them your child back, then they are sadly mistaken.

After reading the post about the card, I honestly also thought they were talking about getting him back. (So, you're not the only one jumping to that same conclusion.) Don't trust any of them as far as you can throw them. Be polite, but don't go beyond that. I honestly also would stall off that visit as long as you can. Make excuses not to have it for now and see what happens.

Kitty

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From: MSN Nicknamebeckfires Sent: 6/13/2005 10:03 AM
I know all of our stories are a bit different - but what I don't understand is - WHY? - why do they want to give US grief? - like we're not doing enough - I'm sorry - but they've ALL had the opportunity to step up and care for their kids.........there is NOTHING - NO WAY - NO HOW I would be without my child.........if I were homeless for a while - we'd be homeless TOGETHER - whatever the excuse is they're using.....it just makes me sick - but that's funny - because that's exactly what my counselor said too - that they just want to control me and make me upset..........it's so ridiculous............

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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 6/13/2005 8:53 PM
I almost hate to reply to this with the mood I'm in, but those people are giving grief, because they can. They're miserable people and want to make you that way too.

If they could have parented, then why aren't they doing it?! They can't and are holding it against people that can. Don't let them bring you down to their level. You know what's right and keep fighting for your child.

Kitty

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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/14/2005 12:14 AM
I agree with you that it does make me sick that they want to give all of us so much greave and treat us as if we have done something wrong. We are not the ones who are the ones who have lied changed our minds a hundred times and don't put the babies needs before our owns. We are the ones who have been put trough the ringer and have had to pay through the nose. I'm like all of you no matter what I would never allow my child to be taken away from me and I sure as he%% wouldn't put the up for adoption. I would do what ever it took to keep them.
Barbara

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/14/2005 7:54 AM
IT's because we in the 2% club.. HEar me out now... 98% of NORMAL rational human beings the minute their child is born, either assume full responsibility for parenting or hand that responsibility over to a responsible adult (adoption)  Then there are the 2% the wishy washy can't make up my mind.. Not capable of making or sticking to a responsible decision.  TO HAVE THE NERVE to decide since the baby looks cute that day they want to parent is so infruriating.. Denying the child the dignity and respect they deserve to be treated like a person not an object or doll we can dress up to look cute.  But when we get tired of playing house we'll hand them back over to a responsible adult.   I crack up because our bmother in defense or sperm donor.. says... " Bfather deserves the same amount of time I had to make my decision It wasn't fair that I made that decision without him... My response is what a load of crap.  We were uncertain even while she was in court weither she was going to parent or give the baby up.  It is unbelievable to me that people think this way...
They think they can get free babysitting for 2 1/2 months while they make up their minds to parent or not.. Then of course after the adoption another... How many months of "Free childcare" meanwhile putting our family through emotional and financial stress... Why these people are made to pay back the foster parents and pay the attorney fees of adoptive parents is beyond me.
Ok my rant is over...
Whooh that felt good
Megan

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Recommend  Message 8 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/14/2005 10:52 AM
Megan,
Go a head and vent believe me I would love to vent in our case this crap has been going on for now almost 14 months and our bmom has signed twice and the bdad has said on more than one occasion that he cannot parent and will sign the papers but here we are and thousand and thousands of dollars and millions and millions of tears and sleepless nights later still waiting for our day in court. Just because we are not the bparents who can get a day in court in a matter of days or a little over a week or so it took us 14 months to get ours which thank God is next week! I think that it would only be fair that in cases like ours where they had no right to ever put us through this kind of crap because it wasn't them in the first place that wanted our son but their parents who have no right. Should at least have to pay us back for all the attorney fees. Now that would be justice. Well sorry guy's but I just needed to get that one off my chest.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 9 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 6/15/2005 8:53 AM
T used to send letters to Paul that woud day things like. " I am your REAL mommy" That woman is your Aunt. When we are together again, I won't let her steal you again"  Of course he was too little to read, so I knew the letters were meant to hurt me.I wasn't allowed to reply, my lawyer said NO CONTACT. I used to write her letters. Dozens of letters. They were mean hateful and TRUE! I never sent them. I would write them, save them to the computer and read them when I was in a bad mood. Once the adoption was final, I deleted them. Paul as almost 3 when she got out of prison. No way in hell I was gonna just give him back.
I have had 5 biological children. I will be the FIRST one to say that biology means nothing. ZIP! The fact that I was able to conceive didn't make me a mommy. Loving and raising and caring for the kids is what makes a parent. Not the act of conception.
Holding Paul while he had seizures ( from the drugs his birth lady took while pregnant) made me his mom. Setting the alarm and waking up every 2 hours for the first 3 weeks of his life made me his mom. ( he was so sick, that he would have literally slept himself to death. We didn't hear him cry till he was 2 and a half weeks old!) You guys are the mommies. Period. Don't let them get the better of you!
They feel as if they are owed the world and it really pisses me off ( excuse my language, I hope I don't offend) Not to say that I don't appreciate the role the birth lady plays, but I don't get into " birth parent worship"
Keep your heads up!
Lana

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Recommend  Message 10 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 6/15/2005 1:41 PM
Lana, I had to copy this part from your post, speaking about the birthparents........

"They feel as if they are owed the world and it really pisses me off ( excuse my language, I hope I don't offend) Not to say that I don't appreciate the role the birth lady plays, but I don't get into " birth parent worship"

NO offense here. All I wanted to say was, A-MEN!!!!! Thank you, thank you, thank you. Finally, someone has said my feelings exactly. I've gotten so tired of walking on eggs shells for birthparents, when some really don't deserve the time of day. I know there are some outstanding birthparents and those are excluded from these remarks. It's the birthparents we deal with, that really piss me off too.

Kitty

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Recommend  Message 11 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/15/2005 2:59 PM
AMEN sistas to the Birthmother worship... SOOO  why I am PRO international adoption...Give immature people who make bad choices power and BAM!! Here we are. 
Re: writing letters.  I have written  many...  We have actually written responses to their emails they sent us.  Of course they have not been sent.
But we do plan on answering HER accusations and lies.  It does feel good to be able to write them letters weither they ever see them or not.
The latest drama... My dh told BM on Sunday  email us with a couple of possible dates to have a visit.  She called yesterday and was wanting to make it for this morning.  So many reasons WHY that was a wrong answer.
One... umm my husband actually works and can't just take off anytime he wants to be at your beck and call.  .  UMMM  No YOU ARE NOT the center of the universe YOU are not the reason we have this relationship it's supposed to be about NOAH..Two.. We said give us options within the next couple of weeks.  When My husband mentioned to her we would discuss possible dates. She said " I thought you said I could see him anytime I wanted in the next week.  My husband said well actually our week is pretty busy.. that is why I wanted to go over a few possible dates in the next week or two. 
But obviously IT IS ALL ABOUT HER.. Her seeing him..  Her treating him like a babydoll  NOT about HIM not about anyone elses schedule or lives.  So self-occupied...Three..Wouldn't ya know after a month of no runny nose.  Sunday Noah woke up with runny nose and conjestion.. which he has had on and off his whole life.. Last time they saw him he was sick.. They are obsessing about his health. The LAST thing I need right before this trial is to set her off regarding his health.  We took him to the Dr. Yesterday hopefully the drugs they gave him should have him cleared up before Saturday.  So just want her to BE happy for a couple of weeks....
Sooo wish they would just all go away....
-Megan

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Recommend  Message 12 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebeckfires Sent: 6/20/2005 8:27 AM
this just amazes me to see that we are all so similar - I feel EXACTLY the same way - and TRUST ME - I'm not offended - I have said soooo much worse - to myself, of course - or to my friends........
WHERE do these idiots get these stupid ideas - about them being THE MOM.....I actually put myself in people's situations and trust me - IF (wouldn't happen) - but if I would ever have to give up a child I would be GRATEFUL and THANKFUL and HAPPY that someone would love that child soooo much - and with such UNCONDITIONAL LOVE - Love them truly - not just because they're "supposed" to - because they gave birth to them.........and I would NEVER tell that child that that person who is giving them EVERYTHING isn't their mother.......they're crazy - that's all there is to it - the sad thing here is - that there are so damn many of them!!!!

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Recommend  Message 13 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 7/12/2005 3:30 PM
Got another package... Since visit was canceled.. Sent clothes.. could always use clothes.
Sent a card signed it Mommy and Daddy PUKE!!!!  As if that is providing for him 24/7 HA HA
why do people think DNA entitles you to that title.  It is a well earned title.
Sperm donor and Gestational Mother are more like it.
Megan

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Recommend  Message 14 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 7/15/2005 7:02 PM
As not to say negative things about the birth lady in front of Paul during our contested adoption, we always refered to her as ED ( stands for Egg Donor)
I agree, having sex and getting pregnant ( or getting somebody pregnant) DOES NOT EQUAL BEING A MOMMY OR A DADDY!
Hope all goes well,
Lana

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Recommend  Message 15 of 15 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 7/16/2005 8:07 AM
Meagan,

Actually, before we found Robert- bfather, we called them sperm donor and incubator. Robert now carries the distinguished title of Papa Robert and he cherishes it. Bmom is still incubator. (Of course, she's the one contesting.)

Our 13 year old daughter (going on 30) has quietly eavesdropped on a lot of things that were happening. We hadn't realized exactly how much until she called the bmom "BM". I told her that was inappropriate, because it could also stand for Bowel Movement. She then piped up, "I know. She's full of crap". We can chalk that one up to "Out of the mouths of babes". LOL.

Yes, we did have the conversation about being respectful to our elders even when it isn't nice to be and we never wanted Jordan to feel horrible about who his birthmom is. She deserves respect (gosh, just typing that makes me want to hurl), just because she gave birth to him and that entitles her to a place of honor.

Let us know how it's going. I hadn't realized you'd posted back here, because I tend to only look at the messages opened up in the browser.

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Recommend  Message 1 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 6/11/2005 7:40 PM
Okay humor me.  To keep our focus on why we are in this hell.
Which is those precious children.
Here is "the question of the day"
What is the funniest/cutest thing your child has done this week?
Here's mine:  Noah has begun to roll around (all over the floor) this week he got stuck by the air vent and was freaking out because it was blowing on him.
I know that sounds lame but at 6 months old thats the best I can do..
Now my 2 yo there's a funny moment around every corner...
-Megan


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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/12/2005 12:02 AM
I know you asked about this week but this was last week and I just have to share so I hope it will still count. LOL I took my little guy to the ocean for the first time and when we got out of the car he was so excited to feel the breeze of the ocean and see all of the water. He loves water that he gave out this big squeal and had the biggest smile on his face. It was so funny. Then I set his little feet down in the sand. It was so funny to see him jump them back up and look at me like OMG this is gross what is this?LOL But by the end of the second day I had myself a little sand rat. I'm sure if we would have had more time that first day he would have loved it by that day. By the end of the week he was covered in sand and I had the hardest time keeping him out of the water. He didn't mind that the water was salty.LOL He just turned one on the end of April.

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Recommend  Message 3 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 6/12/2005 8:21 AM
We've got a 13-year old, almost 8-year old and the 4-year old is the one, that is the contested adoption.

The almost 8-year old has a strange stomach. He'll eat almost anything without a word, but if by chance he really doesn't like it, automatically, it'll come right back up. (No warning, no nothing.) Well, the other night we were eating lasagne and it had been a while since the 8-year old had tried it (we usually just make him spaghetti instead), so he wanted to try it again. Unfortunately, the stomach didn't like it and it came back up. Well, the 13-year old got up from the table without saying a word, grabbed her plate, and went into the other room, sat down, and continued eating. The 4-year old had this absolutely blank look on his face, looked at the 8-year olds plate, looked back at his, then proclaimed, "I not hungry, I get down now?!" The 13-year old was the only one to finish dinner that night. LOL.

The 4-year old is a laugh a minute. Boy, I could fill this with his antics.

Kitty

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Recommend  Message 4 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 6/12/2005 9:20 AM
Ok, my story is a little crude, but too funny not to post.
My youngest, Paul loves cowboys. He wears his " cowboy clothes" every day and asks us to call him "pardner" The one thing he is missing from his costume is SPURS. ( remember that word)
The other day, he was using his imagination. He was  walking, stomping his feet, he looked at me and asked ( very innocently) " Can you hear my sperms?"
I about died, but I kept a straight face and repeated the correct word a few times so he wouldn't make that mistake again.
Lana

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Recommend  Message 5 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/12/2005 1:25 PM
Lana,
That was so funny. I was ROTFL thanks for sharing.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 6 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebeckfires Sent: 6/13/2005 9:57 AM
I certainly can't compete with the "sperms"........but Lexi and I were in her bed the other night getting ready to read a story - and she repeated something I said - and then spoke in this jibberish - I said what did you say - she did it again - laughing like crazy and she said - it's spanish - and then started laughing again..........I think she's making fun of THEM........since they speak spanish in front of her and she has no idea what they're saying........we just about peed the bed laughing

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 6/12/2005 7:48 PM
So funny to check my other group... I have not really been an active member of AmomAlike...
To see Stacy, and barbara on the board.
Funny thing is, I don't remember joining that group must of been while I was in pre-adoption... SO much has happened since then.  I have kinda dropped off all other adoption groups... To difficult to relate to a" normal" adoption not enough hours to keep track of everything
OOPS baby has woke up
Gotta run,
Mae=


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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/12/2005 10:04 PM
Mae,
Believe me I know what you mean it is sometimes hard to relate to those who have not gone through what we are going through even though I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I pray for each and everyone of us that God will give all of us to strength to make it through this. I'm like you I don't have much time for all of the other threads right now with everything that is going on with our case. I stay close to home and groups that have people like us who truly understand.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 3 of 4 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/12/2005 10:22 PM
Yes, unfortunately, we are not the poster child for domestic adoptions. LOL
Again so glad to be able to share what is going on without the usual comments... our unique situations (contestment) brings out peoples fears, and contributes to the negative stereotypes of adoptions.  GREAT,, I wanted to be this great spokesperson for adoption.. Look at us.. We did it you can too!!!!  Instead its like Don't look too closely at what we are doing or you will never consider adoption.  My friends  don't understand the ongoing relationship that we must maintain with the bparents during this time.  

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Recommend  Message 4 of 4 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 6/13/2005 8:46 PM
I also agree. It's so difficult being very "cheerful" regarding birthparents/adoption, knowing our worlds are teetering on the edge of crashing down around us. (Adoption is a wonderful, WONDERFUL, thing, but sometimes this is just very difficult.) We also don't have the awesome, supportive, bparents like those in the "normal" open-adoptions.

I at least have one adoption that was fairly smooth sailing, but took over 2+ years to finalize. Gee, that was a totally different type of a headache. LOL.

I'm the host of the relative adoption forum and sometimes I just want to scream, "BE CAREFUL, YOUR FAMILY WILL NEVER BE THE SAME AGAIN after you have custody of a relative!!!" I also want to warn people that family will sometimes consider you just a free babysitter or are someone that's going to hand the child over at the parent's whim, just because they are family. (Gee, they trusted you to take the child and do what was best for them, but that OF COURSE, couldn't POSSIBLY go against them.)

I'm sorry. Sometimes it gets to me more than others. Oh, Bmom doesn't want the child my sister is raising, (that has FAS- that SHE caused), because he's not biracial. She only wants the one I'm raising. Can someone tell me how courts can look at women seriously, that "choose" to only try and get one of their children back??? Okay, if you can answer that one, then why would any mother only try to get one child back, when 3-children are out there- and one is in the home of the man that sexually molested her when she was a child??? I know, I know. I'm just pounding my head against a brick wall. sigh.... We at least have each other and that's a lot, because we're all in this together.

UGH!!!! Okay, rants over now.

Kitty

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 6/15/2005 10:18 PM
Boy we have a lot of exciting and stressful events for several of us on the group in the next week or so.
Lana we will be praying.regarding new baby.  Keep us posted. 
Our drama... I am sure the next month will be high drama, because the Birthmother thrives on it. Pretrial is Next Thursday.  We are trying to set up a visit...to make her happy.. I got an email tonight.. Makes me want to GAG!!!
I am stressed enough will all that is going on.  she told us she would like the visit to be Saturday or earlier if possible.  We are having the visit at the former fosterparents house (old friends of ours) the birthgrandmother and Aunt plus baby cousin come along.  SO it is a full house,   Noah is sick  I really would like him snot and cough free when they see him.   She is desperate to see him.. She misses him.. She really really wants a picture of him eating his toes.. The pictures we sent will not go through for some reason.  ALL of this makes me want to GAG!!  I hate having to play this game.  I love my son but honestly...We have had drama since day ONE.. five months of CRAP.
SO thick hard to have the love for Noah override all the it.  We are going to very graciously try to get out of Saturday
and make it next saturday that will be after the pre-trial.  Which means nothing but just one hoop jumped through.
The next weeks leading up to the trial is going to be stressful enough without dealing with her Drama.  But again in her state of mind... lets just get her a visit make her happy and get through this trial. The things we do for LOVE..
YEs I will do this for Noah!! IT will be torture put on a nice face watch them drool all over him.  Play nice.. Never was the catty type in high school to play the two-faced game.. I just tell it like it is.  UGH!! This is stretching me beyond myself.. Not to mention.. the weight I have gained..lol stretched in other ways.  Makes me want to hypernate.  Not deal with anyone or anybody even my children. and I am a major people person.. Gee can you tell by my chatty posts :)  Again thanks No one else wants to hear it.. no one else can comprehend the hell we are in.
-Megan


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Recommend  Message 2 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 6/19/2005 9:24 PM
Hello Megan,

I thought I'd give you a bit of encouragement for the date of your pre-trial. I'll have you know, it's our adopted son's birthday, so I can only think good things will happen on such a special day. (At least that's what we'll be praying for.)

How did the visit with the bmom go? I'm anxious to hear all about it.

Our court date is July 8th, so we're right behind you. We need to start a post with all of the dates, that are coming up and what they stand for. That way, we all know to make sure we add some special prayers for those families.

Kitty

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Recommend  Message 3 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebeckfires Sent: 6/20/2005 7:56 AM
oh I know - you poor thing - that's how I feel when I have to take Lexi to these stupid visits and Sam's "mother" comes and drools and puts on this big show - it makes me soooo sick - I can't even describe - and I would LOVE to tell her what I think - BUT - I just play nice and stuff it - so I don't cause waves.........ewwhhhh - I feel for you!!!!
and praying for you!!!!
Love
Becky

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Recommend  Message 4 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/20/2005 6:05 PM
That would be a great ideal I would love to know what everyone is going to court for. Sometimes I don't even know what we are going for this time. I was told this was supposed to be our last time but just found out that was a lie. That they have 30 days to appeal and they could take this to the supreme court. And even though he threw the grandmother out at the last hearing that she will be back in our case fighting again on Thursday. It is all her fault that this mess is still going on. She is the one who just will not give up I hope this judge gives it to her one more time. Please pray for us tonight we have a meeting with bdad he wants to talk about settling this out of court with us before Thursday. I'm not holding my breath because he has been saying that for the last three weeks and court is in three more days. But we will see we are not taking our son with us since this is suppose to be a meeting we don't want him to be interrupted or distracted. I wrote down some notes that I'm taking with me so I can hopefully keep bdad on track. Please pray he is for real this time. I would be nice to have him at least done and out of the game.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 5 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/23/2005 2:00 PM
Gag order was issued.. Media showed up.
So I am unable to discuss the case UGH!!!!!!!
BM case thrown out.
Stuff Good novels are made out of.
Trial Date set for Sept29-30th

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Recommend  Message 6 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 7/11/2005 10:09 AM
Update on our drama.. The past two weeks have been busy and relatively uneventful LOL
The guardian et letem (Baby's lawyer) came for a visit  and our social worker also had a scheduled visit a week later.
SO nice not to have ANY contact with BM . This has taken A LOT of stress OUT of our family..
We have our life back Weekends are peaceful Sunday nights are no longer dreaded...because of the weekly interogation.. phone call
And kept the drama OUT of our lives...
On the job front.. Of course Dh had two interviews last week. But was not chosen for that job.
walking a tight rope with a blind fold on.  EEK!!!
Trying to just take one day at a time...
Trying to have fun with the kids this summer
Trying not to deal or think about all the STRESS in our life.
-Megan

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 6/20/2005 2:10 PM
Kit,
you asked for an update...here goes
This afternoon we got an email from our attorney
Stating that the birthmother joined the fight contesting the adoption. BM has retained a lawyer .. Her defense.. She didn't have sleep the night before the she signed her consent.
The BP's lawyer's sent 100 pages of accusations to our attorneys... Basically outlining their strategy...
Good news... No visits no phone calls or contact with Birthmother YIPEE!!!!!
Thursday is pretrial...
I'll keep you posted as things progress
- Megan


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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/20/2005 5:53 PM
Megan,
Sorry to hear that BM joined to fight I hate to say this but welcome to my Hell! I'm happy for you that they didn't give her anything though. We go to court on this Thursday after 14 long months of Hell that we have been fighting BF, BM and grandmother when all along it has been the grandparents who were behind all of this. Unfortunately she was granted visits this last time around because we won in the lower courts and now we are in the higher courts and I'm sure we will win again it is just a pain in our ass and costing us out the noise with all of this mess. Hang in there girl and know you are not alone. Sending positive vibes your way. Any news on a court date? Is she filing for anything yet? I hope your court system is faster than ours. Get this ours signed her rights twice and took them back twice so you tell me where is the justice in all of this?
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 3 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/20/2005 11:11 PM
Well lets hope Thursday brings finality for you Barbara...Can't imagine 14 months of this....  WOW it's almost over for you.
What state are you in that they would let her resend twice... Our justice system at work....We definitely will be praying and thinking about you since Thursday is our pretrial we will have contested adoptions on the brain..
In our case... The BM has NO legal chance... In our state based on when and how she resended and based on how excellent her attorney did to make sure it was an airtight case.. She has no legal standing.. She is going to try to convince the judge that the foster parents brain washed her.
Lack of sleep.. I don't think that'll fly.
BF doesn't have a case either since we have him on 60 days abandonment and 6 months abandonment.  Not to mention this guys credibility as a sane human being. First we have the immaculate conception theory... Then  all the racist comments that the BF said to the foster parents.  Judge is African American.  BF is racist bigot.. didn't want anyone to know he had a black son etc..didn't want to taint his german blood. .. Don't think that is going to fly with this judge.  The fact that the BM thinks so little of herself to defend and support an abusive racist is beyond me.   Truth is stranger than fiction... We all could be contenders for the Jerry Springer Show EEK!!
Good luck Three more sleepless nights till Thursday!!
-Megan

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Recommend  Message 4 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 6/21/2005 12:14 AM
Megan,
I'm in Texas how about you? I will be praying for you on Thursday as well. How old is your little one? Our adoption is a private one but we made sure to dot all our I's and cross all our T's so I'm not to worried about it either. We already won once in the lower courts and of course they appealed and now we are in the upper courts. Last time when we had trail the judge just shook his head and said that none of them had any standing and that we had standing to have them terminated and to proceed with our adoption. Who would have guessed thou that it would have taken this long? This would have all been over last year if the grandparents would have just stayed out of it. I have heard that statement over and over again. I think they need to pass a law stating that unless a person is under a certain age that grandparent can't interfere with an adoption. In our case our birthparents were 21 and 28 when our son was born. Old enough to make their own minds up and be held responsible for their actions. The sad thing is our birthfather never even signed the birth registry or proved paternity and is not named on the birth certificate but yet he has been allowed to continue to fight in our case. He should have been thrown out in the beginning especially when she had signed and this mess would have been over with. That is how her parents were able to suck into our case was to latch like a leech to our case was through his case. Sorry to vent but I'm tired its late and I'm just tired of this whole mess.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 5 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 6/21/2005 2:42 PM
Barbara,
What is Texas law regarding all of this?
Is it up to the judge or the law?  If it was up to the judge why isn't all this nonsense over?  If it up to the law?  why isn't this nonsense over?
I wish there was retribution for friviolous lawsuits.. Wasting Courts time, our time and money.
Will they rule on the adoption on Thursday or will they wait?
Absolutely ridiculous to put A child and a family through this.
Borderline Child abuse if you ask me..pure selfishness plain and simple.
-Megan
P.S. We are in Missouri

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Recommend  Message 6 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 6/21/2005 4:30 PM
Megan,

Can I say, OH MY GOSH!!!! Okay, I can't believe an attorney would actually take a case, because "She didn't have sleep the night before she signed". ???HUH??? I just don't get this. Why are the court systems allowing such crap? We can all just scream now.

Thank goodness they were stupid enough to outline what they were going to do, so you now have ample time to come up with a defense.

I'm in such awe with the stupidity of these arguments. I can't believe how these judges are allowed to keep this charade up, when there's no legal rights that these people have. I'm just shocked.

After listening to everyone else, I'm a bit nervous for our court date. Oh, and in Georgia, they can TPR and grant the adoption all in the same hearing. We'll just have to see if that's what they're going to do. UGH!!!

Kitty

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 6/21/2005 7:50 PM
Okay if I knew how to do a real poll I would but.. humor me...
Since I am just beginning this contestment... and knowing Barbara's is 14months running... I was curious....
How many children do you have?      3
Is this your first adoption?         Yes
Who is contesting?              Both birthparents
What State are you in?        Missouri
How long has this drug out?  It has only just begun... Began Feb 25th
From Custody till contestment  Three months
Pretrial- till trial date  
Trial date till appeal 
Finalization of adoption  ....
And (Gulp) what is your running total bill from your attorney    $3,000 and counting
My answers are beside the questions.


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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 6/21/2005 9:39 PM
Great Idea. Stats for Kitty

How many children do you have? 3
Is this your first adoption? No. 1st was international 2nd.
Who is contesting? Birth mom- Dad signed
What State are you in? Georgia

How long has this drug out? Filed for adoption May 05'
From Custody till contestment 1 yr. 8- months
Pretrial- till trial date
Trial date till appeal Trial date- July 8th
Finalization of adoption .... If bmom doesn't show up to court, adoption will be finalized same day by default. If she shows up, my above answers will change.

PS- Bmom had 30-days to respond to the adoption and she hasn't. We'll keep our fingers crossed for her to do the same for court.

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Recommend  Message 3 of 4 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 6/22/2005 7:50 PM
How many children do you have?     3
Is this your first adoption?         2nd
Who is contesting?             sperm donor
What State are you in?      Florida
How long has this drug out? 11 months
 From Custody till contestment 4 weeks
Pretrial- till trial date   Trial Date : August 25, 2004 Date of Ruling (TPR) September 8, 2004
Trial date till appeal  He appealed 2 days past the allowed time to file an appeal, it was accepted anyway. October  ? 2004. (can't remember the exact date). We have now motioned for the case to move to panel - and they have 90 days to rule. No new evidence or testimony is allowed. He would have to prove (he can't) that the lower court judge erred three times. He was TPRd for 1)abandonement/(2)failure to pay support/(3)not registering with putative father
Finalization of adoption  .... anxously awaiting
And (Gulp) what is your running total bill from your attorney    $ 26,000 and the meter is still running (at 275/hr)

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Recommend  Message 4 of 4 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 6/22/2005 9:02 PM
How many children do you have? 7 ( 1 adopted, one in the process of adoption 5 biological one bio child died at 7 months of age)
Is this your first adoption? No. 1st was the contested one
Who contested? Birth mom
What State are you in? NC
How long has this drug out? till Paul was 22 months old
From custody till contestment: 1 year
Finalization of adoption .. Paul was born January 14th 2000 Finalized November 15th 2001
Lawyers fee was over $14,000

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General : When it rain it pours  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 6/24/2005 8:34 PM
Got another challenge thrown at us today.
My husband is a computer programmer.  He works as a consultant.. not a full time employee.
The job assignment he is on just told him. His last day is next Thursday.  His job recruiter has some other job assignments that may work for him....This could not of come at a worse time...Please pray that there will be no lag between paychecks....  Hey... maybe he will get a full time job with benefits or even a raise.. I can hope...
This happens a lot in his field it has been that way the past two years.. The last time it happened we only had one week off and he did get a raise.  The job market is picking up so we are trying to keep positive.
CAN YOU SAY STRESSED OUT!!!!!!!!!!
-Megan


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From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 6/27/2005 12:22 PM
I cn relate! WHen Paul was 3 months old, my husband was in a terrible car accident that left him out of work for over 2 years! It was a GOD thing that the courts didn't make an issue of this during our  contested adoption. I will pray for you and a GREAT job for your husband.
Lana

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General : Having a day!!!  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 7/20/2005 10:24 PM
Feeling very isolated and alone today.. As the phone doesn't ring. People have busy lives while mine remains in limbo. People don't know what to say.. and don't want to hear about our life that is in crisis.
We just recently moved( (In November) to a new area and we are attending a new church(in March). It is so hard and humiliating to be known as the family in crisis. I force myself to attend functions because I need to get out of the house but I have dreaded conversation at times because right now our life is in such crisis. I have backed out of more than one birthday party with longtime friends because I don't have the energy to deal with people. Attending a mom's group tomorrow . Haven't attended since March.. Really not looking forward to updating the group about our situation I know these people do care. ... I know my family is concerned but they don't know how to respond... My sister who is an adoptive mother made some real stupid comments when I was discussing our contestment.. Like "Well you knew going into this that it was risky since the father did not sign his consent." Never mind the fact that we were led to believe at first that the sperm donor would sign then we thought we were going to have a failed adoption. Yes it was risky... we thought we won't get the baby... we were shocked to bring him home... What do ya do Run away if the situation is risky... Better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. They asked us if we would adopt Him I guess we could of said NO. We have peace walking away from the situation. And now that I know how crazy these two are I know there was a divine reason our son was saved from the influence of those two.

Other stupid comments from family... We weren't sure if this adoption was from God.. so I wasn't sure if we should give you money to help with it...... YA just want to smack them and say No thanks don't want your money... Unfortunately with Hubby still out of work... We will probably need their money.
....We applied for a grant and we were rejected...guess there are people out there who are worse off than us adopting...
UM no job and contesting.guess that doesn't qualify for needy. Got more paperwork from our lawyer Saturday.
Today I am really angry at Incubator..( Thanks guys for those great terms we are thinking Sid and Ed.. Sperm Donor and Egg Donor Or Sid and Incubator.) At least I got a good laugh at your responses to what you call the Bm and BF's

Thanks for the good vent... trying to take it one day at a time
Megan


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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 7/21/2005 7:18 AM
Megan,

I just wanted to let you know, we're thinking about you and we'll keep you in our prayers. Yes, this is very difficult and very stressful. Most people tend not to understand, because they're not in our shoes. Vent here anytime you need.

Okay, one response I'd like to put my 2-cents in on, is the one about this adoption maybe not be from God. That has got to be one of the most ridiculous statements I've ever heard. What, do they think it's from the devil?

I knew you had the pre-trial and all. How did that go? Have they set the actual trial date? I mean, my gosh, this really should have been resolved. I've read back over to really get your story in my mind and this is just crazy. I just wanted you to know, we're here for you.

Kitty

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From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 7/21/2005 9:33 AM
Just wanted to send you (((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) Megan. I SO know what you mean. Yesterday I was informed that my Lexi's case has not gone to panel yet, and will not for at least 3 months. The court said we should not expect a ruling before Christmas. She could be 2 before this is over . I made all my phone calls updating everyone and all anyone could come up with was "Oh" and "don't worry, it will be fine". Only one who responded like me was my sister - who spit out a bunch of expletives, LOL.
Some days I feel like I am just going through the motions and watching the world around me actually "live". It's a very lonely feeling, and noone can understand it unless they have been there. Thank G-d for this group.
"We weren't sure if this adoption was from God.. "
This has got to be the most ridiculous ( and insensitive) comment ever. I never knew that G-d sent out newsletters letting us know what was/wasn't His work!
Stacy

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 7/22/2005 2:52 PM
Thanks for the encouragement.
Re: Pretrial Yes it was June 23rd
Trial is scheduled for Sept 29th and 30th
Depositions scheduled for Aug 2nd and 9th.
Just got some more legal paperwork from lawyer Birthmother is trying to motioning for a "re-trial" I didn't think that was possible.. Not an appeal but... Court you screwed up I want you to hear my case. Nuff said don't want to violate the "gag" order GAG UGH!!! I gag everytime I think of it.

Re: Not sure if it is from God comment. I guess I should of challenged my mother when she said that comment I was so shocked and hurt I held my tongue..I would of said OH? Do you believe that if it's from God everything goes perfectly?? So since this is difficult it must not be from God?? . Guess she is forgetting that in the bible.. the israelites sure went through a lot. (40 yrs in the wilderness etc...) and THEY were God's chosen people. MY mom, who said that statement is known for her sharp tongue and does not understand nor possess social graces I just winced and swallowed my tongue. She means well... of course I don't know WHAT she meant by that comment, but she always is sticking her foot in her mouth. People sure have a funny way of lettin ya know they care LOL!!!
Doing better today.. Thanks for letting me vent. I forced myself to attend a few social activities... (Funny I am usually the social butterfly.)
Dittos to this comment :Some days I feel like I am just going through the motions and watching the world around me actually "live". It's a very lonely feeling, and noone can understand it unless they have been there. Thank G-d for this group.
Stacy,, I am so sorry they are giving you the run around and prolonging this whole thing. Good thing about life.. It has seasons... and this too shall pass.... JUST WISH THIS SEASON wasn't so stinkin long!!!!! I have to remind myself one day we will look back on this and it will seem like just a moment.... Five years, Ten years, twenty years from now...
In the mean time... Trying to savor the milestones in my kid's lives... Noah has gotten two new teeth.. Started crawling.. started sitting up.. I don't want to miss these because of all this stress. So hard because all the stress drains my energy emotionally and physically I am drained. (having a toddler and an infant is draining enough with out all this stress)
Take care of yourselves...
Megan

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From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 7/22/2005 3:35 PM
JUST WISH THIS SEASON wasn't so stinkin long!!!!!
Tell me about it!!
"In the mean time... Trying to savor the milestones in my kid's lives.
I don't want to miss these because of all this stress. So hard because all the stress drains my energy emotionally and physically I am drained. (having a toddler and an infant is draining enough with out all this stress)"
This is so true Megan. I am embarrassed to admit that there was a period where (though I didn't realize it at the time) I was pulling myself back from my daughter. She was very sick back in April and we spent 9 days in the hospital - just the two of us. She was in isolation, so we had no visitors. In those nine days, I fell completely in love with her all over again and realized that I was going to love her completely even if it was only for a short time. At that point, I stopped letting the fear of the contestment rule my life, and started enjoying being her mommy.
You hang in there Megan, this sucks for all of us.


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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 7/23/2005 9:17 AM
Megan, I'll let you in on a little secret. September 29th is mine and my husband's 15th wedding anniversary. It'll be a good day.

My piece of advice for your mom is to read in the bible about Job and his trials and tribulations.

You know, I've learned, that I HAVE to keep going and keep very busy, or I'll go insane with worry. Even if attending events is "only going through the motions", it really does give your mind something else to think about. If we hybernate, we've only got our minds (and everything else in the house) to cause us to think about what we're facing.

When I'm really down, I just count my blessings. (This may not work for everyone, but it works for me.) I usually, stop and say prayer thanking the good Lord for my husband, the health of the family, my kids, the roof over my head, the food in our kitchen and you know, I really don't have to go much farther, because I'm so thankful to just have my life. (Warts, and all.)

Yes, this too shall pass.

Kitty

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Recommend  Message 7 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 7/25/2005 9:27 AM
Thanks again for the encouragement.  I am not as frustrated as I was, however it is a daily process...We got another package in the mail.  Just a silly handmade card (signed Mommy) sad because I would of kept it for him if she would of signed it Ebby instead of Mommy.  Whenever there is contact from E.D. (egg donor) It brings up my issues of anger and unforgiveness towards her.  I find that I am less patient and loving towards my son. It reminds me that he is hers as well as mine.  Then i work through my issues, forgive and pray for her and begin to reconnect with my son..  settle down... until poof another package.  I have gotten out more and it did help although moments were ackward... discussing adoption as it always comes up... Trying to be pro-adoption and not totally discourage people from considering adoption.  I cringe when they ask questions and I say... We are not the best example... I recommend a GOOD agency... I recommend International Adoption.  Basically learn from our mistakes... Ours was a unique situation don't look at our situation PLEASE!!  ( I hate being a bad example of adoption.. there are so many myths and fears and we just confirm them UGH!!!)    We try to put this whole thing out of our mind..and just be a family but it seems weekly something comes up.  Last night my husband actually got out the paperwork and was reading and discussing the inconsistencies in the story etc...  I told him I don't want to analyze it.  I don't want to dwell on it etc... 
This week I am trying to plan lots of fun free outings for the family. It has been SOO hot. hard to want to take baby out in the heat.
I am also going to make an effort to connect with my kids more.  I have found that I withdrawal  I am physically here but my nose is in a book, I am on the phone, or I am on the computer because I just can't go there emotionally.  I do make time for "mommy moments" spending time snuggling etc with each child. But often like at meal time I feed them and then leave them at the table.  I feel bad that I just want to retreat instead of "being" with them. So I am focusing on doing activities with them this week.   Thanks for all your support.
Megan

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Recommend  Message 8 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebeckfires Sent: 7/25/2005 9:44 AM
I'm so sorry that you're feeling isolated and alone. If it makes you feel any better, I know exactly how you feel. My mother can be such an idiot at times. She makes comments about me giving up my whole life for Lexi, and stuff like that. My sister just GAVE BIRTH to a baby and my mom said something stupid like oh now your dad is a grandfather.......I NEARLY flipped my lid.......well, okay - I sort of did...ha! I said - UM - hello - he already is and has been for 3 years......she said I didn't mean it like that - but she's not YOURS - you didn't ADOPT her - OMG - people just say the most hurtful things sometimes!!!! - and then another time there was discussion about the baby shower - and let me tell you - I did EVERYTHING for my sister's shower....I said to my mom - must be nice to have a shower and have people help you........my mom said something like - well, when you adopt her we'll have a shower for you.......what kind of idiot are you? - I still need the stuff for her weather she came out of me or not!!!! - people just don't think about what they are saying I guess....at least I HOPE they don't try to hurt us on purpose! and I know that we're probably extra sensitive.......since we're doing EVERYTHING and going through all this added stress!!! so hang in there! and get going to those functions - EVERY family is in some sort of crisis!!!
and remember we're here for you!

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Recommend  Message 9 of 12 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 8/1/2005 11:04 AM
Hang in there girl and know you are not alone and what you are feeling we to have felt and some are still feeling. Just have faith that you will make it and your nightmare will be over and you will look back on all of this and say I made it. I remember those days when I didn't want to go out and talk to others but I had to make myself. I buried myself in the computer and I made myself talk to friends that I made here on the net who had made it to the other side to give me strength to remind me that I to could make it. Hold on to your faith look at our case and have faith that you will win. It took us 1 week short of 15 months to do it. I didn't realize like Stacy said but there was times when I was pulling away but when I caught myself doing that I just grabbed a hold of him and held tighter. As far as stupid things others say that have not walked in our shoes. All you can do is pray for them. As far as the SID and ED go all you can do is pray for them to. The bible says pray for your enemies and believe me I prayed a lot for ours and look what happed. I want you to know God hears and answers prayers. This about sending things and signing them mommy is just to hurt you and they know it. Don't give them the power believe me I know first hand they pulled that one on me and I would get upset and mad and then I would pray for them and that God would work on their hearts. That he would put in their hearts that they would do what was best for our son and in the end they did. Remember we are always here and God has brought all of us together for a reason and he choice all of us to adopt our children because he knew we could do what it took to adopt these precious angles and not give up on them. Keep the faith and lean on your friends we are here for you.
Barbara

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 8/2/2005 10:31 PM
Breath in Breath out... Another stressful day.

Was doing well for a while....
Then our rollercoaster day today...
Got paperwork from our attorney.. They want our bill paid in full by depositions and 5,000 retainer... YEA right. I called my friend who is helping us with legal bills and she is going to pay the balance and offer to make monthly payments. But its not like she has 8,000 sitting around. So blessed.
BUt the Bill sent me into a panic.... So hangin on by a thread right now. So ignoring things that aren't desperate.
Checked on Medicaid and workin on getting WIC
today. Will follow up and set appt in the morning.

GOOD NEWS!!! Looks like My husband MAY have a job.
We should find out tomorrow. At first they wanted him to come back for a second interview. Now they are thinkin of just hiring him and having him start THIS WEEK.
He would be temp to hire( three months temp) So benefits wouldn't start until three months from now. Gotta get the Medicaid in motion TOMORROW. Good for a year.by then we will have benefits. I'll let you know as soon as we do;

So frustrating Because the past two days I was feeling somewhat normal..Yesterday I was like my old self.. at the end of the day I was like so that is what is like to be the old me. It felt good. Had energy got alot accomplished was mentally there for my kids instead of physically but mentally zoned. etc.. Stress was not bogging me down. It was great. Hate that BOOM here I am again.
Hate what the stress does to me.
Just trying to stay above water.. Not looking down trying to walk on water.... then every now and then poof I sink and panic. Breathe in Breath out.....
I feel much better...
Megan

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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 8/3/2005 7:40 AM
Megan,

Oh, I hope he gets this job and we'll keep your family in our prayers. This will truly be a wonderful blessing for you. Please, let us know if it goes through.

Yes, just try to relax. (I know, that's easy for me to say.) It's all going to be okay. We all have enough faith to hold you through this. We're here for you.

Thank goodness for your guardian angel (friend helping with legal bills), because she's just a total God-send. She's a wonderful friend to help out, like this.

Hang in there.
Kitty

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 8/4/2005 4:04 PM
More like Having a season... It has been a roller coaster.
MOre stuff more accusations more lies. more delusions every word from SID in documents further confirms his mental state
We will probably have to move and definitely get an unlisted number.. Thinkin New Zealand is a nice place to live LOL
3 ring circus. Our deposition is on MONDAY AM
A pkg yesterday and a pkg today from ED


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General : How are you taking care of yourself??  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 7/22/2005 3:02 PM
Okay girls,
This may be just for me (how selfish LOL) but thought it would be nice to hear some accountability among us. How are we taking care of ourselves....Especially during this time We need to take care of ourselves!!
So humor me...Have YOU pampered yourself this week/ this month??? If not... treat yourself to some pampering....

In answer to the question: How am I taking care of myself??
...Ice cream, good novels and movies..oh yes and i have snuck out of the house with my girlfriend to window shop.

What about you?? A bubble bath? an hour at a coffee shop,
Sneaking to barnes and noble alone to browse??? Girls night out with friends??? Date nights with hubby???


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From: MSN
 Nicknametinyntough Sent: 7/22/2005 3:28 PM
Alone? What's THAT???? LOL
I have found that the disadvantage of being a stay-at-home mom is that my kids never (did I say never?) want to leave me. I actually tried to sneak out the other day to Barnes and Noble and my son threw such a fit that I ended up taking him with me.
My "ME" time is after 9 pm when I lock myself in the bathroom with a good book and some bubble bath. Everyone knows to leave me alone......
There are some days when the weight of this all hits me so hard that I can barely breathe, and on those days I take off to "do errands" and move as slowly as is humanly possible, lol

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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 7/23/2005 8:47 AM
My hubby and I have had "date day" for as long as I can remember. It's always Thursday and we go out to lunch. Since we've been in Georgia, we've always met at the Waffle House. LOL. (It's cheap, I LOVE the chicken sandwiches, and it usually isn't too busy, so he can eat and get back to work within an hour.)

Now, hubby's very good about keeping the boys occupied in the evenings, when I want my "private time" on the farm. You wouldn't believe how amazing and therapeutic it is to shovel "poo". You get a lot of energy out and work so hard, you're dead-tired that night to sleep. LOL (EIther that or I mow and edge the lawn, because NOBODY wants to be out there, doing that, in this heat. I know I'll be quite alone for it. LOL)

My spoiling myself treat, is a 2-scoop, Baskin Robbins sundae, made out of Praline's and Cream with extra strawberry sauce. Of course, whipped cream, nuts and cherries too. My mouth's watering just thinking about it.

Kitty

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From: MSN Nicknamebeckfires Sent: 7/25/2005 9:45 AM
oh that's funny!!! I haven't pampered myself in 3 years!!! hahaha!!!
but it's my own fault! but you're right we really should keep that in mind!

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 7/25/2005 5:55 PM
Go ahead pamper yourself you are worth it!!!
Its' hard to give out when you are on empty. Go ahead light some candles sip some wine and have a bubble bath. You can't be there for your family/child etc.. if you neglect yourself.. Makes you a better mother and a much saner person.

You deserve it...

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Recommend  Message 6 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 7/26/2005 10:22 AM
I don't papmer myself willingly. My husband makes sure I get a mental health hour every evening. If I don't he pours the guilt trip on me. He is such a sweetie! When he is gone on business, he makes the kids tell him if I am not taking my break!
We have 6 kids, so it's not always easy.
My mental health hour is a bath and a book. ( diet pepsi and cheetos are optional)
Lana

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General : God's provision  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 7/25/2005 9:37 AM
Had to share some good news with you guys.  As you guys know, My husband has been without a job since July 1st.  Although we have gotten unemployment that doesn't even begin to cover the expenses, not to mention the adoption expenses.  We have been praying and constantly reminding ourselves by saying it out loud that God is our provider.. We have been praying for provision, pay raise and permanence (a permanent job)
Here are two ways God has provided..
We got a call from a friend saying they want to offer to help with legal expenses.  They offered to deal directly with the lawyer to take the stress off us. I had forgotten that we owed the court 1,000. for the guardian et letem by July 23rd.  So I called my friend and she sent us a check to pay the guardian et letem.  What an answer to prayer!!!!
I mentioned to a friend that we were hesitant to get on federal assistance, Wic, food stamps etc.. because of the court case. I mentioned that the last time we were unemployed what got us through was WIC etc.. and I breast fed so I didn't have the expense of  formula. Now I have two kids in diapers and the added formula expense etc..  She offered to cover diapers and formula. Sunday afternoon she stopped by and wrote out a check that will cover more than two months worth of diapers and formula.  Soo...
We are rejoicing that God is answering our prayers ... He is providing...
We are continuing to pray and believe for a permanent job for my husband .
Just wanted to share some good news.
Megan


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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 7/26/2005 7:15 PM
Megan,

Yes, God does provide. What a truly wonderful blessing. It seems like when things are there worst, these wonderful blessings come rolling in. Don't worry about your hubby's job. He'll get one even better than the last. Things will work out. We have faith.

Kitty

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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 7/31/2005 9:08 AM
Megan,
I am so happy for you and I am praying for you and your family that your DH will find not only a job but the right job. I am so happy for you that you have friends that not only are willing but are able to help you. About the WIC I don't know about where you live but I know that I was told because of how much her legal bills were adding up here several people were trying to get me to put Austin on it. They said because our adoption was being contested that we would qualify regardless of our income and since your DH is without a job at this time I wouldn't hesitate to apply that is what it is there for. Also have you gone to any local churches to see about help with your utilities? I know that where we live here in Texas they do that especially when my electric was almost 500.00 last month with this heat wave. I give to a church down the road from us who does just that and I know there are several around us who do the same so I'm sure there are where you leave as well. They are there to help those who need it so please check them out.
Barbara

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From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 7/31/2005 9:47 AM
Barbara, that is true in our state as well. My Lexi is on Medicaid because we could not add her to our insurance until we either finalized or had legal custody (which didn't hapen on paper until she was 7 months old). When I was dealing with all of the Medicaid stuff, they also told me about WIC. I took it, but didn't follow through with it after the initial one. It was just too much hassle for me for a few gallons of milk a month - though if it had been earlier it would have saved me a lot on formula, LOL. There is help out there, but it isn't easy to find. I, too, am very fortunate that I had family to help us. I am unfortunate in that the family help has run out and the bills are still coming in......so now we are paying everyone back AND paying our lawyer. UGH, don't get me started.

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General : The circus continues  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/12/2005 3:18 PM
We had depositions this week. LOOONG drawn out waste of time. The lawyer for the birthfather took his own sweet time asking irrelevant questions.... It was an attempt at a witch hunt and a character assignation from the social worker, the birth mothers first lawyer, foster parents and of course us. I could write a book.... At 55 cents a second.. It was an awful expensive comedy routine. Birthmothers was yesterday after 4 1/2 hours they still weren't done. Still have a full day of "I'm not the father's" Testimony.
Sooo many contradictions Soo many false assumptions and conclusions UGH a very stressful week.... Still have one more day of depositions, Psych evals then trial at the end of Sept...

So glad to know Barbara and Anna have gotten on the other side of this... There will be an ending... This is not forever...


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From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 8/12/2005 7:40 PM
No words, just (((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))) for you.
It is refreshing to know that others have made it to the other side.
We took a blow last week when we learned that Lexi's case isn't even close to going to panel. The court clerk told our attorney not to expect anything before Christmas.
Hang in there - we are usually much stronger than we think........

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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 8/12/2005 8:43 PM
Megan,

I'm so sorry, that you're having to go through this "poo-poo". I'm really hoping that in this deposition, everyone will be able to actually see what's in the best interest of the child and that's to stay with you. Sending you huge (((((HUGS))))).

Are you having to go through the psych evals, the bparents, or both? Don't worry about those. I can say, been there, done that. (Will it be psychological or psychiatric?) Take care and please keep us updated.

Kitty

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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 8/13/2005 5:34 PM
Hang in there girl and just remember girl like us you to can make it to the other side. Yes it is awful that they put all of through this but just be happy that you still have the birthmom on your side. For us we had not only the bfather but the bmother and her parents all after us. But as you can see God is stronger than all of them put together and you have to hold on to that. Stay strong we are all praying for you.
Barbara

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From: MSN Nicknameannanoel21 Sent: 8/15/2005 6:25 AM
The awful truth is that the longer this drags out and the uglier it gets, the better it is for your case.  You will make it to the other side of this.
Anna

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/22/2005 8:15 PM
Tomorrow is another day full of depositions. I get to sit and try to keep a straight face as they spin their tale. His attorney yelled at me for rolling my eyes and threatened to kick me out. LOL Our attorney was actually rolling her eyes at me and we were going back and forth...We are continuing the depositions from a few weeks ago.. BM's testimony lasted 5 1/2 hours and we are still not up to the TPR.. 98% of her testimony is irrelevant. Tomorrow we get to here
"notdafather" as he signed on the release form from fostercare. our attorney is questioning him.. THIS should be good. Good chance this will be over sooner than later as he has no case....just wild goose chases...
-Megan


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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 8/23/2005 9:21 PM
You wouldnt believe me if I told ya...
My head is still spinning with all the lies...
E.D. looked me straight in the eyes and said she believed her baby was stolen... She also believes she was brainwashed...

Why she was even deposed is beyond me.
His depo was just as humorous... The fact that these morons could possible remotely get this child back is beyond me.
After reading Christina's story... I am amazed....Praying no"techicality" causes ours to be overturned...
Don't see an end to this nightmare.. Don't see them just walking away after this is over... Thinkin about relocating when this is over out of state at least for a year till things calm down. Don't like the fact they know where we live, go to church etc... He is a photographer at the local tv station...
Will the nightmare ever end......

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/22/2005 8:26 PM
Your pictures are so beautiful
When i can figure it out I will post some of our family as well.
-Megan


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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 8/25/2005 11:35 PM
It wasn't hard at all. Good luck and I look forward to seeing your family.
Barbara

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General : Need Perspective...Anna and Barbara  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/24/2005 10:20 AM
For those who have walked through this and are on the other side... Please tell me there is a semi-normal life on the other end of this nightmare.
... My emotions say... I want to move out of state...just for the first year and then come back to my life... I don't like the fact that they know where we live. I want to change the baby's name. we kept the name she gave him...Things happened so fast we kept hadn't changed his name but were considering keeping it as a middle name.
.. we went to a festival this weekend and we were constantly looking over our shoulder.. Yes our city has 1.5 million people but whose to say we won't run into them at a public event...Plus he is a photographer for the TV station.. Whose to say he won't be at an event with his zoom lens.
They know where we go to church and called the pastor in the beginning whose to say they won't mess with our minds and show up some sunday.... To people who aren't going through this my fears seem irrational.. My friends say... Don't do anything in fear... I am saying I want a break from this nightmare.. i don't want to live with my guard up 24/7
Chances are they will fade away once this is over. But can I take that chance and let my guard down.. Would I ever live with myself if something did happen??? If it's about control and he loses it whose to say what he will do?
I can't see him just walking away.. He gets too much of a thrill from the circus of it all... HOW HAVE You guys dealt with the birthparents after the finalization????


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From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 8/24/2005 2:52 PM
Boy can I appreciate what you are going through.
Both of Pauls birth people were in prison during the contestment. I didn't get paranoid till the birth lady was released. Paul was almost 3 then. She had been incarcerated in California ( federal Prison) We are in NC. When she got out, her father ( my hubbys dad also) allowed her to move in with him, not even 10 miles away. I was a wreck. I couldn't even sleep. My dad gave me a gun. Yes, I would have shot her had she tried anything.
Believe it or not, we eventually made nice. She was allowed to be part of the family. We didn't trust her to be alone with any of our chuildren, and we were very careful. When she went nuts and started taking drugs again, I was devistated, because I was convinced the drugs would make her do something stupid concerning Paul. Durning the contestment, she did make threats and I took them seriously even after we made up. During those 4 months that she was on the streets and the cops couldn't find her, I was back to square one. Paul slept on the floor in my room, he wasn't allowed even on the front porch alone and I was a nervous wreck when we were out in public. Once she was arrested, and I told her what hell we had been through, she was amazed, according to her, the thought never crossed her mind to take him, all she wanted was her next hit of drugs. Now that she has been arrested and will be in jail for at least 3 more years state, PLUS she has 3 years fed time to do when the state is done with her ( Fed will NOT run concurrent with state) I feel a little better. She has not tried to contest the adoption we are in now. I think she really uinderstands that both kids are better off here. When she gets out, I am not sure what we will do.
I understand that you want to move, we would have if we could have afforded it. We would have disappeared and not even told my husbands family where we were ( T is his sister)
Its horrible to feel as if you and your family are being held hostage. I have no advice for you, but I do feel for you.
Lana

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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 8/25/2005 12:37 PM
First of all let me say slow down and take a deep Breath and Breathe I know what you are thinking and I to thought the same thing. We were afraid they would come to our house because they did do that several times while we were going through this night mare but I am happy to report since the our last day in court with them we have not even heard from the birthmom or her mom and we have only had a couple of phone calls from the bdad and that was because he was going to schedule his goodbye visit which he did and then canceled. So see don't be afraid that they will automatically still harass you after this is all over with. I hope your bparents does as ours and feels as if they did what they felt they had to and now they will go on with their own life's. The funny thing is in our case we have a open adoption and without the good bye visit we are unable to send the letters and pictures as we agreed a pond because we have no phone numbers or address to send them to. OH well it isn't my fault. So what I'm doing is just putting them in a big a big envelope and then if someday they call and try to blame me for them not getting their stuff I can say Hey I have it but didn't know where to send it. That is what our attorney and I thought would be the best thing to do because I wasn't going to try and track them down. If they don't care enough to call and give us that information then they will just loose out. So don't think the worse just love your child and keep the faith that got you this far and love your child. That is what I have done and gotten on with our life's. I don't look over my shoulder anymore and believe me they know our last names, where we live and were we go to church as well but I refuse to  let them win and hold me prisoner in my own life. I hope this helps.
Barbara
 

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From: MSN Nicknameannanoel21 Sent: 8/29/2005 6:42 AM
There is life on the other side.  Will you always be more protective than the average mom? Yes.  Will you have moments when your heart beats up into your throat because you thought you saw the bpeople?  Yes.  Is there a chance that they will show up to mess with your mind?  Yes.  But, just make a plan.  Talk about it with your family and make a plan for what you will do if (insert awful situation here).  For instance, if the bdad shows up at my house I will not answer the door.  I will call the police and let bps deal with THAT at my front door.  My own personal biggest fear is that these losers will show up at school functions when my son is older.  I will deal with that when it comes up as well.  I plan to be honest with my son about the circumstances of his adoption.  One thing I did, is make it very clear to bds wife that if they messed with us, we would move, never to be heard from again.  At least they know where he is and the kind of life he has.  If they push me too far, they won't even have that.  Do they drive by our house when they are in town?  Probably, but I don't care as long as they leave us alone.  Anyway, they have faded away post-finalization for the most part, but still send bday and christmas cards.  You are not alone in considering a move.  We also flirted with that option at one time.  Any decision you make regarding the safety of your family and your own peace of mind should be made thoughtfully and with patience.  If you are willing and able to pull up stakes and feel that is what you need for your family don't feel badly about that.  Just make sure that you are making this choice on a solid foundation and not as a knee-jerk reaction to the stress of your current situation.
Anna

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General : Happy Birthday to me  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/27/2005 5:35 PM
Got ANOTHER pkg for Noah on My birthday.. had to sign for it.
They know when my b-day is.. and yes it did get to me...
Trying to have a day without drama.. a day to forget Took kids to the circus.. Thoughts of all this were still in our head..
It is hard to function...when this is sooo consuming....

Can't wait till this is over..
Thought I would sent the Birthmother some packages.
The pamphlet on Birthmother grief that she never read.
Along with some other reading material...
Saw a book on Oprah :"He's just not that into you"
Books on Disfunctional relationships how to know you are in one. Books on Psychotic predators; how to escape a psychotic racist controling abusive boyfriend..
100 ways to screw up your open adoption...
Lies deceit and betrayal.. --No wait thats her story...
It sickens me that they are claiming they never intended to adopt. That the anonymous ":notthe father " mr moneybags.. 200k trust fund is too much of a tightwad to provide a dime of support for his child but Dimwit Dory thinks he hung the moon.. Wouldn't let ya keep your baby.. Wouldn't claim him
ashamed to claim you... I have written lots of letters
I am sure I will never send... Okay maybe one or two telling how she destroyed our trust and relationship.and what HELL our life has been because of her....
But I am supposed to kiss her big toe because she gave birth to child that she has NEVER parented, abandoned and let foster parents take care of him... UGH!!! Thanks for the vent

-Megan


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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 8/30/2005 8:54 PM
Got another package on Tuesday... Two in one week.

Isnt that called harrassment?? So looking forward being able
to write Refused..
30 days till court.. Lets hope this will be over then.....

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From: MSN Nicknamebeckfires Sent: 8/31/2005 2:14 PM
praying for you!!! - don't you kiss anybody's big toe....well, except that little bundle of joy!

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General : A healthy open adoption.. WoW  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/30/2005 8:52 PM
On Sunday we attended a family birthday party. My sister's A-son Z. turned 4. His Birthmom and Birth grandparents were there.. It was refreshing to see Birthpeople who.. RESPECT and adore the adoptive parents. They think my sister and her husband are the best parents in the world. They LOVE and Adore Z... BUT they KNOW their place. Now let me explain. Birthmother crystal was adopted by Lu and Dave. So you have Adoptive parents and an Adoptee who are NOW birthpeople. They understand the roles because they live them. Birthgrandparents are very healthy stable christian couple. Also Birthgrandma is a social worker. My sister has a friendship with these people. They are wonderful people. IS bmother completely healthy NO.. Does it matter NO because she understands HER role. She has supportive parents who help her understand her role as well. Bmothers quote early into this adoption.. I knew I was not ready to be a mother. Someday but not now. I was amazed.. She was mature enough to admit she was not mature enough to parent at this time. She knows she gave Z a family she couldn't give him. She gave him a brother and a father and a stable homelife. They got to see How happy Z is and see him interact with his whole family.. This is the first family function they have come to since z's first b-day party. They have their own small gatherings with z's adoptive family and see z about three times a year. Birthday, christmas etc.. We thanked the bgrandparents for showing us that a healthy open adoption can be possible.. Cause we know we will never have one with our son's B-lady and Notda-father

But they are out there. As rare as they are.

-Megan


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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 9/1/2005 11:00 PM
Thank you so much for sharing your sisters story with all of us. I also have a friend who has a open adoption where the bfamily are respectful and it is nice to know that it can work. I'm like you that it makes me sad that ours will not be that away even though that is what we wanted in the beginning before our bmom's parents got involved and messed things up.
Barbara

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General : Where is everyone???  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/30/2005 9:01 PM
Feel Like I am talking to myself... Guess things are going well for everyone.. Seems I post when Drama/stress is getting to me. Hope all is well out there in cyper land..


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From: MSN
 Nicknametinyntough Sent: 8/31/2005 9:34 AM
I'm around. Just can't seem to find too many minutes to myself these days, LOL. Alexis is walking and is into everything. I can't take my eyes off her for one minute  - or she's splashing in the toilet bowl, eating the cat food, shredding the toilet paper, emptying her ( or her brothers) drawers...........And the worst is that she has the most adorable smirk that she gives me when she's been caught! 
Oh, and last week Billy's (and Lexi's ) bmom called me and told me that she thinks someone else is Billy's birthfather. Yep. How nice of her to hit me with that NOW with us fighting for Alexis. If I could have reached through the phone and choked her, I believe I would have. Grrrrrr. I haven't spoken to her since, and don't really want to. I am pissed. Her mom says it isn't possible, that the dates don't even come close to matching, but nonetheless, I am mad. Billy is about to turn four, and she is just deciding to tell me? If it has waited this long, it couldn't wait a little longer??
I don't post that often, but I am here, reading and listening and praying for all of us .

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From: MSN Nicknamebeckfires Sent: 8/31/2005 1:59 PM
so sorry - I haven't been posting either - I ended up with a bulging disc....then I got bronchitis -who gets sick in the summer - ughhh - anyway, I'll try to do better!

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From: MSN Nicknamesanben36 Sent: 9/4/2005 9:38 PM
Sorry, I haven't been posting either. Nothing major, just tons and tons of little things that need my attention. Wow, Kitty, sounds like you need to clone yourself!!!! On our case, no news (that's good news, right??) Bfather (hubby's brother) is out of jail but has still not made contact to check on Nicole -not even a phone call. Hubby saw him in a convenience store a few days ago (very small town!!!) and said hey. Bdad say hey back. Never even asked about Nic. B noticed he was riding with his work crew, so he has gone back to work, and of course, has still paid nothing. We're not even sure that he has hired a lawyer, although he contested and we go to court 9/21. Let's see, oh, the home study was a positive recommendation, we are also waiting on background checks, etc. Last but not least, we start a parenting class this week at DCFS (where i work). None of that has been court-ordered, we just want to be prepared when we get there. Please, go ahead and vent - if and when i have something to gripe about, i feel really fortunate that i can bring it here to people who know what i'm talking about!!!
God Bless,
Sandi  

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From: MSN Nicknameannanoel21 Sent: 9/11/2005 1:32 PM
I am also still around.  I check in when I get my "This Week in Contested" email, lol. 
Anna

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 9/11/2005 9:35 PM
Our lovely birthpeople are consistent with their harassment.
Got four letters in 8 days.from Biogirl.. "notda father" sent his first correspondence on Sat. It was a certified letter we weren't home to recieve.. Curious what he is up to... Can't believe the trial is getting nearer... Still waiting for results on their psych evals.. We get to do our this week.. Was hoping Judge would dismiss case.. Calling lawyer for update tomorrow. After seeing these letters and the artwork.. The biogirl draws and doodles like a ten year old...can't wait to see psych eval..
Stickers and doodle drawings all over envelopes covered in stickers. Written in three different colored markers. Wierd stuff..... Thought you would like an update.. I;ll keep ya posted
-M


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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 9/16/2005 1:45 PM
Hang in there girl we are all still praying for you.
Barbara

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General : Intro's Please  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 9/11/2005 9:39 PM
Hi All I noticed there are two new members.. I would love to hear your stories and would love an introduction.. ALthough this is an invitation only... It makes me nervous having "lurkers" because of the nature of our group.. With out intro's my fears of birthparents posing as contested parents to get on the group..
Cause me to get nervous about what i have posted.
So please.. Humor me and introduce yourselves...We all want to welcome and encourage you in your struggles..
-Megan


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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 9/11/2005 10:21 PM
Megan,
I'm sure they understand because we all here need to make sure this is a safe place for us to come and post what we need to and be able to receive the support that we offer to each other. I am praying for all of you and I know that you all can make it to the other side just as we did.
Barbara

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From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 9/12/2005 7:32 AM
Yes, I agree. If an intro(even a short one) is not posted by tomorrow morning, I will cancel the membership. Our privacy is of the utmost importance.

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Recommend  Message 4 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamesupersitka Sent: 9/12/2005 8:40 PM
Hello –
Thanks for including me in your group. I’m sorry I haven’t introduced myself. I was kind of checking it out first to see if it applies to our situation. We live in TX and have a 20 mos. old boy who has been a part of our family since day 1. We were placed with him thru an agency here in the Houston area, and since the birth father couldn’t be located (he was evading the law) we took a “legal risk” in allowing the placement. To make long story short, birth father is contesting. We didn’t start taking all of it too seriously until about Feb. 05 when he actually was out of prison and wanted visitation rights, etc. Up until then, we feel that it was mostly BF mother who was instigating all of it. Anyway, we feel that we have a good atty. working with us, but still find all of this very stressful. Worst part is that we have a 5 ½ yr. old girl (also adopted – diff. agency) and we can’t imagine how harmful this could be to her and her concept of adoption, etc. We have a trial date set for mid-Dec. and are putting many hours toward getting documentation ready for our atty. Just wish we could focus on “normal” family stuff.
Anyone else with experience about contested adoptions in TX esp. ones involving agencies, we’d appreciate any insight you could provide. Hope everyone’s situation is resolved as peacefully as possible. Take care.

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Recommend  Message 5 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 9/15/2005 12:08 PM
Welcome! I'm sorry if I came off rude in my post.........but I am sure that you can understand why our privacy is so important here. I am sorry for what you are going through. I am in Florida, not Texas, but I believe that one of our members (Bwinks) is in Texas. In fact, she made it to the "other side" and just recently finalized her son's adoption. I too, have the "worst part" that you mentioned. It is my daughter whose adoption is being contested by her birthfather, but I also have a 4 year old son (also adopted and they are half siblings). Losing his sister would break him ( and all of us). He has been taught that "adoption is forever"............
This is a very scary, very lonely and totally gut wrenching road to travel.........and one I could not be traveling right now without the support of my friends here.
Good Luck to you

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Recommend  Message 6 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 9/16/2005 1:43 PM
I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. I want you to know there is light on the other side. We made it and I have to say it feels good to wake up and not have to worry about the what if's anymore. I to live in Texas but in the DFW area. I can't believe they couldn't finalize your adoption even if they couldn't find him especially if he didn't sign the registry. In our case they did find him and he contested and drug it out for almost 15 months but we did win so there is justice so please keep the faith.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 7 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 9/21/2005 8:55 AM
Did I miss it or have we still not been introduced to HOPE4myson????
Please introduce yourself???-Megan

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Recommend  Message 8 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknameannanoel21 Sent: 9/21/2005 3:34 PM
Supersitka,
Welcome!  I too am sorry you are going through this.  We are in Missouri, but you situation is very similar to our first adoption.  I will be sending you positive vibes and hoping you make it to the other side with us!
Anna

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Recommend  Message 1 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 9/21/2005 8:58 AM
Christina,
Was wondering how things are going. Anything new to update...-Megan


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Recommend  Message 2 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamegregorysparents Sent: 10/2/2005 6:48 AM
Hi.  Thanks for asking about me.  Yes, there are some updates - but I am too pissed right now to give any information because I am not sure if I can do it in a "nice" fashion.  I am not one that typically "speaks" negatively or should I say I am not one that usually puts my negative thoughts and feelings in writing.  Why??  Because those words could come back and haunt you!!!
I will gather my thoughts and etc.  When I am mature enough to be an adult and can give you the updated info. in a nice fashion - then I will.  If I kill someone - will you or anyone else bail me out???  OK.....just kidding (I think).....but.....the thought has crossed my mind!!!  I am going to get going so I can get ready for Church - Lord knows I need it!!!!  :) :) :)
Have a GREAT day.  Christina

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Christina... Any updates????

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From: Got2bmaemae

Christina,
Was wondering how things are going. Anything new to update...-Megan

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Recommend  Message 3 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 10/2/2005 11:11 AM
Christina,
Sending prayers your way so to hear that things didn't go as you hoped.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 4 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebeckfires Sent: 10/3/2005 10:29 AM
Right there with ya babe......Trust me....I've had those same thoughts and feelings.....it's a real shame that we have to be put through this crap! - just remember - we're all here for YOUR support - and I hope things get better for you soon!

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Recommend  Message 5 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 10/4/2005 10:57 AM
Christina,,
Hang in there.. I know you are being tested down to the depths of your being... THoughts and feelings I never thought I had rose to the surface..under such crazy attacks..

BUT Let me tell you THEY do not possess an ounce of integrity An ounce of character... Hold on to your ounce of character.
Because... Given enough rope they will hang themselves( that was the sweet justice watching them hang themselves)
The hard part is hanging on long enough to watch them do it meanwhile enduring the mountain of crap...
Keep fighting for justice Keep fighting for Gregory...
YOu are his voice.. HE has no VOICE but you...
YOu can do it... Be strong... They will get what is coming to them...if not sooner then later.... THEY WILL have to answer for their treatment of ALL their children one day...You have given Gregory a precious gift... Security love and a stable home...You have laid a foundation at a crucial time in his life.
YOUR sacrifice will affect his future who he is and who he will be as an adult. HE HAS a chance at LIFE..
Sadly so many of those children who were not given security etc during these years are SOOOO screwed up as young adults... We had to attend a murder trial in which one of those kids we tried to save, but it was too late, ended up on death row.. Elijah never had a chance .. He had too much
crap at too young of an age.. And unfortunately our fight for him did not happen till he was ten.. And he was not taken
away from the torture until he was twelve by this time it was too late... I KNOW you are making a difference in this child's life.. Hang in there

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Recommend  Message 1 of 3 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 9/28/2005 5:36 PM
Well the paperwork is flying "not da father's" attorney has motioned for a continuance.. Motioned for a new judge.. Motioned all shorts of crap...
Judge has not ruled on it... So we show up tomorrow and hopefully we proceed with trial.... I pray we proceed with trial... To be anticipating this for six months and to wait another month etc.. That will be devastating.  ALSO Judge wants us to bring the baby to the court... He likes to see the child when it is a contested adoption... HE is running a fever.. The first time ever.. (But of course the Blady claims he has been sick this whole time..this just feeds her paranoia. what does she know she has only seen him once in six months.) So tonight I get to run him to urgent care... Won't know till we show up tomorrow afternoon if trial is on.  Meanwhile Friend is driving eight hours to be here to support me.. Another friend is in from out of town as well.. People have taken time off work that have been supeanad (however you spell that)we'll keep you posted


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Recommend  Message 2 of 3 in Discussion 
From: MSN
 Nicknamebwinks Sent: 9/28/2005 10:28 PM
Megan,
Try to get some sleep to night as hard as if is even if it is only an hour you will need it tomorrow. Well first of all I'm sending prayers your way that all goes well and they don't get any more delays and that you come out with victory on your side. Hang in there girl and go in that court room with a smile of victory on your face. As far as your little one goes I'm so sorry to hear that he is running a fever and isn't felling well. I hope he is doing better in the morning. I don't know about your attorney but our attorney would let us wait for her on another floor so we didn't have to look at those people and when we had to take our son to court we had the option of staying on another floor with him as well. All we had to do is come to court with him but he didn't have to be in the court room and I didn't want those people to see him. If I were you I would find out if you can do the same thing and if that is the case I would defiantly stay on another floor with him until court starts and then I would have your good friend stay with him out there where they can't see him. Prayers are going your way. Hang in there girl and remember there is light at the end of the tunnel and you two can make it to the other side. God is on your side and he can see you through this no matter what crap they try to pull.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 3 of 3 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 10/1/2005 1:41 PM
Been thinking about you - any news??

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General : WE WON  
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Recommend  Message 1 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 10/1/2005 2:32 PM
Highlights:Birthmother picketed outside the courthouse with signs saying our full names They stole our baby and lied in court. Also saying a cult stole our baby... Security had to escort my parents to a back room with Baby. and Security escorted them out a back door home...Both bpeople were caught in lies under oath. She had to plead the fifth regarding the signs or due to the gag order she would of been thrown in jail... WHAT A FIRST DAY of court.
Next morning went quickly stuck to the facts and We won..
I will give a more detailed account later...


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Recommend  Message 2 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 10/1/2005 3:51 PM
I am so happy to hear that your nightmare has ended and that you have won. I am so sorry to hear to what extremes they went to. It is ashamed what crap they will pull. Try to put this all behind you and start to enjoy your little one. I'm sure you slept really good knowing there will be no more court I know I did and do.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 3 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknameannanoel21 Sent: 10/2/2005 6:15 AM
YIPEEE!!!!   YEAHHHHHHH!!!!!   WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOO!!!!!!  I feel like doing a HAPPY DANCE for you!!!    I will agree their behavior is shameful, but you could not have said or presented any evidence of their insanity better than THAT!!  Hehehehe.....I think it's funny when people's true colors shine through and shoot themselves in the foot.  Congratulations!
-Anna

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Recommend  Message 4 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamegregorysparents Sent: 10/2/2005 7:01 AM
Congrats to you!!!  I am so happy for you and all of the others that have finally been able to put an end to these bs court battles and etc.
My thoughts and prayers go out to the rest of you!!

Contested <Contested@groups.msn.com> wrote:
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WE WON

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  Recommend Message 1 in Discussion
From: Got2bmaemae

Highlights:Birthmother picketed outside the courthouse with signs saying our full names They stole our baby and lied in court. Also saying a cult stole our baby... Security had to escort my parents to a back room with Baby. and Security escorted them out a back door home...Both bpeople were caught in lies under oath. She had to plead the fifth regarding the signs or due to the gag order she would of been thrown in jail... WHAT A FIRST DAY of court.
Next morning went quickly stuck to the facts and We won..
I will give a more detailed account later...

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Recommend  Message 5 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 10/2/2005 8:00 PM
I am so happy for you!! Congrats!!! I can't wait to hear the details!
Lana

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Recommend  Message 6 of 8 in Discussion 
From: jaydensmom04 Sent: 10/2/2005 10:37 PM
Congratulations on your win. I was glad to hear that things went your way.
Charity


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>bpeople were caught in lies under oath. She had to plead the fifth
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Recommend  Message 7 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebeckfires Sent: 10/3/2005 10:27 AM
THANK GOD for you!!!!  - I'm sorry you and your family had to go through all of this CRAP - but I'm so happy that it all turned out!!!! - just the way it was meant to be!!...........I guess since we didn't give birth to these kids.....we have to be punished (with some sort of pain) for a while.........ha!
CONGRATULATIONS!!!  HAPPY FAMILY!

Reply
Recommend  Message 8 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 10/6/2005 11:59 AM
Oh Megan, can we all start singing, HALLELUJAH!!!!! WOO HOO!!!! If you could see me now, I'm jumping up and down, dancing for you. What an awesome event.

I know it was crappy going through it, but look at the wonderful outcome.

Kitty

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Recommend  Message 1 of 4 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 10/22/2005 10:29 AM
The Judge's final judgement was issued yesterday. So of course last night at 11:00 the foster parents got a threatening call from the E.D. (birth girl, etc) So irrational.. Saying
Everyone will know what monsters you guys are... You wait and see... etc... Great look what we have to look forward too. More
displays of her mental instability.. like picketing wasn't enough..Anything they try or do just validates us more and clearly shows how nuts they are and how lucky this baby is to be saved from a life of that..The last few weeks have been quiet and to think I thought they just went away.. They actually were holding their breaths thinking they would get him back... The fact that they didn't know how BAD they lost.. Shows their delusional thinking. Fun Fun Fun....-Megan


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Recommend  Message 2 of 4 in Discussion 
From: MSN
 Nicknamebwinks Sent: 10/22/2005 11:27 AM
Glad to hear once again it is all over and I hope they will start behaving themselves. Try to ignore them and just enjoy your little one.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 3 of 4 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 10/22/2005 11:34 AM
Over...not quite.. They have 40 days from final judgement to file an appeal... But yes it is over...for us.. No more court...
We are enjoying our son....
Just hate the games these people play...
Megan

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Recommend  Message 4 of 4 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 10/24/2005 7:28 AM
I'm glad it's so close to being completely done! I pray that the next 40 days fly by and that the birth people realize they have lost and just disappear....
Lana

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Recommend  Message 1 of 10 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 10/26/2005 4:54 PM
Just curious to know how things are going for everyone...
Kitty, Christina... Jayden's mom Lexi's mom (both of you)
and any of you that I have forgotten but may want to update the group...

-Megan


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Recommend  Message 2 of 10 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 10/26/2005 6:35 PM
It's been 2-weeks today for our court date and we still have no news. It's like we're still in a total fog and don't know how to react to the questions. We're even afraid to hope at this point. It's just so unnerving. UGH!!!! (Yes, that's me screaming on papers, because we can't do it in real life.)

So, for us we're still hoping, no news, is good news.

Kitty

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Recommend  Message 3 of 10 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 10/27/2005 6:38 AM
We go court today to TPR the sperm doner. Elijah is 17 weeks old and the man has shown NO interest at all, so I'm sure the judge will do it gladly....
Lana

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Recommend  Message 4 of 10 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 10/27/2005 1:29 PM
Kitty,
Hang in there girl sending prayers your way that you will get the good news you are waiting for soon.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 5 of 10 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 10/27/2005 2:51 PM
Kitty I know about the waiting... It was 3 weeks before the judge issued a judgement... Hang in there.. Megan

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Recommend  Message 6 of 10 in Discussion 
From: jaydensmom04 Sent: 10/28/2005 12:12 AM
Hi there,

Sorry it's been awhile things have been really crazy. Just got the baby off
the bottle and that is a chore. Things are going okay with the bmother no
more problems since earlier this month. Who knows what Halloween holds.
I hope that everyone's children stay safe this Halloween. My prayers and
thoughts are with all of you always.
Charity


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>Date: Wed, 26 Oct 2005 14:54:49 -0700
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Recommend  Message 7 of 10 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 10/28/2005 7:35 AM
Nothing to update here - we are still waiting for (my) Lexi's  case to get to the appeal panel. Though we have decided that we aren't giving our attorney any more money at least until it's there. This is ridiculous - we've been waiting since May to get to panel, enough is enough, grrr.
My mind has not been on the case though (which is a good thing) becasue I have a sister in law and her 6 (yes SIX) children staying with us (a very LOUD thing, lol) indefinitely. Their house was pretty badly damaged from Hurricane Wilma, and they have no power, no water, no food, etc. in their area....so............CRAZY CRAZY CRAY here. If I don't post much it's becasue I can't find a quiet moment or spot in the house.

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Recommend  Message 8 of 10 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 10/28/2005 11:11 AM
Stacy~I am praying for you and your SIL. If there is anything I can do to help you please just let me know.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 9 of 10 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 10/28/2005 11:19 AM
Charity~I would love to know if you have any tips for me my little angle is 17 months and just will not give up his morning bottle. I had him down to just his morning and night time one when he turned one and thought this is going to be a piece of cake getting him off the rest boy was I wrong. Every time I try he cry's and cry's and refuses to drink his milk in his sippy cup and goes to the kitchen and points at the cabinet and cry's until you get him a bottle. It has only been in the last week or so that I finally once and for all got him off the night time one without no more tears but he just refuses to let go of that morning one. Does anyone have any suggestions? My other two were off way before this matter of fact DD was breastfeed and was off at 8 months because she bit me and brought blood and I said well that enough of this and she refused to take a bottle so she would only take sippy cups so that was really easy and as far as her older brother he was one and went right to the sippy full time at one.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 10 of 10 in Discussion 
From: jaydensmom04 Sent: 10/29/2005 1:02 AM
Will I will tell you that I have tried many things. Jayden was almost off
the bottle many times but always used it as a security blanket. He wouldn't
really drink out of it he just wanted to hold it when he went to sleep. To
get him off the morning bottle I would put a little chocolate sauce in his
milk so that he would see that he had a treat for being a big boy. Somedays
this worked and others it didn't. I also found that it helped that the type
of sippy cup that I bought was a Nuby. They have a soft top that is easier
for them to drink out of. They are carried at all Wal-Marts and are really
great. The cost about 1.49 and you can buy them with nipple like tops or
sippy cup tops. I really hope that this works for you Barb. Let me know.
Charity


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>Date: Fri, 28 Oct 2005 09:19:18 -0700
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>Charity~I would love to know if you have any tips for me my little angle is
>17 months and just will not give up his morning bottle. I had him down to
>just
>his morning and night time one when he turned one and thought this is going
>to
>be a piece of cake getting him off the rest boy was I wrong. Every time I
>try he
>cry's and cry's and refuses to drink his milk in his sippy cup and goes to
>the
>kitchen and points at the cabinet and cry's until you get him a bottle. It
>has
>only been in the last week or so that I finally once and for all got him
>off the
>night time one without no more tears but he just refuses to let go of that
>morning one. Does anyone have any suggestions? My other two were off way
>before
>this matter of fact DD was breastfeed and was off at 8 months because she
>bit me
>and brought blood and I said well that enough of this and she refused to
>take a
>bottle so she would only take sippy cups so that was really easy and as far
>as
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>Barbara
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General : Will the fat lady please sing....  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 11/15/2005 9:00 PM
Ya know the saying it aint over till the fat lady sings. I wish she would just belt it out and get it over with. I am sure a lot of you feel that way. We got our "judgement on October 19th.. Our trial was on Sept 30th.. :"Not the father" had fifteen days to appeal and of course on the fifteenth day he filed a motion for a rehearing.. November 12th our attorney filed our response to his notion.. and the tennis match goes back and forth.
It is my understanding that in Missouri, where we live, the judge has forty five days to rule on this... Our attorney said it won't take him that long.. It is my understanding that the forty five days began October 19th.. Hoping this will be over by the new year.
Still.... The stress is all but gone because we know we SO WON is such a big way..This guy has NO chance.. It is just SOOO FRUSTRATING that he is wasting our money and time over this... My thoughts lately are.. YOU gave our son life now let him LIVE his life...
Just wanted to update you guys on the latest.-Megan


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Recommend  Message 2 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 11/16/2005 10:43 AM
Megan,
Sending prayers of patient your way. I know what you mean about them wasting your money when it is probably not costing him anything. Well at least that was the case for us. They kept pulling us into court for nothing except to try and drain us dry. I kept telling DH thank God for credit card but we are still paying them off and we finalized in June but he was well worth it all. I hope you hear something soon.
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 3 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 11/16/2005 12:22 PM
I can appreciate your frustration. When T contested, she had NO legal grounds on which to do so. Our atty told us flat out she had almost no chance of winning. Time after time we had to go to court, where the judge ruled for us every time. We still had to go until the courts finally got sick of her. We went to court with her 3 times and to TPR the different potential fathers 3 times. ( she knew darn well who the birth father was, she was just stalling the process)
Hope this ends SOON!!
Lana

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Recommend  Message 4 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 11/16/2005 12:26 PM
I agree with the fat lady singing. Please, oh please, oh please, can she hurry up and sing. LOL.

Patience is NOT my virtue, but I'm sure learning about it. Oh well, I hope "not the father" hurries up and loses this case, so you can get on with your life.

Kitty

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Recommend  Message 5 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamegregorysparents Sent: 11/17/2005 6:23 AM
Megan,
You asked for it so here you go.....
"Please let the child live his life.....Please let the "Not the father" do what's right for this child.....Please let the child live his life.....Please let the rights of this child come first.....Please.....Please......PLEASE!!!!"
Now Megan, the fat lady has officially sang the song!!!!  Good luck.
Christina

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General : Attitude towards adoption  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 11/17/2005 10:15 PM
Do the feelings of dread and unsettleness towards adoption go away??? I am trying to find and start a baby book or life book for our son. Every time I read about someone's adoption I get a pit in my stomach. The pain and agony are still too fresh... I have nothing Good to say about adoption as far as domestically. I am saddened because this experience has caused me to have negative feelings about expanding my family through adoption while I already have negative feelings about expanding my family through pregnancy due to health issues and I still feel there are members of our family who have not joined us yet. Financially I don't know how long this will take us to recover from this. And the bills keep growing...and I think HOW IN THE WORLD will I ever explain this to him without my son experiencing pain since this experience was so awful...
Just had to vent.. Thanks, Megan


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General : Here we go again  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 12/6/2005 12:52 PM
Yesterday we got news that Sid (sperm Donor) has appealed to the missouri supreme court.. Yes we knew it was coming but it still sent me into an emotional tail spin. He is challenging the putative father registry law. It has already been challenged in Missouri and in the US Supreme court and already determined to be constitutional. So once again he has NO CASE but ONCE again he will drag us through the courts. The Mo Supreme court will send it to our district. Our district has not had it challenged so they will hear oral arguments.. HOWEVER, he has to put out money in order to proceed. The process in filing in our district will cost him 2500 just for the transcripts not to mention his lawyer fees. Our attorney plans on filing a motion for a 25.000 bond for him to pay our legal fees because his case has no merit. Ironically Both Birth people's mother's called the foster mom yesterday.. Our son's birthday is next week. So One birthgrandma wanted to see the baby.. The other wanted a picture. Both said they know they will never get the baby back etc.. SID's mom said she put a lot of her own money to fight to get the baby back.. and the foster mom told her the law we won on was the easiest there are plenty of other legal reasons why he does not have his son. Sid's mom began to believe what fostermom was saying and I don't think she will be willing to shell out more money to a lost cause. Its just this whole process brings up so many emotions. I am so angry at everyone myself for getting into this mess and trusting liars. Them for accusing us, betraying us, etc.. etc..The birthgrandparents for daring to ask for pictures and to see him for his birthday....and I can't take the harassment. I just want them all to go away.... IF my husband found a job overseas or out of state I would take it in a heartbeat.. Just to put a little distance between us and them...Will the nightmare ever end... It was so nice to have two months of a somewhat normal life...Since our adoption is not final we can't claim the deduction on our tax return... The attorneys bill just keeps growing not to mention what we have borrowed from family and the credit card. I am angry that the system can allow these people to take advantage of good hearted people. That they can harass and financial devastate families. That this child is just a possession to fight over....That the somewhat stable families (us) are put through this all because they didn't step forward and parent or claim the child in the 10 1/2 week before the adoption. n. Couldn't manage to come forward and support the child before the adoption.. BUT can spend 30-50,000 dollars fighting this adoption only afterl the child is safe with someone else do they manage to fight for the child. Sorry my ramblings are just that ramblings and venting... UGH UGH UGH!!!!! I am angry because there are millions of orphaned children overseas longing for a family to love them and we are stuck using our meager resources to fight psychotic unstable wealthy birthparents...Instead of an international adoption where we would never be harassed by the birthparents EVER!!!!
-Megan


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Recommend  Message 2 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamegregorysparents Sent: 12/8/2005 4:22 PM
You know.....I just don't know what to say.  I believe that our legal system is better than any other legal system in the country.  However, this does not mean that there aren't flaws.  I am sooo sorry that you still can't close this chapter of your lives so you can start another one.  But.....I believe that everything will work out - it's just going to take a lot longer than you thought.
You all will be in my thoughts and prayers.
Christina

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Recommend  Message 3 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 12/8/2005 6:22 PM
Megan, I am so very, very sorry that you have to go through this all over again.
((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))) to you and your family.
I hear and feel everything you said in your post - it is so unfair that we (and our children) are subjected to this.
I now have about a month (if that) to figure out where the hell we are going to come up with 6 grand - we are beyond tapped out and our attorney will not finalize if we aren't paid in full.
May G-d give you the strength to get through this round
Stacy

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Recommend  Message 4 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 12/9/2005 8:53 AM
I am so sorry you have to go at this again. The system sure doesn't favor the kids does it?
I will be praying for you.....
Lana

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Recommend  Message 5 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 12/9/2005 10:07 AM
Megan,
First of all I want you to know you are not alone  please hold on to your faith that has gotten you this fair and find comfort in that. I know that helped me a lot when we were going through it Faith, Family and Friends. Yes, all this will end but when none of us know except God so have faith in him and hold on to your faith. You are right about it not being fair and how their are thousand of children that need families in foreign countries, but God chose us to parent this one child this time and all we can do for now is take it one day at a time, do what ever we have to do to keep our children. It does suck when we have to beg borrow and put ourselves in debt up to our eye balls just to keep up with the legal fees when in many cases it doesn't cost the birthparents a dime. Grrrrrrrrrrr on bogus needless crap but you do what you have to do. Sorry back on track. LOL Hang in there and know we are all here and vent all you need to. That is what we are here for to help each other.  Hold on to the faith that you are next to join the rest of us who have made it to the other side. You are almost there just a little bit further just a little more patients. Between you and me I think if there is a next time I will go to China for a little girl who needs a forever family and is legally free  for adoption, and like you said no heart ache and you know up front how much no surprise legal fees.
Barbara

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General : Your perspective PLEASE!!!!  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 12/7/2005 6:06 PM
Okay girls I am torn....and I was wondering how you all deal with
pictures etc.. especially Lana and Barbara.. the ones that are on the other side of this...
Both birthgrandparents are asking for pictures.
Our attorney is saying no contact whatsoever until all the appeals are over.. It is our son's birthday next week and christmas is coming up.
Most of my friends (several are adoptive mothers, adoptees etc..) say no pictures The two pro-open adoption people in my life say.. A visit doesn't seem appropriate but what is the harm in pictures.??? I don't see the harm in pictures but I also know
we are the evil adopted parents who stole their grandchild. Our role as his parents is never acknowledged nor is our willingness to continue the open adoption for the first six months while being harassed etc.. Its only what we have failed to do that they focus on. So why bother to put forth any good will when their is no respect no trust etc...
Would love your perspectives please\-Megan


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Recommend  Message 2 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 12/8/2005 8:22 AM
This has nothing to do with anyone's opinion at this point. You MUST follow the attorney's advice and NO CONTACT. I can not stress this enough to follow what he says. (That's what you're paying him the big bucks for, remember?! LOL) Don't let anyone guilt you into contact. When this is all over, follow your heart and if it says send pictures, then do it, but you must wait.

My advice outside of this, is put all pictures that you "might" have given in an envelope and mark it for each bgrandparent. If you decide when it's over to send it, then so be it. Until then... No Way Jose`.

Kitty

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Recommend  Message 3 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 12/8/2005 12:51 PM
Kitty,
Thanks for your input I sooo needed to hear that... I wrote yet another letter to the birthfamily and set aside pictures. Not sure which letter we will end up sending but it helps to express ourselves in this time when we cannot express ourselves to the birthfamily.
To be misunderstood and not be able to defend yourselves and speak the truth wether they choose to believe you or not has been so hard for us..

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Recommend  Message 4 of 5 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 12/12/2005 6:36 AM
I agree 100%. You must follow your atty's advise. I am not exactly anti open adoption ( But I am verrry close) but that has nothing to do with it. The way my atty explained it was" anything you say or do especially in writing can be misconstrued, don't risk it"
Stick to your guns and let them think what they want to about you, you know the truth....
Lana

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Recommend  Message 5 of 5 in Discussion 
From: jaydensmom04 Sent: 12/13/2005 9:43 PM
We still have people who sneak into our family gathering to take pictures
for the bmother. I would say I know that it is hard to say no sometimes but
I would wait till the whole process is over.
Charity


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>Subject: Your perspective PLEASE!!!!
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> Okay girls I am torn....and I was wondering how you all deal
>with
>pictures etc.. especially Lana and Barbara.. the ones that are on the other
>side of this...
>Both birthgrandparents are asking for pictures.
>Our attorney is saying no contact whatsoever until all the appeals are
>over.. It is our son's birthday next week and christmas is coming up.
>Most of my friends (several are adoptive mothers, adoptees etc..) say no
>pictures The two pro-open adoption people in my life say.. A visit doesn't
>seem appropriate but what is the harm in pictures.??? I don't see the harm
>in pictures but I also know
>we are the evil adopted parents who stole their grandchild. Our role as
>his parents is never acknowledged nor is our willingness to continue the
>open adoption for the first six months while being harassed etc.. Its only
>what we have failed to do that they focus on. So why bother to put forth
>any good will when their is no respect no trust etc...
>Would love your perspectives please\-Megan
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General : Harassment on our son's birthday  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 12/13/2005 11:16 PM
For once my children were asleep on time, I was exhausted and went to bed early only to be jarred awake by a doorbell at 10:00 at night last night. My husband was not at home. I called his cell phone wondering if he forgot his key etc.. Because of the phonecalls from Craig and Ebbie's mother's to the fosterparents last week asking for visits. We were on guard. The doorbell kept ringing and then they were pounding on the door. I called the police and tried to explain the situation I finally said. I just need someone to come out here to my house. I was shaking.. the dispatcher said do you know if it is them?.. I snuck a peak out the window and saw a huge birthday package on a car in my driveway and a person in the car. That is all I saw. A few minutes later my husband called and said... a 24/7 courier service just called his cell phone saying they tried to deliver a package and no one was home. (we had just changed our home phone number on Saturday, in fact when the dispatcher asked for my home number I didn't know it. ) The courier left the package and the police came. The police recommended filing a restraining order. After the police left My husband called the courier service back and gave them a piece of his mind. The courier service said their instructions were to make direct contact. (why anyone would be pounding on the door at 10:00 at night in a residential neighborhood to deliver a package is beyond me) Craig was successful in harassing us. The pkg was filled with a couple of homemade notes... like the other disturbing ones we have from Ebbie.. On construction paper written in magic marker... A hat that ebbie wore as a baby with a note attached. Someone had drawn a sad face of Noah's in the middle of the sun and Ebbie had written out the song you are my sunshine (my husband always refers to that song as a disfunctional lullaby...I dreamt I held you in my arms.. Please don't take my sunshine away etc.).. There were two other cards. One with a note from Ebbie to noah and an Note from Craig. Umm the child can't read so obviously it is for harassment benefit.. If I was doing it mainly for our harassment I would be a lot crueler and a lot less baring of my emotional instablity but these guys are that smart. For God sake In the deposition Craig in trying to make us look bad expressed some pretty disturbing thought processes.. Every time he tried to make us look bad his "crazy" would show... But back to the story. I called our attorney this morning. She said she didn't think we could get a restraining order because there has been no direct contact. She said to sit tight and wait a while.. I mentioned what about the picketing and slandering our charecter and violating the gag order.. She said oh yeah there is that. she said.. If they do something on Christmas then you have a stronger case.

I just want it to stop. Do they really think I would surrender my son to people who continually show how twisted and emotionally instable they are??? Craig's family is clearly disturbed and so is Ebbie's This kid didn't stand a chance for a stable home life. God stepped in and rescued this child from a childhood of chaos. I pray I have the strength and grace to walk this out. And I pray this craziness will end.
If moving to Africa meant some peace of mind I would do it.
But I know running isn't the answer.. still If a job opened up in another state.. I would welcome it... The reality is we are here stuck with this mess. They still are holding on to false hope that they will get him back. I am hoping we will get an answer from the Missouri Supreme court before christmas.
Then the next step is seeing if they take this to our district.
Then the real fun begins... Motioning for a 25,000 bond for our attorney fees to fight this hopeless lawsuit. MY PRAYER is IT STOPS SOON... We file a restraining order, We send them our letter requesting NO CONTACT and they FINALLY LEAVE US ALONE or risk Jail time. Course If He were to die.. IT would all go away. I can dream can't I ??? Never thought I would ever wish someone dead. But hey. it would simplify my life. Back to reality... I want them to go away and leave us alone... Is that too much to ask???
-Megan


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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 12/15/2005 8:15 PM
Megan,

I honestly just don't know what to say. I read this when you wrote this and still don't have words to give you.

This is such a horrible thing to have to go through. It's not fair and nobody should have to go through anything like this. I'm truly so sorry you're dealing with this.

Dealing with bparents that really "don't have a clue" is just not what any normal person can imagine, nor can they understand the situation you're in. And yes, I'll admit to being horrible too and wanting "bowel movement" (okay our name for birthmom or "BM"- since a bowel movement is truly SH*T and that's what we think of her) just to drop off of the face of the earth. Yes, no matter how she did it. We're only human and sometimes we just can't help these feelings. They WILL pass, but for now, we've just got to get through each day, one day at a time.

I hope and pray that your attorney does get the bond for your attorney's fees, so hopefully, this soon can be over. This is just ridiculous. Please forgive me, because I'm just truly in shock over all of this "crap". (I probably shouldn't be considering our case, but I still am.)

Kitty

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From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 12/15/2005 10:07 PM
This just sucks. Hows that for blunt? I wish you could get a restraining order. How maddening that they would ruin this day for you just to be petty. I hope this is over soon.....
Lana

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General : ANOTHER TRIAL!!!! our saga continues  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 12/29/2005 12:24 PM
Okay girls,
I need your perspective once again as you know and understand more than anyone else.
We got a creepy package on Christmas eve in the morning. We were actually relieved to get it over with that way we wouldn't be tense wondering when they would send one.
I guess Craig thinks this is supporting his son... The card had the grinch on it said something about He couldn't stop christmas from coming.. For you already stole my heart away...
Then he went on about... No matter how far they try to seperate us from you, you will always be our son.. On your first christmas since we can't hug you.... WAIT STOP the presses THIS is our son's second Christmas... The first christmas he spent with a Foster family....

Also we got more paperwork on Friday before Christmas..
We were expecting it.. I spoke with our lawyer.
It seems this is the first case in our state to challenge the putative father registry So Craig's lawyer is looking for his day in the spotlight... (If he wins that is)
He has requested certified copies of EVERY SINGLE court document in this case and a copy of the trial transcripts.
Then He has 60 days to file a brief.. We have 30 days to respond and then YOU GUESSED IT the Oral arguments begin ANOTHER TRIAL.... The US supreme court and several other states have already ruled that this law is constitutional.. So our state will not go against the US supreme court... BUT in a worse case scenerio if by some reason our state says... This law was unfair to Craig so highly unlikely as we already proved that.. We still have him on abandonment... So we would once again
go to court and prove abandonment. He has no case he has no chance but again here we go...BEST CASE SCENERIO Our lawyer is working on preparing a motion to file a 25,000 bond for our legal bills. She said it has been done before. And we would be going before the same judge that tried our case. Don't know what the odds are on getting it.. We are hoping he will Freak out and not want to put up that kind of money for our legal expenses. IF SO he would drop the case... OR We go to trial AGAIN in April and it is over.(is it ever really over???)..
We are considering moving......I hate living this way..
His harassment through third parties... Packages etc.. is harassment. but he is sneaky... Don't think we could get a restraining order... How could we prevent a courier from delivering a package??.. Alls we could do is refuse it. I don't want to even have to do that I want to move out of state
with a P.O. Box People said wait till after the TC (first court date when we took him home) and that most likely He would just go away... But he didn't .. People said wait until the contestment trial when he loses he will go away... But he didn't... I can't see this guy going away... I want to believe people when they say... He will go away.. but his harassment has left me on guard. He is a loose cannon..I don't want to take my chances.. I would much rather be farther away harder to gain access to...Just knowing that he could drive by our house etc... When i don't know what he car looks like.. When we go to public places we are constantly scanning the crowd.. I don't know what All his and her family looks like. But they know what we look like.. I hate always wondering if they will be at the same event..I hate being on guard when carrying the sleeping children into our house on Christmas night. His actions make me feel violated and unsafe.. I hate that any action on their part has this affect on me but it does... I know several of you deal with your birthfamilies...Any perspectives or thoughts on our crazy scenerio. Alls I know is something has got to change i can't keep living like this.. It sure was nice to have a two month break from the craziness...
-Megan


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From: MSN Nicknamegregorysparents Sent: 12/30/2005 7:02 AM
Megan,
All I can offer you at this time are my thoughts and prayers.
I pray that in 2006 we all can receive what we want/need.  I also pray that the rights of the CHILD come first in 2006!!  My concern is that this will NEVER happen.
Happy New Year to ya all.
Christina

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From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 12/31/2005 4:47 PM
Megan,
 Just a thought here............I have a copy of our brief and it cites lots of challenges of the putative father law in states other than ours, if it would help you (maybe save you some legal expenses), I'd be happy to share..............
Stacy

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General : look what Biodad's attorney wrote  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 12/30/2005 1:37 PM
From the website DadsDivorce.com (link from Cordell & Cordell's website). He wrote this the day our judgement was iissued.

Unwed Fathers Losing Their Children to Adoption
October 19, 2005
Robert E. Arnold III, Esq.

Sometimes, a story will appear that makes you think legislatures have no idea of the impact of certain laws being enacted. It is only when a statute is passed, and the rights of a state’s citizens restricted, that the full effect can be measured.

It is hard to imagine just how anyone could have voted for a law where an unwed father only has fifteen days to “stake his claim” upon the birth of his child, or risk losing the child forever in an adoption proceeding. But this is precisely what the State of Missouri did in 2004 and the result - Statute §453.030 - is by the far the most restrictive law impacting the rights of unwed fathers in the nation. In an age where DNA testing has affirmatively been used to free men and women from “Death Row” years after unjust incarceration, the Missouri Legislature has taken a seemingly opposite course, and restricted the length of time a father has to secure his rights to his children. Unwed fathers must register with the Putative Father Registry or file an action in Court to determine paternity and exert their rights. If they fail to do so, the child may never know his true father.

Most attorneys do not even deal with this law. It is for the relatively few who practice in the infrequent domain of adoption law and the sealed courtroom procedures of Juvenile and Family Court at the Commissioner level. Some feel that judges are inaccessible since their dockets are so full. Most times, they instill all discretion with the Commissioners. Transcripts are not really available for review since everything is taped. Some even believe that money from the prospective adoptive parents is the prerogative, not the rights of biological mothers and fathers who have most likely forsaken their children to the system so they can be cared for and protected.

Obviously, the procedures for adoption are essential to ensure protection for those children rescued from abusive or dangerous situations. The process is designed to provide some level of permanency on an expedited basis through foster care and eventual adoption for those children. Commissioners, no doubt, have seen many children of all ages and do the best they can to place them in loving homes.

Unwed fathers, however, need to be made aware of these developments since conflicts between existing statutes now allow for adoptive parents to obtain permanent custody of children from unwed mothers if the unwed father does not start an action to establish his paternity, or register with the putative father registry within 15 days of the child’s birth. If the father fails in doing either of those, any history of supporting the child, being present at the birth of the child, transporting the child and making sure that the child is housed and fed becomes irrelevant. An unwed father loses all his rights if an adoption proceeding is initiated and the mother consents to the adoption.

Short of obvious provisions (should fraud play a part in the father not knowing about the pregnancy,) the Missouri legislature, according to some, has fashioned an unconstitutional law. It not only violates the equal protection clause of the Fourteenth Amendment, and due process of the Fifth Amendment, but also is directly in conflict with other statutes that provide exceptions for a father who supports a child and is involved in his life.

DNA tests establishing paternity have become irrelevant in many Missouri courts since the delayed determination fails under the two-prong test of §453.030. The presumed father becomes just an average citizen. With family law cases overloading dockets across the state, some believe the courts are expediting cases and ignoring scientific evidence while still stating that are acting in the “best interest of the child.”

The legislature may have thought this law would solve the problem of delays associated with unwed mothers wanting to give up their child for adoption. The tragedy is they ignored the rights of biological fathers who would happy to provide a stable, loving home to their own child.

Related Website: www.moga.state.mo.us/statutes/C400-499/4530000030.HTM

©2005. DadsDivorce.com. All Rights Reserved.
Reprinted with permission.

http://www.dadsdivorce.com/news/artdet.php/93793.html


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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 12/30/2005 1:41 PM
This article speaks for itself... I guess "sperm donors have rights too" fortunately our legal system has made laws protecting the child....His attorney was just mad that he lost.. and trying to gain publicity to go against this law...

In our case... There was no fraud.. The guy did know about the law and the registry but chose not to assert his paternity...
So according to this law... HE lost.. and He is not happy about it.


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Recommend  Message 3 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 12/31/2005 2:13 PM
Know whats even worse than stupid people? Educated people with no common sense! Birth fathers, sperm donors, what ever you want to call them, should pay closer attention and do what needs to be done WITHIN THE FRAME OF LAW. Even if the law is stupid ( Which it is not, a new born baby needs to be able to bond and go on with his or her life as soon as possible) It is still the law. Deal with it. He chose not to come forward in time, too darn bad, he needs to quit whining.
Lana

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Recommend  Message 4 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 12/31/2005 4:43 PM
Gotta be brief here because my little Lexi just came home from a week in the hospital.............
Thing that gets me about articles like this is that they seem to forget that the "father" has an entire pregnancy to establish his paternity. So, it's actually, 9 months PLUS 15 days, and frankly, if that ain't enough time to do the right thing, then too friggin bad.

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Recommend  Message 5 of 7 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 1/2/2006 12:24 PM
 What is this about Lexi being in the hospital is she alright???
- Megan
Motherhood the toughest job you'll ever love.

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From: MSN NicknameFiveForMe Sent: 1/3/2006 10:18 AM
Ya know, I've said many times in the last year that a baby would die within a few days if not fed and cared for, so what's this about giving 15 days or 6 months or whatever for abandonment?  Just who is to care for this baby in the "fair" amount of time it take for the bfather to get his legal act together?  Just so frustruating...
Kris

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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 1/8/2006 9:24 AM
Megan,

Okay, let me get this straight, that "notdafather", that has denied paternity, even after he was ruled to be "dafather" through a DNA testing- still saying he "did not have sexual relations with that woman" (couldn't resist that one)- is now contesting the ruling that his rights were trampled on by the putative father registry, that said he was to register within a certain amount of time, even when he's denied paternity throughout the entire process, is now saying this law is unconstitutional, because it stepped on his rights to be a father?????????????????? (Did I get this correct???)

If the man denied paternity even after it was proven he was "dafather", then by gosh, he doesn't deserve the rights to say this is unconstitutional. Does anyone else find this entire process a miscarriage of justice??? I couldn't type before now, because I just couldn't mentally type the words from my what I was thinking. I just don't get this. I hope to goodness your attorney gets all of the transcripts from the trial including "notdafather" stating he wasn't the father and then let them judge this lawsuit.

Gee, Timbucktoo (sp?) is probably looking pretty good right now to move to, huh?! Damn, this just sucks. (Sorry if I offend, but those words are stuck in my head.)

Kitty

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General : Slow news day for us too..  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 1/27/2006 11:51 AM
A local magazine is running a story via Craig and Ebby's version of the story.  The magazine is not very reputable.. It is where you go to find where the local bands are playing, for singles ads and off the wall political commentary.. Used to read it in college if you get the idea.  But they have written some non favorable articles regarding a church the foster parents and us are affiliated with.  Don't know if they will bring that slant.. A cult stole my baby.. taking it to the Missouri supreme court etc...
We tried to have it silenced. our attorney called and told them of the gag order.  Evidently according to Craig and Ebby the gag order has expired.
SO here we go.  My thoughts are.. Craig works for the local ABC TV station.
If this is the best they could get for exposure.. OBviously it is their desperate attempt to get this in print because no reputable newspaper or TV station will touch it.  Hoping still that our lawyer can go before a judge and get a gag order reinstated.
I will keep you posted-Megan


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From: MSN Nicknamegregorysparents Sent: 1/29/2006 5:37 AM
I am so sorry that things like this can happen.  I just want to make a list of everyone that deserves to be strangled - but Lord only knows where I would start - there are so MANY people that deserve to be on that list.
Praying for EVERYONE!!!
Christina

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General : Updates please!!!  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 1/28/2006 10:09 AM
I know we have had several court dates some good and some bad.  We have heard Christina's agony, Kitty's frustration, Lana and Barbara's victory and Tinyntough's victory with Lexi.  What about the rest?? Where are all of you at in your battle.  Five for me, Supersitka, jayden's mom, and any others out there who are still waiting.
Are there any upcoming court dates??  How are you dealing with the birthpeople?  What is the latest adoption drama in your lives?
-Megan


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From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 1/30/2006 9:07 AM
Well, things have been pretty quiet here. For those who don't know, we finalized Alexis' adoption on January 11th, and I have been on a euphoric high ever since. The drama that I have been dragged into is with my kids older brother. He was kept and raised by bmoms mother until just a few months ago when bmom took him and ran, gave custody to her cousins husband. Now they are asking us to testify in court about bmoms inability to make rational decisions.....
I truly hope that grandma gets him back, but selfishly I just don't want to be involved. I will do what I can becasue I know what she is going through, but geez, I am so over the court bs.
So thats my update!

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Recommend  Message 3 of 13 in Discussion 
From: jaydensmom04 Sent: 1/30/2006 12:15 PM
Well for us the battle is an everyday thing. Jayden's bmom is still in rehab. I am pushing to get the paperwok going for the adoption but the lawyer keeps dragging his feet. I have already started talking to a new lawyer and feel that I will have better luck with him but everything is still up in the air. Oh, and if that isn't enough my husband and I have been having problems.(not a new thing) Now he is throwing into the mix that he is going to take my son and leave. I say that Jayden is mine because he is. I love him, I have raised him ,I am his mother. I know that this is just some tactic that he is using to get me po'd and it is working. I guess being young and going through this on the other end, you  know not having your child taken away but trying to fight to adopt them is hard on your relationships but I don't know where he comes up with the nerve sometimes to say the things that he says. Oh, I wanted to let everyone know Please keep us in your thoughts and prayers on Feb 7 Jayden has to have surgury they are putting tubes in his ears. I guess I'm just a worry wort but I could use all the prayers right now that I can get.
Charity


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Subject: Updates please!!!
Date: Sun, 29 Jan 2006 07:10:59 -0800

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Updates please!!!

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  Recommend Message 1 in Discussion
From: Got2bmaemae

I know we have had several court dates some good and some bad.  We have heard Christina's agony, Kitty's frustration, Lana and Barbara's victory and Tinyntough's victory with Lexi.  What about the rest?? Where are all of you at in your battle.  Five for me, Supersitka, jayden's mom, and any others out there who are still waiting.
Are there any upcoming court dates??  How are you dealing with the birthpeople?  What is the latest adoption drama in your lives?
-Megan

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Recommend  Message 4 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamelovemymady Sent: 1/30/2006 10:40 PM
Charity,
I am new here, but read your post and it just touched my heart.  My husband and I have had our share of problems with all the added stress of our adoption, too.  It seems like things are starting to settle down now, thankfully, but just wanted to tell you to hang in there.  Jayden needs you both in full tact right now and I believe that adopted children, (or children who have been removed from their biological parents for whatever reason) need security and stability more than other children. 
Remember, or try to remember the reason you fell in love with and married your husband and ask him to do the same.  It might just help you both through some of the stress. 
I will pray for you that things work out for the best, and please know that my heart does go out to you.

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Recommend  Message 5 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 2/2/2006 12:50 PM
Charity,
Prayers going your way and for your family. Hang in there girl I know that this is very stressful but you need each other right now.
(((Hugs)))
Barbara

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Recommend  Message 6 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknameannanoel21 Sent: 2/3/2006 2:33 PM
Hi,
I just wanted to say that my dh and I have had almost exactly the same argument.  The stress this adds to a relationship is difficult at best.  Since our adoptions are final and things have settled down a bit in that area for a while, we are doing much better.  Adoption will always add strain, we had another go around at Christmas over how to handle the holiday visitation.  But, you just have to realize you guys are in this together for the long haul.  Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words just piss me off!! ;O)
Anna

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Recommend  Message 7 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamesupersitka Sent: 3/7/2006 2:29 PM
Well hello everyone...Our update is as follows...
We had a mediation with our son's birthfather in Nov. which was a waste of time. He wouldn't discuss ANYTHING. He just kept saying that he wanted his day in court. So, in Dec. we had a five day jury trial in which the verdict was unanimous for terminating his parental rights. (not what he was expecting!) The jury only deliberated for about 2 hours and the judge indicated that in his entire career he had only had one other unanimous decision. It was truly a victory for us and quite the ultimate Christmas present!!! We were able to go before the same judge the following week and finalize our adoption.
At the end of the trial, we told the opposing counsel that we would be true to our word and try to work with our son's birthfather if he wanted some type of communication, but to allow us a cooling off time and made it clear that BF needed to contact us. Up until now, we have NEVER heard one word from him. We also know that the date for filing any type of appeal has officially passed. It is only now (within this past week) that we feel that we can officially breathe a sigh of relief about all of this. I will admit that it is still bewildering to me how someone can pitch such a fight (albeit BF's mother was behind the majority of it at the beginning and was willing to falsify documentation to make her son look WAY more involved at the beginning of this fight than he actually was) only to walk away from any contact with his birthson. I suppose it was all about the winning, not the relationship. Guess we just think differently than some of these creatures (I use that term literally!) Anyway, it feels awesome to finally slam the door on all of this mess and be able to proceed on the "our family is built" side of life. (Our's was 13 years in the making! And technically we're still paying off exuberant lawyer fees and trying to settle into the permanancy of our family.)
To end - we are so joyous!!! We pray that each of your families finds stability and peace....soon!

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Recommend  Message 8 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 3/22/2006 9:30 AM
Okay It's time for my update..As I read over the other updates it is amazing that life does go on.  That there are happy endings and that there is an end.  Ours continues to drag on.  It has been a year since we brought our son home.  SID(sperm donor)  is continuing to take us to MO supreme court.   It is amazing how we think, surely this will be over by February.. Surely this will be over by June.  WELL at this point we don't even have a court date for the supreme court. Meanwhile... Physically, emotionally and financially we are maxed out.  My husband job has been very stressful. He is a computer programmer it is crunch time and HE HAS DEVELOPED Carpel tunnel..  We are looking at moving to down size to help with the adoption debt.  We are wanting to do things very decretely as we are wanting the harassment to end and concerned about once it is over how they will act. She continues to send wierd art project type notes to the baby. We have stopped reading them but we open them to see if He has snuck any "support checks" in there.   I have been told that they will just go away when this is over but they have not acted how anyone has predicted.  Panhandling in the ritzy shopping area of town with a sign saying "Help me get my baby back" Does not sound like a rational person.  I think that it is just too tempting to be in a place where they have easy access.  In their irrational minds... They won't let us see him I will just peak at him at church etc... I don't want that possibility.. YES we could do a restraining order when this is all said and done. But I would like to eliminate even the possiblity of them driving by.  I don't want to have to refuse packages on his birthday I  don't want them to come. I don't want to deal with the chance of someday running into them at the amusement park and they say something stupid like THEY STOLE YOU FROM US.  YOU ARE OUR BLOOD ETC...  We are on guard everytime we are in a big public place.  We had to take our son to the children's hospital for an injury and we were on guard what if ED(egg donor's) family is here.. Is that rational??? no, but it crosses our minds.  We have been surprised at the instabliity of these people.  Still in the middle of this..  Well the children are getting into stuff must run
_Got2bmaemae

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Recommend  Message 9 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 7/12/2006 11:28 AM
WARNING!!! Time for a good vent... LOL!!!  Time keeps marching on.. Our son is still in our home, no court date has been assigned yet for the State supreme court.  This is dragging out...Biodonor's continue to send packages signing it MOM and Dad... Thus my pondering... What is in a title anyway??  Why do you not have to earn that one.  Does it matter if you are Auntie to the child (or in our case Adoptive parents) if you raised them..., nurtured, cared, protected, supported... Don't you serve that badge of honor.
Why does merely concieving and birthing grant you that honor??
Who do they think they are?   They claim they miss their child, and pray for him daily?  They don't even know him?  What they miss the baby they had at the hospital that's who they miss..?  The two month old they placed in my arms, thats what they miss?  Did ya miss him when you abandoned him for 27 days in foster care while you made up your mind?  only to sign your rights away six weeks later?   You missed him so much you chose to adopt him out.  Go ahead miss him... But he is NOT your son anymore.
Why do they even get to drag this to the state supreme court.  I thought it was pretty clear... Parent or adopt out.. There is no limbo.. These kids want us to babysit and then take him back?    What makes the kid who you abandoned and weren't ready to parent all of the sudden so desirable.. when you willingly chose not to parent.. Why is this child the one you are fighting for?  Cause someone told you.. He is no longer yours, you no longer get to control his life?   How many children are put through this???  How many families??   Lets see... They are the selfish ones who dropped their child off on all of our doors steps.. We (all of you out there) were the ones who rearranged our lives, and selfishly said yes to raise and accept as our own all the responsibilites of childraising because we saw a child in need and we wanted to fulfill that need.  Only to be put through months and months sometimes years of harassment, financial hardship, and emotional stress???   Okay.. I feel better didn't realize I still had all those unresolved issues inside.. As days turn into weeks, weeks into months and now it has been a year+  The baby will be over 2yo before this whole thing is resolved.
I know You all have been there done that... So Good to know we are not alone.

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Recommend  Message 10 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameBlessedAngel1965 Sent: 7/15/2006 2:21 PM
We went to court back in may. The judge ordered the GAL to find out if we kept bio mom from her visits. The judge said if I find out if you kept her bio mom from visits you are in trouble but if I find out bio mom did not come her rights are terminated. The GAL said she knows we did not keep her from her visits.. SO
We go back to court on Monday. PLEASE PLEASE SEND PRAYERS MY WAY. GAL came here Thursday and said that A belongs here she is content and safe. And has bondend with both of us.

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Recommend  Message 11 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 7/15/2006 2:25 PM
we'll be praying that there is good resolution for your family on Monday.
Blessings
Got2bmaemae

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Recommend  Message 12 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamehodge72295 Sent: 8/1/2006 1:19 PM
Here's our update:
Finally got word from atty--case goes to appeals court on August 23 and then will be EIGHT TO TWELVE WEEKS for a decision!
WTF? Don't these judges realize a child's life is at stake here? Let him bond with us even longer so that if he DOES get taken away, he will be damaged from it?
I HATE HATE HATE the legal system, hate it.

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Recommend  Message 13 of 13 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameAcorn3037 Sent: 8/10/2006 7:27 AM
Got2be, Our situations often sound so similar. Just recently we went camping in an area near where we last knew BM and BD to live and I was very concerned about going to the local stores, etc. I did not want to run into them and have a big scene in front of the children.
We had expected our aboption to be over this summer, and planned our move in that shedule. First off because an extra child means we now need a bigger house and because we do not want BM and BD, trying to kidnap Brittany, (which BM has threatened to do) showing up at our door years from now, etc. However BM and BD disappeared, and our lawyer had to hunt them down to serve them so that slowed down the process.
Then we hoped BM and BD would do what was best for Brittany for once in their sorry lives and allow the adoption with out contesting, BUT of course the last day they had to answer the summons, they did answer and are denying everything!!!
Taking a step back, when BM first learned we planned to adopt she made a big fuss that everyone was keeping her from seeing her child (not true of course) so in responce to her accusations and bulling the supervised visit center reinstated her visits. (sigh) Out of the 6 possible visits since that time, BM has made 2. Before the summons, BM missed 2 visits claiming she did not have enough money (to pay the supervision fee and drug test) then as soon as she received the summons she was calling requesting a visit. Only to cancel the day before!!!
Well, lets pray she keeps this pattern up and we will not have to deal with visits before our court date in October. With as violent and unperdictable as she is you never know what she might do.
Gotta run will stop back later to finish

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 2/8/2006 5:36 PM
Well Thursday the article about us will be printed.  www.pitch.com  I am refusing to read it.
The confidentiality order was reinstated. So someone will be in contempt of this order.  I am not holding my breath that there will be sufficient punishment for such violation.  It is amazing what one sick individual can get away with.
Sad, Sad, Sad
-Got2bmaemae


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Recommend  Message 2 of 3 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 2/9/2006 7:16 PM
I looked for it and can't find it. Any suggestions?
Lana

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Recommend  Message 3 of 3 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknameannanoel21 Sent: 2/13/2006 5:22 PM
I couldn't find it either

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 2/17/2006 5:26 PM
Two weeks ago we were told there was going to be an article in a weekly magazine
Thankfully it did not go to press.  I apologize for not updating you guys on that one. We are still holding our breath.  WE hope they decided to pull it but who knows.
So we are checking weekly to see if it was in the magazine.  I spoke with our attorney this week.  I AM SO Frustrated
as there are still so many steps until our state supreme court trial. FIVE MONTHS.  WHY SID is allowed to do this is infuriating.  Found out ED (egg Donor) was seen in a prominent part of town panhandling before christmas by the one of the attorney's with a sign saying help me get my baby back. SO sad. She is so delusional and so lost
More later
Megan


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From: MSN Nicknamebwinks Sent: 2/18/2006 11:24 AM
Megan,
Still praying that all works out.
Barbara

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General : The Things people say.. I want to hear yours.  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 3/22/2006 10:32 AM
Okay ladies,  I know we all have had insensitive comments while going through this.  Here is your chance to share it with all of us. T
Think of one or two and then share your answer.
Ironically I have gotten some wierd responses from other adoptive parents.
Which shows that we are in a club all our own. 
"So is this the child you are trying to adopt?"  I wanted to say?  UM we already adopted him the day we brought him home he was our son.  Just because the bio's are confused does not mean he isn't adopted into our family.  But Alls I said was.. YES.
-Megan


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From: MSN Nicknamesanben36 Sent: 3/25/2006 11:06 PM
One of the worst for me was right after she came to live with us (4 years ago) - hubby's mother heard me saying, 'walk to daddy' and gesturing towards my husband. She frowned and told us that we shouldn't teach Nic (12 months old at the time) to think of us as her parents - she should learn to call us 'uncle so-and-so' and 'aunt so-and-so' because we weren't her 'real parents'. She was looking out for her other son the bdad - who was in jail at the time and couldn't speak for himself. I said, 'No, i don't think so. WE are the ones she calls to in the middle of the night when she has a bad dream, WE are the ones who bathe and change her, WE are the ones who buy her food and clothes and diapers, WE are the ones she will call 'mommy' and 'daddy'.     

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Recommend  Message 3 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 3/26/2006 6:33 AM
I think one of the worst things ever said to us, was by our son's half-sister. (She was prompted by her grandmother and it was left on our answering machine.)

The girl said, "I just called because I want to talk to MY BROTHER. I just..., I just,.... I think you should give my brother back, because he's not yours, he's my mommy's, so there."

On a side note, this half-sister is being raised by the grandmother, since she was 6-months old and isn't even in the BM's care. She's 9.
________________________________________________

Then there was the same grandmother, who said while trying to explain her daughters behavior "Well, how would you feel if your children were taken away?!"

My response was in a VERY angry tone, "You see, I'm not stupid enough to allow drugs, alcohol, or other men to come before my children. I wouldn't beat or abuse my children, so I WOULDN'T have my children taken, so that's a moot point." I went on to add, "I also wouldn't pick and chose which one of my children I'd keep and which I'd throw away. That's not being a mother, that's being a self-centered person that only thinks of the needs of herself over the needs of HER children."

Okay, so I didn't make brownie points with the family over this, but boy did it feel good to just let them have it. LOL.
_____________________________________________

Gee, I could go on and on about all of the things people have said to us. My mind is going blank right now, so I'll have to think about it some more.

Besides, we not only have the family member we're raising, but also a son through an international adoption. We really have "heard it all".

Kitty

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Recommend  Message 4 of 6 in Discussion 
From: jaydensmom04 Sent: 4/7/2006 12:44 AM
So I guess that two of the worst things that I have ever heard regarding the situations that I am currently going through. First I have been fighting to adopt my step-son (which is still being reschedule through our court we are now going on 1 year of waiting), and we are now taking care of my husbands niece on a temp. basis till the whole situation with her mother abusing her is taken care of. In both cases I think that I have heard some really unbelievable things that people can say.
First is in regards to my step-son, which everyone knows is referred to as my son I have raised him he is my son. My in-laws have asked my how I can sleep at night knowing that his real mother wants a relationship with him and I am just to posessive to let her even see him.
Secondly was in regards to my niece. As of right now the bmother is not to have any contact with us per the court order from the judge. My mother in law has custody of Patty's sister bmoms oldest daughter who is 6 now. The 6 year old, one day after her sister was placed with us was taken to her mother and dropped off while my mother in law was moving. Granted this is the woman who just had her 7 month old taken away for abusing her and you are going to drop a 6 year old off with her less than 24hrs after she gets out of jail for abusing the youngest child.(I really don't understand my husbands family) Back to the story my 6 year old niece comes up to me and says, "you have my sister and you needed to give her back. My grandma said that it isn't right that you took her from my mom and that my mom misses her and that if you don't give her back that my grandma is going to get you in trouble. I looked at my husband and told him to come outside with me where I proceeded to tell him what she had just told me I said you know that is pretty sad when you mother has to talk trash to a 6 year old. I told him that if he didn't talk to her about what she had said in front of the 6 year old that I would and that they wouldn't like it.
So I think that that is the best of my Things people say.....
Charity

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Recommend  Message 5 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameAcorn3037 Sent: 4/7/2006 10:28 AM
We are lucky in the fact that most of the people who know of our situation, know how screwed up BM is and ALL feel Brittany should be allowed to stay with us forever.
There may have been some questions among the neighbors (of course we do not air our dirty laundry in public) but BM took care of that when she came to our house (after being arrested the night b4 for assult) knocking on all the neighbor doors, telling them we kidnapped her child. Some were there when we had to play the numerous threatening messages BM left. So that pretty much took care of that, I thinhk.
I think the most insensitive comment I have gotten so far is "She will always be Brittany's mother".
 Maybe I am being too sensitive but here I am thinking, I AM THE ONE that is making sacrifices for Brittany, I am the one that is feeding, clothin, and providing for her, I am the one that kisses her when she is hurt, I am the one that tucks her in at night. I am the one that hugs her when BM has broken her heart yet again, I am the one that protects her from BMs lies,

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Recommend  Message 6 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameAcorn3037 Sent: 4/7/2006 10:31 AM
Then of course there are the comments made by BM and her friends, (making it sound like we stole her child, it is our fault they are not together, we wont let them be together, etc) but I ignore those.

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General : How many have visits with Birthpeople  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 5/18/2006 12:56 PM
It seems that most of us on this group have scheduled visits with the birthpeople.  We are fortunate enough that this has not been required in our case. I was curious.  Am I the only fortunate one.  I can't imagine the emotional stress that puts on you. 
-Megan


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Recommend  Message 2 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameAcorn3037 Sent: 5/18/2006 4:39 PM
Megan, let me just say how fortunate your are, I am jealous! LOL.
Seriously though we have supervised visits. From  May 2005 to April 2006  the BM made only one of those visits. Then made a fuss that everyone else was keeping her from seeing her child. Saw her on the 30th then missed the next visit.  We wont know if she will make this one or not till we are sitting there waiting for her to show up. BD has not visited with Brittany at all.

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Recommend  Message 3 of 8 in Discussion 
From: jaydensmom04 Sent: 5/19/2006 2:13 AM
Jayden's mom doesn't get to see him, so I guess that we are lucky in that respect.
Charity

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Recommend  Message 4 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 5/19/2006 10:20 PM
We do not have scheduled visits with bowel movement (BM), but if she requests a visit, we grant it. (She did see him at a Waffle House on Christmas Eve, but the last time before that was Christmas again.) She didn't even ask for a visit on his birthday. I guess she wasn't planning on driving through to visit her daughter, so he's an after thought- thank the good Lord for small miracles.

Kitty

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Recommend  Message 5 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameHope_Always6 Sent: 5/20/2006 9:45 PM
We have never met any of the sperm donors. I call them that because neither of them ever gave a rats Behind about these fantastic boys. Never a phone call, no letters, absolutely nothing.Ever. Both of them are drug addicts and they both have extensive prison histories, so we will never instigate nor allow a visit.
As far as T goes, I have closed off all contact since I found out that Elijah got Hep C from her. She was never my favorite person anyway, but this was the straw that broke the camels back. I know she didn't make him sick on purpose, but I can't help it. I am pissed off at her . As  far as I am concerned, she could self destruct and I wouldn't care. Hows that for blunt and honest? When the boys are older, they can decide for themselves. Like maybe when they are 40 or so.
Lana

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Recommend  Message 6 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 5/22/2006 1:36 PM
We have visits with the kids' birthmom and brother. We have never had any communication with either of their fathers , and will not. I so often wonder how Lexi's birthfather could have fought for her (and pretended to actually want her), and yet have never asked anything about her, never requested a picture, nothing.

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Recommend  Message 7 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamebeckfires Sent: 5/24/2006 7:54 AM
Unfortunately, I have to deal with this crap ....as if I were married and divorced....after 3 years of minimal contact 16 year old went to live with uncle - after having been in grandama's home -and placement...so NOW they took me to court to have visits...and was granted every other weekend - and one night during the week - and a week during the summer - and holidays - my life has been pure HELL!!!! - and she told me she wasn't having her for Easter - then changed her mind at the last minute - AFTER I made plans....so I told her - sorry I made plans - and I told you I was...you were okay with that - so NOW they filed a contempt charge - which I go to in June...it's all such BS! - I know that it's her family doing this....she isn't bright enough to give a crap - and certainly acts like she doesn't give a crap when I take poor Lexi over there! - it's repulsive! - I'm the bad guy in their eyes - but where were these idiots 4 years ago when these two had nowhere to go!!!
these people don't think about what's best for the kids at all!!!!
so yes - you are VERY lucky!!! - I wish I didn't have to deal with the biofamily at all.....!!!

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Recommend  Message 8 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameChristie_S-momofH Sent: 9/3/2006 8:56 AM
Yes, we were forced into an open adoption visitation "Agreement" by the judge who said we could sign or lose our son.  So we signed.  Even though she could have visited him at any time and said she did not want to - at the court hearing she said she would not consent without a visitation "Agreement."  No - she has not kept up with her part - but we have had to dilligently follow through.
She has also used this "Agreement" to turn around and file several motions to include reversal of the adoption and to have my son placed in foster care.
She doesn't show for visits - but she sure has used the "Agreement" to keep us in constant litigation and emotional and financial upheaval.  Because she was placed in juvy as a ward of the state she now has 5 free lawyers and they take turns filing against us.  Do the math: every time they file they GET money and we LOSE money.  Who is most likely to win under those circumstances?
She has never once asked how he is doing and has no idea what he looks like or who he is.
You are right when you say you can't imagine the emotional strain this places on us.
You are quite fortunate!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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General : Waiting for the other shoe to drop  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 5/18/2006 1:02 PM
Well today is the deadline for Sid's filing with our state's supreme court.  Funny He has not sent any child support or demanded visits. But they continue to send pkg to the baby. (like he can read) They  just continue to drag this thing out.. Our son is almost 18 months old.  If I hear anything I will do an update later on today.  Every time the phone rings I think  is it the lawyer telling me he has filed.  
-Megan 


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From: MSN NicknameAcorn3037 Sent: 5/18/2006 4:35 PM
Oh how I hate that waiting on the edge of my seat game...wondering what is going on every time the phone rings. So if he did not file today, what does that mean for you?

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Recommend  Message 3 of 3 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameChristie_S-momofH Sent: 9/3/2006 8:58 AM
Megan,
I feel the same way.  I'm afraid to answer my phone, or check the mail, or answer the door.  And ours has been going on for four years.  It is a nightmare and unbelievable to me that this can happen.  Whatever happened to aparents rights?!
When will someone consider the best interest of our children?
I hope and pray you do not have to go through this as long as we have - it is heartwrenching.
Christie

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/2/2006 9:01 AM
We have been recieving wierd hang up calls to our cell phone the only number they have of ours. They were from Unknown caller.  My husband felt like it was them harrassing us.  So one time when she called he let the baby be really loud.. She said.. Hello.  WE finally got the log back from the phone company and this number called 20 times in 5 days.  7 times in one day.
We can't prove this was them because the phone number was to a business.  We will block our phones to avoid the calls, we were just hoping to be able to present this to the judge and along with the other things she has plastered on the internet and other ways she has violated the gag order.  Once again we have to be model citizens while she can violate the law, (harassing phone calls is a crime, so is breaking the gag order and slander etc...) We meet with our attorney next week and we will mention this stupidity.  Our attorney is writing her brief and we are still waiting.... Once she files this, we should get a court date.. Still thinking it will be March before we go to court again.


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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 8/15/2006 9:48 AM
We had an appointment with our lawyer last week. It seems that Sid's attorney contacted the local newspaper.  He sent the reporter a copy of the state supreme court brief that he had written. The reporter than sent it to all the adoption attorney's in town. They began to email our attorney. It is a small network of attorney's everyone knows everyone.  Our attorney called the reporter and informed him of the gag order.  NEEDLESS TO SAY
there is a contempt of court hearing  against the lawfirm AND this attorney THURSDAY.. Our attorney is proposing that the lawfirm pay 6,000  One thousand for court costs to file this contestment and 5,000 TO US . Since it is not a criminal court he can't get jail time.  SO why not get some money out of him to slap his hand.  Our attorney is also filing a complaint with the bar.  We know the judge is ticked at this attorneys blatant disregard for the law. SO this should be interesting.  Meanwhile we found out our adoption is technically "final" (gee I wish I knew that at tax time)
Since they are challenging the law NOT this adoption.  AND we found out
We will be heading to court the last part of October/first week of November
THE RULING should come in before our son's birthday and before the first of the year.  SO FINALLY I THINK A LITTLE JUSTICE IS PREVAILING.. I will keep you posted to see what the judge says at the contempt hearing. We expect them to appeal the FINE. So it will take a while for us to see the money.
-Got2bmaemae

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From: MSN NicknameAcorn3037 Sent: 8/16/2006 10:15 PM
WELL...then I guess congratulations are in order for the adoption being "final". I pray that is the case and this terrible messy situation will be over soon. I also hope the judges does make Sid pay you, I'd day you deserve it and I am sure it could help a great deal considering you are taking on the responsibility of raising and caring for their child and to thank you they make your like a hell....the least they should be made to do. Good luck with every thing....So exactly what law are they challenging?

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 8/17/2006 9:21 AM
Sid is challenging the putative father registry. In our state, (sperm donor's) father's have fifteen days after birth to come forward and assert parenting, through registering with the putative father registry.  He waited until after we had custody and the baby was four months old to put his name on the registry, to put his name on the birth certificate etc..  I guess he thinks the law should apply to everyone else except him.  He is challenging it saying It's not fair and not constitutional.  The US supreme court has already ruled it is constitutional.  Our attorney said IF bm had kept the preg a secret and decieved the bfather and he only found out about the baby 16 days after birth then maybe this law would be overturned. BUT that is not the facts in this case. SO, since SID has money he is spending it defending HIS RIGHTS. 
    

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/30/2006 2:21 PM
When you have a chance introduce yourself and let us know your story.
We all are in different stages of the same stressful situation. It has been a so helpful having the input from this group.
We are hear to encourage, rant, and listen as only ones who have or are going through this nightmare can


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General : COURT Date October 13  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 9/4/2006 9:46 AM
We are heading to the state supreme court on October 13th.  In Late August the lawyers met with the local judge to deal with the contempt of court, Lawyer sending info to the newspapers.  NO HE did not get fined, we did not get any money, however, Sid's lawyer was ordered to file a motion at the state supreme court level to SEAL the records.  This should prevent any further harassment through the media.    Glad we finally have a court date and GLAD that it is not next spring like we feared.  Our son is will be 22 months when we go to court.
-Megan


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General : Can anyone relate???  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 9/12/2006 12:54 PM
September marks the beginning of the academic year. Which involves meeting new people and doing new things.  I usually enjoy meeting new people. Having moved two months before the adoption, we are relatively new to our area.  Getting established and connected has been hindered by this whole experience.   I have found that it is hard because this contested adoption is my biggest struggle and we are in the midst of it..(we are five weeks from our state supreme court date)  So as I attempt to be "normal"  in these "normal" settings of meeting new people it brings the reality of our "oh my goodness you would never believe it if I told you" story of what we have lived through in the past two year.  So this morning as we had to make introductions at a women's bible study group.  The leader asked if there was something specific that we wanted the group to be praying for us during the duration of this twelve week class.  I am more than just this contested adoption I still struggle with the rest of the areas in my life like everyone else. HOWEVER this is the OVERRIDING factor that taints everything else.  How could I not ask people to keep us in prayer as this is soo important.  YET  I am tired of being defined by this.  See my struggle.. I want to be normal... MY, we are NOT normal  and for those who have NO understanding of adoption... I HATE BEING the BAD example of ADOPTION...  I hate running into people and they ask OH tell me about your adoption... I cringe and say... HOW NOT TO DO AN ADOPTION... we are a unique crazy story... I HATE giving people bad impressions of what 99% of all adoptions are, a beautiful adoption experience.  BUT sadly this experience does effect how we live our "normal" lives.... I am paranoid in public places of running into the instable birthfamily of what they would say... AS I KNOW I will see them on the Court house steps with picket signs in five weeks.  We have had a realtively calm summer and done some normal activities.. so as we head into fall with five weeks away the emotional craziness of this is beginning to flare up.. I want to move far far away... I want to change churches they know where we go to church, I want to start a new life  a life not tainted by our paranoid behaviors.   I want to give my son a chance at a semi-normal life.. Not a mom who is paranoid at soccer practice or any public event because SID is a photographer for the local TV station.  Because his birthfamily is in our big city... but who knows if his cousin is playing on the other team...  Sadly this was the same family we saw ourselves having birthday parties with our son and inviting them.... Yet handing out pamphlets, picketing, sending weird packages, attempting to have articles written in the paper...etc... has turned it into a crazy relationship...  Thanks for letting me vent.


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From: MSN NicknameAcorn3037 Sent: 9/12/2006 9:40 PM
I sure can. After having just moved into our new home and the kids starting school the next week. We are still close enough to their old friends etc. but each time we meet the new neighbors, etc. I wonder should I mention it or not. Most of the time I don't now, I figure we are so close to things being finale (we HOPE) that I would rather they just think we are a normal family.
I know how you feel about the asking for prayers as well. Our church has a cares and concerns time each week. When we first took Brittany in and then later when all the trouble with BM started, I would get up and mention our concerns, but after awhile, I just did not want to keep putting myself and  my family out there like that. I did not want our situation to define who we are, but as you said it encompasses so much of our lives, time, emotions and energy, it really does define us right now. So I do continue to ask for prayers, I just do it in our churches support board instead, along with a couple other prayer groups I attend.
I too am sick of going to (or wondering if we should go to) public places and being concerned about running into BM and BD. That has never happend yet, we dont exactly travel in the same circle. But we live in the same city, and when we go to big public events, I worry. Guess I always will, even after the adoption is final. Given that BM is family, there is always a chance we will stumble across each other in that area as well some day at a funeral or wedding perhaps.
Hope the venting and knowing you are not alone helps some. Hope today is a better day.

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From: MSN NicknameChristie_S-momofH Sent: 9/13/2006 8:06 AM
OMG - Got2bmaemae - I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS!!!
YES! I know exactly what you are saying.  I feel exactly what you are feeling.  Our situations are so very similar and so sad.  My story too is how NOT to adopt a child.  We also live in same town and actually are prevented from moving far away because of the continued litigation.
I want to go away.  I want to be normal.  I want to worry about normal things like when is the flu shot due? Etc.  I am defined by this crazy shit and I have always been one to stay OUT of the limelight and just want to live a quiet, peaceful life without all of the sensationalism surrounding my case.  I just want to be a family and want to be left alone.
I want to run away where no one knows.  I want to end the nightmare, stop the fighting, work and raise my son.
Here, in the U.S., at least IMO - there is no democracy - there is a corrupt judicial persecutorial system which has TARGETED a sweet innocent child and made our family fight for him in the face of broken laws, lies, and anarchy.
Yes - I know what this is like.  Yes - I worry about running into bparents.  Yes - we are fixing to head back to court (AGAIN).  Yes - our lives have been defined by this and I don't even know who I am any more.  Yes - I too envisioned a "lovely" open adoption (oh boy, how naive I was).  Yes - I have passed out packets to congress, the governor, the attorney general, and ALL other top forms of government at the state capital.
Vent here any time - yes - we DO know what this nightmare is like.
Keep us updated and best wishes for you and your family.
Christie

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General : Court rescheduled  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 10/13/2006 8:39 AM
Well, we were all set to go, we were going to drive down the night before the trial,  family and friends took off work to drive two and half hours to be with us.  We had our suits pressed, everything arranged, I was heading to get my hair cut, when the phone rang.  We found out that the court  bumped us from the docket. We were supposed to be at the State supreme court right now. So instead of this two year hell being over now we have two more months.   They said it would either be Dec 12th or 13th DECEMBER 12th is our son's birthday..
I have to believe that will all the prayer going up that God had something to do with this.  That changing the date from Friday the 13th to his birthday... is somehow his sense of humor.  That maybe there is a reason that December would be a better timing. etc.. 


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From: MSN Nicknameannanoel21 Sent: 11/2/2006 8:41 PM
Wow,
So sorry to hear that you were put off yet again.  The waiting must be agony.  I will be praying for you.

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General : We went to court yesterday  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 12/14/2006 5:37 PM
Well we went to our state supreme court yesterday... Still won't know anything till probably FEBRUARY!!!
If the State supreme court justices rule based on the facts of our case.. and based on the law he is challenging then we have nothing to worry about...
If not then it is back to court...
I am praying this ends NOW!!!
We are emotionally, physically, mentally and financially drained...
We need time to heal and recover....  I can't believe this has dragged on for SOOO LONG  Our son turned TWO the day before we went to court.
THIS NEEDS TO END! !  !
-Maemae 


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General : Updates please  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 12/28/2006 10:49 AM
Okay I am feeling like I am the only one left here still waiting. It has been rather quit on the board. 
 So could everyone please give a progress report of where we are all at.
SO many of us have had resolution many and most of them have been positive and sadly a few have had negative.  Proof that life does go on after there is resolution.  Meanwhile for us still waiting.  Please report in.. Because it seems I am the only left...   
So here is the status..:
We are waiting for the results from the Missouri Supreme Court.  WHAT ABOUT ALL of you???


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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 12/28/2006 10:54 AM
Well, it's me Kitty and we still are in limbo.  We've had custody of Jordan for 3-years and almost 2-months and we're still enduring the "lovely" BMOM.  (Note the touch of sarcasm in that.)  As a matter of fact, we're schedule to have a "visit" with Bowel Movement on Thursday.  Oh the fun, the Joy.  (Sarcasm again.)  I don't think we'll ever have an adoption, but at least we'll be able to have him live with us, so I guess that's truly all that matters.
Congrats to everyone on the accomplishments.  I just have been totally swamped with everything and I'm truly sorry.  I'll try to be better next time.

Kitty

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From: jaydensmom04 Sent: 12/30/2006 2:47 AM
Okay, I know it has been a really long time for me but you guys know how it goes, things just always seem to come up. Well I am finally getting time to myself again so I do have a few minutes to tell you what has been going on. As you guys know but I will remind you, we have custody of my step-son and I am the one that wants to adopt him. My husband and I are still waiting for a new court date to get started with the adoption, and I am currently still looking for a new attorney because we are still having problems with the original one we selected. Since I last wrote,we have gone to court for child support, and that was just all kinds of fun. BM just started running her mouth and it was funny to me because she did it right in front of the judge. BM is still going to court for her oldest son that is in foster care, and when she went to court for follow up to his case she actually had to nerve to ask the judge if she would give her visits with my son. It was just funny to me because her oldest sons case has nothing to do with us we aren't even mentioned in the papers. She also went nuts in front of the judge when we went for the child support. Her mother stood a the back of the court room and ran her mouth to be so that the judge couldn't hear her. She just kept saying my baby is going to get her son back and then what will you do. I just didn't even pay any attention to her. As we were walking out of court the BM called my husband a fat f-ing bastard the judge did nothing and she followed up out of court. My husband still insisted that he start visit with her so she wouldn't get a lawyer and come after us for visit, he thinks that even after all this time and all the visits to the mental hospital she had this year that the judge will give her unsupervised visit. I know that the court system would never fail me like that ......or would it. Well so he was scared and so she now gets to see my son twice a month and it is scary to me because my son doesn't even know who she is. She is pregnant again, and when she has this child no one knows if it will be taken or not.
Thanks for listening ladies. I am working tonight so I have to end it here for if you want to know more just let me know.
Charity



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From: MSN NicknameChristie_S-momofH Sent: 12/31/2006 3:16 PM
Hi Everyone, it's Christie.  I could mirror Kitty's reply.  As a quick reminder:  my son is 4 years 7 months.  We do have a "final" adoption along with attached fraud charges and still an open motion to reverse the adoption.  The BM does not visit but keeps us in HELL by filing motions against us.  She has 5 (FIVE!) lawyers - all free and being paid by the state of Alabama.  The latest ruling was that she gets to retain her free lawyers.  We filed to have the visitation "Agreement" voided and the fraud charges dropped since we go every month and she hasn't shown up but once since she got out of jail and that was almost 11 months ago.  The judge then ordered mediation - to which her lawyers have not responded in two months.  My lawyer is supposed to be in the process of filing another motion re-stating our request since the other side is ignoring us.  (I think it is a possibility her lawyers can not find her.)
At this point THEY are calling this a collateral adoption, since a contigent adoption is illegal in this state.  It still looks like a possibility we will wind up in the Supreme Court here over that one.
Soooo... we still have our son, but we also - over 4 years later - also still have a contested adoption and mounting legal bills.  This has been, and still is, extremely hard on me.
I hope the best for each of you... keep us updated please!
Christie

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General : State supreme courts says go back to court  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 1/9/2007 8:32 PM
State supreme court.  DID NOT RULE against or in favor of the law that was being challenged.
THEY didn't have enough guts to say the law was unconstitutional so they side stepped it.  They ordered that this BIO gets to have his day in court.  THE WHOLE purpose of the putative father registry is to eliminate this nonsense
THIS RULING has nullified the putative father registry in the state of Missouri. SO WE GET TO GO back to court.  THEY said BIO gets to go back before the same judge (who is not fond of this bio)
and present his case.  THE CHILD IS TWO YEARS OLD!!!  NEVER ONCE in 22 months has he visited.  ONLY sent one "support check"  MISSOURI doesn't play that game.  I am so fried I could just spit nails!!!
But I wanted to at least post an update
Got2bmaemae


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From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 1/10/2007 9:04 AM
Ugh Mae, I am so sorry.
Enough is enough already.
Ya know, they write these laws but then don't enforce them......makes me want o go in front of the judge next time I get a ticket and say "but your Honor, since the laws in this state are not usually upheld, why bother obeying them?"
(((HUGS)))

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General : Starting OVER you have got to be kidding  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 1/10/2007 6:04 PM
RE: Our loss at the State supreme court level:
We met with our attorney today.... Our case is causing an uproar among adoption attorneys in Missouri. The ruling was not based on law. Clearly an abuse of power.  We can challenge the ruling but we will get no where. we can appeal to US supreme court but most likely that will be a waste of money they won't want to touch this case.
We have now changed the law in a negative way... Adoption attorneys from all over our state are calling our attorney
One quote was "its a sad day for adoptive parents in Missouri"  The law will have to be changed.  We wills start a letter writing campaign. There is a chance the law could be revised before we end up in court... We are looking at starting over again in this whole process. NOW parental fitness comes into play.  This the first time parental fitness has been a consideration in Adoption law in Missouri.  This allows dead beat dads to come and challenge adoptions...All new discovery, deposition everything is on the table. His parental fitness is considered, his racist comments, his abandonment his neglect, his behavior, his dragging this through the courts, his BS from day one. We are talking another 50,000 of court expenses... We haven't paid for the first 50 grand THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE.
What are our options??   Continue the battle and face another year or two of court battle. OR WHAT??? HE HAS PAID NO CHILD SUPPORT AND HAD NO VISITATIONS He is an absolute stranger to our son, and a wierdo I might add.
The next step will be the judge in our family court will issue a case management hearing... and move forward..
If you are interested here is the link to the ruling..- Mae mae


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From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 1/11/2007 11:57 AM
Wow Mae, I am so sorry. I just read the whole ruling and I am blown away. The very end of it blew me away especially - he cared for the child on January 20......
so ONE FREAKING DAY qualifies as parenting? WTF?!?!?!
Is there noone who would take your case pro bono? There must be someone, somewhere who will see the injustice in this and fight for you......
It is absolutely sickening.

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From: MSN NicknameChristie_S-momofH Sent: 1/15/2007 12:58 PM
Oh, Mae.  This is appalling and sickening.  I am so very sorry.  Please come here for support anytime.  I am thinking of you.
Christie

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From: MSN Nicknameannanoel21 Sent: 1/18/2007 8:46 PM
Mae,
As a fellow Missourian I am appalled.  If you need us for anything at all, letter writing, etc please let me know.  If they do talk of changing the law, LMK.  I would like the opportunity to personally speak with our own representative to put a face on the problem so to speak before it goes to a vote.  I live in a very rural area, where citizens actually have access to our elected officials.  Our situation was not the same as yours, but it was a bfather issue.  I have special interest in the outcome of your case as we are waiting to be matched for our third child.
Praying for you!!
Anna

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 1/18/2007 9:38 PM
Anna,
Thank you for your support.  The law will definitely have to be changed.
As the Mo supreme court took liberties they had no business taking.
They clearly do not understand the adoption laws.
Judge Limbaugh wrote the very poorly written decision. I say all seven of them need to be voted out of office.  Because they ALL unaminously approved this poorly written decision.  They didn't have the guts to do their job to uphold the current law OR rule it constitutional instead Judge limbaugh's opinion regarding our case and his misinterpetation of current adoption law can CHANGE How adoptions are handled inthe state of Missouri.  IF they would of done their jobs we would of had a way to challenge their poor decision but instead  we have no recourse. They are the highest law of the land.  And we ARE stuck with their poorly written misinformed ruling.  NOT only are We stuck with their decision. BUT ALL potential adoptions in missouri are stuck with their poorly written decision.        I will keep you informed as I know more.  State reps and state senator's need to be notified. I am trying to get in contact with the woman who wrote the law to ask HOW we need to go about revising it.

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 1/18/2007 9:41 PM
P.S.  We also risk losing our son because their ruling was not clear enough..
No one seems to know how to read this ruling.  Lawyers are in disagreement on how to interpret this ruling... One lawyer said since the ruling is so poorly written.  The judge may feel his hands are tied.. And have no option but give the child to the biodad.   What a mess

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From: MSN Nicknameannanoel21 Sent: 1/19/2007 6:38 PM
Mae,
I have just reread the ruling for the third time.  Do you know the name of the person who sponsored the putative father registry?  Does this mean that even if a putative father comes forward after an adoption has been finalized, he will be able to re-open the case and possibly overturn the adoption?  I don't understand.

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From: MSN Nicknameannanoel21 Sent: 1/19/2007 6:53 PM
PM me at noelnoel21@yahoo.com and I will give you the names of the atty who handled our case successfully and has experience at the appellate level.
Anna

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From: MSN Nicknameannanoel21 Sent: 2/5/2007 3:41 PM
Any News?

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 2/5/2007 7:15 PM
No... waiting to hear something this week. 
 Megan
Breath in Breathe out repeat as necessary

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General : Spoke with another attorney  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 1/15/2007 1:38 PM
This morning we met with another attorney to advise on our case.  HE said... The whole adoption attorney world in Missouri was thrown off by this ruling.  They are unsure how to move forward on their current cases. BECAUSE these judges CHANGED the way Adoption is done in Missouri.   This is affecting hundreds possibly thousands of adoptions.  THE LAW WILL HAVE TO BE CHANGED.  BUT FIRST WE FOCUS ON HOW TO KEEP OUR SON.
He was not very hopeful.  As it stands
Our local judge could rule one of two ways.  Either I want to hear all the evidence (all the crap will hit the fan)
Or Based on the Mo supreme court ruling..my hands are tied.  Currently we are filing a motion to reconsider tto the Mo supreme court.. They most likely will not change their minds, HOWEVER,  IF they can revise and clear up how the worded their ruling  to give clarity to the local judge as to what exactly he can do. UNLESS the Mo Supreme court.. revising the wording.  We have a fifty fifty chance that our SON after two years.. Could be sent to live with a psycho that he has never met and does not know.  SO ADOPTION IS NOT FOREVER, if you are insane enough, rich enough or deal with crooked courts...  We did not enter as FOSTER PARENTS... WE HAD A FINAL ADOPTION... WHICH I guess doesn't mean crap.  NOTHING is trully final. 
SO NOW we have to face. the possibility of  letting our son go,   our children losing a brother etc..  ALL THE WHILE trying to stay sane and function while we wait....  This could take months...just to get the final mandate from the MO supreme court.. THEN we wait to see HOW the local judge decides...  I know this is the middle of the story... IN THE END this will have a great purpose... SOME HOW!!  BUT FOR NOW for our family.. For this little boy.  It is in God's hands.. HE clearly against all odds placed him in our home... IF not forever for a while.. For us to love and nurture. We have to place him in God's hands... He will protect him... He knows the end from the beginning... For NOW we wait....  


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General : Pre-trial Tomorrow here we go again  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 4/11/2007 5:37 PM
We are living in Daja-vu...heading for pre-trial AGAIN... Our first pre-trial was June 05.
SID sent a child support check three weeks ago. (just like he did last time three weeks before trial) Doesn't even begin to cover diaper wipes for the past two years.  Nothing exciting should come out of tomorrow.. scheduling the trial, a bonding assessment and a deposition.  Wishing for a magic wand that would POOF make Bio-sperm go away. AND POOF make the Adoption expenses go away as well.  Weary from living under the strain of the financial crunch.  Unfortunately there are no easy answers. Some how we have made it yet another year. But here we are in the same spot just more in debt for this adoption.
Enjoying our son and our other children.  But so aware of the energy, the joy and the life THAT THIS HAS ROBBED our family.
I don't want to wake up in another two years and realize we have put off living because of this STRESS.
HOPE ALL IS WELL FOR ALL YOU OUT THERE....
SEEMS I am the only one left out of the original six members.. that has not has some form of resolution.
ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE STILL IN LIMBO please check in....


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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 4/12/2007 8:47 AM
Sorry, I’m one of the original six and I’m no where near a resolution.  (We are the ones that got the adoption denied, yet didn’t lose custody nor did BM get visitation)  We are just in permanent limbo.  It all really sucks.  I feel your pain.  We sit back every day and just wait for the other shoe to drop.  <o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Let us know how everything goes.  I’m still hanging around too, but am just very busy.  I hope everyone will write with their updates with what’s going on in life, even if it’s just a “we’re fine”.  BM in our case is “supposedly” moving from South Florida to <st1:place w:st="on">Northern Florida</st1:place>, because she “has to”.  (Don’t ask me what that means.  I figured she got in more trouble with the law.  LOL  I wish I could be that lucky.)  Haven’t heard from her in quite a while, thank the good Lord.  I guess it would be cruel to pray that she just dropped off the face of the earth?!  (Don’t want her hurt or anything, just out of our lives.)    <o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Kitty<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>

From: Contested [mailto:Contested@groups.msn.com]
Sent: Wednesday, April 11, 2007 6:38 PM
To: Contested
Subject: Pre-trial Tomorrow here we go again
<o:p></o:p>
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New Message on Contested<o:p></o:p>
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Recommend <o:p></o:p>
Message 1 in Discussion <o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
From: Got2bmaemae <o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
We are living in Daja-vu...heading for pre-trial AGAIN... Our first pre-trial was June 05.<o:p></o:p>
SID sent a child support check three weeks ago. (just like he did last time three weeks before trial) Doesn't even begin to cover diaper wipes for the past two years.  Nothing exciting should come out of tomorrow.. scheduling the trial, a bonding assessment and a deposition.  Wishing for a magic wand that would POOF make Bio-sperm go away. AND POOF make the Adoption expenses go away as well.  Weary from living under the strain of the financial crunch.  Unfortunately there are no easy answers. Some how we have made it yet another year. But here we are in the same spot just more in debt for this adoption.<o:p></o:p>
Enjoying our son and our other children.  But so aware of the energy, the joy and the life THAT THIS HAS ROBBED our family.<o:p></o:p>
I don't want to wake up in another two years and realize we have put off living because of this STRESS.<o:p></o:p>
 <o:p></o:p>
HOPE ALL IS WELL FOR ALL YOU OUT THERE....<o:p></o:p>
 <o:p></o:p>
SEEMS I am the only one left out of the original six members.. that has not has some form of resolution.<o:p></o:p>
ANYONE ELSE OUT THERE STILL IN LIMBO please check in....<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>

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Recommend  Message 3 of 3 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 4/13/2007 10:53 AM
 Here is what I sent out to my friends and family:
FIRST OFF we have NEW TRIAL DATES  MAY 31st and JUNE 1st. Yes, we once again get two days of docket!!
Second.. There were seven motions brought before the commissioner.  Two were set aside the other five were ruled in our favor.
He requested DNA testing.. He has to pay for it and the child's sample will be collected separately
HE requested supervised visitation... IT WAS DENIED!!!  SINCE adoption is still on the table.  There is no need to subject the child to emotional damage at this point.   WE ARE THANKFUL for a fierce Guardian Et Litem  who sees the craziness and is doing everything she can to protect our son from these crazy people.
He requested we pay his legal bills ...IT WAS DENIED  -There is case precident unfortunately.  Adoptive parents are usually required to pay All attorney bills, EVEN pay when the birthparents want to contest their adoption.  THE JUDGE SAID :  I seem to recall mention of a trust fund....(what happened to all your money?)  I am sure this has become a financial burden to all parties involved.
We rejoice of the victories of today but we are sober as we still are facing a GOLIATH!!!
We are hoping his money running out, now that this is coming out of his pocket, that it will have an affect on how far he will go.  
We are still going for adoption, unfortunately the supreme courts ruling weakened our case for adoption.  BUT we still have several avenues to assure this child is kept safely in home, WE want our son to grow up in a safe loving, stable home.  We are not positive what that will look like legally.
We are hoping and praying for the best. FOR THIS TO BE OVER and for this to be permanent.
We are realistic about what we are up against and about how this may play out.  IF WE LOSE ON ADOPTION, We would be granted guardianship which involves the child remaining in our home but Court involvement and possible visitation.   Visitation would only be in the birthfather's best interest NOT in the child's as our son has no relationship with the birthfather, has had no contact or involvement with him.  We pray for our son's sake he does not have to go through visitation.  We desire for this mess to be over.  We don't know the ending, we are leaning on GOD, who has a much bigger and better plan.

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General : Testing....  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 5/22/2007 12:52 PM
Having problems posting


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General : Restraining Order.. Depositions. The nightmare continues  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 5/22/2007 12:57 PM
I could write a book  with the events of the past two weeks.
It has been a rollarcoaster....
Our Lawyer is preparing to lose.. Whatever that means...
The birthfather threatened to show up to our door step.
They ordered supervised visitations with the birthfather.
The Trial has been postponed due to a scheduling conflict.
So the bioguy gets supervised weekly visits.  HOPING he will get bored.. screw up say something stupid, do something stupid.. will he really come week after week. Year after year.. OR since he no longer has control of the game will he lose interest and GO AWAY????
We think we will probably get guardianship with supervised visitation for BIoguy.
Hoping they will go for Suing him for back child support...for the past two years...
UGH!!! 


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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 5/22/2007 1:02 PM
FOrgot to mention the restraining order.... BIogirl showed up to DNA testing.  Since bioguy was not supposed to be there, nor was he supposed to know the time of our appt.  Scared the crap out of me as I was alone with my two kids, ages 2 and 4/  I was hysterical as she jumped out of the van...I couldn't protect both my kids..
She and her cohorts could of easily kidnapped one or both of my children.
She stood taking video inside my van of the baby. I FELT Like I was being stalked by the paporatsi    We have a restraining order hearing against her..
ISn't that the IRONY.. She was supposed to have an open adoption with us.
See him three times a year, birthdays etc.. NOW she is prevented from seeing him or being around our family.. AND BIO (not the father  I didn't have sex, I want to remain anonymous) is having forced weekly visits....  WHAT A TWIST....  

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General : My nightmare continues  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/19/2007 9:17 AM
Meanwhile.. Silence on this board..I saw your post tiny n tough on the MomAlike group.  Funny I was thinking the same thing regarding this group.  I almost posted something here on friday...  There was a time when we were all in the same place.
Needing each others support.  BUt it seems I am the lone poster.. Posting out to cyperspace...Meanwhile... it seems most of the groups contested adoption isssues have been resolved while mine continue.. We go to court AGAIN  this Thurs, Friday and Saturday...  Little did I know two and ahalf years ago when I joined this group that I would be the last one standing in battle...  Hopefully we will get some resolution  (guardianship with supervised visits for SID)  but it won't end...
Until the psycho Sperm donor goes away...And maybe one day... many years from now he will lose interest and go away....  -Got2Bmaemae aka Drama Mama


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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 8/19/2007 11:56 AM
Have no fear, you’re not alone.  We’re 3-months shy of 4-years and counting.   Our B(owel) M(ovement) is still up to her old tricks.  It never fails to surprise me at how low she’ll go or how truly skanky she is.  <o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Tiny bit of background.  My son has a half-brother and half-sister being raised by my sister and the BM’s mom and step-dad, respectively.  My sister and I have had the boys since November 21st, 2003.  Our son and the half-sister are bi-racial and the half-brother is Caucasian.   BM doesn’t really want the half-brother, because he won’t “fit” into her life with her latest man.  (In other words, can’t pass off as looking like the latest “baby-daddy”.)<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Anyway, it seems BM is up to her drugging and alcoholic ways.  She totaled about her 5th car in several years and was cited as reckless driving (with under the legal limit of altering substances).  She spent time in the hospital for drug and alcohol O.D.  Her latest “man” will be arraigned on Tuesday for battery, trespassing, and resisting arrest without violence.  (What a pair, huh?!)<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Well, it seems the BM has decided she’s going to let my sister adopt that son and her mom and step-dad to adopt her daughter, yet she’s decided she wants to try to get the child we’re raising.  Oh the joy?!)  I guess we’re in for another round of legal battles.  I never realized that parents can pick and chose which child they want to keep and let the others go.  Now, doesn’t that make her sound like a wonderful “MOMMY”?  I guess wishing that someone would just fall out of our lives isn’t going to happen, but I’m not going to lose faith.  This is just going to take longer and longer, but we’re not giving in to this psychotic witch.  <o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Kitty<o:p></o:p>
Mom2J<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>

From: <st1:PersonName w:st="on">Contested</st1:PersonName> [mailto:<st1:PersonName w:st="on">Contested</st1:PersonName>@groups.msn.com]
Sent: Sunday, August 19, 2007 10:17 AM
To: <st1:PersonName w:st="on">Contested</st1:PersonName>
Subject: My nightmare continues
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
New Message on Contested<o:p></o:p>
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From: Got2bmaemae <o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Meanwhile.. Silence on this board..I saw your post tiny n tough on the MomAlike group.  Funny I was thinking the same thing regarding this group.  I almost posted something here on friday...  There was a time when we were all in the same place.<o:p></o:p>
Needing each others support.  BUt it seems I am the lone poster.. Posting out to cyperspace...Meanwhile... it seems most of the groups contested adoption isssues have been resolved while mine continue.. We go to court AGAIN  this Thurs, Friday and Saturday...  Little did I know two and ahalf years ago when I joined this group that I would be the last one standing in battle...  Hopefully we will get some resolution  (guardianship with supervised visits for SID)  but it won't end...<o:p></o:p>
Until the psycho Sperm donor goes away...And maybe one day... many years from now he will lose interest and go away....  -Got2Bmaemae aka Drama Mama<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>

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Recommend  Message 3 of 4 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 8/20/2007 8:49 AM
Kit I would love to add you to my adoption update email list..
Since trial is this week. and we will be facing picketing and all sorts of drama.
Would love to have you filled in.  What is your email address?
-Got2bmaemae

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Recommend  Message 4 of 4 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 8/20/2007 6:05 PM
I'd love to be on your update.  it's kitty@mkllamas.com 

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General : Our court date  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/25/2007 8:09 AM
HOW do I condense and make sense of today...
>
> There was no trial.  BUT there was resolution...
>
> Here is the finding.
>
> Jared will remain with us.. While the division of Family services
> investigates to determine the most suitable custody of the child.
>
> Meanwhile.. SID has to call him JARED  *SID was not happy with that*  He was calling him his birthname
>
> WE got to cash the child support checks from the past six months...
> *SID WILL NOT BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT   *
>
> SID cannot relay info to birthmother SO IF SHE Shows up to any
> court dates, visits etc.. it is directly tied to him and he risks
> losing ever seeing his son again.
> *SID WAS NOT HAPPY ABOUT THAT*
>
> Therapist will be involved to determine what visitation is suitable
> for Jared.
>
> He will have to pay child support.  We are licensed foster parents and
> will be paid through the state.  
 THE STATE will investigate Sid's emotional and psychological ability
 to parent and consider that the child is with the only family he has ever known.
 IT IS NO LONGER our attorney and our responsibilty to prove how
 unstable this guy is.. The state will investigate that. The workers
 are already outraged at the injustice for this child.  My impressions was if they can't find reason for TPR or drag it out long enough .they would just leave him in fostercare with us...for him to screw up and we know he will
 Is the drama over  NO... IS THIS A VICTORY YES!!!!
 We ponder at WHY would HE agree to these terms.. We are convinced. GOD
 blinded his eyes.. His lawyer has no idea what he agreed to...
 *Adoption is still on the table..*
 A GIANT WEIGHT has been lifted.   JARED IS IN GOD"S HANDS..
 We rejoice at having a judge who had wisdom in how to procede.
 GOD IS FAITHFUL!!!!
-Got2bemaemae
> Though the trials may seem endless and it seems we're never getting
> ahead... But who can measure the blessings, who can measure the
> blessings for I have hands to hold and hearts to love.  Hands to hold,
> Hearts to love, Lives to mold, you have given me much... though I may
> not be paid in gold or the riches of man, but the treasures I have
> many from an invisible hand, Who can measure the blessings, For I have
> hands to hold and hearts to love.  


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Recommend  Message 15 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamelmmitch Sent: 10/21/2007 7:45 PM
We are all praying for you and your family!!! I hope you were able to relax a little with your party.

We ask the angels to intervene on behalf of this family for the sake of your family and the child.

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Recommend  Message 16 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameChristie_S-momofH Sent: 10/22/2007 12:13 PM
The workers
 are already outraged at the injustice for this child.  My impressions was if they can't find reason for TPR or drag it out long enough .they would just leave him in fostercare with us...for him to screw up and we know he will
Well thank God for that small miracle!  I am praying for you guys.

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Recommend  Message 17 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknameannanoel21 Sent: 10/22/2007 5:09 PM
I was just checking in to see if anything happened today.  Still early yet I guess, I am hoping and praying everything is ok.

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Recommend  Message 18 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamelmmitch Sent: 10/22/2007 5:10 PM
Praying fervently here. Let us know how your day went. Didn't the judge take forever regarding the termination decision? HUGS L

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Recommend  Message 19 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 10/22/2007 7:04 PM
Today started out hard but ended with peace...
The state dismissed their case.. and they forced us to try to mediate.
They have court ordered Mediation this thursday... (we had to speak with SID and his lawyer and try once again to reach an agreement and he was not willing to compromise and inch , yet they want us to try so we get to pay to go to mediation.
AND we continue to stand for J's best interest.UNTIL  THE JUDGE rules on this..
We refuse to be the ones who give in and willingly give J to this crazy man. 
TODAY, We FINALLY STARTED THE TRIAL that we have been waiting to present since May, some of this info has NEVER come out.. so in a sense we have waitied two years for a judge to hear on Jared's best interest.
IT Felt good to finally have stuff come out... SID was in the hotseat nice for a change for him to be under the microscope.
We have ANOTHER court date  NOV. 2nd at 1:45
UNTIL then the visits are increased to 4 hours twice a week beginning TOMORROW.
Still don't see how this can work in the end.. NO matter what it seems impossible..
Leaving it to the judge to decide.  PRaying for a miracle that this guy for once  DO SOMETHING in the child's best interest. 
Mae-Mae 

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Recommend  Message 20 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknameannanoel21 Sent: 10/22/2007 7:27 PM
I don't know what to say.  I can't imagine how you must be feeling right now.  So, what is the trial to decide at this point?  Is adoption still on the table?  Is it to  determine who will retain physical custody?  I will continue to pray for you guys.  Are you still planning to meet with legislators re: the putative father laws?  I am sure you are too drained to even be thinking about that at this point, but I would encourage you to read Ohio's putative father registry laws to maybe present to them if you do.  I just can not believe they have increased visitation, I am so sorry.
~A

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Recommend  Message 21 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamelmmitch Sent: 10/22/2007 9:26 PM
What does your attorney think? How do you feel? It sounds like more of the same just no decisions by anyone. Hang in there.

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Recommend  Message 22 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 10/23/2007 8:07 AM
I was glad our attorney prepared us for what was going to happen yesterday.
We are in the same place no one has made a decision... We just want the judge to have ALL the crazy facts in this case.  That make our case unique.  So that SHE can make that decision...  They are encouraging us to try mediation but SID says
SINCE I AM GOING TO WIN  HOW bad do you want to lose...
We discussed SID having our son during the week and we having him on the weekends... BUT SID doesn't seem to want ANY compromise.. HE talks a good talk... I don't want to make this harder for you and your family...BUT as we heard from 4 therapist yesterday....The one with the complete psych eval said.. He has an extreme need to be social appropriate so he says what he thinks is appropriate.  My thought was your right!  The lawyers brought out MANY of his different stories... I think he told a different version to each therapist.  Of course the therapist he paid for he was trying to look good so he left out all the details where it would make him look bad!!!   SO we are supposed to trust a proven liar to make a handshake deal regarding IF we will see our son?  ACtually in mediation it would be written up and ordered ...  BUT CLEARLY for J's best interest... Him staying with us and having visitation would be the best.... IF a judge says I MUST hand him over...I WILL
but I WON"T voluntarily hand him over to a psycho who has inflicts such CRAP on many lives...and continues to harm this child by his "lack of judgement and decision making..."  So if we declare bankrupcy... IF we end up on the streets at least we know.... WE did all we could to fight for our son....
STill fighting 
Mae-mae   

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Recommend  Message 23 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 10/23/2007 8:16 AM
The trial is to decide permanency...The judge will decide IF his legal rights rule over best interest.  There is case law to support our decision it is the question if Judge will have the guts to NOT cower to this legislature.
WE ARE talking to the senator and Speaker of the house in NOvember
AND we will put our energy towards changing this law...BUT NOT ONLY THAT
WE NEED to start a campaign to VOTE THESE JUDGES OUT!!!  I think we could really get a rally behind that one...
My heart broke and I use your story as an example...HOW THIS MAN< SID
has screwed adoptions in our state that YOU are having to stay in OHIO and spend money because you don't dare take it back to our state.!!!  INFRURIATING HOW MANY LIVES THIS GUY CAN SCREW AND GET AWAY WITH!!!
YET WE ARE SUPPOSED TO TRY TO REASON WITH THIS IDIOT
HE still NEVER acknowledges his part in HOW his son got in this position. I CANT WAIT to hear our attorney and the Guardian et LITEM... ASK HIM HARD questions and hear his answers for HIS selfish irrational decisions that have screwed with this kids life for three years...So it felt good to see him squirm as we talked about him and his "i didn't have sex.. can't even take responsibility for conception since I didn't have sex.. craziness with 4 therapists..IF anything at least the judge will have all the facts and make the decision based on everything not just on the the stupid supreme court that invalidated the laws THAT WERE ON OUR SIDE!!!    

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From: MSN NicknameChristie_S-momofH Sent: 10/23/2007 8:29 AM
Mae-mae,
Wow - this sounds so much like what I have been through.  My son is now 5 but we are still in the same position and now - yet again - the judge has ordered another mediation.
In my case the BM (bitch-monster) did her mandatory visits for a little while and then just dropped off the face of the planet. 
I, too, have asked myself so many times how is it possible she can continue to hurt so many people for so long???  And it is not just me, not just my son, but everyone she comes in contact with.  She is a cancer - insinuating herself into people's lives and then doing everything possible to destroy them.  Unbelievable.
I can not believe the judge has refused to address our petition but instead has ordered mediation yet again.  Yep - right back where we were years ago.
Is it possible that SID may do the same thing and lose interest when it is no longer convenient, or he finds someone else to focus his energy on that is easier to ruin?
Makes me sick for both of us - and for our children.
C-

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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 10/23/2007 8:29 AM
Mae-Mae,
There is something I'm not quite sure of, if you could explain it to me.  You said "The state dismissed their case" and that's what I'm stumped on.  Does this mean they refuse to persue terminating this psycho's rights?  Are they giving up or does this mean they're dumping it back in your lap to try to persue this? 
Did SID have to explain how he's known about this case, yet didn't do anything about it?  Did he have to explain how 4-different therapists know 4-different stories?  Do all of the therapists think he's nuts?  Do they agree your son should stay with you?
Sorry, didn't mean to hit you with all of these questions, but just making sure I can get all of the facts down.
Kitty

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Recommend  Message 26 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamelmmitch Sent: 10/23/2007 8:45 AM
M,
We go for our custody hearing next tuesday. I am sure that our attorney has done all the necessary work but do you mind sharing with me the cases that the child was left in the adoptive home due to "best interest of the child" Can you ask your attorney that for me?

I do think what the judge did lame and frustrating. I think it does send a clear signal though that the judge's mind is NOT made up that ds will go back to the sid. If the judge had already made that decision I think it would have been handed down yesterday. Again hang in there and believe that you ARE destined to parent this child.L

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Recommend  Message 27 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 10/23/2007 2:31 PM
Yes, the state dismissed their case of neglect and abuse..Saying they found no reason for the child to be in "protective custody, which leaves in back in our court to prove why it is in the best interest to keep custody with us. SO FOR NOW OUR TEMPORARY CUSTODY remains...
OUR lawyer and the GAL clearly showed how inconsistent his stories were, his lack of judgement in making decisions, his illogical thinking, his lack of personal responsibility or abilty to understand there are consequences to his actions...
SID has not taken the stand.. CAN"T wait till he does because he will have to answer for a lot!!!!
Things are going well... The judge said at least three times on the record.
that the supreme court ruled that BEST interest must be considered.
So she is seriously weighing best interest.. SID is squirming after being under the microscope and hearing how PSYCHO he was in front of the judge.. LOL
IT WILL ONLY GET WORSE... CAUSE IT IS ALL COMING OUT!!!
-M 

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From: MSN NicknameSuzanneJack1 Sent: 10/23/2007 8:32 PM
Am I doing this right.
It looks like a good start if best interests is the focus. I don't know your story...trying to figure out stories and usernames and such.  Why is this psycho after your child? Why is this allowed?  What is next?
M

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Recommend  Message 29 of 29 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 10/24/2007 10:55 AM
I will ask my attorney
We are meeting with someone today to prepare for mediation..
ALTHOUGH BARRING A MIRACLE MEDIATION WILL NOT WORK!!!
JUST another $600.   that we don't have 

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/25/2007 4:42 PM
Cally please introduce yourself and give a little bit of background..
We all have a reason for being apart of this "special club of contested adoptions"
We are hear to support, listen, hear your rants, cheer you on etc...
Got2bmaemae


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From: MSN Nicknamecally10 Sent: 8/25/2007 8:44 PM
Thanks Mae Mae,
I'm still trying to figure this group stuff out. About a month ago I found myself in a contested adoption of my two month old child. The birthfather never signed the registry in his state, but knew about the pregnancy from the very beginning. He never offered or gave any financial or emotional support. If fact, he disapperaed when he found out about the pregnancy. Then 11 days after the baby was born, 11 days after he learned that the baby was with us adoptive parents, he got himself a lawyer and contested the adoption.
Yesterday our sweet birthmom went to court to try to terminate his rights. (Her rights are still not terminated, but I have no doubt that she will follow through. She is just hanging onto hers in case for some reason we cannot get his terminated, so custody will go back to her before it goes to him. )  The hearing lasted the scheduled hour or so and then all day the next day, and today the judge is under "advisement," meaning he is deliberating. I'm afraid if the judge decides not to terminate his rights, I am goign to find myself in an awful, drawn out legal battle for custody.
I look forward (is that the right term?) to reading all of your stories and thanks for offering me some support during this stressful stuff.

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Recommend  Message 3 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 8/26/2007 7:42 AM
Hello Cally,
Welcome to the group.  Please do not be offended when you read some of the stories.  Many of us weren't as lucky to have wonderful birth moms.  Some of our birthfathers were great and others were living nightmares.  You're going to read all sorts of stories. 
Have you checked the laws of your state regarding termination of parental rights and the punitive father registry, just for your own knowledge?  (If you post your state, we may be able to give you some links pertaining to the laws.)  Do you have a good lawyer, that is experienced in contested adoptions?  The reason I ask, is that some lawyers have never faced a contested adoption and this isn't the time to give that one, his/her experience.  A contested adoption can get VERY expensive, but always remember, everytime you look into your child's face, this is worth every penny.  Keep the faith.  You may be in it for the long haul or it could be very quick.  Keep us posted and we're here for you.
Kitty 

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Recommend  Message 4 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 8/26/2007 9:05 AM
Cally,
I agree with Kit,  and YES sadly we are a bit jaded and bitter towards our birthparents.  BUT If you go back through the older posts (2 years ago) you will find.. A couple titled Introductions And several updates.  You will find many happy resolutions and a few( kit and me)that are still dealing with the chaos.
I am glad you have a sweet birthmother.  We started out as an open adoption with our birthmother and have ended up with a restraining order against her. It is sad.
I am glad in your case that she held on to her rights. In my case the birthparents are not emotionally and psychologically stable. IF our birthfather was emotionally stable he would of done what was best for his son A LONG TIME AGO. MOST birthfathers at some point see the light and sign their rights away.  OURs has used this battle to control the birthmother, he has been behind her doing some crazy stuff. I am sad that our birthmother who did the right thing for her son, now has no legal standing and no contact.  Sad but not sorry.  She is not a safe person for the baby to be around.  She has made some poor decisions and has harassed us. BOY do I wish she would of been on our side and continued a relationship with us instead of joining the birthfather in fighting for the child. Ours would of been a different story.  IN YOUR CASE, I am glad she is on your side.  What state are you in?  What are the laws in your state regarding not needing birthfather's permission for an adoption.  GET A GOOD LAWYER.
KNOW the laws... The law was on our side, but OUR case unfortunately CHANGED the law thanks to our state supreme court. I am quite an expert on putative father registry so is our lawyer..WE are in contact with our state's Speaker of the house and we are working on submitting a revision of the law for our state.  We will probably speak before a committee.   If you have an experienced Family lawyer who has worked in your county they will know how your state and county rule on these things.... Sadly after a legal battle that has dragged on for over two and a half years, we have spent over fifty thousand dollars  and WE DO NOT have  an adoption.  WE do have our son in our custody. Never thought we would be here still fighting it out.  Ours is an adoption horror story not typical, not like the hundreds of happy resolutions that adoption brings.   I am glad I have had this group to bounce Ideas off of.  To be able to understand what I am going through and to share similar stories.     Keep us posted. TO what the judge says, what your next court date is etc.. Mae-Mae

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Recommend  Message 5 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamecally10 Sent: 9/3/2007 1:23 PM
The judge's deliberation is supposed to be over by Friday at the latest. So, on Friday we will at least know if the judge is going to terminate the birthfathers rights. From there, of course, it will probably go to appeals or custody court...
I'm feeling really frusterated with my adoption agency and how they are handling the situation (I know this is a private group, but my gosh I'm mortified of posting too much information.)
And, also...do any of you more experienced ladies have an answer for all those people asking me nosy questions about the situation? People who are just looking for something to gossip about...Or even good intentioned people who start asking me nosy questions in public places, or when I am trying to have a relaxing weekend with my kid? I could sure use some ideas...

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Recommend  Message 6 of 6 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 9/5/2007 9:54 AM
Don't worry.  We were all VERY concerned about telling any information, but that fear will go away. 
I don't like nosy people asking nosy questions.  I look at them usually with a blank stare and ask them, Why do you ask?  I then tell them, I'm sorry, but right now, we're not at liberty to speak about this case.  It may be a lie, but it's one that protects everyone involved.
Kitty

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/26/2007 9:49 AM
 comments
In spite of a gag order... THis has continued to go on....
Because of the gag order I have been VERY careful not to post names etc.. even on this group...
FYI....
Thankful we didn't end up on CNN... SID works for a tv station if we didn't have a gag order WE WOULD OF


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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 8/26/2007 10:42 AM
Is there any way to stop this crap?  Can the state do anything to stop these psychos from continually harrassing you?  This is absolutely ridiculous.  So sorry to hear about all of this.

Kitty

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 8/28/2007 1:01 PM
I just want to say... I am glad to hear from Kit and Cally.  For a while I felt like I was talking to myself..
Although that is very theraputic.. It is nicer to know I am not alone.
mae-mae


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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 9/12/2007 11:32 AM
Trying to forget that my life revolves around meetings!!!
SID has visits Tues and Thurs  Parent Aid picks up my son and takes him for his two hour visits
This just started last week.
Wed are social worker visits...which can be frustrating because our social worker is new and clueless. believing what SID says and unsure how to treat this case since we are not the standard... 
And of course this week we meet before the judge on Friday for a "case management hearing"
I expect fireworks but nothing more... Sid plans to present his "expert therapists" who claim he is perfectly sane.
    Then TUESDAY we have a "team meeting" much of the same this time the judge is not present... WHat is the point?..
What can we get accomplished in the three days (including the weekend) since meeting with the judge?   


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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 10/24/2007 11:01 AM
HOW many of you have been to mediation before???
ANY ADVICE???

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Recommend  Message 3 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamelmmitch Sent: 10/24/2007 12:49 PM
Mae,
We were in somewhat of mediation before the tpr trial. They called it a settlement hearing. Neither side was willing to compromise at all so nothing happened. Unfortunately, I think a judge does have to make a decision for your family and no amount of mediation is going to be helpful because there is NO COMPROMISE right? Just more bills for us and more stress. We actually are having an emergency hearing tomorrow relating to our custody hearing on tuesday. Just another round with the lawyers and the judge but at least its all telephonic.

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Recommend  Message 4 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 10/24/2007 5:07 PM
Met with a lawyer to prepare for mediation.... Trying not to look at the bigger picture because this guy will NOT quit.  HE will NOT compromise.  So what is the point???    AND if we win... HE already said he would appeal...and keep appealing SO that means we would go to the Supreme court AGAIN??
Like this is in the best interest of the child...To continue this limbo forever and a day.. CAN"T we just agree whoever wins this time WINS GAME OVER????
Can't it be about what is best for the child????
Weary and emotionally drained... wanting to crash.. YEt it is time to make dinner and start the evening...CALGON TAKE ME AWAY!!!!

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Recommend  Message 5 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 10/26/2007 8:41 AM
 An hour before we were to leave for mediation.  I get a certified letter from SID.
He  states he wants increased visitation and full custody.. And here's a child support check. 
So in my opinion what was thepoint of going to mediation if we know he will not compromise.  We had really tried to have a good attitude and prepared for mediation
BUT getting that letter really blew my attitude..
THE mediator met with parties separately so we could speak freely:
His version of compromise is. If We get custody he wants visitation  5-7 days a week.!!
And if he gets custody I can babysit for him during the day (free childcare)
and I could spend the first few night at SId's house to help the child transition.  MY husband said NO WAY, BUT My husband would be glad to spend the night to help child adjust.  I said, I would be glad to be there during the day  but sid needs to face the reality of the chld crying at night for his mommy. (Sure let's be his built in nanny!!! UGH!!)   Sid said our children could come over for playdates..(I said Iwould come too) SID said he could invision the contact tapering off after a few years.  I SAID if we are "treating this like a divorce case"  MOMMY doesn't just disappear after two year!!!!!  WE did agree to tell him, we are an available resource for childcare.SOLEY because this would help our son's transition and maintain the connection The mediator said we could treat it like a divorce case and where we get custody but he gets ample parenting time..Co-parenting like that's gunna work. SID made several comments that made it abundantly clear that he would criticize our parenting and harass us..
I said so what you are telling me is barring this guy Consents to this adoption. Every other decision will damage the child.. that is what we are facing?  WHAT A FREAKING NIGHTMARE!!!!     
The mediatior thought we were getting somewhere after two hours and wanted to continue this a different day.. 
Our lawyer thinks that it is a waste of our money. I agree  Our lawyer does not agree that the judge will treat this like a divorce case.  There are plenty of cases where the bio retains rights but has supervised and limited contact.  
Both parties will never agree to anything.. Hoping the judge makes a good decision next friday 
 -M

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Recommend  Message 6 of 8 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameChristie_S-momofH Sent: 10/26/2007 3:15 PM
MaeMae - remind again - how old is your son?
We have also had to have mediation (MY expense) and right before mediation the Judge told us he would grant her whatever she wanted.  Oh - yeah -  now what is the point in mediating??????
Sure enough - the Judge granted her every wish.
**NO ONE is looking out for our children!**
Keep us posted and know I am thinking of you...

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From: MSN Nicknameannanoel21 Sent: 10/26/2007 4:47 PM
I am SOO sorry!  I knew it wouldn't go well, but was hoping I was wrong.  I hope the judge makes a good decision on Friday, you all have been through SO MUCH!  I can't imagine how frustrating....no ENRAGING this must all be.  I will be praying for you on Friday. 

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From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 10/28/2007 11:46 AM
Mae Mae, Tell him he can kiss your butt (was thinking of other words, but didn't think it was right to post my actual thoughts) if he thinks you're going to allow him to walk all over you and what is best for YOUR SON
I also pray the judge rules for the best interest and your son will be safe from this lunatic.
Kitty 

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 9/12/2007 5:31 PM
You know when you think there is an end in sight but then you find there is another hill to climb???
I wonder when this will ever be over?
The social worker said it might be sooner than I thought.
At the rate this has gone.. I seriously doubt it.
We are talking almost THREE YEARS of this child's life!!!!
So lets see BIO's think.. I had a messed up childhood. Lets screw up my kids!!!  What about GEE maybe they would be better off without me and my screwed up life!!!  WHY DOES THE STATE GIVE THEM THAT RIGHT TO SCREW UP THEIR KIDS?? Haven't they done enough damage???


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From: MSN Nicknameannanoel21 Sent: 9/13/2007 4:25 PM
What did the social worker mean when she said it may be sooner than you thought? 

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From: MSN
 NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 9/13/2007 7:23 PM
The social worker seemed to think,  they might try to streamline/speed up the process since ours is a unique case...She thought maybe the judge could schedule a trial for three months from now.  Then later on, when She was discussing that the judge would probably order new psych evals... The socialworker said "you may be right, it may take that long."  I was referrring to the "plan" they gave us when our son first went into "Foster care" last month. that this may take a year before we go to trial...I'll keep you guys posted. 

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 9/15/2007 7:17 PM
WOW! I could write a book about the past couple of days...
I went to a foster care adoption conference which was excellent, very encouraging and informative..!!!
We left the conference and headed to court.  Then after court we headed back to the last night of the conference Where it was a benefit dinner for the fostercare association.  (The judge was there, a senator was there I could go on and on)
BUT back to the basics of the court
 THE JUDGE ordered SID to remove the child's name and "the foster parents names"(our names) from a website..(there are three other websites one has pictures can't wait till next time in court when this is known.. SHE WILL BE LIVID!!! SID's lawyer mentioned increasing visits and non supervised visits... There was a great uproar in the court room The judge said she was not convinced that SID would keep unstable Birthmother away from the child AND to avoid accusations of inappropriate comments to chiild. (SID accused us of saying negative things against him to the child.)  TheJUDGE order a new psych eval  SID;s attorney thought he would run the show, thought he would provide expert witnesses proving SID"S psychological fitness.  WRONG THE state said.. THIS CHILD IS IN OUR CARE.. WE WILL provide OUR OWN expert witness to do a psych eval
The state is also getting a therapist to evaluate SId's interaction with the child AND to evaluate our interaction with the child.
The parent aid, who supervises his visits turned in a report to the court.  IT SAID that SID lacks basic parenting skills 
We are going to trial OCT 22  the state is responsible to prove neglect on the SID"S part.
Hmmm 26months of non support.. Child has NEVER been in the physical custody of the Sid HE has never bought, diapers, provided shelter, food clothing nor supervision for the child except for the "supervised visits" he has had in the past two months he has had no contact  The question is where will it lead?  We think it will lead to us getting some form of  Guardianship with he will maintain supervised visits and court ordered child support.  We can't see the judge being convinced in a months time that the child is safe to be with this man.....Feeling better than we have in a long time...
We have a "team meeting" on Tuesday... REDUNDANT MEETING making sure things are moving towards getting things done.. I have an idea!!! how about giving us time to actually get the things done instead of wasting time going to meetings about what needs to be accompished  OH WELL!!!  STILL WAITING TO HEAR UPDATES FROM CALLY AND KITTY
-Maemae  


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From: MSN Nicknamecally10 Sent: 9/16/2007 9:04 PM
I'm hoping things continue to go in your favor maemae

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Recommend  Message 3 of 3 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknameannanoel21 Sent: 9/19/2007 12:51 PM
October 22 is right around the corner.  I am STILL hopeful that you will get a final adoption decree out of all this mess.  If they can prove neglect it shouldn't be out of the question.

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General : WELCOME to our newest member  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 10/1/2007 9:49 AM
Hello,
Welcome to the group.  Please take some time to introduce yourself.
In this group because of all of our situations.  We appreciate introductions and updates.
I personally have a psycho birthfamily I am dealing with so lurkers on email make me nervous.
( you should see the lies they have posted about my family on the web)
If you go back in the archives you will read some of our stories under introductions, Updates etc..
Don't let that scare you off.  Some of our stories are CRAZY I wouldn't believe it unless I lived it.
WE are here via email.. for you  to have a chance to VENT, to rejoice with you, to cry with you,
to give you encouragement and for you to be able to draw on our experiences.  Unfortunately I have become quite an expert at going to court and Adoption Law especially , Adoption law in my state. LOL!
Again Welcome, 
Mae-Mae 


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From: MSN Nicknametinyntough Sent: 10/4/2007 1:35 PM
Welcome Immitch! I'm Stacy aka billysmommy, sometimes aka lexismomtoo, but here I am tinyntough. Got all that? LOL
Like someone else mentioned, it is unfortunate that any of us need to be here in the first place, but at least we have each other to lean on -  because while our situations garner sympathy from many people, there is no one who can really understand unless they have been there. All of us have been there , and some still are........ 
I am one of the few who have made it to what we call "the other side". I am 33 and I live in central Florida. I am the proud stepmom to a 19 year old daughter, and a proud amom to Billy, 6 and Alexis, 3. Billy and Alexis were placed by the same first mom - each as newborn placements. They have different fathers, and Lexi's birthfather decided after 4 months ( and after 9 months of pregnancy) that he wanted custody. We fought and finalized her adoption when she was 17 months old.
Each and every night, I say a prayer for those families who are still facing the nightmare.
Grab a cup of coffee ( or a Pepsi if you are like me!) and make yourself at home.

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Recommend  Message 3 of 3 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamelmmitch Sent: 10/4/2007 4:03 PM
Tinyntough,<o:p></o:p>
Thanks for the invite. Irony of all this is our first son adoption was contested but he still became available for adoption at 4 months but at the time it seemed really stressful.  With the next adoption we really were looking to avoid all this and thought that our agency had done their due diligence regarding the birth father.  I think all they took was the birthmoms opinion without digging very deep. The birthmom was also married to someone else so we thought that the judge might just consider the husband the presumed father but that did not happen. <o:p></o:p>
Take care,<o:p></o:p>
Laura<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>

From: tinyntough [mailto:lexismomtoo@cfl.rr.com]
Sent: Thursday, October 04, 2007 12:36 PM
To: Contested
Subject: Re: WELCOME to our newest member
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
New Message on Contested<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Reply
<o:p></o:p>
 <o:p></o:p>
Reply to Sender   Recommend <o:p></o:p>
Message 2 in Discussion <o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
From: tinyntough <o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
Welcome Immitch! I'm Stacy aka billysmommy, sometimes aka lexismomtoo, but here I am tinyntough. Got all that? LOL<o:p></o:p>
 <o:p></o:p>
Like someone else mentioned, it is unfortunate that any of us need to be here in the first place, but at least we have each other to lean on -  because while our situations garner sympathy from many people, there is no one who can really understand unless they have been there. All of us have been there , and some still are........ <o:p></o:p>
 <o:p></o:p>
I am one of the few who have made it to what we call "the other side". I am 33 and I live in central <st1:State w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">Florida</st1:place></st1:State>. I am the proud stepmom to a 19 year old daughter, and a proud amom to Billy, 6 and Alexis, 3. Billy and Alexis were placed by the same first mom - each as newborn placements. They have different fathers, and Lexi's birthfather decided after 4 months ( and after 9 months of pregnancy) that he wanted custody. We fought and finalized her adoption when she was 17 months old. <o:p></o:p>
Each and every night, I say a prayer for those families who are still facing the nightmare.<o:p></o:p>
 <o:p></o:p>
Grab a cup of coffee ( or a Pepsi if you are like me!) and make yourself at home.<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>

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General : Where is their voice  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 10/1/2007 4:13 PM
A song I wrote about our son- M
Where is their voice?  (MT 9/17/2007)<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
He didn’t ask to be abandoned, He didn’t ask to be torn apart<o:p></o:p>
He didn’t ask to adopted, He didn’t ask to be taken in<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
He’s just a little boy, who wants to run and play he’s just a little boy with no voice… He’s just a little boy, who loves his new family. He’s just a little boy,  who deserves a chance…No he didn’t ask….<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
She didn’t ask to be exploited, she didn't ask to be torn apart
She didn't ask to be broken, NO she didn’t ask to be torn apart.<o:p></o:p>
She’s just a little girl, who wants to dream, She’s just a little girl with no voice
She's just a little girl who wants a family, She's just a little girl who deserves a chance... NO  she didn’t ask   <o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
He didn’t ask to be rejected, No he didn’t ask to be torn apart…<o:p></o:p>
He didn’t ask to be uprooted, No He didn’t ask to torn apart<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
He’s just a little boy who wants to run and play<o:p></o:p>
He’s just a little boy, who has no voice<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>He’s just a little boy who needs to be loved<o:p></o:p>
He’s just a little boy who wants a family..<o:p></o:p>
NO He didn’t ask….<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>


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General : JOB description  
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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 10/13/2007 5:50 PM
POSITION :
Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma
Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop


JOB DESCRIPTION :


Long term, team players needed, for challenging
permanent work in an,
often chaotic environment.
Candidates must possess excellent communication
and organizational skills and be willing to work
variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends
and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.
Some overnight travel required, including trips to
primitive camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in far away cities!
Travel expenses not reimbursed.
Extensive courier duties also required.

RESPONSIBILITIES :


The rest of your life.
Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,
until someone needs $5.
Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.
Also, must possess the physical stamina of a
pack mule
and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat
in case, this time, the screams from
the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.
Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,
such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets
and stuck zippers.
Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and
coordinate production of multiple homework projects.
Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings
for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.
Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,
an embarrassment the next.
Must handle assembly and product safety testing of a
half million cheap, plastic toys, and battery operated devices.
Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.
Must assume final, complete accountability for
the quality of the end product.
Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and
janitorial work throughout the facility.

POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION :


None.
Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without complaining, constantly retraining and updating your skills,
so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you

PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE
:

None required unfortunately.
On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis.

WAGES AND COMPENSATION
:

Get this!   You pay them!
Offering frequent raises and bonuses.
A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because
of the assumption that college will help them
become financially independent.
When you die, you give them whatever is left.
The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that
you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.

BENEFITS
:

While no health or dental insurance, no pension,
no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and
no stock options are offered;
this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth, unconditional love,
and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right.



 
                    ** AND A FOOTNOTE "THERE IS NO RETIREMENT  --  EVER!!!



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From: MSN Nicknamelmmitch Sent: 10/14/2007 9:13 AM
Mae,
Thanks for the laugh only four more hours to go.... I want to call them so bad and ask how she is doing but dh says no. Regarding this post I actually got to have previous experience with our first son who's adoption was also contested. He became available for adoption at 5 months though so it is like my prereq on this deal. I thought it was interesting that the birthmom brought her three year old and then didn't put him in a child seat or a booster. Oh man do I want to call the cops when they drive away this afternoon but I will try to control myself. L

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Recommend  Message 4 of 17 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 10/14/2007 9:25 AM
L,
Looking out for a child's best interest is not something to control yourself about.  How would you feel if you found out they got in an accident and the child was hurt or worse due to not being in a child restraint system?  Would you be able to live with yourself?  I know I wouldn't.  If you have an extra car seat, then I would offer it to them.  Speak to them about the importance of a car seat, if you think they would listen.  If they wouldn't, CALL THE POLICE!!!  Make sure to document this, the time and everything you say and do.  This is the LAW and could also be child endangerment.  What would you expect if it was your precious child that outside of a child seat and a stranger saw this?  Would you want them to call it in, especially if it's while your child isn't with you?  If you can, call your attorney, social worker, or someone involved in this case.  They may also be able to help.
Kitty

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Recommend  Message 5 of 17 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamelmmitch Sent: 10/14/2007 10:23 AM
Okay just talked to my attorney and the police and they are going to try to stop them from driving with out a car seat. My attorney said "I am glad you called about this" So we will see where this goes. I'll keep you all updated. Laura

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Recommend  Message 6 of 17 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamelmmitch Sent: 10/14/2007 10:31 AM
Kitty,<o:p></o:p>
Do you think I should call the police?  A child endangerment violation on these two won’t look good to the judge. I guess I need to think about it a little more.  I will call my adoption agent and see what she thinks. <o:p></o:p>
Laura<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>

From: Contested [mailto:Contested@groups.msn.com]
Sent: Sunday, October 14, 2007 8:25 AM
To: Contested
Subject: Re: JOB description
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
New Message on Contested<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
JOB description<o:p></o:p>
Reply
<o:p></o:p>
 <o:p></o:p>
Recommend <o:p></o:p>
Message 4 in Discussion <o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>
From: kit-monster <o:p></o:p>
<o:p> </o:p>
L, <o:p></o:p>
 <o:p></o:p>
Looking out for a child's best interest is not something to control yourself about.  How would you feel if you found out they got in an accident and the child was hurt or worse due to not being in a child restraint system?  Would you be able to live with yourself?  I know I wouldn't.  If you have an extra car seat, then I would offer it to them.  Speak to them about the importance of a car seat, if you think they would listen.  If they wouldn't, CALL THE POLICE!!!  Make sure to document this, the time and everything you say and do.  This is the LAW and could also be child endangerment.  What would you expect if it was your precious child that outside of a child seat and a stranger saw this?  Would you want them to call it in, especially if it's while your child isn't with you?  If you can, call your attorney, social worker, or someone involved in this case.  They may also be able to help.<o:p></o:p>
 <o:p></o:p>
Kitty<o:p></o:p>
<o:p></o:p>

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Recommend  Message 7 of 17 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamelmmitch Sent: 10/14/2007 11:09 AM
Oh man these last two hours are going by way too slow. My friend went to the hotel they are staying at and walked by the car and there is definitely not a second seat of any kind there. They were late yesterday so I guess I expect lateness today. I have made it this far come on noon oclock!!!! Laura

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Recommend  Message 8 of 17 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 10/14/2007 11:43 AM
Just because the bioparents were late picking up, doesn't mean they're allowed to be late dropping off.  Times are set in place for a reason.  If your child isn't brought back on time, call your agency or attorney.  Note the time on your documentation.  The time they pick up the child is their time.  If they are late for it, it's their perogative.  If they're late returning, this is your time and not allowed.  Now, say there is a traffic issue, weather issue or something of that nature, they are supposed to notify you of this so to make alternate arrangement to have the child picked up, even if that means you go get the child.
My advice- document, document, document.  If you have a couple of people over to notice the child seat issue so as to be able to testify against this, all the better.  This is a battle and you need to make sure all bases are covered.
Kitty  

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Recommend  Message 9 of 17 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamelmmitch Sent: 10/14/2007 12:27 PM
Kitty,
Well they were contacted by the police so I expect that they will be late IF they actually go and buy this kid a car seat. Your right document document. We plan on meeting them in the driveway so we will see then only a half hour til they should get here. I will call the police again if they show up without a car seat. Laura

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Recommend  Message 10 of 17 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamelmmitch Sent: 10/14/2007 1:25 PM
We made it! She is back at home thank the lord!! Birthmom was grumpy tired or pissed but would not get out of the car and looked totally out of it. Claimed she slept through the night but she doesnt sleep through the night at our house so that is weird. She only drank 3-4 bottles WTH?? Bioparents were contacted by the police in the town they were staying in and were told to go buy the three year old a car seat. They were staying 45 minutes from where we live. They showed up at our house with the kid laying a sleep in the back of the car with NO car seat. I called 911 and dispatchers already knew about the situation so I am guessing they will get a ticket when they are stopped this time. I was super friendly when they dropped her off and said "okay so we'll see you guys in two weeks" Thats it for now. Laura

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Recommend  Message 11 of 17 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 10/14/2007 2:48 PM
I'm glad she's home safe and sound.  You did the right thing by reporting them for the lack of a car seat.  This is a very dangerous situation.  If they were notified about getting the child a car seat and still didn't get one and were caught without one, I would think that would be a very harsh fine. 
If they told you she only drank 3-4 bottles in the time frame, I would not exactly how many she has today as well as over the next week.  It should show a pattern. 
You also did right by being friendly.  I know, it probably made you want to get sick, but unfortunately, it had to be done.  Congrats on being the bigger person.  Also, enjoy this wonderful day with your little one.  It truly is a blessing that she is home.
Kitty

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Recommend  Message 12 of 17 in Discussion 
From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae Sent: 10/14/2007 3:32 PM
Glad she is home.. I will never forget something a birthmother on an adoption blog said to me..Everything we get is mere crumbs....Yes they got 24 hours of this week
but you get every hour of every day until they get their next little crumb..
You get every smile, every amount of bonding, every parenting moment. You get the bond and the attachment of that child, that the birthparents will never have. THEY get a few moments to play parent.  Enjoy and savor each smile and hug..and remember in the big picture.. it is just crumbs... left overs...YOU get the feast  

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Recommend  Message 13 of 17 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamelmmitch Sent: 10/14/2007 4:38 PM
Woohoo they got a ticket!

Reply
Recommend  Message 14 of 17 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 10/14/2007 4:42 PM
Woo Hoo!!!  Dish the dirt.  And you were wanting to bite your tongue..... LOL.  I'm glad to hear this wonderful news.  Maybe now they'll realize the importance and also the cost of truly being a parent.  Okay, sorry but still laughing.
Kitty

Reply
Recommend  Message 15 of 17 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamelmmitch Sent: 10/14/2007 6:51 PM
This is the timeline of events
They pick up dd at noon
By that night I realize that they had driven away with the three year old unrestrained
I consult you guys and attorney. Attorney advises to call police. Police man is very nice and listens to whole story and contacts the other towns police dept. who pulls them over and gives them a warning and tells them to go to Walmart to buy a carseat. Bf pulled over for burned out tail light. Then the police officer who I talked to calls me and lets me know that bf will be late because he has to go get car seat.
Bfamily shows up here and we are outside playing and don't hear him knock he calls and we come out to the front of the house where we witness the three year old sleeping in the back seat again no seat belt.
I go inside and call 911. We live on a county road and I am pretty sure that the original police officer that I talked too is waiting at the end of the road for him. Again burned out tail light. And oh there is a tickler here that you were pulled over in XXXX town and got a warning. Gets a ticket for not having child in car seat. I am sure that the town that he first got a warning in is laying in wait. The irony is after they dropped off dd they could have turned her seat around and adjusted the straps and voila car seat for her son. My attorney just called and is thrilled. We won't make a huge deal about it at the custody hearing but it will be pointed out that these people continually make bad decisions. Laura

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Recommend  Message 16 of 17 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamekit-monster Sent: 10/14/2007 6:58 PM
Congrats on catching the idiot in action.  It's only more rope to hang themselves with and the worst thing is they were given warnings and still didn't bother fixing it.  I'm hoping it's a HUGE fine.  Gee, it also goes on the driving record so anytime they're stopped, it'll be checked again.  LOL.  You did a good thing today and could have possibly just saved this child's life.  Kudos to you.
Kitty

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Recommend  Message 17 of 17 in Discussion 
From: MSN Nicknamelmmitch Sent: 10/15/2007 10:55 AM
I love small town police. I really didn't think they were going to take me seriously but they did it.

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From: MSN NicknameGot2bmaemae   (Original Message) Sent: 11/4/2007 3:51 PM
With Laura's devestating news I was so grieved for her I couldn't post..
We are praying for you and your family..
We went to court on Friday and ended with me on the witness stand
We will continue Monday with me on the witness stand.
Still have 6 witnesses to hear...IF it goes fast we might finish tomorrow..
HOPING we do, as people's schedules and the holidays I really want  this to be finished up..
More details later...



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